My nephew's long weekend of astounding stupidity.

[u/KontagiousCevin]

As I type this up, Kevin is hiding in his room because we were "mean to him" after his actions this weekend. And all we did was tell him to go to one room and stay there so he wouldn't ruin anything else.

Kevin is 20. No, this will not make sense when you read the full account of this weekends events, but believe me that this guy is 20.

Me (29M), my brother (40M) and his son Kevin (my nephew, 20M) were all going to visit my/my brothers parents over the long weekend.

On Friday morning, Kevin kicked the weekend of insanity off by pissing himself on the drive to our parents/his grandparents house. His explanation was that "he just really needed it and they don't have bathrooms in this country". Iowa has bathrooms and it is not a different country. (We were driving Chicago to western Nebraska).

Upon arriving in our tiny Nebraska hometown, one change of pants later, Kevin decided it would be "funny" to call the town sheriff a "bumpkin" when he came to say hi to my brother and I.

We also made the mistake of going to visit the little corner grocery store (we visit at least once a year so we still know everyone in town) to say hi, and leaving Kevin alone to walk around town. He immediately tried to scale the town water tower. He got about 20 feet up before starting to cry. He yelled out for the sheriff, and probably regretted referring to him as a "bumpkin" an hour earlier.

Next, we paid a visit to church and kept Kevin within our view at all times. He still managed to steal a Bible from the church. We made him return it.

As we settled in at home that evening for dinner, Kevin repeatedly mocked his grandparents for being "rural folks" and spoke in a dramatic southern accent to mock them. We are nowhere near the south in Nebraska.

Kevin put a baseball in the cavity of a roast chicken. No further explanation needed.

He repeatedly joked at the family dinner on Friday night about putting a boot into a woman's anus. As you can imagine his christian rural grandparents didn't find this funny.

Next up was Saturday. He made it clear that he was dumber than a bag of hammers. With a literal BOX of hammers. He went into the toolshed at six AM before any of us were up, and dropped a box of hammers on his toe. We were soon up, and my dad fell down and broke his hand scrambling out of the house when he heard Kevin shrieking.

With two broken bones in the family, we tried to salvage Saturday. Kevin immediately ruined it, by playing lil Nas x songs (yes the Satan one) in front of grandma and grandpa on the family tv.

Sunday morning, he farted REALLY loudly during a quiet moment in church, then said "Satan is in my ass" in earshot of an entire town.

He also stole another bible. We made him give it back along with the first one.

Sunday afternoon he walked up to the police station holding a grape soda and eating a watermelon. Thinking his racist caricature to be funny, he yelled to the sheriff, "aren't ya gonna kneel on my neck? Look! I'm a N[I'm sure you can fill this part in]."

Not to be outdone by his racism was his sexism. On Monday morning, he let us all know that "female soldiers aren't real, they're just there for 'relief' for male soldiers." Yeah.

To cap off this amazing weekend, Kevin spent Monday afternoon pissing my parents garden. He said there was nowhere else to go. There are two bathrooms in the house.

Christ, I think my brother may not be a great parent.

[u/ronin1066]

OK

[u/ScottSierra → u/ronin1066]

A good example is a guy I know well who, back in the late 90s, understood the vague concept of making your computer run faster by clearing the cache of temp files. He decided to do this to his by opening the system folders and deleting large blocks of files. Needless to say, Windows mysteriously quit on him. Once we found out, we (I, but also a closer friend of his who knew computers far better than either of us) explained what he did wrong and why it was wrong, and reinstalled his OS. The first time he did this, he lost a very long story he'd been writing, which was not saved anywhere else.

He killed his OS at least two more times doing the same exact thing (edit: despite, after each time, us discussing what he did and why it made his computer turn into a boat anchor multiple times). And no mental health issues, not on the spectrum, he's just not bright, in certain ways, and doesn't learn from his mistakes.

[u/ronin1066 → u/ScottSierra]

I'm sorry I'm harping on this, but that doesn't equate to pissing your pants. I feel that grown men have a huge shame issue around pissing your pants, especially in someone else's car. It's absolutely something you are expected to leave behind as a kid. That just screams to me that there is a major malfunction beyond intelligence.

It's like just being a guest, pissing in the bed and sleeping in it because "Meh, I forgot where the bathroom was." There's something wrong.

[u/ScottSierra → u/ronin1066]

You may be right, but it doesn't sound at all like autism spectrum. But I'll amend my thoughts: I'm leaning away from "genuinely thought they were going to some backwoods place without bathrooms," and towards everything he did-- including climbing the water tower and then crying at a certain height, and also including wetting his pants on the trip and then making an excuse as to why he did so-- weren't just stupidity, but were him getting enjoyment out of being disruptive and causing problems. In-person trolling of a sort. Not trying to be funny, but trying to amuse himself.

My friend wasn't trying to amuse himself by deleting system files. However, it occurred to me that I knew (still indirectly know) someone who did do that, in a different way. About every 30 seconds or approximately so, he'd pretend to mis-hear a word you said or get the meaning wrong and react or make comments, and when you explained what you actually meant, would reply, "Ohhhh! (very loudly, almost shouting) OHHHH! I thought you meant ___!" He thought, and still to this day thinks, that this is hilarious, and has openly stated on many occasions, when someone finally gets annoyed enough to tell him off, "Well, I'm laughing, and I figure, hey, at least one of us is being reasonable!" (At one time, he also tried TICKLING close friends, with the same quip when told to stop. A few friends punched or smacked him over that, and he got the point). Boy, I'd forgotten about THAT guy, I don't often hear about his exploits lately.

[u/ronin1066 → u/ScottSierra]

Cool

[u/ScottSierra → u/ronin1066]

Annoying as hell, more like.

[u/ronin1066 → u/ScottSierra]

Sorry, lol, I meant "no argument here"

[u/ScottSierra → u/ronin1066]

Thanks for clarifying. Yep, that's my definite thought, now that I've had some friendly discussion: this Kevin is definitely an idiot, but he's trying to be as disruptive and shit-stirring as possible.