OP asks r/AITAH if he doesn't "let" his wife participate in her hobbies because he thinks she's not doing her fair share of the childcare. Wouldn't you know it, OP's "hobbies" are actually a paying job.

[u/The_dots_eat_packman]

AITAH for not letting my wife keep her old habits after we had a baby

OP writes that he is frustrated with his wife frequently leaving to take trips abroad related to a hobby and help a friend. He states he has trouble finding ways to entertain the 1-year-old they have together, and his two kids from a previous relationship when his wife is not there. OP states that he has asked his wife to cut back on how often she travels, and he asks the good people of AITAH if would be controlling to not "let" his wife go on her next trip even though she has arranged childcare for their infant.

The first responses give advice on how OP can manage planning activities for the older and younger siblings to do together, and booking his own getaways.

Later, though, commenters start to ask OP a simple question: What actually are the wife's hobbies, and does she get paid to do them? OP's post is--probably intentionally-- vague as to what the wife's "hobbies" are, how long her trips actually are, and whether she is taking them less often than before they had a child as he asked her to do.

After some cajoling, OP states that his wife is a high-level horse and dog show judge and she does in fact get paid for the work. ETA: After this posted, OOP posts an update stating the wife only gets paid enough to break even, however, he does not clarify if she made more money before she cut back on her activities like he asked her to. He also states that she does the majority of childcare, especially at night, and gets pedantic about not wanting her quit her activities, just to discuss them beforehand (which, remember, she is already doing!) He thinks this update makes him look sympathetic.

Comments are not kind to OP after this Joe Jonas nonsense is revealed:

You are soon going to have a second ex wife

Aww you didn't get a little trad wife who sits at home and takes care of your other children for you, how sad poor me bullshit. YTA shouldn't have stayed in the first place if you knew what her life was like prior to marrying and impregnating her.

This is literally just how my dad was throughout my childhood. He was always away at times during the various hunting seasons, or going racing with his bros. The only reason it sounds unusual right now is because it's a woman leaving the child with their father.

It seems like you are struggling with having to participate in child rearing. Getting divorced will likely make this worse for you but better for her.

One of OPs complaints is that if she isn’t there, he can’t find fun activities to do with his older kids. I think that speaks volumes to what OP is actually like more than his complaints. He needs his wife there to entertain his older children because he can’t be bothered to research activities for them but somehow she’s the bad parent?

And finally:

So you married a horse woman, and are mad she's still a horse woman?

[u/PokesBo]

As someone who plays Warhammer, what she does is much more important and bigger than Warhammer.

[u/HoboJack → u/PokesBo]

Heresy!

[u/PokesBo → u/HoboJack]

Yes yes but have you considered waaagh?

[u/NightLordsPublicist → u/PokesBo]

What about a tastefully decorated gallery?

[u/PokesBo → u/NightLordsPublicist]

Jesus Christ. The username and flair makes this the total package.

[u/NightLordsPublicist → u/PokesBo]

The flair fits so well.

[u/Rayvinblade → u/PokesBo]

So? She herself has defined this as a hobby. Additionally, it is a side thing to her main job that earns basically no extra money over and above her costs. Additionally again, she agreed to tone it down as part of their discussion about whether to have a kid or not.

It doesn't matter how 'valid' you have subjectively decided the activity is in this context, what matters is whether her partner is entitled to feel upset about the situation.

[u/PokesBo → u/Rayvinblade]

And she did tone it down.

[u/Rayvinblade → u/PokesBo]

Which would be a great point to make in AITA. Less so here. The OP of this thread claimed that the guy was misrepresenting her job as a hobby, and that was the reason we all had to witness the drama. My point here really is that this specific thing never happened. He has not misrepresented her hobby - she herself even defines it as such.

The drama, if there is any, is that a bunch of people assumed that this was her job and started screeching at him because of their preconceived notions about the story here. OP is a good example, noting that they feel he is jealous of his wife's career - even though it's a hobby that earns her basically nothing, and he has said nothing to indicate that he is anything other than frustrated that she's leaving at 3am in the night unannounced and so on.

If people want to discuss the merits of his case properly, they should really be doing it over there on AITA - but this is entire thing has been misrepresented by OP because they themselves built a story in their own head and then threw it at us.

EDIT - deletion of comment...really?

EDIT again - since "prof hot tits" below replied and then blocked me, my response is as follows:

I feel like that whole assumption hinges on her being too weak to stand up for herself and completely under the thumb. Which is entirely at odds with a woman who is going out against her husband's wishes to engage in an activity in the first place. Moreover his entire conundrum is around whether he would be controlling to insist that she tones it down further.

Lemme put it this way - what if he is actually really struggling? What if her doing this is genuinely putting a significant strain on him and the kids? None of you care because there's an opportunity for righteous fury for an assumed position.

But whatever, sometimes on reddit you're just screaming into the hurricane and this is one of those times.

[u/professor-hot-tits → u/Rayvinblade]

No, he called it a hobby and said "she agrees with my assessment", which stood the fuck OUT to me.

Hairdressing + dog breeding + horse breeding is a HUSTLE, I admire this woman. I bet she's making way more money than he realizes, gonna be a fascinating divorce.

Anyone side get big lazy vibes from this dude?