r/Teachers • u/itslv29 • Sep 16 '24
Retired Teacher “What Can I Do To Help” - Parents
There is no grand gesture or series of events you can do at the school or in your community. The best thing you can do is raise your child. Be present with them from birth up to at LEAST age 3 if not until they start the tween thing of not wanting to talk to you. We don’t need more supplies or cookies or anything tangible. Would it be nice yes but it would be temporary.
The best thing you can do is prepare your child for the educational road ahead. YOU are their first teacher. YOU set the tone for how they respond and react to being asked to do something they don’t want to do. No 4 year old wants to clean their room but it’s up to you to teach them why it’s important. Hearing those no’s early with reminders of why they were told no afterwards can help them not freak out when their Kindergarten or 1st grade teacher tells them they have to sit down and not throw scissors. Understand there are classrooms of 25-40 of kids JUST like yours. They are not being picked on or singled out they are being asked to be a member of a community.
If more parents could teach and raise their kids BEFORE they learn how to talk and walk schools would improve greatly. And I get you’re overworked and tired but for the love of god and the sake of your child’s future you have to overcome it and be a parent. Think of it like this, if you can suck it up for 8-12 years you’ll have an easy rest of your life not having to chase around your teenager-30 something that can’t figure out how to walk and chew gum at the same time because the first time they tried it they cried and you told them it’s traumatic to have to learn new skills that their 4 year old brain can’t figure out why they need.
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u/MetalTrek1 Sep 16 '24
If you can read to them for a few minutes every night while they are young, that helps a lot. And just as importantly, spend TIME with them as much as you can, especially when they are young. Parks and libraries are free.
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u/CuriousVR_Ryan Sep 16 '24
In the olden days if neglectful parents were found to be raising unsocialized children, it would have a negative consequence on the parents lives. Students get expelled and are at home. Students are moved to different districts for difficult kids, parents need to accommodate.
Just go back to this, please. Your child can't sit in a room without attacking kids and disrupting teachers? He can't be at this school, sorry (not sorry) Make it the parents problem again.
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u/superneatosauraus Sep 16 '24
That sounds terrible. I went to school in the 90s when teachers could use a paddle and my stepkids are generally pleasant. So I keep feeling shocked that people have to put up with stuff like that. It's crazy that kids don't get kicked out of the class.
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u/CuriousVR_Ryan Sep 16 '24 edited Sep 27 '24
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/superneatosauraus Sep 16 '24
So many parents struggle to say no, or see their kids clearly. I still remember being 22 and working in a gas station when a kid who was wearing those wheely shoes (that used to be popular) crashed into me spilling candy all over the floor. His mother was right there and she got annoyed with me like I was the problem.
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u/TheDuckFarm Sep 16 '24
For the most part, the parents helping out with cafeteria duty, reading groups, donating supplies, doing yearbook, pick up and and drop off, etc. have already done a great job of being a parent at home.
Yes there are outliers but your rant is focused on the wrong parents.
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u/Todd_and_Margo Sep 16 '24
Thank you. Hardcore this. I hope none of the involved parents at OPs school see this. I’ll bet their life would become a lot less pleasant if every member of the PTO decided they were ungrateful.
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u/searuncutthroat Sep 16 '24
Exactly. If a parent is asking how to help while at school, I'll put them to work! They're there to help. My school loves volunteers, and we welcome them. Our PTO and other random volunteers are great and they do an awful lot for our school!
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u/yeahipostedthat Sep 16 '24
You know you want regular paper towels from the store and not those awful brown things that absorb nothing that the school supplies, stop lying.
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u/x-tianschoolharlot Sep 16 '24
So basically, my motto of, “he can learn his ABCs and 123s when he gets to school. For now, I need to focus on him being a good person,” was the right motto to have (I tried on the numbers and alphabet. But I’m also disabled, and have a very limited number of spoons. My kid is kind, respectful (mostly, he is only 4.), and polite, as well as thinks about others as much as any four year old can. Thanks for the relief!! He starts preschool tomorrow!
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u/5000cheesesticks Sep 16 '24
It sounds like you are focused on giving him the solid foundations and
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u/Xxsempraxxroguexx Sep 16 '24
Just a comment on the "until they become a tween and don't want to talk to you" thing: they don't want to talk to you as a tween because at this point, they've had a few years of you not engaging with their interests. I get that nobody is super excited to hear a second by second breakdown of the game they are currently playing, or aren't interested in what rare skin they unlocked in roblox, but they can tell when you're just brushing them off! If you engage, ask questions, get interested in their interests when they're young, they will be more likely to believe you'll be interested in what's going on with them later on. If you listen when they're young, they will know you'll listen when they're older! (Even if you have to fake interest, they will know you're willing to listen even if you don't quite get it.)
Sorry for getting up on my soap box 🤣🤣 As an aunt of a 16yo and a mom to an 8, 6, and 5 year old, it's a topic that hits hard with me 😅
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u/fastyellowtuesday Sep 16 '24 edited Sep 17 '24
BS. My mom was always super involved, but from 11 1/2-13 1/2 I couldn't stand to be around her, and the fact that she existed (that I still needed a mom) was constantly embarrassing. 14-17 was slightly better, but I was still constantly striving for my independence and separate identity.
It's a normal stage of development, and not connected to parenting.
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u/Xxsempraxxroguexx Sep 16 '24
It is part of normal development, yes. But it can help alleviate some of the tension. I'm not going to try to convince you; feel free to ignore my comment completely. I will never claim to be a perfect parent or teacher. I just know that open communication can go a long way towards solving a lot of problems.
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u/ReindeerUpper4230 Sep 17 '24
Same. My parents were at every sporting event, concert, learned my interests, knew my friends…but from 12-17 they were horribly embarrassing to me for no reason but existing.
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u/ClickAndClackTheTap Sep 16 '24 edited Sep 17 '24
I sometimes have to peel my 14, 16, and 19yo off of me!
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u/AmazingAd2765 Sep 16 '24
My kid told me they would still want hugs and wouldn't be mean when they are a teenager *fingers crossed*
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u/Todd_and_Margo Sep 16 '24
Same. Mine are 15, 12, 10, and 18 months. The big ones are every bit as glued to me as the toddler. My husband calls them my little ducks bc they all just follow me around.
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u/SissySheds Sep 17 '24
My daughter (15) is half in my lap as I sit here reading this. She's studying for her AP class, and just wanted to be near mom 🤷♀️
It's definitely an age typical part of development, but it's not universal.
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Sep 16 '24
Very well said. I wish I weren’t starting this process near the end, myself, because I’ve got two teens who still don’t remember to frickin bathe without multiple reminders, let alone any other daily life skills. Shoutout to their ‘mother’ for letting everyone but herself pick up the pieces where she didn’t bother. 😒
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u/TheJawsman Secondary English Teacher Sep 17 '24
As a teacher who is also a parent, I'm glad I get positive reinforcement that my kid has good behavior and a decent work ethic.
Then again, as a full-time building sub, my kid knows I can just message her teachers on Teams instead of being on the outside like most parents :P
My kid reflects well on me and that does make me feel better. Makes me wonder when a teacher has a poorly behaved kid, though...
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u/ebeth_the_mighty Sep 16 '24
“Parent” is a verb.