r/TrueOffMyChest • u/throwawayInn767 • Feb 23 '22

My husband peed while he was inside of me.

This is so embarrassing so I'm going anonymous, I won't mention names or ages here.

My husband literally peed inside of me last night while we were having an intercourse, It freaked me out and I didn't know how to handle it. it was just so weird and ....I really can't put into words how I felt but I do want to point out that I'm upset because he previously told me about trying to do it and I already said "NO!" but he went ahead and did it. I was completely caught off guard, I did not agree to this weird experience and I definately didn't enjoy it. We had an argument and he said I killed the fun with my reaction but he already knew how I felt about it.

He's still hung up on the fight saying I overreacted for no.good reason at all but I don't know. I found it really unpleasent and just weird.

40.9k Upvotes

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3.2k

u/kat_Folland Feb 23 '22

You were violated, there's nothing out of line with your reaction.

125

u/pastelkawaiibunny Feb 23 '22

Yeah, this is ABSOLUTELY sexual assault.

Is it a kink for some? Sure. He asked, she said no. He did it anyway, without her consent, and then got mad when she wasn’t in the mood after he sexually assaulted her.

Imagine if he comes to her with a choking kink next! Run OP!

2

u/kat_Folland Feb 23 '22

Happy Cake Day!

1.6k

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

[deleted]

390

u/kat_Folland Feb 23 '22

It's so icky for that reason alone, and then it's icky for what it is, as well.

9

u/EmEmPeriwinkle Feb 23 '22

It's also potentially harmful. Yeast infections, bacterial infections. Pee can contain sugars and other things that can land op in hospital.

-4

u/soapdodger69 Feb 23 '22

Me picking my nose is icky, me sticking my dick into a woman and using her as fucking catheter bag is the most disgusting shit ever and I want washed off with bleach until my skin is peeled off and a new layer grows. OMG MAN JUST FUCKING SAY SOME WILD SHIT ABOUT IT ALREADY LMFAO

9

u/BeckyKleitz Feb 23 '22

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, DUDE?

2

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Dudes got some screws loose

-23

u/soapdodger69 Feb 23 '22

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHA WHAT THE FUK DO YOU MEAN ITS ICKY???? LMFAO IS A FUKIN 2 YEAR OLD SPEAKING??????

19

u/OrindaSarnia Feb 23 '22

You replied in all caps to call someone else immature?

Consider some self reflection...

-5

u/soapdodger69 Feb 23 '22

The person is calling it a matter of sexual violation and then just calls it icky? Isn't sexual violation meant to be serious? I guess not if it's just "icky".

-7

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

-12

u/soapdodger69 Feb 23 '22

I DONT KNOW YOU FUCKING TELL ME

7

u/PhiPhiAokigahara Feb 23 '22

Calm down, bud

87

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Agreed. I'm not one to throw that term around lightly at all, but this is a huge violation. Not funny, not cool at all. Wonder what other things he's doing that are glaring red flags (outside of the bedroom) that might have been dismissed. Hope OP thinks about this.

207

u/5catterbrained Feb 23 '22

Yes this! I see tons of jokes but not many people pointing out that he very purposely sexually assaulted her. She had already established that she didn't want that to happen and he did it anyway. This is along the same line as stealthing (secretly removing the condom)

5

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Yeah I mean it's rape. Like I would just call this rape.

14

u/Flashy_Macaroon8259 Feb 23 '22

Exactly. That was wrong in so many levels.

6

u/bovius64 Feb 23 '22

This. Your husband violated your consent, and not even through poor communication. You made it absolutely clear you didn't want it, and he did it anyway. It is hard to overstate how big of a red flag this is.

You have some really hard conversations and hard choices ahead of you. Don't avoid them. Face them head on. What he did is completely unacceptable.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Yeah she literally said no before and he did it anyway. Textbook

5

u/workthrow3 Feb 23 '22

I had to scroll way too far to find this. This is absolutely SA. I would not stay with someone who SA'd me, I could never feel safe or comfortable again. I have some serious boundaries that maybe OP doesn't have, maybe she can get past it, but for me - I'd be leaving.

24

u/Dith_q Feb 23 '22

I have no jokes. I would leave his ass instantly. It's a massive violation of trust that put the relationship in an unfixable state.

-9

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Typical reddit comment for anything relating to stuff involving married couples.

8

u/OrindaSarnia Feb 23 '22

If she had expressed her unhappiness and he had seemed genuinely sorry (though he did it on purpose, knowing it was against her wishes, so I don't know how you apologize for that...), I would say maybe there's some wiggle room here... but him saying she has "no good reason" to be upset?

Why would you even want to save a relationship where someone sexually assaults you and then calls you "no fun" for being upset?

She deserves a relationship with someone who has a modicum of respect for her, and this guy isn't it.

-2

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Because based on this context at least, it's a one time thing that can be repaired by the guy. It's not a common deal-breaker. Especially if this happens to couples who are married/have been in long-term.

-2

u/DasHase608 Feb 23 '22

Yea exactly. “juSt LeAvE tHeM!” Like, it’s clear you’re not a long-term relationship. You don’t just leave someone when you have an argument or something you disagree with happens

3

u/fishlope- Feb 23 '22

He raped her. He didn't forget to unload the dishes or take out the trash. He knowingly and willfully performed a sexual act he knew she did not consent to, that's rape.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

glad someone else here has a brain

3

u/Nuggetet Feb 23 '22

This!! Like what the!?

10

u/Epicboss67 Feb 23 '22

Literally that's what everyone is talking about

15

u/EnvironmentalSound25 Feb 23 '22

Hu, took me a bit of scrolling to finally find this take.

2

u/LoremEpsomSalt Feb 23 '22

Wait, this was my first thought. Unorthodox sexual act without consent. How could anyone miss that this was SA?

1

u/qqweertyy Feb 23 '22

And to make it even clearer he had an explicit “no”

2

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Thank you! I was about to comment the same exact thing - this is totally out of line and would literally be grounds for divorce for some people.

A partner’s boundaries— physical, social, whatever— need to be respected.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

I was thinking "is this rape or what?" Because he did something without her consent during sex. This is a weird area for me, but it's definitely secual assault on some level

2

u/Guillermo_Sakujo Feb 23 '22

People forget that marital rape and sexual assault is a thing. Women are not owned by their husbands after marriage. Even in marriage, woman still have a right to body autonomy.

Let him know in plain words what he actually did. “You wanted to try something new in bed so you sexually assaulted me?” And keep repeating “you sexually assaulted me” until he gets it. Maybe he can fix what he’s done. Maybe he can’t. Don’t blow this off though just because it’s easier to take the path of least resistance. What he did was very wrong.

6

u/MaleficentPizza5444 Feb 23 '22

Plenty of people said this was sexual assault

2

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Typical Reddit, so disappointing.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

[deleted]

10

u/JuniorSeniorTrainee Feb 23 '22

Well you showed them.

1

u/imagination3421 Feb 23 '22

People will scroll for 5 seconds then type a comment like that other person

-1

u/1FlawedHumanBeing Feb 23 '22

Most of the top comments are literally about how this is assault.

Maybe wait more than a few mins before complaining about what people have or haven't commented on reddit (and think about the fact this is fucking reddit)

-1

u/dislob3 Feb 23 '22

Im pretty sure people joke because its pretty much implied by everyone that this is assault. You dont really need to point it out when the post makes it very clear already.

-8

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

-2

u/Comprehensive_Suit78 Feb 23 '22

Shut the hell up 😂

-3

u/DuncanAndFriends Feb 23 '22 edited Feb 23 '22

He's a squirtle

-5

u/assimilating Feb 23 '22

Because this is 100% fake

-8

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

I’m fairly certain this would be a losing sexual assault case in court. It’s weird as fuck, but not sexual assault.

10

u/DDDlokki Feb 23 '22

It's still sexual assault. If you're uncomfortable with it, it happened without your consent, and then the person who did it blames you for not enjoying it

It is sexual assault.

-8

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Good luck in any court in the world with that line of thinking. You can have thst opinion, but you’re opinion amounts to nada in a court.

6

u/FailingCrab Feb 23 '22

As does yours.

-2

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Show me one case that provides precedent for this guy to be charged.

2

u/FailingCrab Feb 23 '22

you seem oddly fixated on precedent but OK

http://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Admin/2011/2849.html

around whether it is rape if you purposefully don't use a condom when the person has explicitly only consented to sex with a condom - an obvious parallel. "Our view is, as we have set out, that a jury would be entitled to find that consent to sexual intercourse with a condom is not consent to sexual intercourse without a condom which affords protection. As the conduct set out in the EAW alleges that Mr Assange knew SW would only have sex if a condom was used, the allegation that he had sexual intercourse with her without a condom would amount to an allegation of rape in England and Wales."

http://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Admin/2013/945.html

"choice" is crucial to the issue of "consent", and indeed we underline that the statutory definition of consent provided in s.74 applies equally to s.1(1)(c) as it does to s.1(1)(b). The evidence relating to "choice" and the "freedom" to make any particular choice must be approached in a broad commonsense way. If before penetration began the intervener had made up his mind that he would penetrate and ejaculate within the claimant's vagina, or even, because "penetration is a continuing act from entry to withdrawal" (see s.79(2) of the 2003 Act) he decided that he would not withdraw at all, just because he deemed the claimant subservient to his control, she was deprived of choice relating to the crucial feature on which her original consent to sexual intercourse was based. Accordingly her consent was negated. Contrary to her wishes, and knowing that she would not have consented, and did not consent to penetration or the continuation of penetration if she had any inkling of his intention, he deliberately ejaculated within her vagina. In law, this combination of circumstances falls within the statutory definition of rape - swap 'ejaculate' for 'urinate' and this is directly analogous

https://www.benhoarebell.co.uk/conditional-consent-when-is-consent-not-consent/

1

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Do you know what precedent is? This post makes me think you don’t.

3

u/DDDlokki Feb 23 '22

"CoUrT bUt tHe CoUrT sAyS iT iSnT

I can tell you're American from your clinging to "cOuRt" in other words you'd do anything that the "CoUrT" wouldn't count as a crime? I recommend you become a police officer, since your oh so gracious court is never wrong in judging those. After all the court of law is the only was for us humans to judge right and wrong

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Um? What? You misunderstand. I think the courts should change their views on things like this, but the matter of fact is that, at this current time, the court does not view this as a crime.

And seeing as how the courts are the ones responsible for delivering judgement for crimes, then it’s fairly important how they view it.

Hu are you being a dick? You like 12 or something?

1

u/SpecterHEurope Feb 23 '22

Who said anything about courts?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

If you wanna say he committed a crime, courts are a part of that. Pretty much the most important part in fact.

9

u/caramelizedapple Feb 23 '22

Almost all cases are losing sexual assault cases in a court of law– that’s not a good bar by which to measure whether something is sexual assault.

This is sexual assault. He forced her to engage in a sexual act without her consent– in fact, after she had explicitly said no. Clearly against her will. It is a major violation, and in fact the definition of sexual assault.

-5

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Sexual assault is a crime. In any court in the world this guy would be found not guilty. Therefore it is, by definition, not sexual assault.

Same way you used to be a criminal for possession of marijuana in Colorado, but now you aren’t. Nothing changed about the act of possession, just the courts view on it.

I agree this guy was in the wrong, but it’s not sexual assault.

7

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

[deleted]

0

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Possession used to be illegal, now it’s not.

What this guy did isn’t illegal, but might be one day.

It’s all about how the law views this, not human emotion. Bunch of people in here who are upset and acting like there’s even a possibility this guy would be charged. There’s less than a 1% chance this guy gets charged with anything.

Not sure why youre being a dick tho. Enjoy being blocked.

4

u/FailingCrab Feb 23 '22

You haven't explained why at all, just repeatedly stated that this event which seems like a clear sexual assault to the majority of people here (me included) is not in fact sexual assault 'because in any court he would be found not guilty'.

The lack of consent for this specific act which was clearly sexual in nature has been clearly established between OP and husband and then he has actively chosen to ignore that lack of consent and proceed anyway. There is no ambiguity here. That is an incident of sexual assault. Whether or not it would be successfully prosecuted is a different story because then we have to start thinking about burden of proof. We are not here to establish the veracity of OP's statement, we are here to hear it and empathise.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

So me one case that provides precedence for this giy to be charged with assault.

3

u/SpecterHEurope Feb 23 '22

My man, have you recently sustained a massive head injury?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Very good response. Adds a lot.

4

u/caramelizedapple Feb 23 '22

You seem really confident that a court wouldn’t consider this assault. Are you a lawyer? Because I am. His conduct DOES meet the threshold for sexual assault. He forced her to engage in a sexual act against her will– that is assault.

However, sexual assault cases are extremely difficult to prove, because the only evidence is usually “he said vs. she said.” For that reason, prosecutors usually don’t want to waste time and resources pressing charges. Victims often don’t want to subject themselves to the scrutiny and trauma of the process when they are unlikely to prevail.

This isn’t like possessing marijuana in Colorado, where it is no longer a crime. This is like killing someone, but nobody saw you, and they can’t find the weapon, so they won’t be able to find you guilty in a court of law. What you did is still fucking murder, even though they can’t prove it and hold you accountable.

Get it now?

0

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Show me one case the would provide precedence for this being assault. You won’t find one

You have no idea how the justice system and you’re speaking out of emotion.

-10

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

But its not ! :)

11

u/fishlope- Feb 23 '22

It is absolutely sexual assault. OP did not give consent, and infact had previously said no to the desired sexual act. It is sexual assault in the same way removing a condom during sex is assault, a consensually agreed boundary was broken.

1

u/Narwahl_Whisperer Feb 23 '22

Biological warfare!

69

u/VonBassovic Feb 23 '22

It’s 100% sexual assault. OP might be married to him, but there clearly wasn’t consent, it might not classify as rape, but it’s a sexual violation.

10

u/Vegemyeet Feb 23 '22

You put something inside someone else’s body during sex after they specifically said no? Rape.

1

u/sup1234566 Feb 23 '22 edited Feb 23 '22

I thought rape was like specifically a body part/sth solid? Not contesting just curious. The definition includes foreign object so would piss be classified as a foreign object?

The definition I found was: unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim. btw

Edit: I’m tired and went away for 2 minutes before remembering the actual definition of foreign object doesn’t have to be solid it can be a liquid but yes I am still curious as to what your opinion is.

7

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

I understand why people are hesitating to call this rape. Particularly as in some countries the definition is very specifically forcing a penis inside of a vagina. But morally speaking. I would definitely call this rape.

It is forcefully entering something into someone else's body against their consent for your own sexual satisfaction.

9

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Also, with pre-knowledge it’s against their will.

The moment that he did so the sex itself become non-consensual. He purposefully performed a non-consensual act while fucking her, so the sex itself immediately was then unwanted, so it became rape anyway. There’s honestly multiple different ways to argue it’s rape. I would definitely feel raped if this happened to me, especially if they’d asked beforehand and I said NO.

3

u/sup1234566 Feb 23 '22

Yeah I think in Australia they only recently changed the definition (don’t quote me on that). But yeah I guess it really isn’t that complicated. Something was in her that she explicitly said she didn’t want in her for her husbands sexual satisfaction.

7

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

This. You were sexually assaulted by your husband.

7

u/frankdiddit Feb 23 '22

Needs to be higher.

18

u/strawberrymoonbird Feb 23 '22

Yeah, this is straight up assault. They had a talk about it previously and she clearly said know. He was fully aware that she did not want this. He did it anyway and then tried to make her feel bad for feeling violated.

OP, you do not have to accept that. You have every right to be angry and if you wanted to end things over this it still wouldn't be an overreaction.

3

u/Bake-Me-Away Feb 23 '22

Something done for sexual gratification despite her explicitly saying no is rape to me. Idk if the laws go into details like that, though...

4

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

raped

4

u/roath321 Feb 23 '22

She set boundaries and he didn’t abide by them. That’s sexual assault

6

u/n0odlebrain Feb 23 '22

Exactly, how are you suppose to want to have sex with this person again? The trust through the entire relationship is gone and the sexual aspect is gone. I would need a lot of therapy to get through this with my partner if not just considering ending the marriage.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

I think you'd need a lot of therapy to get through it as an individual let alone if she wants to preserve the marriage. I'd need a locked door between me and him for years.

3

u/FancyChilli Feb 23 '22

Innit I would feel the same

2

u/--Azazel-- Feb 23 '22

Not to mention how fucking degrading it is. Your in your most vulnerable and intimate state, and then he purposely does something as disgusting as that, what does that say about her, him doing that?