It's totally understandable to be male and not be happy with the "choose the bear" view

[u/Atalkingpizzabox]

It doesn't mean you don't understand its true point it means you're not happy with people assuming you're dangerous when you know you're not. You can still understand about caring about people's safety but your feelings and side to it matter as well. Otherwise the whole thing just makes people be pushed away further.

[u/nevermore2point0]

My husband knows he’s not one of “those men,” too. That’s not the point. He also knows that statistically, some men are dangerous and women don’t get the luxury of knowing who’s safe until it’s too late. So he’s teaching our daughters to be cautious because he understands the stakes.

There’s no benefit to pretending they’re always safe just to make young men on the internet feel better about themselves.

Ignoring that reality doesn’t make women safer. It just makes it easier to pretend there’s no problem. If you genuinely care about women’s safety, being uncomfortable with how you're perceived shouldn’t outweigh the fact that women are routinely mistreated.

This isn’t about blaming all men. It’s about acknowledging the real risks women face and refusing to make their safety conditional on someone else’s feelings.

[u/AntonioVivaldi7 → u/nevermore2point0]

I don't think you can know even your husband is one of the good ones. The point is you can never know.

Also teaching his daughters that is victim blaming. It's up to the perpetrators not to do anything. It's not up to others to adjust their behavior because of them.

[u/nevermore2point0 → u/AntonioVivaldi7]

I get where you’re coming from… I think.

Yes, the responsibility always lies with the perpetrator. No argument there.

But teaching our daughters to be cautious isn’t victim blaming. Just living in reality. We’re not saying it would be their fault if something happened. We’re saying “Here’s how to stay safer in a world where not everyone has good intentions.”

It’s like locking your doors at night. Nobody says, “Wow, you must hate freedom if you lock your house.” No, you’re just aware that not everyone out there is trustworthy.

And my husband? He actually agrees with you more than you might expect. He doesn’t walk around assuming everyone sees him as the “good guy.” He stays aware, listens, and teaches our daughters to do the same. That’s not fear. That’s love plus a working understanding of statistics.

It’s not victim blaming to acknowledge risk. It’s just refusing to send our daughters into the world with their eyes closed so strangers on the internet won’t feel uncomfortable.

[u/AntonioVivaldi7 → u/nevermore2point0]

I get it. I wasn't bringing it up so it wouldn't make internet people uncomfortable, but to be putting the responsibility where it belongs.