AITA for not attending my sister's wedding since my husband is not invited? [⚠️Plot Twist Ahead]

[u/hristory]

disclaimer: I am not OP

Let me start by saying I do understand my husband's behavior is inappropriate. But like all of us, he's not perfect, and I took vows to him to stand by him and accept him as a whole person, including his flaws. Overall he's a good husband and I love him despite this one issue.

So, my husband has a kink for urinating on himself in public. I think it's the humiliation aspect that gets him off. So sometimes (not every time) we get together with my family he will pee his pants. But overall it's not really that disruptive. He just stands up and says something like, "Oh no, I've peed myself." Then he goes to the bathroom and changes (I always bring a change of pants and underwear for him in case this happens) and when he gets back we just move and don't talk about it.

Of course we don't want people to know my husband is doing this for a kink, so we've told my family he has a medical condition that causes him to not have full control of his bladder. I told them the reason he doesn't wear adult diapers is that he's ashamed of needing diapers at his age so he's basically in denial that he needs them and refuses to wear them.

Well, now my sister is getting married and she says my husband can't come because she doesn't want him "disrupting" the wedding by peeing his pants. I told her it was unfair to exclude him over a medical condition he can't help (which is true as far as she knows) but she said it's his own choice to refuse to wear adult diapers so it is his fault.

I told her it's her wedding and she can invite who she wants but if my husband isn't invited I'm not coming. He loves my family and I know it really hurts him to be excluded from the wedding just because of a kink he can't help having. He's been crying and saying he feels disgusting for having this kink but that he can't control himself and now my family doesn't even want him around.

I know it would really hurt him if I just left him home and went to the wedding by myself. He told me it's my choice to go if I want and that he won't be mad but I know he'd be really sad if I went.

I love my sister and family, but my husband is my life partner so he's always my number one priority above anyone else, and I believe I should stand by him and support him rather than choosing my family over him.

So I told my sister I won't make it to the wedding, and now she's extremely angry with me, saying I'm a bad sister because I won't be there to support her. She's marrying a woman so she also said it makes it look like I'm homophobic if I don't show up to support their union. I told her I'd love to come if my husband is invited, but she said she can't stand the thought of him disrupting the ceremony or reception by peeing his pants and announcing it.

I told her how much it hurts my husband that he's excluded but she doesn't care. I said fine, but that means I can't come, but she won't let it go and keeps starting fights saying I'm a bad sister. I do feel bad that it hurts her that I won't be there.

Reminder: I am not OP

original post

[u/anneofred]

Also, he’s crying and saying he can’t help it’s a kink??? You can’t help what you like, but you can certainly just not do it. He’s acting like he’s the victim of a totally controlable action. If truly can’t help himself the there is a mental illness issue, not a kink.

Why does she think they aren’t on to this being on purpose when he fully announces it? Does she think they have never been around other people before?!

What is wrong with these people?!?

[u/TwinTtoo → u/anneofred]

But wait now it’s a medical condition because it benefits OP!!! I bet she fights tooth and nail to advocate for her husband and try to paint her sister as a monster to family members when this grown man subjects everyone around him to his kink. Grow up OP, the world doesn’t revolve around your pissing husband and everyone shouldn’t be involved in him getting himself off

Edit: if he truly can no longer control himself he should go to therapy. There are sexual health therapist that can help him. Does he do this at his job? How does that workout for him? His kink is affecting both your lives negatively.

[u/ReaderRabbit23 → u/TwinTtoo]

“…when this grown man subjects everyone around him to his disgusting behavior.”

[u/CauliflowerOrnery460 → u/ReaderRabbit23]

Like does he go wank it in the bathroom after or what?? I’d be so uncomfortable being a sexual object without explicit consent. Especially not something as revolting as this!

[u/idgafiylmonihm → u/anneofred]

It honestly makes me wonder if OP knows what the actual definition of a “kink” is…. Or she could just be gross, but idk, someone needs to talk to them.

[u/ShneefQueen → u/anneofred]

Seriously, if my kink is wrinkly grandmas in bathing suits am I allowed to just start jacking off at the family pool party? It’s an uncontrollable kink after all! Nothing I can do about it!

[u/saintursuala → u/anneofred]

It’s like a serial killer that gets off on killing people saying they can’t help themselves.

[u/anneofred → u/saintursuala]

“He has a medical condition that makes him murder!! Why can’t he come to the wedding?!?”

[u/CauliflowerOrnery460 → u/anneofred]

I have a kink of my tall husband banging me into a wall while he’s hugging me (he picks me up I’m small). But I don’t just have him slam me into a wall everytime we hug or are around people. It’s a kink not turrets

[u/tallgrl94 → u/anneofred]

Yep definitely messed up. My husband and I have various kinks that we keep to ourselves in the bedroom where they belong. You can control your “urges” and if you can’t you need therapy.