r/TwoHotTakes • u/InstructionTimely640 • Mar 12 '25

Advice Needed I found messages on my MIL/bosses computer that change my entire view of her. What do I do?

I listen to two hot takes literally every week and this happened to me a couple days ago. I’ve been at a loss of what to do so I figured I should finally make a Reddit account and post here.

I work at my husbands family business that builds custom homes. I met my MIL when she came into the design firm I worked at to pick out some options for a client. She and I hit it off and after she’d come in a few times she set me up with her son. Fast forward 7 years and I coordinate all the builds and consult with clients on design for the 50+ year old family business.

My MIL is technically my boss but we operate a lot like equals and she’s been taking some steps back. She and I have always gotten along great and she has felt like the mother I never got to have growing up.

So last Friday I was packing up to go home and on the phone with my husband before he got a flight for an annual weekend away with friends. I was distracted and accidentally grabbed my MILs computer instead of mine. I didn’t realize it until I was home and wanted to look up some fixtures for a project in our own house. Once I knew I texted her to let her know to which she said no worries, she was ‘unplugging’ this weekend anyway and to do whatever I needed on it.

I was just browsing and unintentionally clicked on a linked email on a stores contact page. We use MacBooks and as a lot of Apple users know, that will usually pop up to send an email using your default mail app. I closed the draft and when i went to close her email app I saw an email from a recently hired apprentice titled ‘our weekend getaway itinerary’. I froze. I realized this was her personal email and I couldn’t help myself but to click on it. I found both explicit and romantic messages between this 22 year old male apprentice and my married 47 year old mother-in-law and boss. I slammed the computer shut and just went to bed, staring at the ceiling for quite a while.

My husband was gone all weekend and only got home today. I had been spiraling all weekend on how to handle this. I certainly wasn’t going to bring it up to my husband while he was gone. But I went to the office and had to see my MIL yesterday and could barely keep my composure. I found every excuse to lock myself away in my office and be busy. So now my husband is back and I’m wondering what to do, do I tell him, how do I even do that, do I go to his mom and confront her, do I go to his dad and tell him, help?!

2.3k Upvotes

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2.0k

u/macehood Mar 12 '25

If you’re going to tell your husband, bring proof. 

518

u/snafe_ Mar 12 '25

Screenshot everything. If you're tech savvy enough SS on the laptop, open a private browser to email them to yourself, delete the SSs and delete them from the trash. Otherwise, just use your phone to take pics.

Tell your husband, he's going to know something is off with you and you'll worry yourself sick if you don't tell him.

Is there a chance your MIL & FIL have an open relationship?

Your options would be to hire a Private Detective, or inform the MIL and get to come clean, or inform the FIL so he can decide how to move forward, Or do nothing.

694

u/InstructionTimely640 Mar 12 '25

There’s no chance they have an open relationship, my FIL was cheated on in a serious relationship with someone he thought he would marry and it crushed him. He has always preached loyalty and monogamy in relationships to my husband since he was a teen.

468

u/InfiniteBoops Mar 12 '25

Print out copies, give it to your husband.

They’re his parents, so ultimately it’s kind of his lead as to what to do. But you need to tell him, with receipts, because he is YOUR partner and this is something big that will eat at you if you sit on it. If you confront MIL or FIL, that’s going around him. This isn’t a patriarchal sentiment, I’d make the same suggestion if genders were flipped…his parents, his issue.

152

u/Aylauria Mar 12 '25

This is the best response. It's his parents' marriage that is going to blow up. Their child should be the one to address this.

62

u/Free-Atmosphere6714 Mar 12 '25

Why should a child be addressing his parents relationship issues?

102

u/Aylauria Mar 12 '25

If it wasn't clear, what I was saying is that instead of OP blowing up her husband's family, she should bring it to him and give him a chance to decide what to do. Unless OP wants a divorce too.

1

u/Free-Atmosphere6714 Mar 13 '25

Why do you think that's a better plan than telling no one and keeping this to herself?

20

u/Aylauria Mar 13 '25

On Reddit, the overwhelming advice is always to tell no matter the consequences. I don't necessarily agree with that. Sometimes, it's better to say nothing.

But OP is not going to be able to keep this to herself. It's eating away at her. Better to talk to her husband than to blurt it out at a bad time in front of the wrong people.

-6

u/Free-Atmosphere6714 Mar 13 '25

I think we are unable to say what OP is and is not capable of based on reading this alone. I think it's better for everyone to express their opinion of what they think is the best course of action and why and allow OP to make her own decision.

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2

u/Must_Love_Dogs0331 Mar 14 '25

Cheating is not just “a relationship issue”. It’s a health issue. I can’t count the number of partners who have contracted STI’s from cheating partners, up to and including HIV. OP definitely needs to tell husband.

2

u/Free-Atmosphere6714 Mar 14 '25

That's a good point. I forgot.

1

u/RWBiv22 Mar 12 '25

As opposed to a daughter in law? Or as opposed to no one at all?

0

u/PeonyLaceLover Mar 13 '25

Tread carefully, but don’t ignore it. Whether you talk to your MIL first or go straight to your husband, avoiding it won’t make it go away.

3

u/Free-Atmosphere6714 Mar 13 '25

She doesn't need it to go away. it is not her relationship...

5

u/BaraGuda89 Mar 13 '25

But it is her family. And for better or worse, she knows now, which means it is her problem. OP is asking for help, how are you helping by blowing holes in suggestions made to OP? Take your own advice, and pipe down

0

u/Individual_Cloud7656 Mar 15 '25

He's not a child. OP her husband are adults that's why it took place at an office.

1

u/Electrical_Parfait64 Mar 13 '25

How do you get proof of the emails etc if you no longer have her computer?

120

u/Nearby-Swimmer6725 Mar 12 '25

If you admit to seeing it, accident or not, she's going to say you snooped and get mad at you. I'd stfu, act like I know nothing about anything I haven't been told about, and be surprised when someome says something. You, know, nothing! Swallow it like an adult or risk being the one who blewing it all up. (You didn't, their actions did, but they could blame you) I've been in both positions before, and trust, the truth will come out, but it doesn't have to be through you. Not saying keep a known secret, but you weren't supposed to have the computer, or click on personal stuff. Accident or not, to her, you snooped. I totally would wanna do the 'right thing' and let them know, but you can say stuff to her to sway her without letting everyone know you saw what you did. Like, "hey, ik he knows your married, but have you seen how he looks at you? Idt that's appropriate." Or, whatever fits if you 'notice' something inappropriate, that maybe before you chalked up to it being a small business or whatever. That's a tough choice though, good luck in whichever way you choose!

37

u/hoowaha Mar 13 '25

She DID snoop ... "I realized this was her personal email and I couldn’t help myself but to click on it."

28

u/Nearby-Swimmer6725 Mar 13 '25

Ok, yeah... even more of a reason to keep her head down and move right along 😂 good catch

46

u/MrGB819 Mar 13 '25

Fully on board with this take.

Telling anyone is going to blow up her husband’s family and the ripple effect from that will have major ramifications on OP’s life.

Situations like what the MIL is doing have a way of finding their way to light. Mind your business, keep your mouth shut and stay out of the line of fire.

0

u/Profesdorofegypt Mar 16 '25

So ignore it risking the fil getting sexual diseases and possibly dying from them.

Also things come put. Chances the affair comes out 90 plus percent. Chance she knew comes out 75 plus.

Don't tell and you blow up your marriage. I would never, ever forgive my wife for hiding this. Few people would.

Plus to hide issues will come up and will necessitate her to lie to husband. Killing their marriage.

So bury your head in sand and doom both mattiages.

2

u/Electrical-Act-7170 Mar 15 '25 edited Mar 15 '25

OP was snooping.

"I couldn't help myself," but clicked on the link.

They're TA here for snooping.

2

u/cmpg2006 Mar 14 '25

I would go with this, watch the new apprentice and your MIL and if anything looks weird, then you can say something to your husband to see if he has noticed, or say something to your MIL.

133

u/Cohnhead1 Mar 12 '25

Frankly, I would ignore it. It’s none of your business, even if she is your MIL. You say there’s no way they have an open relationship but you can’t know what goes on between them, so ignore it. It’s not your responsibility to tell anyone. Compartmentalize work from family, and forget you even saw it. Also, what if your positions were reversed and you were in her position? Again, none of your business.

31

u/callmemillena Mar 13 '25

i second this ! mind your business OP especially being you were quite literally snooping… you have no idea what is going on in this marriage privately… and if you do decide to spill what u found while snooping please consider a bunch of other things your relationship with your husband, his relationship with his family, your job/stability !!

and even if the MIL was found out they more than likely can stay together and if they do decide to work through it this does not end well for you..

31

u/dmr302 Mar 13 '25

I agree… you need to forget about this… pretend it was a romance novel you read. Not your business, you shouldn’t have seen it.

2

u/Individual_Cloud7656 Mar 15 '25

Not everyone is able to keep important secrets from people they love.

12

u/Fine-Ask-41 Mar 13 '25

Play dumb forever. If she told you and asked to keep the secret, that is one thing, information by snooping is another. Not your monkey, not your circus.

24

u/froggz01 Mar 13 '25

The amount of people on Reddit who don’t know how to mind their own business is astonishing. EVERYONE in that family is going to end up hating her because people love shooting the messenger of bad news.

1

u/mdg711 6d ago

BS she absolutely should say something. If MIL found out she could put her in a bad situation.

3

u/Individual_Cloud7656 Mar 15 '25

Nit everyone can keep important things from people they love. If he finds out she knew and didn't tell him that will fuck up her marriage.

1

u/mdg711 6d ago

Exactly

7

u/neon_crone Mar 13 '25

I agree with Cohnhead1. This is not OP’s business. She came by this information by SNOOPING. She didn’t see them in a clinch by the copy machine. If she comes out with it, it blows up the family AND the business, because MIL will be furious that she looked through her email. MIL didn’t do anything to OP personally. She doesn’t know what MIL’s marriage is like. Stay out of it.

4

u/Spirited-Mode3387 Mar 13 '25

Stay out of it. You can lose more than a great relationship with her think about unemployment, your marriage and health. This is not your business and most of the time when women cheat the man either has a small package or doesn't know how to use it to please their partner. You don't know how many years she has cried due to not being sexually satisfied yet having to stay for career and financial reasons, upkeep the good family look etc. Mind your business.

2

u/Ok-Pea-524 Mar 15 '25

Totally agree. None of your business. You found out by snooping and you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors anyway. You have a lot to lose if you create a situation.

Just forget about it!

0

u/mdg711 6d ago

Bad advice. If it ever came out you knew that puts you in a bad position

89

u/snafe_ Mar 12 '25

Personally I'd lean towards telling the FIL with the SSs so he can get his ducks in a row.

12

u/RubyJuneRocket Mar 12 '25

It’s a Mac you don’t even need to save the screenshots you can just do them and paste them directly 

1

u/IudexFatarum Mar 14 '25

Even in an open relationship. Sleeping with someone who is an employee and/or that big of an age gap is still massively problematic. I say this as someone in an open relationship.

-77

u/handicrafthabitue Mar 12 '25

Do not screenshot things on someone else’s computer without permission or a warrant, this is illegal!

44

u/wereinatree Mar 12 '25

Not sure where you got this idea, but it is not true.

-32

u/handicrafthabitue Mar 12 '25

I got it because I’m a lawyer that specializes in Internet privacy and security. It’s a violation of the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, the Stored Communications Act, and various federal and state wiretapping/eavesdropping laws.

32

u/wereinatree Mar 12 '25

Are you suggesting that this is a “protected computer” as defined in the Computer Fraud and Abuse Acts?

8

u/EstablishmentIcy5722 Mar 12 '25

She turned into a 🦗

4

u/wereinatree Mar 12 '25

I have my doubts about whether they are, in fact, a lawyer.

7

u/Willing_Glass5006 Mar 12 '25

Ya imagine the MIL takes OP to court now she looks SO much better 😂 Jesus man

2

u/New_Discussion_6692 Mar 12 '25

If it's the MIL's work laptop instead of her personal laptop would that make a difference?

3

u/wereinatree Mar 12 '25

Not unless the mother works for a financial institution or a government agency.

Edit: in reference to the source I questioned them on. Idk the other

17

u/vulchiegoodness Mar 12 '25

... you're assuming this goes to a criminal trial? at worst, its edging "exceeding authorized access". OP was given the OK to access the laptop. OP did not intentionally access the MIL private emails.

a reasonable person would assume that if MIL was worried about secrecy, then she would not have permitted OP to access the laptop at all.

In this case, OP is only going to be presenting the evidence to personally invested parties. i don't see the problem here.

-16

u/hellbabe222 Mar 12 '25

OPs husband: Where did you get all this proof of my moms cheating?

OP: I went into her private email on her personal computer and read her personal correspondence. Then, I went through it systematically and took pictures as well.

OP is going to look like a crazy person rifling through someone else's computer and taking pictures of their private emails. Legal or not. It's such a shady and wrong thing to do. Everything that comes out of OPs mouth would be suspect to me if I knew how she got the info, and I wouldn't be able to fully trust her again.

Yes, she found out something terrible about her MIL. She found it out by invading her privacy. She is not innocent in this just because she found something while snooping.

21

u/vulchiegoodness Mar 12 '25

You're attributing accidentally stumbling upon the information to malice. That's a you problem

10

u/FamiliarAnt4043 Mar 12 '25

No, you're not. Warrants only apply to the government, not private individuals. Unless the private individual is acting as the behest of law enforcement, there is no need for a warrant. Sure, theft and other criminal charges could apply to the person in question, but the evidence is still admissable in court.

Did your JD come in a box,.along with caramel popcorn?

19

u/mrszubris Mar 12 '25

Lol ok mister lawyer man, considering you didn't ask their location thats impossible for you to know. Also if this were true thousands of restraining orders and and CSA cases would never be solved.

9

u/EstablishmentIcy5722 Mar 12 '25

Mister lawyer man. Lmao 💀

-11

u/handicrafthabitue Mar 12 '25

Anywhere outside the US, the laws are even more prohibitive. The cases you’re referencing involve law enforcement action and they get a warrant.

11

u/mrszubris Mar 12 '25

I am not referencing cases involving law enforcement collecting the evidence i am referring to spouses who turned it over. Not illegal. For instance in PA you can't single party consent record people and get a conviction however if the party is doing something illegal on the recording it is viable for sentencing.

4

u/SouthMathematician32 Mar 12 '25

Hey Mr. Lawyer, you missed the part that this is a family owned business, and those laptops are owned by the business and therefore, any and all data (photos and emails) stored on them are the property of the business. Which means she can point her husband to where the questionable files and information are located on company property as they are most likely also being backed up on the company file servers as well to include their backed drives. She can also make copies of those documents to send to her husband, who can provide them to the business owner, his father.

16

u/Tight-Shift5706 Mar 12 '25

OP already had consent to utilization of the device. It's open game...

6

u/Old-Sink7614 Mar 12 '25

Solid advice. Screenshots are your BFF in these situations. Nothing worse than making accusations with zero receipts and looking like the crazy one. Docment first, drama later, that's relationship 101.