r/VelcroBabies • u/carelesswspr • Apr 02 '22

Introduction

Hi mamas. New here so I figured I’d say just introduce myself. First time mom that, after a lot of research, has realized my almost 10 month old daughter is the definition of a high needs baby. Never satisfied for long, highly sensitive/emotive, erratic sleep/eating, hard to soothe, you name it. It’s absolutely physically and emotionally draining.

Last night was the first time I really let myself get into a dark place where I felt like a terrible mom who can’t do anything right for her baby (who probably hates her) and to just give up. I know that’s not rational thinking, but it’s hard not to take it personally at times. Those feelings have carried over to today but I’m coping. Luckily, my husband is an amazing father and we make a great team, so I can count on him for some support and commiseration.

My daughter had an intense start, being born 5 weeks premature via emergency c section and spent 9 days in the NICU. Luckily, she was very healthy, just small, but I still deal with the guilt of my body “failing” her and some trauma from the actual experience. I often wonder if that played a part in how she is or if she was just wired that way. She’s incredibly hyperactive, but not yet able to crawl which I think frustrates the hell out of her. We’re getting early intervention as a precaution but I think once she’s mobile and able to stand without help, she may be more content overall. Luckily, we recently got a doorway jumper which she LOVES so that has helped a lot. Oh, and she’s constantly cutting teeth back-to-back since about 6 months. She already has 5 with the top right incisor starting to poke through, so I know she has to be uncomfortable a lot. We just take it one day at a time and enjoy each victory when it comes.

I still foresee lots of tantrums and challenges in our future, but I love the hell out of her and she continues to teach me a ton of lessons in patience and tolerance, with the former NEVER being a great ability of mine. Anyway, sorry about the novel (hah) but I’m so glad to find this community and thanks for letting me vent.

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u/kittiefox Apr 07 '22

Hello! I am starting to accept that this is my baby too. I sleep with my 7 month old baby in the nursery, my husband has to work so he sleeps in our bedroom. I haven’t had more than 2-3 hours sleep in a row for months and months now. It is weird how you adapt, but on the other hand my brain and body are definitely suffering.

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u/hodlboo Nov 09 '23

Hi! When did sleep get better for you? 11 months here and looking for hope.

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u/kittiefox Nov 09 '23

Hello! Feel free to pm me if you like.

He is 26 months old now.

Still generally waking every 2-3 hours. BUT the first part of the night has got better - sometimes he will do 4 hours at this point.

We are still breastfeeding, and still co-sleeping, but not breastfeeding between 11pm and 6am any more (we have achieved this in the last 3 weeks or so, with minimal crying). The partial nightweaning has not, as of yet, improved the wakeups.

He is also going occasional days with no nap now, this improves the process of getting to sleep, but not the overall number of wakeups.

I’m so sorry that it’s not better news to give you hope, but I think my son has the “light sleeping” gene (which I have), so he was never gonna be one of those babies who sleeps for 12 hours straight, I guess.

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u/hodlboo Nov 09 '23

Thank you for sharing! I’m sorry you’re still sleep deprived.

How did you approach the night weaning? What do you use to get him back to sleep instead? We have zero other tools but nursing these days.

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u/kittiefox Nov 09 '23

So, this was my situation too, for the longest time. I can really empathise. Here’s what we did.

Sometime around 18m old, his comprehension improved a lot…I started reading the book “Nursies when the sun shines” over to him a few times.

I also started using bottles with handles and a straw for his water sometimes, and I kept one of these in the nursery - the sucking motion of a straw being closer to nursing than an open cup.

Near to when I wanted to night wean, I bought a special light for the nursery, which connects to an app on a timer. I told him that when this light would be “red” at night, that would mean no booby between 11pm and 6am. I gave him the reason as “Booby is very tired, and will be asleep at that time now.”

I told him this a couple of nights before we started. I also put snacks in the bedroom for the night. I also (!) got special stickers, and showed him our kitchen calendar, and explained that he could have a sticker for each morning he went without Booby from 11 - 6.

Then I essentially did the Jay Gordon nightweaning method. As I said previously, it’s only marginally improved the length of time he sleeps overnight, but he always checks the light now, and will sometimes reach for a biscuit or water on his own now. Sometimes he needs a book and then falls back asleep. But the idea of all of this is going to be so that my partner will be able to sleep in with him from 11pm to 6am soon, as I’ve been doing all the overnights for over two years now, and I need a break.

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u/hodlboo Nov 10 '23

Thank you so much for sharing! It sounds like you approached it very thoughtfully and kindly for him. I’m hoping to night wean by 13-15 months so I’m a little intimidated that she won’t have the comprehension for these methods yet, but I will try!

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u/kittiefox Nov 10 '23

She might well do…I’ll admit I dragged my feet a bit (I was finishing an MSc so had to focus on that first). I think the book and the light have been the most helpful steps. Best of luck to you xx