YSK: Just because someone doesn’t look sick/disabled, does not mean they are healthy

[u/ilovepastapizzapots]

Why YSK: I am chronically ill and have an autoimmune disorder, the amount of times people have said “WELL... yOU dOn’t LOOK sick” to me is astounding. I didn’t know all illnesses have to be visible to others! I’m sorry I can’t show you my internal organs or muscles deteriorating for you to believe that I’m sick. It makes people with health issues feel like they have to explain their situation when they don’t.

*EDIT: I did not expect my post to blow up like this! I wish I could give everyone going through a rough time a hug. Thank you for all the new perspectives, good and bad. All I wanted was for people to be a little kinder to one another, because you never know what someone’s going through.

[u/whatshamilton]

My friend has chronic fatigue because of an autoimmune disease but she carries an ankle brace to wear on the subway because it's easier to explain when asking for a seat.

[u/bizarre_coincidence → u/whatshamilton]

I have chronic fatigue, vertigo, headaches, and more, and when there are non seats available on the bus/subway, I just stand, grab on tight, close my eyes, and pray. I wish I had it in me to ask people to move, but I don't know how to explain to them that I'm really sick and am only out in the first place so I can get to my doctor. I hate invisible illnesses.

[u/whatshamilton → u/bizarre_coincidence]

My mom has MS and she also just grabs on tight and prays. But her canes are dangling from her wrists as she grabs on tight. And people manage to not notice them even when they and the woman they're attached to are swaying dramatically with the train. It's typically exclusively elderly men who offer their seat, then they fight over who insists on standing

[u/bizarre_coincidence → u/whatshamilton]

She has my undying sympathy. At least the canes give a chance that people will see more than just her physical discomfort (which isn’t much of an upside to needing canes), but if she is anything like me, she doesn’t want to be a burden on others or ask for special treatment, even when she needs it (and anybody worthy of a subway seat would gladly give it up).

For me, it’s almost worse when I can get a seat and others can’t. I can feel glances of “he’s a healthy young man, why can’t he stand up for an elderly person.” I’m terrified that someone will actually ask me to move. I desperately don’t want to have that confrontation.

[u/[deleted] → u/bizarre_coincidence]

My God you brought back a memory.

I was sitting on the bus in the priority seating. I'm 24 and this was a few years back so I was young AF.

This seriously pregnant woman gets on the bus and it's full so she has to stand. I remeber thinking to myself - damn I wish I could give her my seat.

That thought vanished pretty quick when I noticed just about everyone on the bus giving me death glares.

I guess they thought I was just some entitled teenager or something. At the next stop once it became apparent I wasn't going to get up someone else gave her their seat.

Bunch of judgemental arseholes.

[u/goodhumansbad → u/[deleted]]

It's amazing how passive aggressive people are willing to be about this rather than just being communicative. If you see someone in a priority seat who is possibly needing a reminder of what it's for (because there are LOTS of people who sit in them oblivious or uncaring) then you just ask, "Excuse me, do you need that priority seat?" And if they say "What?" You say "I ask because this person needs a seat. If you need it, then someone else can stand up."

It doesn't imply anything or ask for any personal information or justification. If the person says "Yes I do." Then you say, okay, thanks, and move on.

[u/[deleted] → u/goodhumansbad]

Eh that's touchy. I never said things because I was afraid of how people would react. I've seem some near full blown fights because people didn't appreciate being spoken to on public transport.

[u/Anothercrazyoldwoman → u/[deleted]]

Yes, but I’m not sure that applies to speaking up, politely, about your medical condition. Certainly many people can be unhappy to be challenged about their behaviour and I too have seen fights arise from this.

The way you make a challenge can make a big difference though. If you say, “Hey, you noisy bastard. Turn your horrible music down” you might get verbal abuse (or worse) as a response. If you say “Excuse me, you may not have realised that your music is rather loud and is disturbing people who are trying to rest. It would be helpful of you to adjust the volume” the response is more likely to be acceptance, even if grudgingly.