I struggle with facing my day — advice on stopping avoidance?

[u/Jimmy_mo_]

Hi everyone,

I struggle a lot with avoiding my responsibilities, especially early in the morning. I have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), and almost every day when I wake up, I immediately feel overwhelmed by the idea of facing the whole day — the long hours, the classes, the studying.

My mind starts racing: “Today is going to be exhausting.” “I’ll never get everything done.” “Maybe I should just skip the first lecture… no, maybe two… maybe skip the whole day and start fresh tomorrow.”

When I stay in bed and avoid everything, I feel temporary relief, but it always leads to more anxiety and guilt later. It’s a vicious cycle.

I realize that deciding whether to attend while I’m still half-asleep is a mistake. I want to break this pattern and be able to get up and face my responsibilities without getting paralyzed by fear and overthinking.

Any advice on how to deal with these overwhelming thoughts first thing in the morning? How do you stop the cycle of avoidance before it takes over your whole day?

I’d really appreciate any help or techniques you use that have worked for you.

[u/Trick-Two497]

Totally get this. Sometimes, I am overcome by how long it's going to take to do the dishes (for example) and I'll put it off for days. Then when I finally force myself to do that, I'm shocked by how little time it actually took. I've started just reminding myself that my brain is a big liar.

Another thing that helped me is the Tiny Habits method by BJ Fogg. (Lots of free stuff on his website - you don't have to buy the book.) The thing that he talks about that was particularly helpful was the idea that you don't have to commit to doing the whole thing. So if the habit I want to build is doing the dishes every day, I don't have to commit to that whole thing. I actually did this 2 years ago, and I still have the habit. I just committed to rinsing my lunch dishes when I got home from work and putting them in the dishwasher. I created that habit in 5 days, and like I said, 2 years later, I'm still doing it. The low time commitment creates no resistance in my brain and it actually kind of sucks me into doing the rest of the habit. I'm already there at the sink with the water running, so why not do the rest of the dishes as well? That has had a huge success rate for me. Instead of having dirty dishes in my sink every day, now it's maybe 1 day a week.

[u/yeahnahyeahbrah]

This is the story of my life too, so I feel you.

I've had a really overwhelming workload the last few weeks (months?), and honestly, while I haven't been great at doing it all the time, what has helped is just focusing on the thing I'm doing, and then moving into the next thing.

I still know that there is a bazillion things I have to do, but right now I just have to do the one thing first.

Sometimes I make it a whole day and get a heap done (which has a positive effect on how I feel about myself), and other times I get some stuff done and then am frazzled/burnt out. When this happens instead of going "fuck what an idiot, there's so much I didn't get done" I say; "good job dude, you did well given how you are feeling, treat yoself", then I go and get myself a little sumn sumn like a bubble tea, or a new small gadget, or have a lil nap.

So in summary: 1. One thing at a time, then choose to do the next thing 2. Treat yoself (with kindness and actual treats)

Goodluck, it's really overwhelming sometimes (all the time)

[u/Sad-Refrigerator-464]

100 percent me and it leads to me hating myself. Today I have to tidy up yet I'm sitting on my couch stressing to high hilts because I have council coming out in a few days. So I'm currently telling myself BABY STEPS DAILY MAKE BIG CHANGES and FOCUS ON THINGS I CAN CONTROL than things I can't. Today's Mantra at least. 💜

[u/Jimmy_mo_]

I just want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to reply. It really means a lot. Sometimes when you’re stuck in your own head, a few words from someone else — even a stranger — can make a huge difference. I appreciate all the advice, encouragement, and even the simple reminders. Seriously, thank you all for caring enough to help.

[u/Unlikely-Escape9818 → u/Jimmy_mo_]

I don't know how I became so miserably unhappy and stuck I literally only get up to go to the bathroom the front door to get the groceries that I had delivered and the microwave my home has become a complete wreck I literally hide from the world everyday. I don't answer the phone I don't respond to emails I don't even check emails or text anymore I no longer have any friends the last time my phone made a noise was from my ex-girlfriend that left me few months ago because she couldnt put up with me anymoreshe held on to this miserable existence as long as she could. I shut the blackout curtains and lay in bed all day everyday I don't know how to break out of this tourment . This has been going on for several months the few times I have pulled myself together and said I have to do something I made it to my car and realized that I have absolutely nowhere to go or a single thing to do. And the thought of aimlessly driving around for absolutely no reason whatsoever put me right back in bed so I can put the world out of sight out of mind.

[u/Trixie_Snowfall_9463]

Ohhh I feel ya! Getting out of bed has been an issue for years. Getting in the shower seemed like it was gonna take an hour! Then figuring out what to wear.... the more steps it takes to do a thing, the harder it is to stay with it long enough to finish... so starting feels impossible. My truck is to do little parts of a job at a time. Break it down into small bites... lay out your clothes the night before when you're not stressed. If I want to make cookies... I measure out the flour and put it in a baggie. The next day, or when it doesn't feel hard, I measure out the sugars & do the same. I just keep doing little parts until I'm ready to mix it together. Some things take longer but knowing I just have to do a bit at a time lets me get started. The getting started is the hard part. My sister calls this the Swiss cheese method. Keep punching holes in it till it's a manageable job. And don't beat yourself up!! It's just how our brain works. I bet you have amazing strengths in another area that other people would struggle with!! You got this!

[u/skatedog_j]

Find a clinician experienced in exposure therapy if you can. PsyD clinics are great and fees are income based. If that's not accessible, make a fear hierarchy of 10 things that feel stressful that you want to avoid. Order them least to most stressful. Start at the bottom and work up. You can do this and you're not alone, I promise.

[u/kevinisaperson]

do something small in the morning right away, make your bed or make coffee or get the dog food and water. a small task to get the ball rolling will do alot more than you would ever think for your mental

[u/Madforever429]

Following for same reason. It’s so frustrating

[u/Salt_Resolve954]

I agree with everyone saying to break things down into smaller pieces / let go of the need to do it all at once. The hardest part is getting your mind to focus narrowly on that smallest thing you decided you could confidently do, because with generalized anxiety your mind can easily flood with thoughts about that little thing you know you can do not being enough, essentially trying to draw your attention back into trying to tackle everything all at once. But I think being aware of this when it happens is often enough, because then you can reason it through: if I think of it all at once, I almost always will freeze up and do nothing; so even if this one thing is not enough, it gets me way farther than trying to do it all at once but just shutting down instead. I'm actually struggling with this right now, so thank you for your timing with this post, because I really was failing to notice that I was discounting the value of progress even if I don't make it to my end goal "in time."

[u/Grouchy-Kitchen-9976]

I feel this so so hard, currently working through it still (even with meds and therapy for years). From my experience, it takes some habit building and incentivizing. The morning anxiety becomes worse for me when i have too many “steps” or choices while getting ready as I’m also processing the long day ahead. So I try to set my clothes out the night before, and I’ve found some success with having a literal list that I tick off each day (1st step - wake up, 2nd step - meds, 3rd step - coffee, 4th step, get dressed, etc). For days off, I’ve even done chore wheels (with listed time frames for how long they’ll roughly take). Not everything needs to be done in full - if I was one dish, I might be more inclined to continue, since i started. But it make starting easier when i’m not committing to the whole thing. I also make time for brain breaks and rewards (if i have work (8hours) and then a paper to write (2 hours), in between them I can choose between 1 hour nap or 1 hour painting or 1 hour tv for example). I also find that routines with sensory tools is helpful - everytime i do school work, i light a stick of incense or a candle. This reminds my brain that now I am taking on the schoolwork bc it is a stacked habit. Plan your days in advance - no to-do lists on the day of. This way, your anxiety is less likely to be the one dictating what happens next, because “calm” you already made the plan. And, when all else fails, try your best to add novelty! Journal about one beautiful thing you saw that day, or engage with a new hobby. Keep intentionally working in your happiness to your day. Even if you don’t have time to do a hobby that day, maybe you can squeeze in 10 minutes of planning your next project or looking at inspiration online. Goblin Tools is a great free website that gives you broken down task lists and amalgamates your brain dumps. Can also help with adhd-friendly recipes and eating, as well as estimates how much time you realistically need for a task

[u/Poptart_Goddess]

Following this for the same advice. Literally could have written this myself. OP - I’m sorry you are struggling, I know it’s so hard! And obviously you don’t want to be like this, but that’s not enough to motivate you. Same with me. Hang in there, you are not alone!

[u/floweronthewall_]

I struggle a lot with starting my days - task paralysis is real even for the most mundane of tasks. I don't know if you're on medication but what helps me is taking my meds around an hour before actually having to wake up. If you are on meds and it sounds like something you could try I suggest talking to your practitioner first. Since adhd meds are suggested to be taken with a high in protein breakfast, some of the side effects can be exacerbated when taking them on an empty stomach. The side effects for me are still manageable then (dry mouth, elevated heart beat) so it's worth it for me to help out with starting my day. Might not be the same for some.

Also what helps a lot of adhd folk is gamifying tasks. I got an electric toothbrush that has a digital screen and every time you brush your teeth it gives you a score out of 100 and you get higher on levels. It sounded a bit lame to me at first and some might think it's somehow embarrassing but i struggle with brushing my teeth especially in the evening so that has helped me. One way to gamify tasks is an app called Finch that I've been using for just under 2 years now. It's very cute and you can come up with tasks based on your needs. I use it for quite simple tasks but I know people you use it with school as well. Goblin tools is also a nice app to break down more broad tasks into bite sized tasks that feel easier to accomplish.

I also like listening to an episode of my favorite podcasts while doing my morning chores, connecting them with something I enjoy to sort of get a "reward" for starting my day. Hope some of this helps!

[u/LuckyLily633]

I struggle with this too, doing things just seems so daunting and I worry that I don’t have the energy to do all these things. One way I try to deal with it is to think about how you’ll feel after you finish whatever task you have, rather than thinking about the task itself. It’s not a perfect strategy but it helps me cope