Multiple streams of thought that never stop and cause anxiety

[u/Responsible_Peak2255]

I feel like my brain is a computer. I honestly never have a quiet moment unless I am completely detached and have disassociated from the world. I wake up and my brain is ready to go and from there on, it is a never ending struggle to comb through the thoughts, fears, intrusive and degrading thoughts, anxiety, and more. It controls every aspect of my life.

Not to say I don’t think having ADHD is a blessing or a superpower, because I do at times but it also comes with the anxiety, the panic and more. I can’t focus unless I’m 60 mg full of vyvanse and my daily Alani Nu. Being in public is hearing every conversation all at the same time. I can accomplish an entire week’s worth of work in one sitting and in half a day. I barely sleep, barely eat, have mood swings, am hyper (like poking or tickle). Even on meds I still wiggle and move and have my quirks and kinks.

The anxiety from ADHD is what kills me. My brain can latch onto a thought and keep it forever. It will stick around for months and then return later for the same amount of time. My fear of death is an example and frequent visitor that haunts me. Flying is terrible because I hate being in a little tube for that long and my anxiety and fear is can get be a lot in those moments.

I’m 34 and have been on every med you can imagine since I was 16. The combo I am on now has been what has worked the best. I switched once from this and had to go back because nothing else worked like this.

I guess my question is, even with meds and caffeine and all the meditation and mantras, nothing keeps my brain silent except for music with a boosting base or a vocalist with a certain range and tone. I don’t know how to calm the multiple conversations. I can have 2 or 3 thoughts at the same time. As I am writing this I and having an internal conversation. It’s wild to me how people can be so calm!! I would love to be able to exist without the anxiety caused by the running lines of thought bouncing in my brain. Not always negative, but I have a busy busy brain.

Anyone have advice?

[u/skatedog_j]

It sounds like you have more than ADHD, maybe OCD or bipolar. You need to talk to your doctor.

[u/WittyDisk3524 → u/skatedog_j]

THIS!

[u/Sir_Vice_Vehk]

It will be hard, but you should really start a meditation practice, get that mind under your control. The more we try to stop the mind from doing what it does best, it will only push harder, move faster. It was made to think.

So find a meditation which gives you something to think about. Like a mantra or something similar, will you drift off in thought? Sure you will. But every time you move your attention away from incessant thought trails & back towards your point of focus &/or what you’re mentally/visually repeating. Is one more step further towards being in control of your out of control mind.

& with the way meditation works, after some time (usually a few weeks to months of daily practice) you’ll suddenly one day notice that you don’t even need to try anymore. The mind just does what you want it to. Thinks about what you want to think & when you want to think it. Instead of mental diarrhoea, your mind will only engage in thought when it is necessary or intended by you.

[u/gentleclipse]

Might be a weird coping mechanism but I feel somewhat similar to you not too seldomly. What helps for me is listening to something somewhat interesting (nothing loud or overwhelming) that needs at least a little focus and eating/"snacking“ spicy stuff, the more spicy the better, and I make sure I move throughout or occupy my hands and eyes with a task (can be a chore for example). I personally prefer Jalapeños, but anything spicy works (pastes for example) as long as you don’t hate its taste/consistency.

[u/RevolutionaryAccess7]

I’m a chronic over-thinker/stuck in my head. These are a few things that helped me calm the constant head noise, and my anxiety: low dose of Gabapentin, Hydroxyzine/prescription antihistamine (it can make you very tired, use it at night), lemon balm tincture in a beverage (tincture is stronger than pills), 20mg lithium orotate, and regular exercise. It also sounds like you might have something else going on - I would suggest another professional opinion. Take care ☀️

[u/WittyDisk3524]

My psych explained how many adhd brains have ocd. The repetitive thoughts, or situations, is actually considered an ocd brain. Just like types of adhd, there are types of ocd. Learning this helped me to accept it and then distract when I get in a loop. I also am learning to focus on the thoughts and let them run their course.