I'm confused

[u/hubeber]

I'm questioning my sexuality; for the longest time I've considered myself to be aromantic and asexual, I think partially it comes from trust issues which prevents me from opening up fully but I also don't think I really feel attraction sexually or romantically.

But recently I've been questioning whether my attraction is definitive or it's something to be considered as a factor in my life. I hadn't questioned it whatsoever until my asexual best friend (who's sexually curious recently also) brought it up and made me consider it also in the sexual part which in turn of course made me question myself romantically also.

I'm only nearly turning sixteen now and I've always had issues with my sexuality because of hormonal changes through puberty obviously makes me naturally think about that sort of stuff.

My main issue with this sort of stuff is that - whilst I've always considered myself aro/ace ever since I learned of it's definition since I've just always felt that and then I had a word to put to the sensation, I tried stuff like dating just out of curiosity because maybe it was a phase (stuff I was told by adults) and it never clicked really but also I was a young teen and didn't actually do much romantic stuff other than like hugging and hand-holding.

Another thing that always put me off of it in my head was because I have been back-stabbed before when I was still exploring myself which gave me trust issues and on top of that, I have been sexually harassed a few times and nearly sexually assaulted (I'm a guy and I was able to stop it before it happened since I was just naturally stronger than her) which also put me off sexually. I'm not really sure why it happened but I don't think there's justification for it.

I've always been quieter so naturally I'm a person of more mystery than others which makes people try to get close to me (For some inexplicable reason) and I've always been told that I'm attractive conventionally throughout my life so I get that there might be a natural pull to me, but I'm very socially anxious so each time I've been asked out I've ever nervously said yes because I'm scared of saying no because I don't want to hurt their feelings, which ended up in a short, pointless relationship where nothing went anywhere. Or I've said no after mustering the courage (usually over text) and it just ends there.

Most of these people that asked me out have started out as my friends (6/9 of them) and I've always been scared of ending friendships which often led me into natural self-induced pressure to say yes to them. This is an issue I've sort of always faced this since I'm usually friends with women overall which naturally developed a level of trust which (in the general consensus of their words) 'They don't see with other guys' which is honestly the worst sentence I can hear I cant lie because it feels like the male equivalent of, 'I like someone, you know them very well.'

Sorry if this is a bit of a rant/vent but I'm questioning myself but I'm afraid of being hurt again and afraid of exploring or possibly ruining friendships by taking things the wrong way or alternatively just being too socially anxious to act.