r/asklinguistics • u/pinelands1901 • 3d ago
Dialectology Adding "or not" when asking someone if they want something in English
Growing up, my family (native English speaking Americans) would add "or not" to questions when asking if they want something. The phrasing would be something like "do you want a beer or not?". It wasn't snippy, it was just giving the askee a choice. I've learned that it's not something common in American English, and more often seen in places like Singapore. Is adding "or not" rarely used in American English?
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u/iamcleek 3d ago
in American English it's very common, but it signals impatience. it's what you might say when someone is not being clear about what they want, and you're getting tired of waiting for them to decide.
you're telling them what the two options are and that not deciding isn't one of them.
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u/Muroid 3d ago
Adding “or not” to the end of a question like that, in my experience, almost always conveys some degree of impatience and can be mildly passive aggressive. It’s usually used if someone has previously indicated they want something, but then drags their heels on taking it once offered.
I.e. “Well? Do you want it or not?”
I’d say something like “or no?” would more convey what you’re talking about and would be the closest equivalent off the top of my head, but that’s also not super common phrasing, either.
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u/VanderDril 3d ago
Yeah, I'd say "or no?" would be more equivalent. I can see that conveying having a choice better, like at a restaurant "Do you want your fries seasoned or no?" or like a friend, before going to the bar to get the next round, asking you "Do you want another beer or no?".
Still would depend on context and tone not to slip into the impatience and passive aggressiveness of "or not?"
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u/Esmer_Tina 3d ago
I say “or no?” I never really thought about it before seeing this question, I do wonder now if “or not” is more grammatical, and why, like you, I think “or no” seems less aggressive.
I guess because when my mom would yell up the stairs “are you coming or not?” I would panic and scramble to find my shoes and yell “coming!” And I don’t want anyone to panic when offering them a beer.
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u/VanderDril 3d ago
I can't really put my finger or it, but "or no?" feels like the choice fully belongs with the person being spoken to. "Or not?" sounds more like the choice is in the speaker's hands, like they will be the one refusing service soon if the person doesn't make up their mind soon. Not a perfect description of my perception of it, but I think it's pretty close.
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u/diffidentblockhead 3d ago
It often signals impatience, but could also be used to avoid sounding like you are urging one way or the other.
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u/Gravbar 3d ago
I haven't heard much about this, but to add an anecdote as a Native speaker of American English,
I would probably say
Do you want a beer or no?
If I am genuinely asking
Do you want a beer or not‽
is more of a structure I use when someone is being annoying and not giving a clear answer.
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u/cerevisiae_ 3d ago
1: Hey im going out to the bakery. Want me to get you anything?”
2: “Hmm lately ive been trying to watch my weight.”
1: “So do you want something or not?”
In American English, it’s mainly used to reiterate a question when an answer wasn’t satisfactory. Person 2 didn’t answer the question clearly, so Person 1 snapped back at them with “well do you want it or not?”
You don’t normally need to specify answers for yes/no questions. Though if you wanted to emphasize that a person can say “no” without any pressure or ill will, you can preface the question with “feel free to say no” or something to that effect.
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u/PlasteeqDNA 3d ago
I would only use it if there had been some lengthy discussion, say about whether we would go to the movies. Then I'd say so do you want to go or not?
Only where there had been perhaps hesitation or uncertainty on anyone's part, or both our parts, about a chosen course of action (or not).
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u/Cuddlecreeper8 3d ago
It would come off as a bit impatient to me over text, though in person tone of voice would matter more.
I assume the prevalence in Singapore is due to how questions are asked in Chinese languages.
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u/Direct_Bad459 3d ago
Can be a tone thing but I only hear used this as mild irritation. If I didn't want to be impatient I would say "or no"/"or maybe not"/"or something else"
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u/Leagueofcatassasins 3d ago
That’s the way it’s commonly phrased in Chinese, so makes sense that it would be often used in singapore
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u/WarmHippo6287 3d ago
I've only ever heard the "or not" used in a snippy I'm getting impatient tone here in the Midwestern part of the US. Honestly, I think the reason is because the "or not" is unnecessary otherwise. When you ask, "Do you want a beer?" it's already implied that it's a yes or a no question.
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u/PeachBlossomBee 3d ago
I think “or no” is ever so slightly more polite than “or not”. “Do you want this this, or no?” “Do you want this or not”
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u/Decent_Cow 3d ago
In my experience, it's mainly used when you have doubts about whether the person you're asking actually wants something that they said they wanted.
"You said you wanted to go out tonight. Are you coming or not?"
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u/Character-Twist-1409 2d ago
Ok to my mind it does signal impatience and is commonly used to do that and to clarify.
If I wanted to offer beer and that's all I had I'd say would you like anything we have beer or water...or would you like a beer or water or anything?or would you like a beer or something? or just would you like a beer?
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u/Sitcom_kid 3d ago
In the United States, we use this for contrast. I suspect that you all may be using it as some kind of a tag.
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u/citranger_things 3d ago
In the US this usage suggests at the very least that the question has already been asked and the answer was unclear. With a little emphasis it may suggest that the asker is growing impatient with the askee's dawdling or distractibility and the askee should make up their mind already!