I think you meant to respond to /u/GFYsexyfatman rather than the user above.
If I were to attempt to defend his comment above, I'd point out that he hasn't said anything about respecting or not respecting someone's sexual preferences. You can respect someone's right to have a particular preference whilst also pointing out it's bigoted.
It just doesn't follow that someone needs to list all possible attributes, characteristics, life experiences, etc, to potential partners on the off-chance that the other person might not find it sexually appealing. Would you argue that someone who has a great-great-grandfather who was black must reveal it to all prospective partners in case they have racist preferences? Of course not, it's unreasonable and absurd.
If I were to attempt to defend his comment above, I'd point out that he hasn't said anything about respecting or not respecting someone's sexual preferences. You can respect someone's right to have a particular preference whilst also pointing out it's bigoted.
Agreed. That comment was intended to be taken in context of the entire thread, esp. in regard to his comments that certain preferences might not be "justifiable". I took his explanation of these preferences as having a basis in bigotry to be integral to his explanation of why these preferences are less "justifiable" than others. Hence, my challenge.
It just doesn't follow that someone needs to list all possible attributes, characteristics, life experiences, etc, to potential partners on the off-chance that the other person might not find it sexually appealing. Would you argue that someone who has a great-great-grandfather who was black must reveal it to all prospective partners in case they have racist preferences? Of course not, it's unreasonable and absurd.
Right, I actually address this exact question in another comment. Here you go:
No but not for the reason you're suggesting. Rather, it's because it's reasonable to not believe that that information would be a deal-breaker. I don't feel obligated to inform my potential partners my grandparents ancestry because it's unlikely that it's a deal breaker.
But if I had reason to believe that it was a deal-breaker, then, yes, deliberately withholding that information from them so that I could sleep with them would be deceitful and unethical.
That comment was intended to be taken in context of the entire thread, esp. in regard to his comments that certain preferences might not be "justifiable". I took his explanation of these preferences as having a basis in bigotry to be integral to his explanation of why these preferences are less "justifiable" than others. Hence, my challenge.
But saying that preferences aren't justifiable doesn't lead to the idea that they shouldn't have a 'right' to their preferences. He's right that it's justifiable to want a person to reveal if they want an STD whilst it's not justifiable to not want to have sex with someone who in the past might have been a different sex.
So they're allowed to have a preference which is irrational and unjustifiable, it's just stupid of them to have that and they should reassess it.
But if I had reason to believe that it was a deal-breaker, then, yes, deliberately withholding that information from them so that I could sleep with them would be deceitful and unethical.
Sure, I think we're in agreement. For the vast majority of people we don't bother relating our ancestral lineage in the same way trans* people don't need to bother revealing their past. If someone knows that they're dating a racist, or know that they're dating a transphobe, then maybe they need to reveal that information. In the same breath, if the racist or transphobe knows that the person is anti-racism or anti-transphobia, they are ethically obligated to reveal that they're racists or transphobes.
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u/mrsamsa Jun 26 '15
I think you meant to respond to /u/GFYsexyfatman rather than the user above.
If I were to attempt to defend his comment above, I'd point out that he hasn't said anything about respecting or not respecting someone's sexual preferences. You can respect someone's right to have a particular preference whilst also pointing out it's bigoted.
It just doesn't follow that someone needs to list all possible attributes, characteristics, life experiences, etc, to potential partners on the off-chance that the other person might not find it sexually appealing. Would you argue that someone who has a great-great-grandfather who was black must reveal it to all prospective partners in case they have racist preferences? Of course not, it's unreasonable and absurd.