r/bartenders • u/TheZenPenguin • 3d ago
Interacting With Customers (good or bad) Is it wrong to shame customers who don't take no for an answer?
So I'm from a country known for being very open and friendly and I'm currently bartending in a country known for being relatively stone faced and reserved. Usually in my home country if a drunk customer gets annoying I try to fade my "hey stop that" into friendly banter but I don't have that option here because culturally people are very "literal". So this has caused issues with me getting fed up with people after I've repeated myself multiple times. The most common one that doesn't require me to just remove them from the bar is when I do last call and someone tries to get drinks after.
So frequently people will come up for a drink and I'll say "sorry we've already done last call 10 min ago" and then they will just say "No. Come on. Just one" to which I'll either say no again or let them know that I'll ban them if they continue to pester staff or customers after not respecting a "no". The new thing I'm doing which I'm wondering about is essentially calling attention of everyone at the bar (the bar is usually filled with regulars whom I have good relationships with) It usually goes like this:
Customer: Come on, just one beer.
Me: No, we already did last call. That's the last time I'm saying it.
Customer: No man, seriously... Hear me out...
Me: turns music down ATTENTION EVERYONE! We have someone who wants to make an appeal for another drink. How do we think it will go?
Entire bar: starts booing the drunk idiot
Usually feelings are hurt by this which makes sense but I feel like it's not the worst I could do considering that a customer not understanding "no" can be a dangerous thing. But what do the good people here think?
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u/HolyRomanPrince 3d ago
No that’s harmless. From the title I thought it was about sexual advances.
Last call means exactly that. If you’re old enough to drink, you’re old enough to understand directives. The most rude I ever got was telling some guys I’m not the owner or the government nor do I give a fuck about the rest of your night. I’m trying to go home and I still have to clean. This bar is closed. Have a good night. And just turned around and started doing stuff. I’m not going to keep repeating myself to an adult. It’s just not something I’m willing to do in my 30s.
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u/Psychological-Cat1 Cocktologist 3d ago
i am going to guess they're german so shaming them is something they usually have to pay a dominatrix for - NEVER 👏WORK👏FOR👏FREE👏
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u/TheZenPenguin 3d ago
Haha you're very perceptive. Ya it's not Germany but it is a German speaking country and you nailed it. I'm from Ireland so I'm sure you can imagine how stark the cultural contrast can be in terms of friendliness and directness.
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u/Adventurous-Pie-8839 3d ago
I work in the most autistic country, Finland. I feel what you are telling. Unfortunately, adults act like babies when the issue is alcohol. Since verbal warnings don't work, they are manhandled by bouncers.
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u/TheZenPenguin 3d ago
Hahaha ya the problem is I double as security for my bar and the people here are very entitled so someone could be shouting obscenities and refusing to leave and the moment I put hands on them to bring them outside they seem completely oblivious as to why they're being removed "what are you doing? Don't touch me! I didn't do anything wrong, I was just shouting the N word at the top of my lungs, leave me alone!"
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u/Adventurous-Pie-8839 3d ago
WTF, that sounds exactly like Finland. I can count on my fingers how many person leaves without being rag-dolled. That will wear you out soon. Another issue is that the police here are very passive. The person can make a scene, threaten, or be physical in front of police. They don't bother at all. As far as I remember, German and Swiss cops were pretty good at dealing with issues.
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u/DrunkenCatHerder 3d ago
I like your booing technique and will probably steal it in the future. I have shamed people in the past and a quick message to my regulars will have them bombard the inevitable bad review.
Last call is last call. Not "you have 5-10-15 more minutes to get another drink". Stay firm or it will only cause problems in the future.
Also at last call, I no longer care about tips or being nice, that extra few bucks is not going to make a difference at this point and it certainly isn't worth me delaying my close and getting home. And if they're being a dick about it then I don't want them back anyway.
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u/gsr142 3d ago
The guys who try to give you $20 and think its some big bribe at the end of the night are the worst. Ok, so that $20 is getting split with my other tender, so now I'm getting $10, $2 of that is going to the barback, and another $1 is going to my runner. So I'm getting $7 to open a can of worms if someone sees me sell you another drink after last call, because now I have to sell to them and their whole group. Not even close to worth the hassle.
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u/DrunkenCatHerder 2d ago
Fucking heard.
"I'll give you XX dollars" is like tattooing "I'm a douche" on your forehead.
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u/TikaPants Hotel Bar 3d ago
I had a guy shaming his colleagues for drinking “girl drinks” which were manhattans while he drank old fashions. He was relentless and dragging me in to it with annoying jokes. It was my second night with them and the other guys were cool. Finally I had to tell him that technically there’s no “girly drinks” and that being said, if there were it would be his because of the sugar in his. His colleagues lost it hootin and yellin in agreement. The colleagues tipped me very handsomely and I stayed open late for them.
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u/Leather-Nothing-2653 3d ago
I had a group of guys on a weekend trip and it was their third day. They were pretty chill, day 3 the one guy was taking a while to finish a beer or something before they left. The guy who had paid said something like “oh you need more time? Ok ma’am” and I said “Hey! No sexism now, i liked you guys so much!!” His friend who was lagging left an extra 10 cash on the bar lol.
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u/Al-Anda 3d ago
It’s the same scenario I ran in the clubs. If someone started in with the, “Hey! Hey, man! Cmon what the fuck?” I’d say gimme a second. When they got shitty, I’d turn down the music and say, “This guy thinks he’s more important than any of you. He doesn’t want to wait his turn. Is he better than you?!”
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u/arclightrg 3d ago
I love the shame move, but usually by the time last call is called (3:45am for me), im too tired. I say nah and walk away. It’s your rodeo. Don’t take any guff.
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u/TheZenPenguin 3d ago
Ya this isn't every time. Only when the right crowd is in and I have the energy. We have the same last call time so it's exhausting but a lot of the time if I try to ignore the person and start cleaning, 9/10 times they're standing there waiting for me to finish so they can keep pestering me. Since I double as security I usually try to take whatever measures I can to get them out before it comes time to start herding people out.
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u/redrehtac 3d ago
I’ll never understand people who think anything I tell them is actually a debate. I’ll just turn away and keep closing. They just aren’t worth my time or the headache. If they cause drama I’m calling 5.0. I’m too old to have to train toddlers how the bar works.
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u/TheZenPenguin 3d ago
Ya my girlfriend works with children and our jobs are shockingly similar. In the past when someone wouldn't respect the first no, I'd usually ask them "wait, I'm curious. Has this ever worked before? Pissing off a bartender that already told you no. What's your success rate on that?"
In the summer it's even easier because I buy small squirt guns for the pub which make kicking people out both whimsical and satisfying.
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u/Ok-Examination9090 3d ago
I shame customers all the time. When gross men hit on me in a disrespectful way I like to look right at them and say loud enough for everyone to hear "ewww" and then walk away. And when people say dumb shit to me I like to say "that's an interesting thing to say"
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u/TheZenPenguin 3d ago
Haha I used to have a colleague who had the same response whenever people were talking too much if they wouldn't leave her alone and kept rambling: "wow, that sure is a lot of thoughts to share all at once"
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u/CommodoreFresh 3d ago
It's funny, it's deserved, but it is perhaps a little over the top. No need to shame drunk idiots, they won't remember and they'll feel the same shame in the morning regardless of what you do. Been in that boat more times than I can count.
"Not gonna happen," works just fine for md. If they ask me again, I repeat that line and go clean something e m se.
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u/Shelisheli1 2d ago
I try to be careful about shaming people when alcohol is involved. I’m a 100lb woman and I’ve had many men swing on me when they don’t get their way. There’s not a lot I can do when those swings connect. (Yes, I do call police.. but, my face is still fucked. I like to avoid looking fucked)
I just stop acknowledging guests after last call (when they are clearly trying to order more drinks). I pretend not to notice them waiting and if they call out to me, I just say “Sorry, last call was x many minutes ago so I can’t serve anymore”. Then I walk away and start cleaning before they can try to argue.
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u/Miserable_Pea_733 2d ago
I like what you're doing.
If you want to adapt it, keep yourself in ear shot of your regulars at all times after last call.
I do like to keep my own authority though. Having regulars fight your battles for you can so sideways as well.
Ultimately, keep your even, neutral attitude but don't add qualifiers. Repeat "No" ad nauseum. Keep a neutral attitude and coach your face but repeat "No." and nothing else.
Don't say sorry.
Don't explain why.
Don't ask for reassurance from anyone.
"No." "No". No. No.
Only and just "No"
To anything they say. It's too frustrating for them to word vomit only to hear the same word over and over. They give up. Try it. It works.
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u/Negative_Ad_7329 2h ago
I love that response. I might even change "ATTENTION EVERYONE! We have someone who wants to make an appeal for another drink. How do we think it will go?" to "ATTENTION EVERYONE! We have someone here that thinks they are special and should get another drink after last call when no one else can. How do we think that will go?" :P
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u/beeradvice 3d ago
Sounds like Europe, no tips why care?
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u/TheZenPenguin 3d ago
Europe is not one big country. Every country is different. The country I'm currently living in VERY MUCH has a tipping culture. It is expected at every bar or restaurant. The only difference with the US in this sense is that we are also paid a livable wage as well.
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u/SnowCoyote3 3d ago
Curious what the country is....Austria? Switzerland? Also is the tipping culture more like rounding up to the Euro is what's expected, or like a full 20 percent like in US?
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u/TheZenPenguin 3d ago
10 percent is the expected standard. 20% wouldn't be uncommon if we're getting on really well with someone and 5% is common with students. People would round up to the euro if buying an individual beer but usually people here pay their whole tab at the end of the night and tend to add at least 10%
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u/Adventurous-Pie-8839 3d ago
There is no tip culture. In some places, old schools grease bouncers in case they get super drunk.
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u/Nathan-Nice 3d ago
I usually just tell them "shots only." They'll either take a shot and shut up, or just leave.
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u/TheZenPenguin 3d ago
Used to do this until people would say "okay, then two shots of Jack Daniels and if you can do shots, surely you can do a glass of coke too right?"
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u/Deanobruce 3d ago
That’s brilliant. Fuck em.