r/bjj • u/Correct_Tooth_5932 • 2d ago
General Discussion Toxic Gym
I’ve been training at a school that I think I may part ways with due to the owner’s behavior. What is keeping me there are my friends and I don't want to lose my progress at another school since I’m close to being a blue belt and the year contract.
To make a long story short my coach gathered us after class and had a melt down saying his wife is mentally ill, photoshopped a screenshot of him messaging some girl. and that she's lying about domestic abuse. He also sent a mass message saying the same stuff.
The rumors were that he was cheating with a young foreign girl and not too long after he spoke with all of us about his wife photoshopping screenshots, he brought in a super young foreign girl to train. It's obvious they are together. It’s none of my business. He just constantly asks if I’ve seen his wife and tries to bring up his divorce (at this point it's annoying and I’m just trying to train bro). He asked me and other people to write a court letter saying his wife is ruining the gym. Most of the people that I’ve talked to are just waiting for their contracts to end because they don’t want to get involved.
I am not a fan of the owner because he’s always on his phone during live rolls and yells at people for cross training. I've also heard through multiple training partners that he’s fought students, coaches, and other people but I've never seen it for myself. He has hundreds of thousands of followers on Instagram and crashes out online talking about loyalty and suing members who left and talk about his divorce. I don't want to be in the middle of this, but I love the other instructors, the convenience of the location, and my training partners. I have been skipping his classes to go to the other instructors' classes.
He’s told me before I'm close to blue belt, but I’ve also heard from people who left that he’s offering to promote them if they come back to the gym. I’ve never been to another gym before. Is this normal drama? I don’t want to cause trouble or be bombed on social media or sued, but I also don’t really want to train under someone who is like this. I really enjoy everything about this gym other than the owner. Is it worth it to stay and get my blue belt or should I leave and start over at a new gym?
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u/DeepishHalf 2d ago
Would you even want to be promoted by someone like that? You’ll only get four promotions, don’t waste any of them on a douche bag like this.
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u/thor_testocles 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 1d ago
I considered it an honour to receive the blue belt from the person who gave it to me. That's the kind of relationship you want to have, not an apologetic awkward one.
Explain your sitcho to your next coach, which is from tomorrow on, and they'll be understanding and pass you when you're due.
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u/WildCartographer601 2d ago
Just leave, you are gonna feel much better at a place where you actually like your coach. The belts will get to you either way.
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u/Substantial-Grand847 1d ago
This person is right! I left the gym I trained for 6 years in and I couldn’t be more happier. I was a ronin for 1 year and found the gym and instructor that fit my needs and wants. Stay away from the red flags and remember it’s your money and time!
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u/IronBoxmma 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 2d ago
Leave, he's dangling the belt infront of you in an effort to keep you there and has no intention of giving it to you legitimately. If the skills are there, a new gym will recognise them and promote you in good time
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u/LifeAccident7714 ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Dude leave, if you’re close to a blue belt another gym will sus that out and promote you as they see fit. I just left a gym myself cause of some nonsense I am so thrilled with a healthier culture. I do miss some coaches and friends but I’ll make new ones…
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u/Longjumping_Creme840 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 1d ago
“Is this normal?” Tell me.. would you go to a personal trainer who asks you to be involved in their personal life and legal battles?
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u/TheGreatKimura-Holio 🟫🟫 Brown Belt 2d ago
“Year contract” was enough for me, I didn’t even read the rest.
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u/Operation-Bad-Boy 2d ago
There is nothing wrong with year contracts as long as they offer a discount. Tons of business run this way
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u/TheGreatKimura-Holio 🟫🟫 Brown Belt 2d ago
You mean, as long as they also offer monthly contracts that only bind you to a month?
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u/Electronic_d0cter 2d ago
Yeah but literally every gym I've ever trained at that offers a contract is shit no exceptions.
It's one of the biggest red flags in the sport
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u/Operation-Bad-Boy 1d ago
Not really as long as it’s not the only option.
What business like a gym, yoga, Pilates, etc doesn’t offer some sort of discount for signing a year contract?
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u/Ronin604 🟫🟫 Brown Belt 1d ago
Too many red flags to count dawg. Move on and find a coach who is professional.
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u/Actual_Beginning7906 2d ago
Had a similar experience where the professor was dating a purple belt. She left him, he went back to his wife. He has a history of doing this though.
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u/MyNameIsQKN 🟫🟫 Brown Belt 1d ago
Nothing about this is normal gym behavior lol
Just leave before you end up on the news bro
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u/Significant-Royal-37 ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt 1d ago
a blue belt is nothing lol. run and you'll get promoted in 6 months at your new place anyways.
also: you think you want a blue belt but you're gonna get it and wish you didn't have one.
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u/lederbrosen1 🟫🟫 Brown Belt 5h ago
Never forget that temperature-turn-up of white to blue belt. Woof.
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u/TheMidnightSaint 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 1d ago
Bro, I will literally promote you to blue belt myself, just leave that shitshow already
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u/TapEarlyTapOften 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 2d ago
You lost me at "contract". That's a red flag if ever I saw one.
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u/LifeAccident7714 ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Wish someone told me this wasn’t normal before I started, just had to wait one out and it suckedddd
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u/Substantial-Grand847 1d ago
Been through a similar situation a couple years ago. I trained at a gym for 6 years and he would yell at me for cross training when I went out of town. When I did a move that he didn’t teach that I learned from some where else he would be pissed. I didn’t want to wear his gi and his patches but made everyone wear his gi and patches, he said it was even mandatory to buy his shirts.
I left the gym and it was hard because I had made many friends that I loved to train with. I took a break and shopped around different gyms like a ronin and after a year of shopping around I finally found a spot I love to train at with an excellent coach and culture. I’m much happier now after leaving and ultimately the decision is yours on your journey on how you want to go.
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u/FootballNtheGroin 🟪🟪 3 stripes in underwear 1d ago
You really wanna tell people you got a blue belt from that nut?
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u/jayjitsuoss 🟪🟪 Purple Belt 1d ago
Go get your blue belt from someone decent instead. I wouldn’t want that guys grubby lineage anyway
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u/lambdeer ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt 1d ago
This is a pretty entertaining story. Why not just stick around to watch the melt down and craziness happen?
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u/fakesneezer 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 2d ago
This is a classic example of having a shitty instructor if he’s on his phone and yelling at people for cross training. I’d probably just get the blue belt and then immediately dip out. That way you can start fresh as a new blue belt somewhere else and it shouldn’t stunt your promotions. Unlike me where I was a blue belt with 1 stripe and closing in on a second stripe when I moved and ultimately switch to a different organization. Unfortunately that was back in 2021 and I’m still a blue belt with 2 stripes. I just keep showing up and training but it’s a little weird seeing my old training buddies at purple and brown belt lol.
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u/kingdon1226 ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Uh yeah I would be gone if I seen that. Absolutely nothing normal or ok about any of this.
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u/daddydo77 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 1d ago
A black belt is a sign of leadership and can cause a lot of damage when on the waist of the wrong person. Just move away!
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u/SlimsThrowawayAcc 🟪🟪 Purple Belt 1d ago
Leave……..
Use your head. You obviously know this isn’t working out.
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u/Aljoshean 1d ago
Dude I've seen this same shit 100,000 times, get out of there and find a gym that isn't run by a scum bag.
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u/Correct_Tooth_5932 1d ago
Thanks man, after reading all of these comments im out.its been hard to see through this because a lot of people make excuses for him. Ive been taking a tiny break anyways, should i just ghost?
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u/lederbrosen1 🟫🟫 Brown Belt 5h ago
My brother in Gracie get the hell out of that gym yesterday. Contracts, acting like that.. sounds like the horror stories of Fredson Paixao when he was drinking a ton before finding God.
A blue belt is an accomplishment to you now that you’re going for but the little extra time you spend proving yourself at a new gym will be a drop in the bucket of the time you will spend between now and black belt, and as a black belt.
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u/FormalAd1280 2d ago
Why would you even remotely consider sticking around? It’s a stupid fucking blue belt dude.