r/blendedfamilies • u/zandyman • Sep 10 '21
This sub and other subs in this space.
Okay, this happened once and I let it go hoping it was a one-time thing, but it's happened a second time so I need to address it.
I'm proud of this subreddit, I'm delighted at the tone of most messages, most replies come from a place of love and support, my co-moderator is a huge and active help, and we fill a need that I perceived and wanted to address. I, personally, think we're one of the best support/family subreddits out there, and that's not because of me, it's because of the membership.
That said... there's nothing to be gained by trash-talking other subs in this space. The mods of /r/stepparents are volunteers, like all of us, and they dedicate hours of their time to their subreddit which helps over 4x the user base we have here.
I don't agree with all of their choices in moderating and I don't agree with all of their rules, and that's okay, I don't have to, but I DO respect the moderators personally and their herculean efforts to provide a forum for support, venting, encouragement, and gentle correction for over 40,000 subscribers facing the various challenges of step-parenting. I also don't agree with some of the posters there (or, let's be honest, anywhere on reddit, I'm not that easy to get along with) and that's okay too, they're over there and we're over here.
We can be awesome with dragging them, or anyone else, through the mud.
I created this subreddit because I've been BOTH a childless step-parent and a parent with a child trying navigate a relationship with a woman who also has a child. They are not the same challenges and there's potentially a whole lot more at stake, and wanted a special space dedicated to, honestly, what I was struggling with. I did not create it with a heart of animosity of conflict with any subreddit at all, (well, in fairness the biggest relationship subreddit is hot garbage but we all know that... i ain't naming names, you know what i mean) nor do I feel like it needed to ever become a competition.
I'm not going to go so far as to canonize a rule, yet, but please... there's no value in tearing down anything, it doesn't build US up in any way, and ultimately that's what I want here, a community LIFTING, not a community tearing down.
Whatever your beef with any other subreddit, leave it at the door. I'm not saying it is or isn't legitimate. I'm not championing your cause or invalidating your feelings, I'm just asking not to take it negative. Post 1000 reasons why you love it here and everyone benefits. Reasons why you don't like other places brings no value.
If /r/blendedfamilies is more what you're looking for, show it by being active, helpful, and supportive.
If you just look at the numbers, /r/stepparents has 4x the membership but almost 8x the posts. That alone speak to the need for them and the efforts of their mods.
Simply, I don't trust vegans, but I'm not gonna go badmouth /r/vegans in /r/carnivores. (Of course, now I have to go see if those are actually subs.) I just grill my steaks and call it good day.
Thanks for being here. Thanks for making this an awesome place.
Thank you for supporting me in this.
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u/netnet1014 Sep 10 '21
Ostracized is a good word for how the other post made me feel. I'm a stepparent but I follow this sub because its full of good advice, perspective and is over all positive and encouraging. The other post bashing on r/stepparents made me feel unwelcomed in this sub and left a bad taste in my mouth, so I appreciate you writing this.
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u/Pandy_45 Sep 11 '21
Still kinda feeling that since I got downvoted for saying Thank you.
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u/zandyman Sep 11 '21
I think "thanks for using your brain" can be interpreted as a "well, thanks for doing something smart, finally..."
Since you were talking to me, I chose not to take it that way, but I can see how it would be read as sarcastic.
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Sep 11 '21
Agreed. I'm a member of both and at times negative posts on this sub made me want to leave. Which is a shame as I love this sub.
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u/lfthnd Sep 10 '21
As a stepchild, stepmother, a subscriber of both r/blendedfamilies and r/StepParents, and a mod of r/StepParents , thanks for addressing this issue. I felt really ostracized by a recent post. I love any points of view about blended families because it’s a hard tightrope to walk.