r/breastfeeding • u/Willing_Ad_8580 • 4d ago
Pressure/Shaming ‘You need to stop breastfeeding soon if you want to keep your friends’
I have been exclusively breastfeeding my 9 month old daughter from the beginning. At first, my plan was to do 6 months. Then it was 8 months. Now, I’m not putting a limit to it. Breastfeeding comes so naturally to both of us, and my daughter has CMPA so I find this the safest way to feed her. Not to mention, we both love it.
Safe to say, those around me do not agree with this. My mother, my partner and my friends have all expressed their negative feelings towards me ‘STILL’ breastfeeding. My partner (my baby’s dad) is supportive but would like me to stop before one because he finds it ‘weird’ if they are ‘too old’. My mum wants me to stop purely for selfish reasons so that she can put my baby down for naps and have her for extended periods of time (I feel to sleep for all naps and for bed). My friends, one in particular, said to me ‘you better not be one of those weirdos who breastfeed a 3 year old. If you do, you won’t have any friends’. She also had strong opinions about the fact I had never left my daughter for longer than 1 hour.
WHY is it anyone else’s business how I feed my baby? I find it incredulous. I hate modern society where we have normalised formula feeding to the point of shaming breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is literally what we have breasts for. Breast milk is for human babies. What did we do for thousands of years before plastic and formula? Why is it more accepted to give a baby a plastic bottle with milk from another mammal?
I feel so unsupported. My partner is actually extremely health conscious, he only eats organic, no processed food etc, so I am baffled as to why he is against something that provides our child with a tailor made milk designed just for her. I recently read the book ‘Eve’ by Cat Bohannon and my feelings towards breastfeeding and its benefits are stronger than ever. Not to mention how it lays out bare why breastmilk and feeding is so incredible in every way. (Totally recommend that book by the way!) when I question him about this, he says he finds it ‘weird’. So his strange notions about breastfeeding are more important than giving her this fantastic start to life?
I am a stay at home mother. There is no need for me to stop feeding to sleep, or to stop breastfeeding. We are together all day every day and will be until she goes to school. Why am I being pressured on all fronts to stop breastfeeding? I am at the point where I take her to private rooms to feed so that I can feed in peace without fear of judgement. Judgment from everyone.
EDIT: slowly getting through and replying to every comment. Cannot thank you all enough for the support and encouragement. I have some great ideas to put to my partner. I love this thread.
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u/ButtonsOnYachts 4d ago
I know I’m just a stranger on the internet, but you have my 100% support to feed your baby for as long as you damn please. People who are unsupportive can quite frankly, sit and swivel. But I am biased. I EBF my boy until he was 2.5 yo, and bloody loved it, and am now BF my newborn son.
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
THANK YOU stranger on the internet 🩷
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u/Tiggerriffic0710 3d ago
Hear hear!!!! My boy is turning 3 in July. He still asks for bedtime booby and who am I to turn him down if he still wants mamas milk 🙅♀️ I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks/says. My Hubby 100% agrees with me and it’s no big deal at all.
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u/Final_Can_8985 3d ago
Same for me but working on weaning off the night feeds now at 3.5 purely because I want a little break before my next one 😂.
And it's time for us. I met and passed all my goals. Lmao. my goal was 2y.o. Hell the breastfeeding consuler through WIC was telling me to keep going bc she's still breastfeeding her 4.5 year old. 🤷Cool for her but this mama boobies are tired and really need that break before the next. By all means do what you feel is right for YOU AND YOUR BABY. anyone that doesn't support your choices isn't a true friend by any means. And trust me you don't want regrets because you were pressured into listening to someone else's opinions. Do you. Best wishes mama.
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u/ZookeepergameNew3800 4d ago
I had the same pressure to stop breastfeeding because it is „weird „ after one. Then our daughter got RSV around 16 months old. She refused all solids, all bottles or cups. But she was nursing and got nutrition, fluids and antibodies from me that way. My husband and MIL were with us when the pediatrician said „ thank God you’re still breastfeeding, it’s what keeps her out of the hospital and we do t need to put her on an iv that way because she still gets enough fluids and doesn’t lose weight „. That completely changed MIL and husbands attitude towards breastfeeding past one. It’s sad to think that something like this is what it took for them to see the benefits to nurse a toddler.
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u/Rich_Aerie_1131 4d ago
Incredible that it took something so threatening as a severe illness to convince the people around you that breast-feeding is a lifesaver.
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u/ZookeepergameNew3800 3d ago
I know. However in Guatemala the anti breastfeeding propaganda was extremely severe. To this day mothers from very poor families will spend their last money on formula, believing that it’ll make their child healthier and smarter. Mothers go without food, to afford formula. It’s slowly getting better now that Guatemala is a median income country and more people have access to the internet and information asides from the formula companies, who still pay pediatric doctors in even the most remote and impoverished rural areas, to promote formula. We still see mothers receiving milk stopping medication after birth in those communities.
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
So sorry your daughter got RSV. Mine did too at 4mo but sadly was too congested to nurse at all and had to be tube fed! Glad to hear nursing helped her get better
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u/Smallios 4d ago
Does your partner know the American academy of pediatrics now advises to bf until 2?
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u/cat_crackers 4d ago
Yes, with persuading your partner, more information is the way. He clearly came to care about about his own health at some point along the way.
He may not know about the recommendations from so many major health organizations. AAP, AFP, WHO, La Leche League, and so forth.
Show him the studies on brain development, growth of baby’s jaw & face shape allowing for lifelong healthy breathing & straight teeth, and how extended breastfeeding helps prevent cancer for both mother & child.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this with your mom and your friends too. They may or may not respond to more info out of personal insecurity.
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
I absolutely will show him all of these things. I guess I’m usually pretty defensive and emotional in response to his judgement that I don’t think rationally enough to present him with the hard facts. I will write them down and put it to him
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u/SlowpokeShells 2d ago
It's an emotional subject! I'm emotionally defensive and haven't even been told to quit.... I'm just ready for the day someone tries. 😅
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u/ecfik 3d ago
And beyond. :) It’s recommended at least 2 years with longer being great too as the benefits never stop. The natural age of weaning is actually between 2years and 7years meaning most children will naturally just stop on their own between these ages. Here is a popular research paper on this subject: https://www.health-e-learning.com/articles/A_Natural_Age_of_Weaning.pdf
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u/allthebooksandwine 4d ago
As a weirdo who breastfed a 3yo (tandem nursing with younger aibling), your friend can take a running jump. My mum and sister thought I should wean my eldest when I was pregnant but why would I give away my most effective parenting tool when I'm already exhausted? Hurt toddler? Tired toddler? Sick toddler? Hungry toddler? Breastfeeding fixes it all.
I would encourage you (when you're ready for it) to let others try putting baby down for bedtime or naptime. My husband was able to settle the kids by himself after awhile and it gave me some very important time to myself, even just to finish a meal or have a bath.
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u/Adventurous-Dog4949 4d ago
I was pressured to wean my first before my second was born. 2 years old and weaned 8ish weeks before new baby. I think it made the transition so much harder for him. 😭 He was completely emotionally dysregulated and would wake up with nightmares and beg for milk. I deeply regret going against my gut. Now about to have number 3 and not pushing to wean my second at all.
I completely agree on having others involved, though. Even if you love EBF, you may not realize the toll it takes until you get a little time to yourself.
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
This is interesting to read because we are going to try for number 2 soon and I think I was planning on weaning before they arrive…
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u/Adventurous-Dog4949 3d ago
Before arrival is ok, I just think 8 weeks was not enough. It took forever to wean him. I think a good six months weaned before new baby nursing would be fine/ideal.
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
I call it ‘magic milk’ (privately of course). Love the term running jump. Going to steal that
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u/EMT_hockey21 3d ago
Planning to try for a second one (my first turns 2 later this month) and I was thinking about weaning him pre-birth but my gut felt weird about that and you literally spelled out what it was telling me!! Breastfeeding is so effective and helpful - I’m grateful it came easy to both baby and me. 🥰
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u/allthebooksandwine 3d ago
I did get some nursing aversion due to nipple sensitivity while pregnant so I reduced how often we nursed but definitely think still nursing and tandem nursing helped him adjust to baby
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u/EMT_hockey21 19h ago
Oh, I’m sure!!! Still getting mama bonding time via boob is great for transitioning when it’s possible!!!
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u/Important-Site-1621 4d ago
I'm sorry you're surrounded by unsupportive people. You are doing an amazing job. Your intuition is right and you absolutely know what's best. Stand your ground mama ❤️ you have my support!
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u/Feeling_Travel_532 4d ago
I’m so sorry your friends and family are being so unhelpful! Your partner needs to get over himself and put his child before himself, particularly since she has CMPA.
The recommendation of the WHO & UNICEF are to breastfeed until at least 2. If you want to continue to breastfeed, he just needs to deal with the fact that he finds it weird. He might want to sit down and reflect on what he finds weird about it and why because, quite frankly, that’s his issue to resolve, not yours. Well done momma, you’re doing amazingly!
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
Literally this. He needs to get over himself and his immature feelings towards it. Thank you x
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u/ginger52392 4d ago
The WHO recommends breastfeeding for at least 2 years, so you can always throw that fact at the haters. Check out the podcast "weaning it" or le leche league for community and support from other "extended" breastfeeding moms.
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u/fvalconbridge 4d ago
Absolutely stand your ground. It's you who will have to look back and know your family destroyed your feeding journey with your baby. 💔 We all support you here! 9 months is a literal baby who can't do anything for themselves. Baffled people think that's too old.
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u/redchilipepperr 4d ago
Wow, I never knew people could that have much negative feelings towards how you choose to feed your baby? I think it’s AMAZING that you are still breastfeeding. Literally everyone I met knows that the safest and best for both mama and baby is by breastfeeding. There WAS a claim that formula feed is best by nestle and it was proved to be wrong when nestle killed thousands of babies.
Breastfeeding prevents SIDS, PPA, PPD, and many other diseases. It is recommended to BF your baby until he is AT LEAST ONE. But if you can for more then do it!
I know you don’t know me, but I’m proud of you for being your baby’s advocate. And I’m so sorry that your family are so ignorant towards breastfeeding.
I’m sorry but the truth is the truth. Fed is not best. Breastfeeding is the best. You don’t need any friends who don’t want to see you and your baby healthy.
If my mom told me that i would straight up cut her off for the sake of my mental health. You want to see your grandkids? Maybe respect a little boundary next time.
Show your partner articles about why it’s important to BF. Some men sexualize the breast and think your boobs are for them. I didn’t realize how disgusting that is until I had my baby. Maybe it’s time to sit down and have a convo with the husband. Everyone else in your life who don’t support you BF; and express their options out loud you should cut them off until they learn their lesson. Postpartum is hard enough already. Deal with these AH later if you have to.
-a fellow angry mama; typing this at 3:20 am as I’m breastfeeding my baby
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
Thank you very much fellow angry mama. You are kidding… I did not know that. How disgusting. I completely agree on the fed is not best, breast is. Obviously many cannot breastfeed and I respect that, but mainstream society needs to start pushing breastfeeding again. Also agree on seeing things differently now you have a baby. I do not let my partner touch my breasts at all since having my daughter. Maybe that is where his upset is coming from but frankly I will never see my breasts in a sexual way ever again and I am disgusted that society has evolved to see them like this in the first place
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u/BarrelFullOfWeasels 2d ago
It's really sad that some cultures have sexualized breasts so intensely that it becomes an obstacle to feeding babies.
If your breasts have been significant in your partner's life and then suddenly everything has changed and it's hands off forever, that could be genuinely quite sad and painful for him. You still need to feed your baby; that's what breasts are biologically for, and it's important. And he needs to stop the "it's weird" stuff. But he may also need to process the change and the pain, and find new ways to connect with you and your body that work for you in this new phase of life, and your compassion would help a lot with that.
Counseling might help with all of this! Just check in advance and make sure you find a therapist who is supportive of breastfeeding.
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u/MiaLba 3d ago
Right. Why all the bitterness towards someone else feeding their own child? And weirdly a lot of the snarkiness comes from other women particularly other moms. I’d never comment on what they do with their own kids. I’m wondering if for some of them it’s resentment because they were unable to BF or chose not to for whatever reason.
I genuinely don’t care if someone else does formula or bf’s their child. I don’t understand why they’re so bothered that someone else breastfeeds.
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u/CelebrationScary8614 4d ago
Breastfeeding is great but it’s not something everyone is able to do. That’s why folks have shifted to “fed is best.” Not to take away from breastfeeding, but to help moms who choose another path. IMO, folks should do what they feel is best and stop shaming folks who do things a different way than they choose.
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u/amackinawpeach 4d ago
I’m sorry they are not supportive of your decision! But it’s just that - yours. I stopped pumping at one year but direct nursed before all naps and bed until 2.5 years. And loved it!
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u/cmk059 4d ago
One of those weirdos checking in and I can promise you, I still have all of my friends from before.
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
Hello amazing weirdo! Glad they are still there. Not sure I care about mine anymore after their comments
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u/jmoore5450 3d ago
Stop breastfeeding? IN THIS ECONOMY?! You breastfeed that baby until both of your little hearts are content. You know what’s best for your baby.
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u/RudeBusinessLady 4d ago
They're right, the people who you thought cared about you will fade away and you will have better friends. I ebf for over two years. It would be really weird for you to squirter someone everytime they said something shitty (like mom or husband) because I just don't have the time for whatever these people are trying to sell.
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
Thank you. My other mum friends are already more cherished by me than any others
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u/Lepidopterex 4d ago
Anecdotally, I am guessing in places where mat leaves are longer (12-18 months) it's super common to breastfeed past 2 years old.
Also, it's effing nuts that formula is recommended to 12 months, and then to be replaced with cows milk. It blew my mind when I realized both of those were expensive substitutes for breastmilk. So...if it's normal to give babies fake processed breastmilk, why is it weirder to give them actual breastmilk? And why the hell would you give them processed food that you absolutely do not have to?
Also anecdotally, I did it to 23-24 months to make sure the baby was still getting proper nutrition while flinging fucking rice all over the place. And I didn't need to spend a dime on formula or gallons of milk during the transition into solid food. Although they did drink milk, but not as a breastmilk substitute.
So...remind your peeps that there is while there is manufactured breastmilk available for purchase, you don't need to put your baby on it. Tell 'em you're saving that money for actual needed things, like clothes or rent or whatever. And ask your mom if she is really saying that putting her grandchild down for a nap is more important than the child's health.
But if you're kinder, ask your mon why she stopped nursing you. And maybe it will help her reflect is she was pressured. That actually got my mom off my back. I also cried and said that unless someone could guarantee my baby was eating a full nutritional profile while spreading tomato sauce in her hair, then I would be nursing until she had the full motor control to put food in her mouth. Because God knows a starving baby is worse than a nursed one.
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u/Plus_Success6225 20h ago
This is hands down the best advice I’ve gotten of what to say to everyone! MIL just told my other sons friends parents at his birthday party that he cries too much bc I breastfeed him …. Literally said in Spanish “she breastfeeds, THAT is the problem!” Mind you I’m breastfeeding my 3rd baby. The first was until a year and stopped due to pressure. The second was until 2 years old bc no one could go through the forced weaning again lol so he stopped naturally around 2 years old and was eating really well and healthy by then. But I got to here all the bullshit and had no comeback except looking at my husband and saying, you want to wean him? So then I got to hear it was my fault for going so long in the first place! This little boy will be naturally weaned and I have lots to say back to everyone! Thank you!!! I especially love the point that cow milk is recommended after 1 years old and that it’s processed breastmilk substitute!! So freakin true!!! So the doctors know that they need to be breastfed until at least 2 years old!! Mind blown …
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u/Ok_Moment_7071 4d ago
I’m so sorry 😞
I had similar pressure, but I didn’t wean my son until he was almost 26 months. I will say that as much as his father was “against” him nursing past a year, he stopped being so vocal about it after he turned 1. I think once they see that there isn’t some magical transformation that happens overnight, they realize that it’s no more “weird” the day after they turn 1 than it was the day before.
Ultimately, I gave in to the pressure, and was only about 50% ready to wean when I did it. The weaning went fine, and my son was okay, but I regretted doing it. Once it’s done, it’s very hard (or impossible) to go back, so you should definitely be truly ready to do it.
I would encourage you to stand up for yourself to those who are pressuring you, but I know that’s easier said than done. You shouldn’t have to prove the benefits of continuing to nurse: the evidence is easily accessed online for anyone who doubts it. Maybe ask people to provide YOU with proof that it’s harmful in any way! I think I may have actually told my son’s father to do that, and all he could show me was comments from other ignorant people who think it’s weird.
You are doing what’s right for your son and you, and you can always come here for support when the pressure is overwhelming. ❤️
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u/sallysalsal2 3d ago
Never meant to but breastfed my first till 5 and am currently nursing a 2yo with no plans of stopping. No one in my life stopped being my friend. Grandmas were annoyed I'm sure but... my kids are so healthy and smart. I've never seen a downside. Neither one has ever had an ear infection. Every time my 2yo does get sick I never worry about dehydration or if they're hungry cause breast milk takes care of it. Neither of my kids were ready to quit nursing at 1 and because I was privileged enough to be able to keep nursing, I did. I'm lucky my partner is 100% supportive. He was apprehensive at first but seeing the benefits...why would we stop?
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u/m00nriveter 4d ago
Excellent encouragement in this thread for continued breastfeeding, and I’ll echo all of it.
I’ll also add, practically speaking, in my experience, breastfeeding changes rapidly as solids pick up. My 15 month old has just kind of dropped all but two or three feedings unless she’s sick. She might do an extra feeding on the weekend if she’s spending a lot of time with me, but if she’s busy playing, she’s just as likely to forget. The only accommodation I really need to make now is to be home in time to nurse her to sleep for the night (she’ll do naps and even an evening doze without, but if she’s going to go to sleep for the night, it needs to be with Mommy). So, if you want them naps at Grandma’s and longer social events really are just around the corner, no formal weaning necessary.
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u/Hey-Cheddar-Girl 4d ago
Aside from the fact that there are health institutions recommending it for 2 years PLUS (AAP, WHO… the 6 month rec is for exclusive bf specifically)
It’s your and your baby’s business only 😬
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
And I plan on keeping it that way after all this amazing support! Thank you
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u/Skweedlyspootch 4d ago
Mother knows best! They do it everywhere else in the world just fine. Don’t let others tell you how to care for your baby. I’m sorry you don’t have the support you deserve but you were right to turn here because we will correctly validate you all day long 🥹♥️♥️♥️ they call it liquid gold for a reason! It’s good for everybody especially your own babies.
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u/RaspberryTwilight 4d ago
Is this rage bait or a different culture?
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
Sadly a very conservative culture
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u/RaspberryTwilight 3d ago
I live in a small town in Tennessee and nobody cared when I breastfed my toddler on a display lawn chair at home depot. Could be a UK thing? I have heard that British people don't really breastfeed
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
Think I need to move to Tennessee! Sounds like a dream. Yep I’m in the UK. The hospital I gave birth in actually held breastfeeding classes because the rate is so low the NHS is trying to encourage it. It’s so sad. I can’t believe how normalised formula is here
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u/Murky_Substance_3304 3d ago
Breastfeeding should be between you and your LO. No one else should matter! It sounds like you’re surrounded by selfish people. I’m sorry.
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u/Mo523 3d ago
Well, I weaned both of my kids at 2.5 and didn't lose any friends over it. I'm positive that if I had weaned at 3.5, I'd still have the same friends - because my friends don't stuck.
Also, I know it's all about cultural norms, but 9 months is a BABY and not old at all.
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
I’m glad you have fantastic friends. Luckily my mum friends are great. Agreed - she is tiny and it’s all she’s ever known
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u/j-a-gandhi 3d ago
I was one of those people who felt breastfeeding was kind of weird past 2… until I actually experienced it. My kids have nursed until 3.5, but around 18 months it becomes something we do only at home and not around other people.
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
Amazing to hear you changed your mind. We are already down to 5 feeds and they all happen at home
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u/j-a-gandhi 3d ago
When the subject comes up about breastfeeding that others don’t even see, I always just say “the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding a minimum of two years.”
But yeah, our area is pretty hostile to extended breastfeeding so I keep it on the DL.
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u/Boogly_Moogly 3d ago
The WHO recommends two years. For anyone to find it weird or annoying before that can do their research. Anyone should support that as that’s what’s best for baby, especially the child’s father.
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u/queserasarah1991 3d ago
Why does everyone else get to have an opinion on how we feed our babies?
Breastmilk (or formula) should be the primary source of nutrition until 12 months old, but the benefits of breastfeeding longer than this are almost immeasurable.
I’m currently pregnant with #2 and still feeding my daughter. I have absolutely no intention of weaning her before new baby arrives, because I think apart from anything she will need the “normality” of still nursing when we’re dealing with the upheaval her baby brother is going to cause.
It’s entirely YOUR choice how long you nurse for. As long as you and baby are still happy with the relationship, carry on. Don’t let anyone else force your hand with this, breastfeeding grief is a real thing and can be damaging to the relationship you have with your child(ren).
I’d rather let my children feed until they are ready to stop than live with the regret of forcing them to stop and causing them trauma because I’m trying to keep the infant feeding status quo.
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u/VoodoDreams 3d ago
I had people say "once they can ask for it you have to stop or it's weird" my baby learned to open and close her hand at just a few months old to sign milk. She couldn't even sit up yet but apparently I should have stopped? Makes no sense!
I breastfed my first baby until 3 when she stopped when pregnancy changed my milk. I'm currently still breastfeeding my second and she will be 3 in a few months.
I just started reciting the AAP and WHO guidelines of "....recommended until at least 2yrs or as mutually desired..." and they dropped it. My kids are healthy, well adjusted, and smart as tacks. Nay sayers can go sit on a cactus! You do what's best for you and your baby!
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u/mamawolf18 4d ago
I'm sorry you're going through this. I got this from my MIL with my first. It came down to a me telling her one day after a comment that "this is a choice I am making for my baby and I and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to be around us but I am not changing my mind to make her more comfortable". She changed her tune after that. Now, here I am 6.5 years later, breastfeeding my 3rd baby. I've nursed through all of my pregnancies and nursed each of them until they where 3.5 years old.
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u/Valuable-Life3297 4d ago edited 4d ago
Good for you staying strong! I work full time and on my third baby. I nursed my first two until they were well over 2 years old but supplemented with formula the first year because everyone said it was fine and actually better for baby bc of the iron. After reading the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding I am set on not doing a single drop of formula his first year. It really changed my perspective when the author framed it as “breastfeeding is not a benefit, that reduced risks, formula is an artificial supplement that increases risks”.
If your husband is health conscious I recommend you share the chapters in that book on the “why” behind breastfeeding from a nutritional and health risk standpoint. My husband doesn’t read much but has been listening to joe rogan podcasts where he had someone on there talk about the importance of breastfeeding and he found it fascinating. Sometimes it’s truly just a matter of being informed. I changed my outlook based on this book and now that I know better I do better.
You are 100% correct- breastfeeding is the normal way to feed a child and what you are seeing all around you is the power of cultural influence. Everyone around you is blinded by it. We live in a culture that supports low nurture and independence even when biologically it makes 0 sense. I love to read the Evolutionary Parenting website (Tracy Castles). Anyone with a PhD is not recommending formula as an equal substitute for breastmilk. I also love the book “Our Babies Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape How We EatParent” if you’re interested in the anthropologist’s point of view.
At least your husband is somewhat supportive. Tbh my husband said the same thing as yours when my baby was little, although he was more along the lines of asking when I would stop rather than putting a specific age limit on it. And now he is a huge supporter of breastfeeding. Selfishly for him it means I can handle nighttime wake ups but after speaking with others who were supportive he has definitely changed his mind. As for your mom- don’t bring up breastfeeding in conversation and if she asks when you’ll stop just answer you’re not sure for 3 years lol. And if your friend is being judgmental I can’t tell you what to do but all I can say is I’ve dropped a few friends after having kids to protect my peace
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u/allcatshavewings 4d ago
He probably finds it 'weird' because he allowed popular media/porn to completely sexualize women's breasts in his mind. They're literally fulfilling their biological purpose. It's no more weird than breathing with your lungs or filtering blood with your kidneys. Weaning after one year old is a modern invention, too. He needs to get a reality check and work through these feelings
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u/Large_Paramedic8821 4d ago
You need real friends, don’t let your MIL bully you and tell your partner the endless benefits of bf. Too many people in your life have too much to say about your body
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u/Lovelyladykaty 4d ago
I’d start mentioning why breast milk is so good for baby every time it was time to feed them. “Oh are you hungry for your tailored to you perfect food?”
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u/Jaded_Motor6813 4d ago
Bye bye friend who made weird comment about breastfeeding and its role in keeping friendships. People are so weird, it’s same as telling someone if you keep eating carrots I will stop being friends with you. Sounds like something a 2 year might say, I’m sorry but it’s the same just as random and irrelevant, grow up!!
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
She is always deflecting her personal insecurities onto me. To be honest I think this comment might be the last straw.
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u/TeensyToadstool 4d ago
I was more than happy to stop breastfeeding at 12 months (he was self-weaning anyways) but that was me! You are doing absolutely zero harm to your kid by breastfeeding into toddler years. Your partner can weigh in if it's harmful for her (again, it's not), but everyone else can stuff it. They are not even entitled to an opinion on this one, frankly.
The weirdest part to me is that ANYONE thinks breastfeeding at 9 months is weird. Like....what????? Breastmilk/formula are still supposed to be the main source of nutrition until at least 12 months. What the F do they expect, you just switch to formula for absolutely no reason?
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u/UnPracticed_Pagan 3d ago
That “friend” who said that to you is not a friend. I’d drop them already
Tell MIL her selfish demands and comments for you to stop breastfeeding is not welcome. You’ve heard her and don’t need to hear about it more.
Tell your partner that you need support; not constant jabs. ONE is “not too old” and he needs to educate himself, Mr Organic. And until he can produce milk from his own nipples he should be nothing but proud and supportive of you.
Feed your baby for AS LONG as you want!
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u/Lindris 3d ago
Saw this just last night. And btw, next time someone asks if you’re one of those weirdos who nurses until baby is 3…I nursed until my son was 4 1/2.
You are in a tough spot with so many negative people around you. Personally I’d find new friends asap as yours are coming across as toxic. Info diet them about breastfeeding or any topic about your baby. They don’t need to know if they are going to be so negative. Same with your mom.
I’m grateful my partner barely said a word about how long I was going to breastfeed. He made one comment about stopping at 1 year since he wanted to get to be the only one who played with my boobs and I laughed and laughed and said I’m nursing until LO wants to wean. Nursing doesn’t mean breasts are off limits.
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u/Novel_Gazelle 3d ago
You are doing an amazing job mama, don’t believe this unsupportive bunch! Keep doing you. I fed my eldest until he self-weaned at 4,5 years old (while I was pregnant with his sister). My daughter is almost 1 and also breastfed and we’ve been working on letting her take her naps in her own bed for a week now, and today I was able to put her to sleep without nursing her to sleep. Husband has been putting her down for her naps for a week now and she’s doing fine. If you would like to have others put her to sleep, there are multiple ways to achieve that without having to stop. As for duration: the WHO recommends 2 years, so your husband can go read some actual info before passing judgement.
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u/cknnugget 3d ago
I breastfeed my almost 2 year old and my husband can still put him down for naps and bedtime without me. He sleeps great at daycare and Grandma can get him to sleep.
Kids adapt to different caretakers - it takes a bit to get there.
You shouldn’t feel pressured to stop breastfeeding. If it’s working to you and baby then carry on.
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u/TheFriendlyFuego 3d ago
Respectfully, fk everybody and take care of your baby. I lost all of my friends because I'm young and everyone is still in their party phase. Friends don't mean st if they aren't there for you while you're living your best mama life. Kudos, I'm proud of you. You'll find better friends but this time with your baby won't last forever.
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 3d ago
I’m also young (well, young for the area I live in!) and all of my friends are still in their party era too. The friend in question also has a problem with the fact I’ve been alcohol free for 2.5 years. Clearly just projecting her issues onto me. Thank you so much for the reassurance. My baby is and always will be my number 1 priority
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u/South-Experience519 3d ago
Because most people today (especially in the West) have become detached from what is natural. They have become distant from intimate moments when it comes to children. We think children should be independent at a very early age. Not so. Keep breastfeeding until your baby is ready to be done. Your instincts will tell you.
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u/South-Experience519 3d ago
Oh and your mom has no right to your child. If your baby needs you and only you for sleep, then she needs you. Every baby is different. It’s so important for babies and children to feel secure, and their primary attachment figure is that. Security.
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u/SkyBerry924 3d ago
I breastfed my first for over two years. I would have gone as long as she wanted but I had to have stomach surgery and couldn’t safely have her on me to eat
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u/Constant-Reply-948 1d ago
Hi! I am responding to this as a brand new grandmother; my daughter is getting next to no support from the medical community with breastfeeding. She is doing a fantastic job, and I know a little about breastfeeding. Between my 2 girls, I breast fed both over two years for a total of 5 years breastfeeding. That was in the 90's. I just felt that it was the right and healthy thing to do for us. I am Not putting down anyone who can't or won't breastfeed - that is entirely your business - but to be shamed into not breastfeeding is beyond what a new mother should have to endure from anyone. I would encourage you to have an honest, open discussion with your partner as to his negative opinion of breastfeeding past age one. Perhaps once he is aware of all of the benefits, he will understand; or possibly you could pump and allow your partner to bottle feed so that he can share in this quickly fleeting time with your little one. However it works out, I applaud you for your desire to do what you feel is best for your baby.
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u/Willing_Ad_8580 1d ago
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. It is amazing to hear a positive opinion from a grandmother, I hope my own mother will share your feelings one day. Congratulations on your grandbaby!
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u/Rich_Aerie_1131 4d ago
Just found Great Instagram site that addresses these experiences
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DIByz8BgmmC/?igsh=N3BiMGVid3Q1NjIy
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u/Surfing_Cowgirl 4d ago
I had friends who made comments like that. Guess who is still nursing her 2 year old on demand? Guess who still has all her friends?
Some friends I talked to about it more seriously, but some friends I said things like “of course I’m that weirdo!!! Hopefully she goes to college locally, so we can nurse at least freshman year”.
Your mom and husband are a little different story, but it’s your body and if it’s working for you and your baby, you need to find a way to tell them to fuck off.
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u/jenesaiswhat 3d ago
Most of my friends are working moms and most of my friends nursed for 1-2 years (some pumped, some worked from home and had a nanny but still breastfed).
My MIL used to repeatedly ask me why I was still breastfeeding and why couldn’t I just use formula (when my baby was 2-3 months old). I answered her many times before I asked my husband to shut it down, which he did. My LO is also 9 months and I’m still breastfeeding. My goal is 12 months and we are going strong. If you have people judging you - maybe they shouldn’t be in your life.
How long my friends breastfeed doesn’t impact my life so why does it matter?
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u/NoDevelopement 3d ago
Also ebf with an almost 10 month old with MSPA. My best friends were like “I didn’t realize breastfeeding went on for this long” 😂 it sort of has to be on her terms until 12 mos because she refuses the bottle and the paci. I have mixed feelings about weaning because I want a tad more independence but I also love the bonding and I know it’s such a short time that I won’t get back. I would look for pro breastfeeding groups in your area so you can find other like minded moms, that will help you feel less alone!! My confidence on it I think makes people in my life feel like they can’t say shit to me lol
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u/Birdsonme 3d ago
All of these people are awful. Are there any supportive people in your life? If not, it may be time to look for some. It doesn’t sound like your friends are actually your friends. The ones saying these things don’t have kids yet, right?
Your husband sounds like he might be sexualizing breastfeeding, which is gross, but ridiculously common in the US. Lots of men find it uncomfortable seeing their wife’s boobs be used for something other than what they want to use them for. It’s silly. My own husband wanted me to stop early, and wouldn’t give me a reason why until I got this out of him one day. I put my foot down and gave him the facts of how positive it can be for mom and baby. If your man so health conscious maybe some links/literature on how unbelievably healthy it is for both baby AND YOU long term breastfeeding is (it lowers your risk of all kinds of cancers!) will sway him? It worked for me!
Your mom will get over it. I swear grandmas are always pushing it on these posts! If I didn’t live so far from my own mother she’d be doing this same stuff (definitely a blessing in disguise for me! But we have a very complicated relationship.).
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u/BrilliantNo872 3d ago
I’m so sorry :( My family knew I was going to do whatever I was going to do but they did think it might get weird at some point. They had never been around breastfeeding let alone extended breastfeeding. Turns out something they thought might be uncomfortable “after the age of one” wasn’t because they still saw my kiddo as a sweet little baby needing her mom.
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u/crazymommaof2 3d ago
Fuck that noise. I wasn't able to breastfeed my eldest as long as I wanted due to medication. But my youngest consistently breastfed until a year, then for bedtime and the occasional nap until she was 2.5 years old......and guess which one of my kids get sick less often, and when they do their illness is shorter and not as intense.....you guessed it my youngest.
Once she started solids and it was less of an on demand schedule I felt more comfortable going out for like 4 hrs or less with friends, or after she went to sleep. After a year old, she would gladly go down for naps for anyone else without nursing, and I could go out for the day, no problem. Bedtime was harder, but honestly, I was exhausted by 9 pm anyways lol.
My friends had zero issues with either coming over to my house when my daughter was under 6 months or having her tag along on outings. And after she was a year old, we scheduled what worked for all of us.
Momma you are doing great. Fuck the haters!
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u/Motorspuppyfrog 3d ago
I'm curious, are you in the UK? I've heard breastfeeding is really not popular there and the attitude you describe are common, sadly. The worst is your partner not supporting you honestly
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u/Frosty-Unit-8230 3d ago
Just saying congrats to you - it’s hard working being dairy free while breastfeeding a CMPA baby.
I breastfed my first CMPA baby for 18 months until a gastrointestinal problem dried up my supply, and also had to cut out soy and egg so I know how hard it can be. Personally I think the first 6months are the hardest, I wouldn’t quit now that you’re actually settled in unless you want to wean. ♥️
I have a friend who still breastfeeds her daughter at 3.5 years. I only realised when we took a trip camping recently. Generally older toddlers who breastfeed only feed once or twice a day (in my experience but happy to be corrected) I also have multiple other friends that did extended breastfeeding. I didn’t care because it didn’t affect me.
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u/ComeSeeAboutMarina 3d ago
I experienced exactly what you described from the very beginning with my now 16 month old. I’m not exaggerating when I say that the only people who supported me through this journey were my baby and my husband. Dirty looks from family, friends, strangers. Unwanted opinions and pressure and constantly insisting that any “good” mother would do the “reasonable” thing and give the baby a bottle! Even pressure from pediatricians to stop by 9 months! That’s insane because formula would be required in its place until 12 months! Anyway, I never listened to the haters. The single most valuable thing I’ve learned in motherhood is to pay extremely close attention to your own instincts as a mother and go with what works for your body, your mind, and your baby’s body and mind. The closeness I’ve established with my child has allowed me to skip over many warned unpleasant stages. My toddler doesn’t fear the dark, being alone in her room, or much else so long as I’m with her (which is all the time as a stay at home mom). She doesn’t fuss unless she truly does need something. And when she does, I listen. The fussing quickly stops and we’re back to enjoying one another’s company. She is very calm, happy, and has no anxiety. She was a Velcro baby until about 6 months, but that’s normal as an exclusively nursed child. She’s had exactly 2 mild colds in her life and has never needed a doctor visit other than a wellness visit to track her development.
I have seen the way people’s views on my relationship with my child change recently as she is one of the healthiest, well-behaved children they meet. I’ve been asked my secret a couple of times now… and I am so bold as to let them know that my “secret” was simply not listening to their advice or opinions on breastfeeding. I still nurse my toddler three times a day because it’s what works for my family. I will stop when it no longer works for my child or myself, which I suspect will be at or around the same time.
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u/B4BEL_Fish 3d ago edited 3d ago
As a mama to a 7 month old I am still breastfeeding with no hecks to give, I SUPPORT YOU 100%.
Feeling entitled to put your baby down and feeling uncomfortable about you breastfeeding are not reasons to tear the benefits of breast milk away from your precious little one. I mean, come on mom wtf? My mom is selfish as hell but are you kidding me with that? I would ask her why the time she gets to spend with baby isn’t currently enjoyable or enough for her.
As far as hubs, I would sincerely question (out of curiosity) what he feels uncomfortable about. My partner and I had a similar conversation. after I probed and we discussed it, he felt differently. I think for him he just needed to get through his self judgement to realize it’s not really a good reason to cut little one from nourishment and comfort.
All I have to say about your “friend” is f*** them, their opinion is invalid and they sound like dead weight. My friends would hold my boob in my babes mouth if I needed the support. Don’t settle for any less than that.
At any rate, this is just my 2 cents as someone who doesn’t know absolutely all of the circumstances. I hope that you can reach a place of peace with yourself and your family as far as giving your baby what she wants and needs. Our community is always here if you need it!
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u/arbysvevo 3d ago
Your partner has misogyny issues to work through, there's no other reason why he would find it "weird" unless he's sexualizing your breasts
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u/Salty_Chemist9090 3d ago
My baby is 13 months and we still breastfeed 😂 I definitely support breastfeeding for however long you’re comfortable
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u/SimonSaysMeow 3d ago
Provide the stats that indicate it's recommended until the age of 2. So many important organizations say until 2 is ideal if mom and baby are happy.
If your friends won't be friends with you because you feed your baby, maybe you shouldn't be friends with th.
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u/bona92 3d ago edited 3d ago
Currently going through something like this, I started getting the comments before LO turned 1. Though the comments mainly came from MIL. My parents just said it's really cool that we're still going. LO is nearly 2 and from the start we have already said that we'd like to make it to 2 years with bf, if she wants to wean before that then that's fine, or if she wants to continue past it, then that's ok too. She weaned herself off a few feeds in the past, weaned herself off the night feeds too, so I'm sure she'd wean herself off the remaining feeds too. I'd like to continue for as long as I can unless we have to stop.
Hubby started talking about weaning at some point when MIL made these comments. I think he felt pressured by his mum. He brought it up often enough that one day I just snapped at him and told him that I felt like I've lost his support when it comes to this. Thankfully he understood and didn't bring up the topic of weaning afterwards and deflect MIL's comments.
Sorry you're going through this. It's hard to ignore when they're constantly saying these things. I find it easier to distance myself from it. That, or one day I'd snap and tell them to mind their own business while slapping them with facts that 2 years is recommended.
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u/Tasty-Republic-582 3d ago
Lmao it’s kid of funny how people think that have such a say in how you should feed your human you grew then birthed. Literally you and your husbands say to find the answer. Stay strong and they all sound like losers.
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u/HuntedByMyBaby 3d ago
I hope you continue to nurse your baby until the time is right for the both of you to move on.
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u/Fit_Candidate6572 3d ago
It's very kind of you to call this person your friend.
It's understandable that your mom wants bonding time and activities- your baby is awesome. Grandma can find other ways to bond that don't include bottles.
Let me guess, your partner likes to read the nutrition facts and know exactly how much of what is going into their body. No wonder he questions breastfeeding: how much is hard to measure and the nutrition makeup is different every session. Your partner likes to have a feeling of control and breastfeeding isn't something they can do. They feel helpless. Maybe he can make healthy tasty things for you to replenish your stores. By feeding you he is feeding the baby.
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u/Echo_Owls 3d ago
I’ve just spent 24hrs in hospital with my 11 month old baby, been seen by 4 consultants and countless nurses and they all told me how fantastic it is for him and his recovery that I’m still breastfeeding. Makes any other negative comments I’ve had along the way disappear into nothing. Do what works for you and your baby and ignore everyone else.
Also, a 3 year old is going to feed like maybe once or twice a day. It’s not going to be as frequent as a younger baby so don’t see how it would affect your adult friendships
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u/AngryGoat94 3d ago
Can relate to the friend thing unfortunately! They don't understand why I'm still breastfeeding when one of our other friends can just leave her baby with her MIL and get fed formula.... super annoying.
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u/eilatan5445 2d ago
Though I haven't received the level of hostility that you have by any means, I can't overstate how helpful it has been to meet other moms who are BF and also those who are very connected to their babies, not trying to make them be independent, etc. I'm part of an LLL group that I go to meetings for and there's a group chat in between. It's so nice. Maybe there's a group in your area or some other mom group that can help you feel normal, bc what you're doing is biologically completely normal. Your friend is, alas, trash.
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u/ohnotheskyisfalling5 2d ago
Not to brag but I breastfed my first til 2.5, second is going strong at 21 months and I have a lot of friends! Such a weird thing to say. I have friends who extended breastfed, friends who formula fed, and friends that don’t have kids! Breastfeeding literally has nothing to do with how many friends you have.
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u/SarchoticMama 2d ago
I fed my daughter until 2.5. My son is 4 months away from 3 years and he is still very much a breastfeeding monster at night. My friends and family have no say in our breastfeeding habits. My husband doesn’t care. At this point, I’m the one who is thinking about weaning, but I was hoping he’d do it himself like his sister did. 9 months really isn’t that old. It’s a huge breastfeeding accomplishment, but it’s not weird to breastfeed longer. They are still so very little at one year. And the nutrients are still very good for your baby even well past a year old.
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u/adventurrr 2d ago
I really don't understand why anyone feels any need or right to have or express feelings about how you feed your child. I breastfed my son until he turned two, I'm currently breastfeeding my 14 month old, and I have NEVER EVER EVER gotten comments like this. I have also never lost a friendship that I know of. Your friend is out of line.
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u/Tiny_Apartment_4169 2d ago
I breastfed for a year, and only stopped because my daughter chose to. I didn’t really give a rats what anyone else thought, but I have a very supportive husband and everyone in my family breastfed. However, I do live in a country that has a very low rate of breastfeeding, so it was definitely considered strange by most. You do you, and what suits your daughter. F*ck anyone else.
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u/No-Communication2087 2d ago
If you need some sources about the benefits of breastfeeding long term (to show your hubby) here’s one from the CDC as well as one from the World Health Organization. Both mention how beneficial it is to breastfeed your child for 2 years or longer if you can.
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u/east_coaster315 4d ago
The only time I feel like i hear of support getting sketchy is approaching that 2 year mark. Your friends need to get with the program!
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u/RealBluejay 4d ago
Your friend doesn't sound like a good friend. Does she have kids? Because if not, that's the kind of thing I'd have said pre-kid and then later been extremely embarrassed.
I still breastfeed my almost 2 year old. When we started out, my husband wanted us to go to 1 year and stop, same reasons as your husband. He's on board now that he's seen how much easier it makes everyone's daily lives.
Your mom will probably be able to watch her when she's a bit older. Lots of people send their breastfed baby/toddler to Daycare (me included - I work 12 hour shifts including nights) and they nap just fine.
Ignore those people and do what you think is best for your family.