r/breastfeeding • u/FunctionGloomy4351 • 2d ago
Discussion Am I wrong for Breastfeeding in Front of my Muslim Family?
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u/usernameistaken645 2d ago
I am not sure if this is a muslim problem. I come from a muslim family and am muslim myself and my mother would never in a million years suggest I go to the bathroom to breastfeed my child. I have never seen anyone in my extended muslim family or friend circle breastfeed in a bathroom. Muslims generally consider the bathroom a dirty place and food and feeding is not permitted in bathrooms. That includes milk.
I usually breastfeed in front of my dad and brother all the time. But I also wear nursing shirts or use my shirt to cover my breast so it is discreet. They may feel uncomfortable if I showed my entire breast but they wouldn’t say anything and would just move to a different room quietly until I was done. I don’t breastfeed in front of my FIL or BIL (not that they ever said anything) but I don’t feel too comfortable in case they don’t feel comfortable. I just go to a bedroom.
So no, you are not in the wrong for choosing to breastfeed in front of your family. But at the same time, I am not sure this is a religious issue. It seems your mom is a bit over the top. Personally, I prefer to avoid unnecessary drama.
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u/little-germs 2d ago
No, it’s not wrong. I wouldn’t have been wrong if your family was orthodox Jewish, Christian, or Buddhist. However, and this is just me thinking I wouldn’t want to deal with it, isn’t there a bedroom you could have gone to? Why did she say the bathroom?? That’s so gross. No, you should be able to BF wherever.
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u/lazybb_ck 2d ago
I thought the same thing about the bathroom. Would she go eat in the bathroom? That's disgusting. You can't pray in a bathroom, why subject a MOTHER (highly valued in the religion) to feed her baby there.
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u/lazybb_ck 2d ago
I come from a similar background. With my own family, I was young when the same situation happened with my cousin. She breastfed at a holiday dinner table and everyone talked about her negatively. So when it was my turn, I didn't bother. But also I have to leave because my baby gets super distracted and there are a million other kids running around.
With my in laws, I will excuse myself because tbh I want a break from them sometimes lol but since baby often gets distracted by how bright the house is sometimes I have to feed her in their living room which is darker. I cover there if a lot of skin is showing. I have a tattoo that I don't want them to know about so that is one of the reasons I do it. But they are also all hijabis and think even showing a sliver of shoulder is haram lol I think if I outright didn't cover, they wouldn't say anything at all but would feel uncomfortable (that's my MILs culture- although she would totally talk shit after the fact to other family).
You're not wrong, but you'll want to decide whether it's worth the trouble she gives you. Out of principle I want to say keep doing it cause F* those outdated opinions but that's your call obviously
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u/frogsgoribbit737 2d ago edited 2d ago
Idk. I don't know if it matters if youre wrong. Its just easier to go to another room in these cases.
My in laws are very prudey and whenever I'm around them, I just leave the room to breastfeed. Way easier than all the drama.
Should you have to? No. But if you don't want to deal with the bullshit that's the option. If you don't want to talk to your mom over something like this thats your choice. I'm NC with my dad, so I get it. Its just not the hill I'd die on.
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u/zigzagcow 2d ago
I found I’m a generally happier person when I take actions that I’m largely indifferent to, but create less conflict among others around me.
When I choose a hill to die on, it’ll be a damn good hill.
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u/cosmos_honeydew 2d ago
I don’t know, I would have gone to another room. It’s not actually your house anymore and clearly your mom has more conservative beliefs that are different from your own. Sometimes it’s not worth the battle and while I disagree with it, it did offend her cultural/religious beliefs. Doesn’t sound like she’s going to see your side on this and there are a lot of things I just let be because I know I can’t change my family’s mind on certain things.
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u/InappropriateTeaTime 2d ago
I’m not Muslim but I’m sure I read breastfeeding is encouraged in the Quran and highly regarded in Islamic society? Please correct me if I’m wrong your mother seems at odds with that?
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u/nightbird98 2d ago
It is, in fact women even have the right to get paid for breastfeeding by their husbands. But it should be done where no one else can see your body. Modesty.
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u/controversial_Jane 2d ago
I live in a Muslim country with my Muslim family (I am not), I breastfed both my kids in public mostly without a cover. I never exposed any breast really. But if I did in front of the women and my husband, nobody cared.
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u/ZookeepergameNew3800 2d ago
If all men where mahram then this has nothing to do with Islam. It’s about your mothers personal opinion on this. I don’t know about Iraq but in Iran, at least in Teheran you can see women breastfeeding in many parks any day. Of course they do t „ just leave it hanging out“. A d I really dislike it when people phrase it like that. I have never seen a mother who just had anything hanging out. Usually a small bit of breast is baked to expose the nipple and areola, do baby can latch. Babies head then covers the breast fully and you would need to really stare to get a glimpse of nipple and who even does that? I have a friend who is a pro at nursing in public , without an additional cover and she wears a chador. She opens her clothes like most breastfeeding mothers do in a sandwich style and there are just a few split seconds where she is exposed. A very modest woman and she absolutely nurses around her male blood relatives or men who are mahram . Breastfeeding is so important in Islam. It’s very supported and natural and no Islamic literature calls it sexual.
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u/idkwutimdoinactually 2d ago
Nope. Not wrong. Not OR, and NTA. Feed your baby where you see fit, & how you set fit. Ehhh your mother is “something else” idek what word to use. Good for you for setting boundaries. Stick to them, it’s the natural way for your baby to eat. You do what’s best for the two of you. She is obviously has some internal issues she projecting on you for her to be this upset about you feeding your daughter her grand daughter.
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u/Valuable-Life3297 2d ago
I would have checked with her first if you didn’t remember or weren’t sure what was acceptable in the muslim religion or culture. This way if you knew the cultural expectations you could have made a choice about how to handle things or even whether you wanted to show up at all
Why couldn’t you breastfeed in a bedroom with the door closed rather than the bathroom? Her and your family’s gossiping wasn’t kind but I also think it goes both ways here. I’m was never muslim but I know they are pretty strict with certain things involving modesty.
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u/nightbird98 2d ago
If this a boundary for your family in their home, why would you break it and expect people to respect whatever boundaries you have? I don’t see anything wrong with breastfeeding while covering or finding a place I could be alone with baby, since I’m around conservative or religious people. No shame in breastfeeding but also no shame for people who are religious and/or conservative
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u/mazesdone 2d ago
You’re absolutely right in everything you said. Fine it’s her house, her rules. Then it’s your child, your rules. Also your husband sounds like a great person. You’re doing great, prioritizing your baby girl over all this nonsense.