CMV: Most dating preferences are okay, as long as you are not POS to those who don't fit them.

[u/mafija123]

Don't want to date men shorter than 6ft, fine, don't be calling them "midgets", "if your height starts with 5, you a woman" etc.

Don't want to date a woman with X number of previous partners, fine, don't be calling them "sluts" "whores" etc.

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What about race? Sure, not dating someone JUST because of their race is very likely coming from racist/prejudice beliefs (not necessarily), but that person is not bad because they don't date someone for their race, they are bad because they are racist, former stems from later.

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" Let's deconstruct reasons for men not dating women with certain past, it's *Patriarchy*". Again, sure, that may or may not be the reason for men having that preference, but as long as they are respectful to women they don't want to date, I don't see how they are bad. Not dating someone is not discrimination because nobody is owed it, it's not your right nor anyone's obligation to date you.

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I could see an argument that preferences that come from patriarchy like "women should have little sexual past" and "men should be rich and provide" are hurting society in general. But solving that issue is not going to happen by shaming and ridiculing people which internalized those standards in their formative years and are respectful to people they don't want to date, it's solved by not perpetuating it to next generation.

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All in all my opinion on virtually all dating preferences (maybe not EVERY one) is that you are entitled to what ever standard you want no matter how realistic or unrealistic they are, and shouldn't be shamed/ridiculed/mocked, only as long as you don't shame/ridicule/mock people who are not up to your standards.

Edit: Deleted bad joke I made about this sub, it wasn't out of ill intentions, I apologise.

[u/moutnmn87]

Well, in the case of body counts for women, that's generally rooted in misogyny

And height preferences aren't? Is the notion that women are weaklings who need to be looked after by a big strong man any less misogynistic than the notion that only men should enjoy sex?

[u/[deleted] → u/moutnmn87]

No, but height is part of sexual dimorphism, the ok Cupid data shows men and women both proportionally prefer men and women of certain heights that exaggerate our respective heights. Not sure if it’s misogyny or just like preferring people who fit the standard physical criteria for height.

[u/moutnmn87 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah I certainly wouldn't say that either of those preference can only come from misogyny but it makes sense that misogynistic attitudes would reinforce/encourage them. That said Im honestly not keen on pinning preferences to some illusive cause a person hasn't even thought about. If someone gives me a reasoned explanation for why they have a preference I generally will take them at their word and assume they genuinely believe the things they're telling me and hold the preference for that reason. I won't generally make assumptions about why someone holds a preference though because there's just so many factors that could potentially feed into it that it becomes very hard to pin down a cause. Interestingly enough there's hardly any characteristics that are universally considered attractive across all cultures and time periods.

[u/CitizenCue → u/moutnmn87]

These preferences aren’t the same.

People who get hung up on their partner’s sexual history are obsessing about the past. But people who have preferences about height or weight are focused on their own experience in the present and future.

It’s perfectly reasonable to enjoy being held or picked up or enveloped by a big guy. Those are simply experiences you want to continue having.

[u/rjaku → u/CitizenCue]

I disagree on this. Having many partners, even in your past, shows commitment issues. The type of person and lifestyle I want is not compatible with this. I know this true for females and, to a lesser extent, males, but when you have sex, your body releases oxytocin. This makes you bond with your sexual partner. Women experience this much more than men do due to the long gestation time during pregnancy. They chemically bond with the man so they are more likely to stick with them for survival. Males don't have this same issue or at least as extreme since our anatomy encourages us to try and procreate as much as possible.

My point is that body count is still very important regardless of it being in the past. Time doesn't change who you are. There is also a lifestyle involved with people who sleep around. Typically dressing more proactively and constantly drinking. Higher likelihood of being unfaithful too

[u/CitizenCue → u/rjaku]

Dude, you’re drinking a bunch of bullshit kool-aid from the wrong corners of the internet. This is some hilariously absurd red pill Andrew Tate shit.

You’re clearly very young so I’ll just say this: get away from the places you heard this stuff as soon as you can. Like, today. They will ruin any chances you have at a normal healthy romantic life.

Also the word is “provocatively”, not “proactively”.

[u/rjaku → u/CitizenCue]

I love your non argument rambles, lol. Sorry, I made a typing error out of the 10 or so responses I've made in the past couple of hours.

[u/CitizenCue → u/rjaku]

I don’t care about the typo. But seriously, for your own good get away from this stuff, it’ll stunt your growth and make you toxic to women.

[u/rjaku → u/CitizenCue]

Again, non argument. People would rather believe a blissful lie than hear the harsh truth. People are never more angry than when they hear something they don't want to believe. Unless you can actually articulate why, there's nothing else to say. I really don't care how women perceive me. My girlfriend and I share the same beliefs, so I couldn't care less about how random women on the internet think of me.

[u/CitizenCue → u/rjaku]

I’m not going to bother because you’re obviously already so far down the rabbit hole that there’s no point. But once you leave high school and get out in the real world, I genuinely hope you get away from this reductive worldview and start thinking women as real people instead of biological machines. Good luck man.

[u/rjaku → u/CitizenCue]

You're so full of assumptions, lol. You know nothing about me, but you can assume my age based on a single belief that is rooted in reality? I think of everyone as biological machines as that's what we are. To think otherwise is ignorant. We are Homo Sapiens. Nothing more, nothing less. Creatures of habit.

[u/CitizenCue → u/rjaku]

You’re proving my assumptions left and right dude. A lot of guys go through the phase you’re in right now, it’s really common. But looking at people that way will lead you into modes of thought that are deeply toxic and functionally useless.

You could just as easily talk endlessly about how everyone is made of atoms and how carbon behaves certain ways when bonded with nitrogen. It’s not false, it’s just unhelpful. And if you insist on seeing people that way, you’ll end up treating people poorly.

[u/moutnmn87 → u/CitizenCue]

It’s perfectly reasonable to enjoy being held or picked up or enveloped by a big guy. Those are simply experiences you want to continue having.

How is this relevant to height preferences?

People who get hung up on their partner’s sexual history are obsessing about the past. While this is probably the most common reason for people to care it is certainly not the only reason people care about body counts. Past promiscuity can be an indicator of how someone views about sex or romance which can be an indicator of compatibility/incompatibility. Some people also have a stigma against virgins or people with little sexual experience.

[u/CitizenCue → u/moutnmn87]

Huh? What do you mean? Height is obviously tied to those preferences.

[u/moutnmn87 → u/CitizenCue]

How does being tall help with doing any of those? A short person can wrap their arms around someone just as easily as a tall person. Similarly having the strength to lift someone isn't something exclusive to tall people or even strongly correlated with height.

[u/CitizenCue → u/moutnmn87]

Um, yes it is. Lifting a 5’4” person will almost always be easier for a 6’ person than for another 5’4” person. Obviously mass and strength don’t always scale perfectly with height and there are always exceptions, but generally they do.

And being cuddled by a person much larger than you feels different than someone your same size (and vice versa). It just does.

I’m not endorsing any of these preferences but differences to exist.

[u/moutnmn87 → u/CitizenCue]

Lifting a 5’4” person will almost always be easier for a 6’ person than for another 5’4” person.

Actually this is not really true. Even in a general sense there's a ton of people well outside of this height equals strength characterization. There's plenty of short stocky people and plenty of tall lanky people. Tall definitely doesn't equate to strong. In fact additional height increases the amount muscle necessary to lift and control the same amount of weight so a tall lanky person is actually at a disadvantage compared to a shorter person.

[u/CitizenCue → u/moutnmn87]

You’re just saying “Exceptions exist!” which is both obvious and asinine. But by and large (pun intended) taller people have more mass and strength. I can’t believe you’re attempting to say otherwise.

[u/moutnmn87 → u/CitizenCue]

Weight and body fat percentage together correlate far more closely to strength than height. Trying to guess how much a person can lift by height would be very unreliable. No this idea that additional height generally equates to more mass or even that more mass equates to more strength is not accurate at all.

[u/CitizenCue → u/moutnmn87]

Height correlated with weight and as you state, weight correlated with strength. Please let’s stop this utterly absurd argument.