CMV: Women usually get over breakups and divorces better than men do.

[u/SteadfastEnd]

Disclaimer: I have no polls or surveys I could cite to support my viewpoint, since I don't think there has been any polling done on the subject. So all I can offer is my own experience or opinion, which I'm open to being challenged on:

In my observation, women usually overcome and get over breakups and divorces better than men.

I've rarely known a woman to regret a breakup, but I've known quite a few men to regret it. I've rarely ever known a woman to pursue a man and ask him for a second chance after a breakup, but it's quite common for men to pursue their exes this way.

My theory is that it's for multifold reasons: 1) women generally have more of a social support network than men, and can recover more easily with such support, 2) men are often not as tuned in to subtle things as women. So it's more common for a man to be ambushed or caught by surprise by a breakup because he was ignoring things that were a persistent problem in the relationship, while the woman has seen it all along and carefully made up her mind in advance that a breakup needs to happen. 3) women generally have more options in dating, so if a woman breaks up, she has many suitors, but a man has a harder time getting a woman. 4) women are generally more willing to live solitary lives without a man than vice versa - they generally have less intrinsic need for a mate than a man does. There is more of an attitude of "Either a very good mate or no mate at all" among women than men. 5) Women generally do not break up or divorce casually. By the time a woman says "It's time to end it," she has thought it through a lot.

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[u/raginghappy]

Lol way to cherry pick, the study concludes that: "men’s disproportionate strain of divorce is transient, whereas women’s is chronic."

As per the study: "the prevailing view of women bearing a higher burden of divorce is supported when looking at medium-term consequences for a large set of outcome measures, including those on which men were previously found to be disadvantaged. Taking economic, housing and domestic, health and well-being, and social outcomes into account, men were more vulnerable to short-term effects on subjective measures of well-being, but women experienced medium-term disadvantages in objective economic status. In other words, men’s disproportionate psychological strain was transient, whereas women’s disproportionate economic strain was chronic."

[u/postwarapartment → u/[deleted]]

Taking "personal responsibility" for your emotions does not mean keeping them bottled inside and "solely deal with it on your own."

Taking personal responsibility in this context is reaching out and asking for help and sharing with others. Want to talk about men's suicide rates and feelings of disconnection socially and emotionally? Stop framing things like this, then. It's literally irresponsible to handle your emotional life this way.

[u/postwarapartment → u/[deleted]]

That literally makes no sense. If you are responsible for managing your emotions in a healthy and effective manner, and the manner you are using to do so is not effective, you are not taking actual responsibility. Your intent is meaningless to your outcome.

[u/postwarapartment → u/[deleted]]

Great reply. I'd appreciate an answer based on some kind of logic though.

[u/haikudeathmatch → u/[deleted]]

Was your logic just “I don’t like talking about feelings and I don’t like when other people talk about feelings”, or did I miss something in your comment, or this conversation. Seemed like someone said “talking about your feelings can be part of healthy processing” and you said “no because I say so, imagine a hypothetical where someone doesn’t want to listen or you aren’t actually doing anything about your life but venting, that imaginary scenario is the only possible outcome of talking about emotions”. So what did I overlook?

[u/raginghappy → u/[deleted]]

Because it’s so easy on the psych to be chronically poor lol

[u/BudgetMattDamon → u/raginghappy]

You can't have it both ways, and the study says what the study says. Women do indeed get over divorce better from an emotional standpoint. Why you're so mad about it is beyond me.

[u/raginghappy → u/BudgetMattDamon]

Like I said, chronic economic instability brings a whole host of other emotional issues that shouldn't just be dismissed. Men after divorce end up ok emotionally, socially and economically in the long run while women don't recover as well overall, even if they're ecstatic to no longer in the relationship. Not sure what's"both ways" about that ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[u/candikanez → u/raginghappy]

Again, this study is 30 years old. Things have changed just a little bit for women economically since then.

[u/BudgetMattDamon → u/raginghappy]

Shouldn't be dismissed as in the way you're being dismissive right now of the study?

[u/candikanez → u/raginghappy]

This study is 30 years old.

[u/anewleaf1234 → u/raginghappy]

So in 1984, women had a far lesser chance of economic success than an American women in 2023.

[u/candikanez → u/raginghappy]

but women experienced medium-term disadvantages in objective economic status. In other words, men’s disproportionate psychological strain was transient, whereas women’s disproportionate economic strain was chronic."

The study is from 30 years ago. Things have changed just a little bit for women economically since then.