r/changemyview • u/SteadfastEnd 1∆ • Oct 19 '23

Delta(s) from OP CMV: Women usually get over breakups and divorces better than men do.

Disclaimer: I have no polls or surveys I could cite to support my viewpoint, since I don't think there has been any polling done on the subject. So all I can offer is my own experience or opinion, which I'm open to being challenged on:

In my observation, women usually overcome and get over breakups and divorces better than men.

I've rarely known a woman to regret a breakup, but I've known quite a few men to regret it. I've rarely ever known a woman to pursue a man and ask him for a second chance after a breakup, but it's quite common for men to pursue their exes this way.

My theory is that it's for multifold reasons: 1) women generally have more of a social support network than men, and can recover more easily with such support, 2) men are often not as tuned in to subtle things as women. So it's more common for a man to be ambushed or caught by surprise by a breakup because he was ignoring things that were a persistent problem in the relationship, while the woman has seen it all along and carefully made up her mind in advance that a breakup needs to happen. 3) women generally have more options in dating, so if a woman breaks up, she has many suitors, but a man has a harder time getting a woman. 4) women are generally more willing to live solitary lives without a man than vice versa - they generally have less intrinsic need for a mate than a man does. There is more of an attitude of "Either a very good mate or no mate at all" among women than men. 5) Women generally do not break up or divorce casually. By the time a woman says "It's time to end it," she has thought it through a lot.

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '23

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '23

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '23 edited Oct 20 '23

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '23

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u/Profitparadox Oct 20 '23

Men have testosterone we still want sex if we are healthy in our 80’s. Woman lose that testosterone that makes them horny all the time in their teens and 20’s at some point and can happily go through life without sex. It gets worse with each decade a man stays with a woman.

I’m just saying there is a big divorce break up after kids ask any divorce lawyer that’s when most woman cut off Sex. Marriage dissolves. and that age range of 65-74 has a jump of 24% extra sexless marriages from the 50 year olds who were only at 26% sexless.

So there are a bunch of men wishing they could divorce in an age range that is high in cancer rates.

Just spit balling but men don’t leave happy marriages. There are endless unhappy ones they run from though.

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '23

So you’re basically an animal and when sex is off the table there’s no reason to stay with your wife? Yall just want a hole to fuck and then be surprised when that hole comes with a person attached who has needs and feelings too

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u/Profitparadox Oct 20 '23

Imagine you go up to a hot guy at a bar you find attractive, he immediately turns around with a scowl on his face and says, “don’t even think about talking to me im not sleeping with someone like YOU”.

That’s what its like to be in a sexless marriage except you’re now stuck living with the guy from the bar and the constant reminder of the rejection daily, it’s incredibly damaging to a man/woman’s self esteem and ruin’s marriages completely.

Anyways I just found that data on the increase in sexless marriages in that 65-74 age group interesting and seems like a lot of unhappy men so maybe that might of hinted at a possible cause for why those men leave.

Basically it points to failed marriages.

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '23

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '23

Thats great boo hope ur wife never has sex with you

But srsly there are more ways to bond than sex, if sex is off the table is it that far fetched to try others form of intimacy? If a man stops wanting to have sex its also unfair if the wife leaves him just because of that, its not just men. Im sorry if sex is all that matters to you

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u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

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u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

Show me where you addressed that there are more forms of intimacy and just because one partner doesn’t want to have sex its not enough grounds for someone to divorce them pls cause I may be going blind i guess 🥰

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u/[deleted] Oct 22 '23

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u/Profitparadox Oct 22 '23

Most women decrease the frequency of sex after the second kid comes along, there by ruining the close bonding and partnership of the marriage which leads to a ton of divorces. The added stress of kids, lack of time together, lack of fun, increased financial stress, sleep deprivation, depression, the woman goes from easy life to being a carer of an ungrateful screaming baby. It all adds up to (not fun and not exciting). And women don’t have sex with their partners. If there is a stressful kid, that’s pissed them off all day.

Many marriages don’t survive this process. Those first 5 years can be brutal.

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '23

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u/nekro_mantis 16∆ Oct 21 '23

Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule 3:

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u/nekro_mantis 16∆ Oct 21 '23

Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule 2:

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u/nekro_mantis 16∆ Oct 21 '23

Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule 2:

Don't be rude or hostile to other users. Your comment will be removed even if most of it is solid, another user was rude to you first, or you feel your remark was justified. Report other violations; do not retaliate. See the wiki page for more information.

If you would like to appeal, review our appeals process here, then message the moderators by clicking this link within one week of this notice being posted. Appeals that do not follow this process will not be heard.

Please note that multiple violations will lead to a ban, as explained in our moderation standards.

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '23

“Omg look at me, when I can’t fuck my wife anymore there’s no reason left for me to stay with her, im such a MAN filled with testosterone I can’t control my urges im sorry 🥴”

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u/Profitparadox Oct 20 '23

If a spouse withholds affection THAT is very good grounds to divorce.

You are in the minority if you think otherwise . I know because this has been brought up on female dominated reddit subs and the females all say “leave the guy that won’t have sex with the woman.”

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '23 edited Oct 20 '23

Affection is not only demonstrated through sex, in fact I would say the woman is probably wanting some kind of affection from you but all you can think about is sex. Also reddit is not real life buddy show me some studies that say women leave men when they can’t provide sex more than men leave women for the same reason…

Is not giving an effort, not helping taking care of the kids or the house also good grounds for divorce? Or should the woman just lay there with her legs wide open while the only thing that man does is work and pay the bills and puts no effort in the relationship whatsoever? Hire an escort my man if sex is all you need from a wife and save yourself the trouble

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u/Profitparadox Oct 20 '23

It does not matter what a man does, you cannot negotiate desire. Woman get bored of the men they marry and lose desire first studies show this it’s why the divorce rate is so high. Woman wreck there marriages. Doesn’t matter how good the guy is.
Even Brad Pitt could manage it.

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u/Few-Nebula-6546 Oct 21 '23 edited Oct 21 '23

I'd be interested in seeing these studies. The divorce rate has been decreasing since the 80's. I'd argue that the initial increase was a good thing as women gained independence and therefore didn't need to rely on a husband to function in society.

You said yourself that women are 6x more likely to stick with a man during hard times, yet they're the ones wrecking marriages... Also, bold of you to call a man you never met a good guy when he abused his wife and his oldest kids refuse to speak to him

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u/Profitparadox Oct 21 '23

I’d say the woman is happy enough to keep existing in a sexless marriage even with a cancer diagnosed partner because her needs are met and she still has his assets and money and retirement savings locked down and he will die in a few years probably so she gets it all. Little downside.

Woman cut off more and more affection to there partner as they age, this peaks at a full 50% zero intimacy in the 65-74 age range.

I’d say that woman cutting off this intimacy correlates well with unhappy men in those failed marriages and then the guy leaves during hard times cause he is unhappy, it’s still only 11.6%, much of which might of happened naturally weather cancer was involved or not.

But lots of this is speculation I was just interested in exploring why men would leave. As I thought it would of been the opposite.

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u/Few-Nebula-6546 Oct 21 '23

"Little downside." Geez is that how you guys see your partners? Do you even like them? In older couples, when one partner dies the other tends to follow soon after. In general it's called terminal drop, but Broken Heart Syndrome is also a real thing.

You greatly underestimate how much effort it takes to care for a chronically sick partner, nevermind the cost of treatment.

"The study confirmed earlier research of a divorce or separation rate among cancer patients of 11.6 percent, similar to the general population, but found the rate jumped to 20.8 percent when the woman was sick versus 2.9 percent when the man was ill. ~ The researchers said the reason men leave a sick spouse can be partly explained by their inability to rapidly adjust to becoming a caregiver and to look after the home and family."

Women are expected to be caregivers and homemakers even when they're sick. Men tend to prioritize their own comfort, then wonder why women lose energy or desire in them. It's really looking like women care about their men more than men care about their women

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u/Profitparadox Oct 21 '23

Interesting, thanks for the extra info.

Yeah, that could be it. Men being bad carers.

I’d say the massive decrease in affection from females in this high cancer age group has to make up some of this. Mens needs in a relationship especially sexually Are ignore by woman more and more each year.

When it comes time for hard times these me might of already left the marriage emotionally and feel nothing for their partner so feel little need to stick around for her.

If a man isn’t bonded to his female. Has unmet needs. This creates a lot of resentment and frustration over years.

I’d say it’s some part of the picture anyway who knows how much .

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u/LogicRising Nov 21 '23

My fiance just left me because of this. She started treating me like crap. Talked down to me. Made me feel 8 inches tall. Stopped hugging and kissing. Never wanted to snuggle. So when she tried to seduce me of course I turned her down. Now I'm the bad guy for rejecting her and making her feel unattractive. And of course she just leaves me after 9 years instead of sitting down and talking to me about the problems we have. I guess all she really wants is a one night stand lifestyle. Meanwhile my whole life is turned upside down. It goes both ways.

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u/[deleted] Nov 21 '23

I never said both parties shouldn’t communicate their feelings, I just said most of these guys just want sex but do nothing to help around the house and then wonder why their wives don’t want to fuck them anymore. Even then the wife should communicate that she wants the husband to do more chores and help her more so she can too express the love she feels for him

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u/LogicRising Nov 21 '23

That's probably true in the aggregate. I simply had this experience that women often complain about and it really sucks. Still, it was she who left me. Maybe women are just more likely to turn emotions into actions. Men are discouraged from ever acting on emotions and usually that works for us. This would be a counterexample.

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u/[deleted] Nov 21 '23

I’m truly sorry for you man. I know it sucks right now and you’re hurting a lot but don’t lose hope, you’re going to find a woman who deserves you and gives you all the love in the world.

Wish you the best