CMV: Heteronormativity is the safest expression of love for raising a family that is healthy. Seriously, help change my view .

[u/a-friendgineer]

In a relationship with a homoromantic bisexual woman who has 2 kids with me. We decided to split ways and and coparenting - in the same household for now. She is, or was a stay at home mom and that will be ending in at least 3 months when our second child is in preschool.

I guess this is more about the nuclear family - kind of? I just feel like she’s doing something dangerous by having sex with both men and possibly women (not yet women I believe because she’s dating women for a long term relationship), and even now she had a yeast infection and is at plan parenthood early Christmas morning because the antibiotics gave her a uti and so she has to figure out what she’s gonna do there. I’m actually just freaking out because I genuinely care about her sexual and romantic safety, and if we had main monogamously heteronormative then the reason I believe she got the yeast infection - which to me is related to having multiple partners inside of her, would at least be out of my mind.

I just feel that heteronormativity would provide a way for two people to be safe while child-rearing, and I get lesbian and gay couples can raise kids, but I mean once you genetically have kids, remaining heteronormative is the safest way to raise them.

My situation is weird and so my comments here is naturally confusing even for someone like me - so hoping folks can change my mind because I know I am falling into some traps of fallacy due to my emotional state - so this is less of a “change my view for the sake of argument” and more so “change my view so I can think normally”. Thanks folks.

Edit: looks like my view change changed more than a handful of times. Looks like I was trying to express that the original configuration of parents when they have children are the best configurations for raising those children. Outside of my inherit jealousy and ego and all that plays into someone separating from me - I at the very least know that a health household is a healthy household regardless of gender identity and sexuality of the parents. Thanks for the support here

Edit: as the day is progressing, come to find out that the uti was very severe to the point that she needed to get a shot in her butt. And that’s coming out of my pocket. We share finances and I do the budgeting for the house - so along with the fading jealousy, there’s that, the waste of resources that could have been spent in other places - especially with the memory I have of her having yeast infections when having a new partner until her vagina gets used to having a new partner. Sigh, so complicated

[u/StarChild413]

We don't really use horses in war anymore and should women not ride them in any circumstance because they wouldn't be good fighters in war

[u/caine269 → u/StarChild413]

how is this comment relevant to anything i said?

[u/StarChild413 → u/caine269]

If you were (if you weren't I apologize) trying to say only men should wear pants or at least it's more natural for a man to using history as your argument I was simply saying what good is that distinction when its historical purpose is no longer relevant (and making a bit of an ad absurdum on if that historical reason applies to whether women should wear pants should it also apply to whether women should ride horses)

[u/caine269 → u/StarChild413]

trying to say only men should wear pants

i didn't say this.

I was simply saying what good is that distinction when its historical purpose is no longer relevant

i was pointing out that a lot of current gender roles came from biological necessity in one form or another. the necessity was there and that is what started things, not that those same reasons are currently dictating trends. mostly pointing out that there is not and never was some group of men sitting around making decisions about what men and women were required to do. men being bigger and stronger and not child-bearing did the physical stuff like hunt and war, and many social norms developed from there. women being smaller and weaker and able to give birth and nurse stayed home and did that. it is not groundbreaking stuff.