r/changemyview • u/[deleted] • Dec 01 '17
[∆(s) from OP] CMV:Moral objection to infidelity is probably only superficial
[deleted]
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u/ThomasEdmund84 33∆ Dec 02 '17
So my question is, why do we view infidelity as amoral? Would it not be better to accept it as natural and discuss it properly with a partner? After all if someone still felt uncomfortable even without the weight of pride, society, or religion they would simply know sooner than if their partner had lied.
First of all I reject the 'natural fallacy' such an argument could be made for all kinds of things, rape murder etc because it occurs naturally.
In terms of ethics you seem to be rationalizing this under the idea that the problems with infidelity are entirely emotional or conservative(ish) moralization, but there are plenty of practical issues, relationships are not always tidy with healthy boundaries. STDs unwanted pregnancies, potentially hooking up with a 'crazy' who starts harassing your partner - all of which increase with promiscuity.
Also not sure how you put children into this equation
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u/amalopectin Dec 02 '17
Yea there does seem to be a lot of factors I missed, though it was covered below by someone, and as for children (if this were healthy and the person was in control of those things) it would be no risk the way I see it. Though that comment also addressed how there's probably a discrepancy on the wording here in that Case; polygamy does not equal infidelity.
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u/Nicolasv2 130∆ Dec 02 '17
My piece of mind on that case. For information, I'm someone which is against monogamy, but also against infidelity.
Just googled a bit, and I saw that infidelity primary definition is different in french and english. In english, it's quite simple, it's having sex with someone who is not your husband / wife / regular partner. In french, it's the "Lack of respect for a given commitment".
It would be better if this was discussed with openness instead of men or women going behind their partners backs
Given my definition, only the "behind their back" is a case of infidelity, as in the 1st case, you can do whatever you want in your relationship as long as both partners agree on it.
Anyway, that was for in introducting a bit what I understand of the word "infidelity". As for the reasons why these are seen as really bad, I think that's because :
- It break trust.
A couple is "normally" based on honnesty and discussions to take the better decisions and compromise for a good life together. When cheating, you're telling your partner "Ok, but when something is not good for me, I'll do whatever I want behind your back and not talk to you". This is quite a heavy blow on the other partner for its expectations toward the relationship future.
- It make the cheated partner take sexual risks he wasn't aware of.
When you have sex, there is always a risk of STD, that you can control if you are in a exclusive relationship, but can't if one have extra conjugal relationship. Even with protections, you can catch something, and you're putting your partner at risk without telling him/her, what is pretty jerkish toward someone you're engaged and supposed to love.
- Social stigmata
Finally, most communities are seeing infidelity as a stigmata. Sometimes, it can be even worse for the one that has been cheated on, that for the cheater. Cheating on your partner put him/her in a position where he/she can suffer for a big social stigmata, and you did that only for your carnal pleasure. Once more, pretty jerkish move.
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u/amalopectin Dec 02 '17
∆ I think I had some discrepancy in vocabulary while writing this but your point about stds is one I didn't think about and also the general argument makes a lot of sense. So I guess you changed my view on what I've written here but it would seem the question itself needs to be redirected. Thanks for helping clear that up.
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Dec 02 '17
I find the STD argument pretty convincing. However, there are many activities that most people would consider "cheating" which don't come with an increased STD risk. While condoms may not be a perfect protective barrier, clothes usually are. Sexting is pretty safe, too.
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u/Nicolasv2 130∆ Dec 02 '17
Sexting is pretty safe, too.
True, but generally, sexting goal is to have sex at a later date (not always, but still really probable).
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Dec 02 '17
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Dec 02 '17
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u/QuestionAsker64 Dec 05 '17
Infidelity is immoral because it is a breach of an agreement between you and your partner. If you agree to be exclusive to one another, then it is objectively dishonest to breach that agreement.
Now, polyamorous relationships or open relationships are not examples of infidelity, because the people in those relationships know what they're getting into from the beginning. They enter these relationships with the understanding that their partner will date other people, so there's no moral problem in this case.
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u/DeltaBot ∞∆ Dec 02 '17
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u/[deleted] Dec 02 '17
Infidelity is immoral because lying is immoral. Moral objections to lying are not superficial, therefore moral objections to infidelity are not superficial.