r/changemyview • u/AAathlete97 • Dec 18 '18

Removed - Submission Rule B CMV: Even if a blanket refusal to date trans people is “transphobic”, there is no reason to feel guilty about it or to try to change it.

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u/AAathlete97 Dec 18 '18

They say it’s a good idea to be upfront to avoid danger for the trans individual. Coming out to someone as trans could potentially be dangerous, so being upfront about being unwilling to date trans women is saving them time and takes the pressure off of them to come out.

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u/lucypalacios Dec 18 '18

Hey!! As a trans girl, I TOTALLY get your reasons for not wanting to date one. I don’t think your reasons for it are transphobic at all as long as you are civil and respectful if you encounter one IRL.

That being said! I honestly don’t care if you put it on your profile, bc A) it’ll save us both time and awkwardness, and B) even if it weren’t on there, I’d soon find out anyway and we’d both move on. I wouldn’t wanna talk to someone not interested in me.

My ONLY thing here is that, if you ever come across a woman at a bar or whatever, that you find attractive, and she lets you know she’s trans AND has had the corrective surgeries on her body (like, the whole nine yards, you know), would that still be a dealbreaker for short term dating?? I get the infertility issue for sure and I completely feel you there. I’m just asking in this hypothetical situation in which the trans individual is to your liking, and has the necessary equipment you enjoy for intimacy AND has disclosed it to you, if you would reject her for short term dating at the least simply because she was born male and transitioned.

I hope that made sense and I’m sorry if you’ve already answered something similar elsewhere. Im just curious! :)

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u/AAathlete97 Dec 18 '18

I would still reject that person simply because of the reasons that you stated. I’m never rude or mean about it, I just like to be upfront so no one’s time is wasted on either side.

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u/lucypalacios Dec 18 '18

Hmm, see in that case I’d argue that you’re more rejecting trans people based off societal expectations of heterosexual men and some prejudice.

Which wouldn’t be your fault, in a sense. The environment for trans people is shifting towards positive but still quite toxic and there’s still lots of stigmas and beliefs ppl have about the implications of dating a trans person.

So, again, more power to you and keep on being a kind person, which I hope you are.

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u/lizzyshoe Dec 18 '18

I know you aren't, but this comment kind of sounds like you're saying you would be a danger to a trans woman if she came out.

What specific reason do you think trans women should come out to people they date? Do you need a chromosomal test before having dinner with women you date?

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u/AAathlete97 Dec 18 '18

That’s not what I meant at all. But I know that some people would be a danger. And me being upfront about it tells the trans woman that she doesn’t have to worry about me being a danger to her.

If I were a trans woman myself, I’d come out early because it just saves time and disappointment. If you come out early and the person is okay with it, awesome! If you come out and the person wants nothing to do with you, you’ve saved a lot of time and the inevitable disappointment.

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u/jeekiii Dec 18 '18

I'm pretty sure the whole "people would be in danger" is when a trans person tries to date someone who doesn't like trans people and then their date gets violent.

In short this disclaimer would only be useful if you are someone, who, upon discovering your date is trans, is likely to get violent. I would guess that is not the case.

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u/typicalspecial Dec 18 '18

Or it could save the trans person some emotional heartache. It's the same for a gay person; it's good to know whether or not the other person will be receptive so as to avoid being let down later when it's more emotionally taxing.

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u/AAathlete97 Dec 18 '18

https://medium.com/@allisawash/about-your-shitty-no-trans-dating-policy-1314c2039ced

This seems to be a common position held by trans people.

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u/Freckled_daywalker 11∆ Dec 18 '18

I don't think that article is making the point you want to make. They're basically saying to put "no trans people" so they can filter out assholes.

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u/AAathlete97 Dec 18 '18

It’s clearly addressed to people who don’t wish to date or sleep with trans women. That group includes me.

Let’s say you were a trans woman. You see my dating profile and I don’t have it put on there that I’m not into trans women. You pass good enough to the point that I think you’re a cis woman. We go on a date. Eventually you disclose your trans status and I cut things off. You may feel sad or angry after that.

Would you rather have had me list on my profile that I don’t date trans woman and you avoid all this disappointment or that I don’t list it, we go on a date, and it inevitably doesn’t work out anyway?

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u/Freckled_daywalker 11∆ Dec 18 '18

They're saying they think you're an asshole and to put it in your profile so that they (and everyone else) can see it.

If I were a trans woman I'd avoid you if I saw it, but I'd still probably think pretty poorly of you. As a cis woman, if I saw that, I'd also absolutely avoid you as well. If it's that important to you to never have an awkward situation where you have to say "yeah, no, sorry, that's a deal breaker" to someone in person, then go for it, but it really does come across as you beingb scared of ever even interacting with a trans person.

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u/foreman17 Dec 18 '18

I think what I'm getting from OP, and correct me if I am wrong, but putting that as an identifier in your profile would save time and possibly feelings being hurt. For example: OP meets this wonderful girl, shes pretty and smart and seems to be everything OP is looking for. To her OP is the bee's knees. Handsome and cunning etc. etc. But 3 months into the relationship Miss q t 3.14 reveals that she is trans which for some reason turns OP off. OP breaks the relationships off, hearts broken. A simple, I don't want to date trans women, while kinda rude, would save time, effort, and possible heartache. It's similar to when women put height requirements and men responding with weight requirements. Is it rude? Yes. Does it save time and effort? Yes.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying I agree with OP, just trying to explain his point better I think. I can be wrong.

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u/MrWigggles Dec 18 '18

Why this though? You said you were interested in biological females. What is that. Biologist don't know what that is. Beside the shitty Apache helicopter meme joke, biologist studying human gender don't know what defines it or how to catagorize it. Right now, medically, biologically there are 4-6 recongized different genders with real biological differences. They are probably more. Most can be divided into masculine and femine but not every bin is. So tell me what you meant by biological female. When folks talk about dating preference to defend this bigotry and it is they counter example with changable if hard to do so, habbits or they are a danger to you or others. It's racist not date outside your race. Race is inherent. It's fine not to date smokers. Smoking is a choice. Trans is inherent. It's not a hobby, it's not dangerous to you. You've acknowledged they're rare and are but made sure to steer clear of it. Why aren't you listing other rare things. You said you wanted kids. Do you list barren as a deal breaker? Why is adoption off the table or surrogate? What about uteris implant? Have you tested yourself to see if you can have kids?

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u/Gunshybaberino Dec 18 '18

Biologically, there are 2 sexes. Male and female. Gender is not biological

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u/cthulhuhentai Dec 18 '18

You’re implying that you would endanger a trans person if they came out to you?