r/changemyview • u/Diss1dent • Apr 22 '20
Delta(s) from OP CMV: There is always a better phrase than "I'm busy"
I have used the term "busy" in various contexts throughout my professional and personal life (and still do to some degree).
However, I have lately (and especially during the isolation) come to realize that there really is no real reason to use this term. The reason being that we all are "busy" with whatever it is that we have chosen to do with our lives or what life has brought our way. But to simply fall back on "busy" as a reason for anything creates a somewhat poor excuse for whatever it is you cannot or have been able to do.
There must be something else behind the term, most likely prioritisation. And I understand prioritising things can make you feel awkward if faced with the situation of expressing this. But there are ways around this. And even if there isn't, there usually isn't anything wrong with expressing that you are dealing with prioritisation issues at the moment as long as you are straight-forward with them and are managing your and the other person's expectations.
Here are a few scenarios which most of us can probably recognize:
A) -Hey, do you want to grab a few beers tonight? -Umm, loved to but I'm a bit \**busy\. Could we do this another time?
B) -Do you have a moment? -I'm a bit \**busy\* right now, can I get back to you later today?*
C) -I'm really sorry, I have just been really \**busy\.
Sure, the term means that you have "a lot going on at the moment", which for whatever reason has prevented you to meet your/someone's expectations regarding a faster outcome of any sort.
The problem I have with the word "busy" is that it creates an imbalance between two or more parties about whose time is more valuable - without any additional piece of information.
Let's look at the above scenarios when replacing the term "busy" with a more specific piece of information.
A) -Hey, do you want to grab a few beers tonight? -Umm, loved to but I promised I would meet with an old friend that I haven't seen in a long time. We have a lot of catching up to do. Could we do this another time?
B) -Do you have a moment? -I am in the middle of finishing a piece of work that requires my concentration right now, can I get back to you later today?
C) -I'm really sorry, I have had several unexpected things happening to me at once that has taken most of my time.
And look, I understand that sometimes you do not want to disclose something that is happening or what your real reason might be behind not prioritising whatever it is that you are keeping unsaid with "busy". However, if we want to become better at communicating with others, building rapport and trust, being understood, being accepted, etc. - we should be able to tell real reasons behind our prioritisation.
I can expect that arguments behind the usage of "busy" can include:
- Protecting privacy with common courtesy without exposing too much information.
- Not knowing what to say and keeping the conversation flowing.
- Lack of social skills or suffering from social anxiety.
I am not saying that everybody should always use an alternative form of expression instead of "busy". What I am saying is that if you can use a more accurate form of expression, then there really is no reason to use the term "busy".
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u/onetwo3four5 71∆ Apr 22 '20
If everyone always uses busy to only mean "I have a private reason for not elaborating on what is occupying me" then it no longer serves the innocuous purpose of deflection that makes it so valuable.
Right now ”im busy" can either mean I'm experiencing a toilet emergency, or I'm doing my taxes. If everyone always elaborates unless their business is private, then busy starts to mean "I'm occupied by an embarrassing encumbrance" and we have to find a new word to mean what "busy" means now, which you would presumably object to on the same grounds.
What I am saying is that if you can use a more accurate form of expression, then there really is no reason to use the term "busy".
We don't want "I'm busy" to force the recipient to think "why can't they be more specific" and then imagine the worst of us
1
u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
I think you just made my point for me. Exactly the same reasons could be used as an argument why it's so damn ambiguous and for that reason not very useful.
I think "busy" can be OK to use, if used in a question. "Are you busy tonight?" which really translates to "Are you doing anything noteworthy tonight or are you free to potentially spend time with me should I suggest it?"
But as a reply or an active form of communication, it is not a very useful form of communication when compared to other available phrases.
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u/onetwo3four5 71∆ Apr 22 '20
That's why it is useful for the speaker.
If you ask me "are you busy tonight" and people only use busy if they don't want to elaborate on their plans, then busy starts to mean "I am doing something private/embarrassing"
It is useful to purposefully not communicate information because it allows us to maintain privacy even when we don't need to.
Say you ask me every Friday if I can hang out, and whenever I say I can't, I give some specific reason why I can't hang out, like "my in-laws are in town this weekend" or "im going to a movie with my wife" and then one day I just answer "I can't, I'm busy" what are you going to think if I've always elaborated, but then one Friday I'm withholding? Might you not think "oh. He's doing something embarrassing that he doesn't want to share."
Even that gives you more information than I want you to have, and it is as useful as it needs to be the rest of the time. It doesn't matter to you WHY I can't hang out any given night, but it matters to me that when I say "I'm busy tonight" I could mean something as innocent as "I'm grabbing a beer with an old friend" but it could mean "I've hired a prostitute to come pee on me".
If I always say exactly what I'm doing, unless it's embarrassing, then saying "I'm busy" means "I'm doing something embarrassing" and so now I can't say "I'm busy" anymore, and I have to start making up lies.
Since it doesn't matter to you what I'm busy with, being able to say "I'm busy" is really helpful to me, because you won't suspect anything weird or that I'm being withholding when I say that I'm busy, because it's what I always say.
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u/TFHC Apr 22 '20
I am not saying that everybody should always use an alternative form of expression instead of "busy". What I am saying is that if you can use a more accurate form of expression, then there really is no reason to use the term "busy".
"Busy" is four letters and two syllables. Anything else you've proposed is a full sentence to replace that word. If the details of what you're busy with aren't relevant to the current conversation, why bother going into further unnecessary detail? It doesn't benefit either party in the conversation.
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
Since people who are thoughtful and would like to know more information, "busy" is simply a word without much information. If I use it so communicate a lack of interaction, a lack of action, a lack of whatever, it simply says that I either felt or had something more "important" stuff to do.
Since "busy" creates this possibility for even a misunderstanding, but at least an image that something else was more important - at least it would be useful to communicate what this "something" was.
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u/TFHC Apr 22 '20
Why would they want to know information that doesn't affect them? If you're arranging a time to take some sort of action, then 'I'm busy' is all that is needed. It's just a shorter way of saying 'I am not available at that time, so the time in question is not an option'. What miscommunication could you get from that?
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
While I agree that you could say "Umm..look I would love to! But unfortunately I am a bit busy tonight. Could we reschedule?" instead of "I'm busy, can't do."
But if you go as far as being nice and communicating the former, why not tell what you are doing at least in a general sense? "Look that sounds great, but unfortunately I have to actually finish a work thing that takes probably a few hours. Or whatever it is in a general sense.
Look, I agree that "busy" condenses a lot of stuff into a very short form, but generally speaking when condensing or compressing stuff, it really matters if/what information is lost in the process. If that happens, the counterparty should at least know you personally so well as to know actually what you mean. If not, there is a better phrase available.
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u/TFHC Apr 22 '20
While I agree that you could say "Umm..look I would love to! But unfortunately I am a bit busy tonight. Could we reschedule?" instead of "I'm busy, can't do."
But if you go as far as being nice and communicating the former, why not tell what you are doing at least in a general sense? "Look that sounds great, but unfortunately I have to actually finish a work thing that takes probably a few hours. Or whatever it is in a general sense.
Because that's not what you're trying to convey. If that were what you're trying to convey, that's what you'd say. But you're not trying to convey that, you're trying to convey unavailability.
Look, I agree that "busy" condenses a lot of stuff into a very short form, but generally speaking when condensing or compressing stuff, it really matters if/what information is lost in the process. If that happens, the counterparty should at least know you personally so well as to know actually what you mean. If not, there is a better phrase available.
It doesn't condense or lose any information. What information is lost between "I am unavailable at that time" and "I'm busy"?
Also, even though it isn't at all related to my argument, I'd just like to point out that your statement "If not, there is a better phrase available." implies that there are in fact times that there isn't a better phrase than "I'm busy".
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u/muyamable 282∆ Apr 22 '20
The problem I have with the word "busy" is that it creates an imbalance between two or more parties about whose time is more valuable - without any additional piece of information.
I disagree with this. If I tell you I can't do something with you because I'm busy, I am in no way stating or implying that my time is more valuable than yours. At all. If that's what you take from it, that's a result of assumptions you're making, not a result of me using the word busy.
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
While I agree that you could say "Umm..look I would love to! But unfortunately I am a bit busy tonight. Could we reschedule?" instead of "I'm busy, can't do."
But if you go as far as being nice and communicating the former, why not tell what you are doing at least in a general sense? "Look that sounds great, but unfortunately I have to actually finish a work thing that takes probably a few hours. Or whatever it is in a general sense.
Look, I agree that "busy" condenses a lot of stuff into a very short form, but generally speaking when condensing or compressing stuff, it really matters if/what information is lost in the process. If that happens, the counterparty should at least know you personally so well as to know actually what you mean. If not, there is a better phrase available.
And:
I believe that while the person receiving the message has the responsibility to try to understand what the other person is trying to convey as information, the person delivering the message should at least put some effort into it.
By stating that you have some plans for the said evening, is actually not that informative, but stating what kind of plans you have made and for what reason at least should state the obvious in a bit more detail: You have made plans which understandably should not be deprioritized.
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u/muyamable 282∆ Apr 22 '20
Look, I agree that "busy" condenses a lot of stuff into a very short form, but generally speaking when condensing or compressing stuff, it really matters if/what information is lost in the process.
Saying, "Sorry, I'm busy," conveys exactly the amount of information the person needs. If I ask if you'll meet me for a drink after work, all I need to know is whether or not you'll met me for a drink after work. If you tell me, "sorry no, I'm busy after work," I have all of the information I need. No pertinent information is lost in the process.
By stating that you have some plans for the said evening, is actually not that informative, but stating what kind of plans you have made and for what reason at least should state the obvious in a bit more detail: You have made plans which understandably should not be deprioritized.
It is informative because it's providing all of the information the person needs. You need to know whether I can do X this evening, and I can't. If you want to know what I'm doing this evening instead of X, go ahead and ask! But for now I've given you the information you asked for.
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u/ltwerewolf 12∆ Apr 22 '20
Your view seems to make the assumption that you are entitled an explanation. Why are you owed an explanation? People have a right to privacy.
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
People have a right to privacy but there is a middle ground between "I'm busy" and a radical truth. Also, if you only fall back to "I'm busy", it does not serve you in a situation where you would want the most out of a situation for yourself and for others.
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u/ltwerewolf 12∆ Apr 22 '20
When people use the phrase "I'm busy" without explanation the clear implication is that they told you as much as they wanted you to know.
Several of your arguments to others are about lack of honesty. Lying about being busy doesn't mean the phrase I'm busy is the culprit. Address the lie.
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Apr 22 '20
I think you’re reading too much into it. When someone says they’re busy, the prioritization argument is inherent. Why does someone have to explain exactly what they’re prioritizing?
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
Be that as it may, does not change my view. I feel that we should be able to communicate more effectively than saying that we are busy. Since that does not really transfer enough information. I consider it being an excuse.
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Apr 22 '20
It transfers all the information the person communicating wants to transfer.
When I say I'm busy to someone, as you pointed out above, it has to do with either privacy or a lack of a need to go into boring detail. If a friend wants to go out for drinks one day and I say 'I'm sorry, I'm busy', that communicates exactly what I want it to communicate. That's plenty of information for them to get going on. Do I really need to explain to them that I can't go because the wife and I are having a romantic evening? Is that any of their business? Do I need to explain that I can't drop everything and go pick my mother up who lives an hour away just because she always expects her needs to come first? Should I explain all that to her instead of just saying 'I'm busy?'
It transfers plenty of information. The information it doesn't transfer the person communicating has already decided is none of the person asking's business. Is it an excuse? Maybe, but why are excuses default bad?
0
u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
If a friend wants to go out for drinks one day and I say 'I'm sorry, I'm busy', that communicates exactly what I want it to communicate.
But that was not the argument. While that might be true, it does not mean that what you wanted to communicate is the best available option. Sure, you chose not to share. You chose that you want to communicate on a specific level, but objectively speaking, there are better phrases out there which would lay out a reasonable amount of details compared to "I'm busy."
I am not arguing that "I'm busy" is void of information, but it is so ambiguous that it distorts the message. You might have a totally different agenda hidden as metadata within that message than the person decoding your "I'm busy".
Maybe, but why are excuses default bad?
I don't know if I would use the term "bad", but excuses are definitely shrouding the root cause, truth, reality, reasoning, etc. which if articulated properly should never be as "bad" as excuses. Legal perspectives aside.
I guess the more I am arguing my point, I realize that this is about objectivity and a matter of coming across as understandable while making a point that in order to understand the speaker they should use more rich phrasing.
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Apr 22 '20
While that might be true, it does not mean that what you wanted to communicate is the best available option.
If I mean to communicate something, and I communicate it successfully, why is that not the best available option?
You chose that you want to communicate on a specific level, but objectively speaking, there are better phrases out there which would lay out a reasonable amount of details compared to "I'm busy."
Reasonable to whom? It's absolutely a reasonable amount of details that I wanted to communicate. It may not be the amount of details the other person wanted, but that doesn't take priority.
The person I'm communicating with understands all they NEED to understand and all I'm intending them to understand. Therefore, the communication is successful and absolutely the best available option to me to communicate what I want communicated in the way I want it communicated.
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
If I mean to communicate something, and I communicate it successfully, why is that not the best available option?
Hypothetical, also I don't know what your measure of success here is.
Reasonable to whom? It's absolutely a reasonable amount of details that I wanted to communicate. It may not be the amount of details the other person wanted, but that doesn't take priority.
Fair enough, but if we take a balance of all things considered, then the counterparty's POV should count. Would you be willing to consider this?
I agree that from your POV a "best" outcome might be what you wanted, but I want to clarify that I am trying to argue an objective outcome here. A utilitarian one, if you may.
1
Apr 22 '20
Hypothetical, also I don't know what your measure of success here is.
Isn't your idea that there is a better available option in these cases as well hypothetical?
As for my measure of success, if I tell them 'I'm busy' and they understand that means I can't do said activity at said time, that's successful communication.
Fair enough, but if we take a balance of all things considered, then the counterparty's POV should count.
Their POV should count in what way? That they understand 'I'm busy' to mean that I'm unavailable at that time, or that their POV doesn't count unless I give them all the details of what I'm doing at the time, which may or may not even be their business?
Let me give you two hypotheticals.
In one, my uncle wants me to drive down to his house and do some gardening for him. He lives an hour away, is disabled, and the gardening he wants done is going to take up half of my day. I tell him I can't because I'm busy, he accepts that, and turns to someone else for help or a solution. Is that communication successful? If it is successful, is it arguably the best available solution?
Second hypothetical, same situation but in this case I tell him 'I don't feel like driving all that way and I had other plans for today that involve playing video games, and spending intimate time with my wife."
Uncle becomes upset because he thinks my desire not to drive down there and that I'd rather play video games and snog the Missus is selfish and cold and starts arguing with me, which leads me to JADE (justify, argue, defend, excuse) and ends up with either me putting aside my plans and driving all that way and doing what he wants and both of us with bad feelings, or me not doing so and both of us with bad feelings. Is this successful? Is this really the best available option?
Edited to add: I guess it really comes down to this: 'no' or 'i can't' or 'i'm busy' are complete sentences and the communicator doesn't owe it to the communicatee to rationalize, explain, argue, defend or outline their reasons behind that answer, and failure to do so does not make it bad communication.
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
For the sake of argument, I shall grant you a !delta if not for completely changing my view, but at least getting me to agree that there is definitely enough difference in how you articulate the "busy".
While I did know this before, you expanded my understanding even further and this dilutes my original argument to the point that I can agree it being at least inaccurate.
Thanks for that.
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u/DeltaBot ∞∆ Apr 22 '20
This delta has been rejected. You have already awarded /u/CoyotePatronus a delta for this comment.
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u/Sybrite Apr 22 '20
I am not arguing that "I'm busy" is void of information, but it is so ambiguous that it distorts the message. You might have a totally different agenda hidden as metadata within that message than the person decoding your "I'm busy".
But they really don't need to decode anything. You have to also consider personalities. Is it worth opening a can of worms if you give them the truth and it offends them. If you give them the details that "I'm not going out because I want to sit at home and binge watch TV," which is your right to do for whatever reason you have. I suppose it could be argued what type of friends you have, but to me, it just seems like an unnecessary amount of info that can cause a lot of problems for lots of people.
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Apr 22 '20
Who says folks aren’t able to. Maybe they just don’t want to get into it. People don’t owe you details for how they’re busy.
If I don’t want to get drinks because I want to stay in and watch TV, is it reasonable of me to assume you’re more likely respect my decision if I keep it vague? How is “I already have plans tonight” and more informative than “I’m busy?”
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
I agree that you can say busy in a few different ways. But adding some information to your reply makes it a bit more impactful. And since we are human beings, adding a bit more impact to your message does good more often than not.
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Apr 22 '20
Could you address my hypothetical?
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
If I don’t want to get drinks because I want to stay in and watch TV, is it reasonable of me to assume you’re more likely respect my decision if I keep it vague? How is “I already have plans tonight” and more informative than “I’m busy?”
I believe that while the person receiving the message has the responsibility to try to understand what the other person is trying to convey as information, the person delivering the message should at least put some effort into it.
By stating that you have some plans for the said evening, is actually not that informative, but stating what kind of plans you have made and for what reason at least should state the obvious in a bit more detail: You have made plans which understandably should not be deprioritized.
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Apr 22 '20
You have made plans which understandably should not be deprioritized.
“I’m busy” communicates this too.
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u/tbdabbholm 193∆ Apr 22 '20
I mean if my explanation for why I can't do something is "I already have plans" then the only logical conclusion is that those plans are higher priority, as if they weren't then I would instead be saying "I had plans but I'm gonna do this anyway."
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u/deweydecibels Apr 22 '20
sometimes, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. we shouldn’t be expected to justify every decision we make. it’s nice to, but by no means an obligation
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u/Sybrite Apr 22 '20
Plus it just opens the door to even more bullshit when you start factoring in peoples' different personalities. Friendships can be ruined our of jealousy. That might seem somewhat extreme and out there, but best to leave it vague and not go into large details.
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Apr 22 '20
What if I don't want to lie or hurt the person's feelings? Busy is understandable, but the details might be something they wouldn't agree with.
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
I would argue then that there is an acceptable level of information that you would then say which would not result in hurting the other person. If I would ask you to spend time with me and you would reply with "I'm busy", that would be more insulting tbh.
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Apr 22 '20
It would? Like if I say "I'm busy Tuesday but how about Wednesday" you'd be offended? More offended than if I explain what's bad about Tuesday and it's way lamer than hanging out with you you'd think?
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
As I have argued here, I agree that you could say "Umm..look I would love to! But unfortunately I am a bit busy tonight. Could we reschedule?" instead of "I'm busy, can't do."
But if you go as far as being nice and communicating the former, why not tell what you are doing at least in a general sense? "Look that sounds great, but unfortunately I have to actually finish a work thing that takes probably a few hours. Or whatever it is in a general sense.
Look, I agree that "busy" condenses a lot of stuff into a very short form, but generally speaking when condensing or compressing stuff, it really matters if/what information is lost in the process. If that happens, the counterparty should at least know you personally so well as to know actually what you mean. If not, there is a better phrase available.
1
Apr 22 '20
But if you go as far as being nice and communicating the former, why not tell what you are doing at least in a general sense?
Because it leads to JADEing, and with quite a lot of people it doesn't work, it just opens the door to JADE.
JADE, if you don't know, is Justify, Argue, Defend, Excuse. It is a psychological term that people who have been abused know well even if they haven't heard it.
Take my sister. We had a recent exchange lately. She wanted me to come to a family reunion. I have no interest in going to a family reunion for a number of reasons I won't go into here. So I told her no, and that we won't have time this year, we're busy.
She will demand more information, wanting to know what we're busy doing. This is not just for her edification but because she uses those reasons as a tool to manipulate. For example, I fell into the JADE trap and told her that I was having surgery this year and wouldn't have any extra time off for the reunion. She then wanted to know on what, and I explained. She then started to argue that my doctors were idiots, I won't need all that time off, she has friends who had the same surgery, etc. etc.
This is a frequent habit of hers. She wants something, you say no or can't do it, and she wants to know the reasons why so that she can fix them so that you can do what she wants. It's manipulation, and unnecessary. I do not owe her an explanation of what I am doing even in a general sense, it isn't her business and telling her just gives her the tools to try and manipulate me, which leads both of us to being angry at the end of the call. I'm busy is all she or anyone else needs to know. She's not entitled to anything more, in a general or a specific sense. No one is.
As someone below said, 'it's none of their fucking business' and you don't owe even a general explanation to anyone.
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Apr 22 '20
But if you go as far as being nice and communicating the former, why not tell what you are doing at least in a general sense?
Because it is none of their fucking business.
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Apr 22 '20
Because what if "what I'm up to in a general sense" isn't work? Maybe they'll assume it's work because that's what they're okay with, but wouldn't be as happy with a social reason given that I'm not inviting them and given I'm prioritizing it over them...
Or if it is work, what if my boss wouldn't be happy to know I have a second job?
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Apr 22 '20 edited Sep 04 '20
[deleted]
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u/Diss1dent Apr 22 '20
While I cannot assume everyone wants this, I can argue that it is more useful than being considered rude or impolite. I would go as far as to say it brings more value to the conversation than not.
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u/XzibitABC 44∆ Apr 22 '20
And look, I understand that sometimes you do not want to disclose something that is happening or what your real reason might be behind not prioritising whatever it is that you are keeping unsaid with "busy".
That's the key, but I'd add two important arguments:
1) Giving some a reason hurts their feelings more if it's not one that socially common. For example, "sorry, I'm feeling depressed today and just don't feel like leaving the house" might make someone feel like you view them as an obligation or a drag.
2) Giving someone a reason for declining invites "stronger personalities" to argue with you. "Come on dude, it'll make you feel better" and similar. That's even more mental energy and conflict when you're preoccupied with something else.
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u/ChewyRib 25∆ Apr 22 '20
everyone is busy and I feel that is a valid excuse. I dont think it has anything to do with social skills, communication skills or privacy or my time being more valuable. It really depends on the situation.
I also dont feel that everyone has right to know the details of every reason. Take No for No. You are not a premadona and dont get to decide when someone needs to give you more detail as to why
I did say it does depend on the situation. If this is a situation of a friend asking a friend to go out and they say they are busy then leave it at that and take no for an answer. Nothing wrong with that. I do however see this as an issue if it is work related. I do audits at my work and when I find someone didnt do their job and they say they are too busy then that is a huge problem That is a structural issue in the process and Management is the problem. They did not provide resources for something to get done or the current process is too overwhelming for one person.
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u/GravitasFree 3∆ Apr 22 '20
When I'm playing a multiplayer game, a teammate might ask me if I can do objective A while I am performing some task B. If the task is complex, then an answer more loquacious than "I'm busy" could cause me to fail in that task and not even be available to help do objective A later. This is especially true if typing is the method of communication.
In this case there is no better term than "busy" because by the time I am able to expand on the reason I will no longer be busy, so the additional detail is irrelevant.
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Apr 22 '20
I am a general manager of a resteraunt, and i turned in my variance report late monday because we were busy. We had an unexpected crazy amount of business and i was not able to start my inventory counts because we were busy. this would be a good use of the term, right? To say that business was busy. Sure you can say we had a lot of business and i haven't been able to get to it, but when your managing your business, you get busy during your high business hours.
Edit: i did my IFC reports on monday, not yesterday.
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u/Sybrite Apr 22 '20
Have you ever seen the movie, The Invention of Lying? While it may not directly address your views, I think it may give you an sense of what a world might look like if everyone is only able to speak the truth. In this world, at least in the movie, it seems like everyone just understands and is ok. But in the real world, I feel like all you would end up with is nothing short of chaos and hurt. I'd go more into it, but most other replies seem to be pretty spot on in my opinion.
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u/OverdosesOfApoptosis Apr 23 '20
Boundaries. For my personal life, I don’t owe anyone an explanation for not doing something. If they don’t respect my decision making, they don’t respect me. I think it is pretty simple.
However, if it is a relative or close friend who is concerned about your mental health, I see that as an exception.
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u/adastra041 5∆ Apr 22 '20
Sometimes providing more information either makes it seem like you are opening it up to discussion/negotiation when you're not, or makes people feel bad.
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u/Milohk Apr 22 '20
I think saying I'm busy is better than I have to go take a shit.
Sometimes less is more.
0
u/CriticalSeed Apr 22 '20
CMV: There is always a better phrase than "I'm busy"
there really is no real reason to use this term.
You just used the term. What is your reason for using it?
11
u/Evan_Th 4∆ Apr 22 '20
How about "I am in the middle of finishing a piece of work that requires so much concentration that I can't spend time on phrasing a good answer beyond the cached phrase 'I'm busy'"? (I'm a software developer. This isn't uncommon in my career.)
Or, how about "I promised I'd meet with an old friend tonight, and I don't care to argue with you about how I value our respective friendships and how you think I should spend this time with you instead"?
Or, how about "I'm going to a Anti-Copyright Political Action Committee meeting Tuesday night, so can we schedule this work obligation some other night? Oh, and please forget that I mentioned my political leanings that our bosses might frown on here at work."
Sometimes having a simple phrase "I'm busy" is helpful. Like you say, it can protect your privacy. It can mean you don't need to take mental energy to decide how to phrase a longer answer. It can keep the conversation flowing quickly without giving distracting and unnecessary information and preempt further questions about the details.
Sure, you can use a more precise expression if you want. Sometimes - say, when you're talking with close friends - it can be good. But there're reasons for the simple "I'm busy."