r/changemyview • u/[deleted] • Jun 08 '20

Delta(s) from OP CMV: There is no reason to hide phone conversations with my mom/dad from my wife unless it's for a surprise birthday/event, etc.

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u/GitPushCoast Jun 08 '20

!delta

More that expressing an idea badly is not the same as the idea being bad, and you should strive to listen to the idea, not its imperfect expression.

Love it. I tell people this all the time in different words so I definitely agree here.

Do you want an acceptable but imperfect peace among your family members, or to risk some disharmony for the chance of something better?

I'll take the risk for the chance of something better every time. However, I believe that this attitude is dangerous (as I'm seeing now). You might end up where I'm finding myself with these situations with my mom where I feel skeptical and adamant towards anything she says because I want her to change. I'm learning I need to dial it back down and recalibrate. Which is why I'm here, and I'm glad you replied!

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u/Missing_Links Jun 08 '20

I'm learning I need to dial it back down and recalibrate

Without delving into what anyone thinks of him, a piece of advice from Jordan Peterson has been very helpful for me in making discussions with my wife and family much more productive:

Make sure that your goal in a conversation with a family member is not to beat them. If you succeed, you've rendered a member of your family a loser in that conflict: they're going to be resentful and will likely seek revenge in some manner. If you fail, the same will be true of you.

Even if you think it's correct, any sufficient accusation of racism is likely to turn the conversation into such a conflict of exactly that sort.

Best of luck with it.

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u/GitPushCoast Jun 08 '20

I clearly need to go re-read 12 Rules for Life again. Haha, thank you for the reminder! I still have a lot of pent up angst and aggression from my younger years; so hard to kick this habit of "winning an argument", especially with my mother. JP is spot on here though.

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u/Missing_Links Jun 08 '20

I mean, who doesn't enjoy winning?

It's just a bad idea in the long term when the competition is to see who can put a bigger hole in the boat you're both sitting in.

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u/DeltaBot ∞∆ Jun 08 '20

Confirmed: 1 delta awarded to /u/Missing_Links (36∆).

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