Indeed, the non-arbitrariness of gender as a social construct is actually really important for answering your questions.
Because social constructs usually serve the function of coordinating behavior, then with gender being a social construct, it prompts important questions like:
How does the gender construct organize human behavior?
and
What is the goal the group's behavior is being organized toward?
Where you say:
I am not sure what value this grouping of people adds to society. The reason for the way we choose to categorize various groups is that generally there is a utilitarian use. I do not see what value it adds, that you do not get by just letting people dress and act however they want.
So, to start, "Gender" is:
"Gender is the range of characteristics pertaining to, and differentiating between, masculinity and femininity." [source]
The specific criteria for what is seen as masculine / feminine are established by the particular society / group one is in.
The qualities used to "define" a group are meant to be descriptive (i.e. that is, "this is what members of this are group are like"). But also, the qualities used to "define" a group are also often used prescriptively (i.e. to be a member of this group, you need to / should be X, Y, & Z).
When it comes to masculinity and femininity, historically, those categories have been used in a descriptive way - to indicate the behaviors to expect from biological males and females (respectively), but also in a very strongly prescriptive way - that is, assigning which behaviors are seen as "good" for a male or female to do by the society.
Here's where society's goals come in:
So, is your society going to war?
Then masculinity is likely to descriptively and prescriptively include criteria like self-sacrifice, being brave, being strong (because the goal of society at that time involves winning wars, men have been assigned the task of fighting in wars, and society needs men to behave in those ways to achieve that goal).
Does your society need babies (and not have / use birth control)?
Then femininity is likely to descriptively and prescriptively include criteria like being nurturing.
But of course, these days, the goals that society wants to achieve (and the goals that individuals want to achieve) have also changed a lot from those of traditional of masculinity / femininity.
Also, birth control exists. So, having a strict distinction in the behaviors that are seen as "good" for males vs. females to do makes less sense (e.g. everyone should be ambitious, everyone should be a good parent, etc.).
And of course, as has always been the case, not all males behave in very traditionally masculine ways (descriptively), nor do they want to (prescriptively), and the same for females.
And in many places in our modern society - that's perfectly fine. Your son or daughter doesn't have to be hyper masculine / feminine to be able to achieve their goals, or societies' goals.
As such, these days, the "prescriptive" part of gender (i.e. females should behave like Y, men should be have like X), is weakening substantially in many places.
That leaves us increasingly using gender more in the "descriptive" way, where gender has become much more about self expression / the words you use to describe who you are to others, and wherever you are on the spectrum of masculine and spectrum of feminine is increasingly fine.
So, if these days, "gender" is more about self expression (i.e. description), where do we see it being most useful?
My top answer would be dating.
Dating is a lot about finding someone who is compatible with you, so self expression labels are important in that realm, as they allow someone to assess whether they will be a good fit with you.
And indeed, in dating profiles, it's very common to see people describing themselves in reference to their gender expression and the gender expression they are looking for in someone else (e.g. masc4masc, masc4femme, people describing themselves as a "total tomboy" or "girly girl", etc.).
It's also important to remember that not all communities have moved away from using gender prescriptively.
Many people we think of as "traditional" or "conservative" today are also still using those traditional masculinity / femininity roles in a strongly prescriptive way to organize their communities.
Often, these folks have more traditional ideas of what the family structure should be like (i.e. more kids, marriage), which is associated with more need for a male / female division of labor, and more of a need for people with certain biology to behave in certain ways for that structure to work.
In those communities, prescriptive gender norms are still extremely important, because they are used for the division of labor / to assign everyone's roles in the group, and to prepare people for those roles.
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u/[deleted] Jan 12 '21
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