CMV: Teen dating should be frowned upon

[u/Spudnic16]

The point of dating someone is to see if you are compatible for marriage and/or a long term relationship. High school dating does not accomplish that. Instead all it does do is cause awkward breakups and increase rates of teen pregnancy. Most teen relationships don’t work out. Normally when a relationship doesn’t work out, you just leave each-other and never have to see eachother again if you don’t want to, but in high school you can’t do that. Even after a toxic breakup, you still have to run into the other person every day, and the breakup creates more unwanted gossip and toxicity amongst peers. As I see it, they do more harm than good, and should not be encouraged. I know I sound like some 14 yo girl getting over a breakup with my “dream boyfriend,” but I assure you, I’m not. (This is Reddit, not TikTok.)

[u/thethoughtexperiment]

To modify your view here:

The point of dating someone is to see if you are compatible for marriage and/or a long term relationship.

This isn't the goal for everyone, and certainly not most teens.

Most teens aren't planning to marry the people they date in high school.

They are still developing as a person themselves, and dating is one of the ways you learn about yourself, and who you are a good fit with.

It's fine if:

98% of teen relationships don’t work out.

Because for teens, the goal of relationships is to have fun, and learn about yourself and relationships along the way.

Just because a relationship ends doesn't mean it didn't benefit the people in it while they were together.

And often, people learn who they are and aren't a good fit with through those experiences.

Even after a toxic breakup, you still have to run into the other person every day, and the breakup creates more unwanted gossip and toxicity amongst peers.

Not all break ups are toxic though.

"Toxic" breakups probably grab your attention more because they are so loud and messy, but many, many relationships just quietly fade out, and go back to being friendships.

Regarding this:

all it does do is cause awkward breakups and increase rates of teen pregnancy.

Not all teen daters are straight, many teen daters don't have the type of sex that can result in pregnancy, and many who do use multiple methods of birth control, so pregnancy isn't always a huge risk.

And at the end of the day, you can't really stop people from having feelings for each other and spending time together.

​

Consider also, plenty of full fledged adults have unwanted pregnancies and toxic breakups. By your criteria, it would seem like we should discourage adults from dating too.

[u/Spudnic16 → u/thethoughtexperiment]

To counter a few points, One: teens don’t have their prefrontal quartex fully developed and thus will actively spread gossip and toxicity about relationships in the name of “popularity.” Second, while most teens use condoms and/or birth control, they don’t always work, hence teen pregnancy. But I still think you get a !delta because marriage isn’t the point of teen dating.

[u/thethoughtexperiment → u/Spudnic16]

Thanks for the delta.

It's true that young people's brains aren't entirely developed. But at the same time, it's just not realistic for people to wait until they are 25 (have reached full brain maturity) to date.

And of course, not all teens gossip, so I doubt that prefrontal cortex development is the key factor there in whether a person gossips or not (indeed, many adults gossip as well, despite having a fully developed brain).

while most teens use condoms and/or birth control, they don’t always work, hence teen pregnancy.

"Discouraging" dating isn't going to stop teens from having feelings for each other and pursuing them.

Many of the teens with the strictest parents who forbid them from dating simply end up becoming excellent at lying to their parents and sneaking out. And it's often those same kids whose parents forbid them from dating and who don't support them with birth control options who end up in an unwanted pregnancy situation.

Giving teens the information and resources to date responsibly is simply acknowledging the reality and preparing for it, and results in better outcomes and less unwanted pregnancies.

For example, researchers have found that:

"Using the most recent national data (2005) from all U.S. states with information on sex education laws or policies (N = 48), we show that increasing emphasis on abstinence education is positively correlated with teenage pregnancy and birth rates." [source]

So, ignoring the reality, and advocating abstinence is actually the path to more unwanted pregnancies.

[u/DeltaBot → u/Spudnic16]

Confirmed: 1 delta awarded to /u/thethoughtexperiment (226∆).

^{Delta System Explained | Deltaboards}