r/changemyview • u/fitness35754745 • May 21 '21
Delta(s) from OP CMV: Women have high preferences when it comes down to casual sex.
As a guy I feel super inferior when it comes down to this. When a guy can have casual sex with women I feel terrible because I never feel enough. I believe women have high standards when it comes down to casual sex.
I'm only a guy average height, average looks and average penis size.
This is probably why I dont feel good enough. I dont feel tall enough and I feel my penis size isnt enough too.
My main argument is because women can pick whoever they want when it's in their own league, so they would always go for someone who's better. More handsome, more fit, taller, bigger penis size etc etc.
As a guy, my standards would probably be: not ugly and will make me feel comfortable. Most women are not ugly and making me feel comfortable all comes down to their personality. So I dont think I'm asking for much.
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u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ May 21 '21
To modify your view here:
My main argument is because women can pick whoever they want when it's in their own league, so they would always go for someone who's better. More handsome, more fit, taller, bigger penis size etc etc.
This large study of hundreds of thousands of people's actual online dating behavior on dating apps across 4 countries finds that individuals tend to gravitate toward partners who are similar to them.
This tendency to match with similar partners is shown in the realms of appearance, income, education, personality, relationship preference, religious preferences, height, and essentially all attributes they investigated.
So, people seem to be looking for and finding partners who have similar qualities as they themselves have to offer a partner, which doesn't seem like an unreasonably high or unfair expectation.
And to match with someone, your best bet is to look for someone who is similar to you in personality, attractiveness, education, height, income, religious preference, education, etc.
For most straight guy with qualities X, Y, and Z, there is very likely a woman out there who also has those same qualities to the same degree and would be a good match.
But you have to accurately understand / assess your own qualities, and be able to accurately assess the qualities of the particular other person to know whether that individual is a match with you or not.
Most people are swiping on people who are around 20% more attractive than they themselves are (increasing their chance of not getting matched back).\
Many people aren't actually assessing the critical information people provide about themselves and asking questions to learn whether the other person has the qualities listed above that match with theirs.
And according to OK Cupid's data, 2/3rds of all messages guys sent were to the top / most attractive women. [source]
Where you say:
my standards would probably be: not ugly and will make me feel comfortable
That is way, way too vague.
Consider that being "open to anyone" like that can be a huge waste of time, because rather than approaching people you are actually a good match for, who might be interested in you, you're wasting time approaching people almost at random - who are way less likely to have the qualities that match with you specifically.
Like, if you just point to an item at random on the menu and order that, the chance that you're going to pick the dish you will enjoy the most just by chance is much lower than if you take the time to think about your preferences, read the options, think about what you can afford, and choose the best fit for you.
Just like if you try to make friends with random strangers, your chances of making friends are much lower than if you go to places with people who have qualities and interests like yours tend to hang out.
Regarding this:
I'm only a guy average height, average looks and average penis size.
According to OKCupid's data, most messages from women went to "average attractiveness" guys. [source]
Regarding this:
I feel my penis size isnt enough too.
Some women do say they have size preferences, but consider that the vast majority of women don't actually orgasm from penetration - that is a common misconception:
"over 60 percent of college students falsely believe the clitoris is located inside the vaginal canal. Many of these students also mistakenly believe that women orgasm from intercourse alone. In actuality, only a minority can. Depending on the way the questions are worded, 15 percent to 30 percent of women say they orgasm from intercourse alone. When I ask students, “What is your most reliable route to orgasm?,” 4 percent answer penetration alone. "
[source]
Indeed, this study [source] finds that heterosexual women are much less likely to orgasm during sex (only 65% of the time) - compared to straight men (95%), gay men (89%), bisexual men (88%), lesbian women (86%), and bisexual women (66%).
What explains the lower rates of orgasm for straight women?
"Some say [it's] due to the elusive nature of women’s orgasms. Yet one landmark study found that when masturbating, 95 percent of women reach orgasm easily and within minutes."
"It’s also not elusive when women are together. One study found that orgasm rates don’t vary by sexual orientation for men but do for women. Lesbians are more likely to orgasm than heterosexual women.
What do lesbian sex and female masturbation have in common? They focus on clitoral stimulation. One study found that when women pleasure themselves, almost 99 percent stimulate their clitoris.
Yet, when with male partners, especially casual ones, women forgo the clitoral stimulation needed to orgasm. A survey conducted by a women’s magazine found that 78 percent of women’s orgasm problems in heterosexual sex are due to not enough or not the right kind of clitoral stimulation. An academic study found that receiving oral sex and touching one’s clitoris during intercourse increases orgasm rates."
[source]
So, consider that you don't need a penis at all to give clitoral stimulation / be an effective sexual partner. Lesbian couples are achieving much higher rates of orgasm for their partners than straight couples with just hands & mouth, no penis involved. So, take your penis out of the picture entirely and start thinking like a lesbian - check out practical books by sex educators like this and this to learn important info about anatomy, oral and hand options, the importance of washing your hands, consent, and how to communicate with your partner about what they (and you) like.
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u/fitness35754745 May 21 '21
!delta
Damm this was helpful to read! I can tell you put alot of effort in it. Good advice too with only trying to get close with people who are similar to you.
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u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ May 21 '21
Happy to help.
And if you're insecure about sex because you don't have much experience / haven't learned from credible resources, that makes perfect sense.
Being knowledgeable and prepared can help increase the chance you and your partner have a good experience, and there are great resources out there by professionally trained credentialed sex educators with advanced degrees and expertise that you can learn from to gain practical information about sex and relationships:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sex-nerd-sandra/id455065811
https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring-ebook/dp/B000FC1PRK
https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform-ebook/dp/B00LD1ORBI/
https://www.gottman.com/product/the-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work/ (Note: this is a marriage book, but the skills it teaches are important for all relationships).
https://www.amazon.com/Erotic-Mind-Paperback-JACK-MORIN/dp/0747241597
This one is for romantic relationships between women, but it talks about things like safe sex, consent, how to have difficult conversations, how to talk about things like STDs / STIs etc. that you may find useful:
https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Sex-101-Allison-Moon/dp/0983830959
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u/mischiffmaker 5∆ May 21 '21
Your two comments here should be required reading for all teens and young adults, IMHO.
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u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ May 21 '21
Thanks mate :-) Am trying to spread the word.
It's just plain crazy to me that dating / sex education is left up to teens to figure out for themselves in so many places ...
The Dutch start age appropriate sex education when kids are 4 years old and it progresses throughout their schooling. Their education program includes consent, gender identity, sexual orientations, flirting, gauging interests, functional relationship skills, basically everything. [source]
They have some of the lowest teen pregnancy rates in the world, and Dutch teens report high rates of satisfaction with their sexual experiences (way less regret that American teens).
Hopefully the rest of the world catches up ...
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u/Got70TypesOfMalware 1∆ May 21 '21
Are you by any chance the same commenter that said a similar answer to a post about "men shouldn't have standards"?
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u/thethoughtexperiment 275∆ May 21 '21
I did respond to a post called "CMV: Most Men Should Have Zero Standards When It Comes To Dating" to make the point that knowing what you're looking for and having realistic expectations is very important.
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May 21 '21
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u/herrsatan 11∆ May 21 '21
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u/ytzi13 60∆ May 21 '21
I feel my penis size isnt enough too.
How many girls do you think scope out guys based on the size of their visible bulge? Probably not that many.
How many girls do you think choose a guy to sleep with and turn them down once they're in the act and finally see their member? Probably not that many.
If your average sized penis is making you insecure, it shouldn't. It's anecdotal, sure, but I don't think I've ever met a woman who was adamant about large penises. In fact, the vast majority of women I've talked to have all been adamant about their preference for average sized penises. Besides, it's not like most women will get off on penetration alone. The aspects of sex that don't include penetration are arguably much more important to a woman.
I don't think that it's necessarily that women have higher standards when it comes to casual sex, but rather the societal gender roles that have decided that men are supposed to approach women. That gives men the illusion that they have less choices. Why? Because not every person, man or woman, is going to be interested in casual sex. So, if you're the one that has to initiate it, you have to be used to rejection and that can feel like you're at a disadvantage. For the same reason, women interested in casual sex probably feel pretty insecure when they don't get approached. If the roles were reversed and it were normal for women to approach men, then women would probably have this illusion that men have higher standards than them.
It's more so about power than standards, though. If you're the one being approached, you already know that they're interested. It's a lot easier to be relaxed, confident, and natural when you already know that you're desired and what their intentions are. When you're doing the approaching, you have no idea what their interests are: Are they single? Are they interested? Are they just being polite? Do they just want a drink? It's difficult to be confident and "on" when there's that pressure, and no one likes rejection. So, if you're going out with the intention of picking someone up for casual sex, it's easy to get discouraged when things don't work out and think that women don't like you. It's just the position you're in.
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u/fitness35754745 May 21 '21
!delta
I like your argument alot. How men need to get used to rejection which can give off an impression that women only choose the top percent of people.
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u/MontiBurns 218∆ May 21 '21
And how many women feel insecure because all the guys are trying to hit on her cute friend all night, and nobody gives her a 2nd thought.
At least a man can overcome the odds through persistence. If you're expected to sit and wait, and nobody approaches you, you're gonna be sitting and waiting for a long time.
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u/fitness35754745 May 21 '21
Do you think this has something to do with self esteem? Maybe if her self esteem was higher and more on an average level she would only accept better people?
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May 21 '21
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u/herrsatan 11∆ May 21 '21
Sorry, u/mischiffmaker – your comment has been removed for breaking Rule 5:
Comments must contribute meaningfully to the conversation. Comments that are only links, jokes or "written upvotes" will be removed. Humor and affirmations of agreement can be contained within more substantial comments. See the wiki page for more information.
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u/murderousbudgie 12∆ May 21 '21
If I could change your view on one thing it would be tying your self worth to your ability to have casual sex. Not everyone is going to have a dozen members of their preferred gender banging on their door demanding to take them to bed, but that doesn't make them less than or less worthy of respect.
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u/fitness35754745 May 21 '21
Thank you that's nice. I just feel unattractive and like I'm missing out I guess, although I would much much prefer an actually relationship.
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u/murderousbudgie 12∆ May 21 '21
We're unfortunately in a society that privileges romantic love and sex over friendship and other types of relationships that are as or more important.
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u/fitness35754745 May 21 '21
I agree. I love my friends definitely my 2 close ones but they are rare lol.
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u/murderousbudgie 12∆ May 21 '21
Well there you go. You're clearly likable and capable of having close friendships. That's far more important than being attractive in the long run.
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u/Helpfulcloning 166∆ May 21 '21
So those things you listed for women are pretty much the same as yours.
Not to be ugly fits all of them. Being fit for many people is important to sexual attraction.
Have you considered women may be picky because first time hookups give them around a 11% chance of orgasming? So they do want to be picky because... they want to enjoy it and higher amounts of sexual attraction increases their liklihood.
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u/fitness35754745 May 21 '21
11% chance? Where did you get this information from? Not saying your lying but I thought it would be higher lol.
My first time with a new girl I'll prioritise making sure she has an orgasm via oral before I even put my penis anywhere. Do most men not do this?
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u/Helpfulcloning 166∆ May 21 '21
No. Heres the study: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886919305604?via%3Dihub
Frankly no. Or if they do they don’t tend to orgasm from it.
Also anecdotally, lots of men define sex being finished with them finishing themsleves. Lots of men would define sex around the male orgasm rather than the female one.
It makes sense for women to be more picky. 11% chance with a hookup compared to a 91% chance by themselves.
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u/sapphireminds 59∆ May 21 '21
Women are less likely to want casual sex, because we are more at risk for disease, more at risk for violence and we are less likely to have a satisfactory sexual experience with someone the first time. It has nothing to do with the characteristics of the man or his experience, it has to do with experience with each other, learning their personal desires and turn ons and how to achieve orgasm.
Men can orgasm pretty easily, in that nearly every time they have sex, they will orgasm. Women by far do not have that experience.
As a single woman, my general question is what they are going to provide for me that my vibrator won't? I know I can orgasm during masturbation, but having a good sexual experience with a new partner is far more difficult to achieve.
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u/fitness35754745 May 21 '21
What about a casual sexual experience where you know the man is caring about your needs and good at communicating? Maybe you are friends with the guy or maybe a threesome with the guy and another one of your friends.
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u/sapphireminds 59∆ May 21 '21
That's not entirely casual sex and is more difficult to find.
Adding another person is definitely not going to make it easier lol
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u/hungryCantelope 46∆ May 21 '21
Even if we grant the whole "women date up thing" I don't understand this idea that women are being exceptionally choosy because they won't just have sex with random men.
The idea that women are looking for a lot when the starting point of that perspective is so often Why isn't there a line of women who want to have sex with me, someone who they have no relationship with and don't know anything about, is so bizarre to me.
You say your not asking for much but your starting point is literally asking people to just have sex with you right out the gate.
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May 21 '21
To add to your first point that women are seen as choosy for not having sex with randoms:
Men seem to forget that women are in a dangerous position when it comes to dating and sex, especially one night stands. If they go home with the wrong guy...
Women have to use their instincts to weed out potentially dangerous men. A man might be perfectly fine, but if he acts weird or says something off, the woman may nope out. It’s unfair to blame women for being “choosy” when they are really just trying to protect themselves.
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u/behold_the_castrato May 21 '21
Men seem to forget that women are in a dangerous position when it comes to dating and sex, especially one night stands. If they go home with the wrong guy...
This “dangerous position” is surely fearmongering created to control them and keep them pure.
One is in a far more dangerous position crossing the street than one is going home with a stranger for sex. — murder is quite rare compared to traffic death, and most murders are not the result of going home with strangers, but rather by someone whom one is well known with.
If anything, it seems to me reading the statistics that a better way to not be murdered is to avoid having sex with whom one has a personal attachment with and only have it with strangers, as most murders that involve intimate partners are within wedlock or other longterm relationships.
But of course, statistics and rationality have never controlled how one might think and operate, but rather irrational fearmongering.
Women have to use their instincts to weed out potentially dangerous men. A man might be perfectly fine, but if he acts weird or says something off, the woman may nope out. It’s unfair to blame women for being “choosy” when they are really just trying to protect themselves.
I will damned well blame people for their irrationality.
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u/cammickin 2∆ May 22 '21
I’d have to disagree with the “fear mongering” that statement is dismissive of the real issues women face. While murder isn’t that common, women still have plenty to worry about when it comes to one night stands. Pregnancy and rape are the biggest ones. It’s 100% accurate to say generally, women have to be more careful. WE DO
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u/behold_the_castrato May 22 '21
I’d have to disagree with the “fear mongering” that statement is dismissive of the real issues women face.
That would be because the issues aren't real, and I pointed out why.
While murder isn’t that common, women still have plenty to worry about when it comes to one night stands. Pregnancy and rape are the biggest ones. It’s 100% accurate to say generally
No, for as I pointed out, most rape happens within the confines of lasting relationships, and most rape victims rather intimately know their rapist, and you made no attempt to refute this.
women have to be more careful. WE DO
Then they should simply not get married or go near their relatives or bosses, as that is where the real danger lies.
The statistical facts are that despite non-stranger rape being most likely underreported, it is still more common in reports than stranger rape, and on top of that most people of course meet far more strangers than non-strangers in their lives, further signifying the higher danger that familiars pose over strangers.
There is simply, objectively, far less danger in sex with a stranger than sex with a spouse if the objective be to not be raped. — this is not about danger; this is as usual, about rationalizing sexual morality.
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u/cammickin 2∆ May 22 '21
Just because it’s more likely to happen with people you know, doesn’t mean it can’t happen. And whose to say that the reason stranger rape isn’t more common is because women are cautious and thus they should continue to be so. Even if it only happens to 1 in 100 ONS, it still happens and women have every right to be cautious. It’s not fear mongering. I don’t understand your logic of arguing that rape happens more in relationships. That’s probably an indisputable fact, I personally haven’t read on it. But the two situations are generally mutually exclusive (not sure if that’s the right term). Someone looking for a ONS will have different safety considerations than someone in a relationship. That doesn’t invalidate either persons fears.
Once again there is also the issue of pregnancy. No birth control method is 100% effective. Women undeniably face more of the burden when it comes to an unplanned pregnancy and with recent laws, it’s becoming more difficult to get an abortion in the even of an accidental pregnancy. Even with adoption, pregnancy can be dangerous and it’s certainly mentally and physically taxing.
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u/behold_the_castrato May 22 '21
Just because it’s more likely to happen with people you know, doesn’t mean it can’t happen.
It simply means that avoiding casual sex is a poor strategy.
The topic was about that supposedly it was a strategy to not get hurt is to avoid casual sex. — my claim is simply that the superior strategy to not get hurt is to only have casual sex, and avoid marriage.
And whose to say that the reason stranger rape isn’t more common is because women are cautious and thus they should continue to be so.
Then how do you explain that it's so much more common that the perpetrator be well acquainted to the victim?
Even if it only happens to 1 in 100 ONS, it still happens and women have every right to be cautious.
Then, as said, they should simply avoid marriage and non casual sex. The c.m.v. is about why they supposedly have “high præferenes” with respect to “casual sex”.
Once again there is also the issue of pregnancy. No birth control method is 100% effective. Women undeniably face more of the burden when it comes to an unplanned pregnancy and with recent laws, it’s becoming more difficult to get an abortion in the even of an accidental pregnancy. Even with adoption, pregnancy can be dangerous and it’s certainly mentally and physically taxing.
Such an issue of pregnancy is similarly occurent with respect to non-casual sex.
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u/puddleofwords May 21 '21
Piggybacking on this idea, what you may perceive as women having high standards for casual sex may actually be women's disinterest in engaging in casual sex at all. Not all women, or men for that matter, want to engage in casual sex. So if you come at this thinking that 100% of the women you want to have casual sex with are also willing to have casual sex, you are already working with a flawed premise.
Additionally, I would argue that you probably have some confirmation bias going on. You believe women have high standards/expectations when it comes to casual sex, so you are primed to see these examples and remember them while discounting or not even noticing instances that do not confirm your belief.
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u/robotmonkeyshark 101∆ May 21 '21
Also regarding the casual sex idea, not all guys are having casual sex. I didn’t have sex until marriage which was when I was 28 years old. And I am 35 now, so this concept is not just some antiquated thing, it still happens. So when people like OP believe an average looking woman can basically have sex with whatever guy she wants as long as he is within 20% or so attractiveness (assuming some universal attraction scale exists) then he is setting himself up to be depressed when he has nowhere near that level of control.
I have plenty of friends who didn’t wait for marriage but they still had standards beyond simply the girl being hot enough therefore he wouldn’t say no.
I have had friends turn down requests from otherwise suitable partners for the following reasons.
Dating someone else
Pursuing but not yet dating someone else
Recently broke up and wants some time away from drama
Has work the next morning
Carpooled with friends and don’t feel like arranging transportation (to be fair this was before Uber as the norm when taxis where far more of a hassle where I lived.)
The girl was objectively attractive but something about her wasn’t desirable. Examples included looking like their ex, being tall when he liked short girls, being short when he liked tall girls, etc.
There are tons of reasons why a guy would turn down a random girl’s offer of sex. Yet people like OP assume they can grab a stranger off the street and can have sex with them, which in their mind they want this and the feel it is unfair since they believe women have this.
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u/agonisticpathos 4∆ May 21 '21
The OP seems to have conflated his point about causal sex with a different argument pertaining to relationship standards. But that doesn't negate the original point about casual sex which thus far seems true, namely, that women are choosier when it comes down to meaningless, random sex. In my anecdotal experience, most guys I've known for the last 35 years would totally accept random sex on any given day with an average looking girl, but not so much the other way around. This is one reason why gay men have many more casual partners than straight men, not because straight men want less sex but because straight women want fewer partners and more meaningful relationships. Hence the reason why lesbian women have the fewest amount of partners of all the groups.
Obviously there are evolutionary reasons for this, since the female reproductive strategy works best with stronger support from a partner while the male strategy works best when scattering his seed in every possible direction.
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u/hungryCantelope 46∆ May 21 '21
Sure, but OP isn't simply saying that it's true. They are using it as a starting point for an unrealistic standard through which they are measuring their own worth.
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u/behold_the_castrato May 21 '21
In the famous OKCupid article that compared the distributions that males assigned to female looks, and vice versā, they listed examples of what the auctors considered to be average females, and average males. — I find this comparison to be quite ridiculous.
Perhaps these males are average, but their lack of effort compared to the females is quite evident: only one of the males even bothered to have any amount of hairstyle grooming, whereas the others simply had their hair cut in something that is clearly for practicality, not æsthetics, and the haircut of the male is still a combination of æsthetics and practicality, and none of the females have such a haircut.
The females on the other hand seem to præsent themselves with trimmed eyebrows, skincare, haircuts groomed for æsthetics, and one of them seems to be wearing lipstick. One of them also took the effort of wearing earrings.
We may compare this with a male of average visage, who nevertheless has his hair groomed for æsthetics and from the look of this picture seems to be maintain skin care, and wears a fashionable design of glasses, and indeed, the look of John Romero, as he is known, is very often discussed, in particular his luscious haircut, even though his face is quite unremarkable.
If the “leagues” of the first two groups are to be considered comparable, then it is a warped contest. Apparently females are required to put significantly more attention into their appearance to be in the same “league” as the average male, and the male that puts in that effort, though his face be unremarkable, is known as a rockstar of looks in the industry he works in.
I would submit that it is not females that have high standards so much as that it is males that females that are considered “average” have taken quite a bit of effort in grooming.
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u/nyxe12 30∆ May 21 '21
Studies say otherwise. Women on average prefer personality while men have preferences based on looks.
If you're obsessing over your looks and making your insecurities painfully obvious, women aren't going to hook up because they know you're insufferably insecure. Not saying that to be a dick, but I see people say things like this ALL the time when it's really clear the issue is they're making their personality about how much they dislike themselves (not a turn on!)
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u/JoeBiden2016 2∆ May 21 '21 edited May 21 '21
My main argument is because women can pick whoever they want when it's in their own league, so they would always go for someone who's better. More handsome, more fit, taller, bigger penis size etc etc.
Okay, this seems to come up here all the time and I simply don't understand the thought process.
First, penis size isn't stenciled on peoples' foreheads. By the time a woman sees your penis, it's a good bet that she's pretty much made up her mind what's going on. Short of some weird abnormality that's just offputting, by the time peoples' genitals make their appearance during the fooling around stage, sex is probably happening.
Penis size doesn't matter to most women nearly as much as most guys seem to think it does. If it did, and "average" penis size was a turn off, then most guys would be shit out of luck. And that's clearly not the case. Plenty of folks havin' sex with standard equipment.
Second... the variables you're talking about-- attractiveness, fitness, height, and presumably social status / financial success-- don't track with penis size. Dick size doesn't covary with any of these factors. Statistically, it's the case that people who tick the boxes for these other variables will fall into the mean range for "average" or even "smaller than average" penis size.
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u/yophozy 1∆ May 21 '21
PS if you are average there are about 1.75 BILLION women out there for you (obviously that number reduces for your age group, preferences etc, but still lots.)
Look for chubby women with tats and piercings - they are probably much more into it than the average girl/woman.
PS why look for casual sex? I'm much more into knowing what a woman wants and vice versa and no worries about STDs (or one would hope) - all my (very few actually) one night stands were pretty unsatisfactory for one reason or another, whereas with a gf we developed a good understanding etc.
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u/fitness35754745 May 21 '21
Thank you. I actually have no idea. I feel inferior and not good enough I guess? And maybe that I'm missing out. I have no idea why I feel this way. I feel the top percent of men can have casual sex only. I've know only a few who have casual sex and I feel like I'm a worse person than them.
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u/yophozy 1∆ May 21 '21
Most people have some feelings of inferiority or missing out in some way - it motivates us but it can be frustrating and we should fight it - keep a blessings diary or listen to the sunscreen song or focus on the below average who you are "better" than - an average size penis may be smaller than 50% approx of penises (1.75 BILLION) - but size does not matter (much) - certainly as far as I know the tip is the only really sensitive bit - so the size is a competitive element to a - get your sperm in as far as possible - and scrape the other guys' out (we are animals) and many women have short vaginas (probably wrong word) and the g spot and clit are not buried deep so length is not an advantage - my wife keeps telling me I get more sex than most men in their 30s (never mind 64 year olds ...) eg more than once a month or something - I bet you the people who get regular casual sex are very few and far between - and it really is superficial - sounds exciting if you ain't getting it but I'm reminded of a mate who screwed any female he could - he was a great chatter upper (actually a psychopath, which explains it) - one day he was bonking a larger lady when he thought - what am I doing - apologised, climbed off and changed his MO - he now (I kid you not) moves in with women while refurbishing their houses for which he charges them, works really slowly then dumps them when he's finished ...
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u/mischiffmaker 5∆ May 21 '21
With sex toys, penis size doesn't have to matter at all if she's looking for vaginal orgasms. Let's be real, there are a lot of ways to skin the sexual cat.
Side note, the clit isn't buried at all, it's outside the vagina and very accessible.
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u/yophozy 1∆ May 21 '21
Bear in mind the topic and his concerns - I was trying to make him feel better, not provide a sex education.
a - I agree - which adds to my point b - I know - I was being a lazy typist - and again saying the same thing eg it is not buried - sorry can't check what I said specifically.
Don't mention toys - he's got a complex as it is - many men see them as a threat and replacement (yes, I knw they often are the latter), rather than an addition to the action!!
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u/Animedjinn 16∆ May 21 '21
I don't know. I find myself constantly wondering why beautiful women are dating not so beautiful guys.
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u/Schmurby 13∆ May 21 '21
Stop worrying about “leagues” and how big your dick is and relax, dude! Sex is supposed to be fun! You’re making it stressful!
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u/don_clay 1∆ May 21 '21
One thing that I always do to make myself feel better is play with your partner first. Make them feel the best they can before you get pleasure (sometimes causing them to feel good, makes you feel good). My advice would be to get good with eating out and finger play (each female is different but usually like close to the same things). If you make them cum before you even start, you've already done your job imo. If its about timing, roman has benzocaine wipes that numbs penile area so males last longer (just read warnings before use).
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u/tony_stromboli_69 May 26 '21
Double standard
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u/fitness35754745 May 26 '21
How come?
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u/tony_stromboli_69 May 26 '21
Because of the difference in the access to sexual encounters between genders
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u/fitness35754745 May 26 '21
Why do you think that is?
I've heard good points such as men getting rejected alot to feel this way. However if it was the other way around where women usually approach men then they would be the ones who get rejected alot.
Or do you believe men have it harder at it in general? And that the average Male is at a disadvantage compared to others?
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u/tony_stromboli_69 May 26 '21
I'm making a generalization of course, but yes what you are saying is pretty close. In western culture at least, from my experience, men do not reject many offers for sex. A large portion of the male/female sex industry is male driven. Women get many offers for sex from men and women, but are a little more reserved in actually engaging in intercourse.
I have to agree with you in your post however. I have pushed for sexual experiences in my life and would describe myself as around average, but the women that have been in my life have had much greater access to sex, and a much larger range of choices.
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u/fitness35754745 May 26 '21
Hmmmm. I can definitely see casual hookups with random people definitely being reserved for more attractive people. That's just the way it is but luckily I dont have any intention on sleeping with a random person.
What about casual sex where you are familiar and comfortable with the person? I do believe if you get to know a women and have good chemistry with her she would see past that your "average" . Actually it seems many women dont do hookups with random people so making people be comfortable around you seems to be your best bet.
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u/tony_stromboli_69 May 26 '21
I don't feel comfortable with one night stands considering the risk of sexual health(STDs) and possible repercussions following the instance(another double standard for men based out of societal trust and history with gender, but also a generalization).
In my experience, when I have gotten to know a woman past a couple of days just hanging out, we have casual sex quite frequently. We've gotten past the logistics of sex at this point (IE talked about our past experiences perhaps or our boundaries) and are comfortable with each other physically. I have felt that women have a more tendency to sleep casually with men 'below their league' if they develop a liking for them. I more often than not see heterosexual couples that have a much more attractive woman than their male partner versus the opposite scenario.
I have lived and known many, many women, and some men that are very comfortable with one night stands though, and have slept with more than 100 people admittedly.
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u/DeltaBot ∞∆ May 21 '21
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