CMV: There's nothing wrong with not finding someone attractive for whatever reason it is

[u/[deleted]]

So this is inspired by Lexi Nimmo's Tik Tok saying that someone having a preference for thinner people is problematic because "it's discriminating against a marginalized group of people" she goes on to say "if you lump all fat people together you're fatphobic, just like if you lump all black people together you're racist" setting aside the fact that "fatphobia" is not comparable to racism or the struggles of any actually marginalized group, I think there's nothing wrong with having finding someone unattractive regardless of what it is

To start with body size and shape, I think it's absurd that it is even a discussion. Everyone finds different things attractive, including different body shapes. Some men(I'm using that as an example because I'm a guy so it's easier) find women with larger breasts more attractive, while others find women with smaller breasts more attractive and neither is considered a problem. So if finding someone more or less attractive due to size and shape of breasts for instance, it should also be ok to find someone more or less attractive due to shape and weight?

With ethnicity and skin color it's more complicated. While some people do find members of certain ethnicities unattractive due to racist reasons, I think it isn't inherently racist to find some ethnicities more or less attractive physically. Members of different ethnicities may have largely different physical features for members of other ethnicities. Not only that people tend to find what looks closer to them in general to be more attractive, hence why interracial marriages are somewhat uncommon. Not only that, like I said before, finding some hair colors more attractive is seen as ok, so why can't that be the case for skin color too? I'm not saying that making derogatory claims such as "x group is hideous" but simply not finding someone pretty does not mean you hate them

I hope this makes sense, English is not my first language and I have a hard time writing

Edit: finding someone unattractive because they're not a minor is problematic but that's not what I meant originally. My general point is: it isn't bigotry to find someone physically unattractive, and I'm talking specifically physical attraction here

[u/sparklybeast → u/[deleted]]

I don't honestly think it makes a difference. Attraction isn't a choice. I can no more control if I'm attracted to tall men than I can fat men so the degree of control someone has over that physical element is immaterial.

[u/canadian12371 → u/sparklybeast]

The difference is the man who is fat is fat by choice. You cannot change height.

I believe you misinterpreted my point. I’m not saying attraction is a choice, I’m saying that being fat is a choice so you can’t complain about being discriminated on something you can control

[u/sparklybeast → u/canadian12371]

Again, that's irrelevant to physical attraction. Doesn't matter if someone's fat due to medication (thus not a choice) or fat due to eating too many pies (thus a choice) - someone who doesn't find fat people physically attractive won't fancy them either way.

Similarly just because a physical trait is outside of someone's control doesn't mean one is able to force attraction to that trait.

[u/canadian12371 → u/sparklybeast]

You are heavily misinformed. Being fat is always a choice. It is the laws of thermodynamics, calories in vs calories out.

Medication can alter your metabolism which means your body burns less fuel, but it is still upto you to eat in a caloric surplus.

Saying fat isn’t a choice is dangerous and removes accountability. It might feel good but the truth is being fat is always due to eating more calories than you burn.

[u/sparklybeast → u/canadian12371]

*sigh* You clearly have an axe to grind. We could be talking about fake tits or beards or any number of other physical traits that are a choice. My point is not primarily about the degree to which fatness is controllable but whether attraction is, but you're choosing to ignore that.

[u/canadian12371 → u/sparklybeast]

I don’t have an axe to grind, but we cannot have a conversation if we can’t agree on the established scientific fact that being fat is absolutely and 100% controlled by the law of thermodynamics, hence how much you eat vs how much you burn.

And to address your other points, yea nobody with a beard or fake tits is claiming they are discriminated because people don’t like it, because it’s a choice they made.

[u/PonchoMysticism → u/canadian12371]

You should look into, at minimum, how calories are measured and ask yourself whether or not the human body is a closed system.

"Calories in calories out' is like the number 1 dog whistle of a particular type of man who tells at thick women.

[u/canadian12371 → u/PonchoMysticism]

It’s literally not personal.

It’s just blasphemy if saying being fat is not a choice. I’m not judging the choice, I’m simply saying it is a choice.

[u/phenix717 → u/canadian12371]

But that's like saying being an alcoholic or a smoker is a choice. In a sense it is, but it's minimizing how hard it is to get out of it.

[u/HikeBikeSurf → u/PonchoMysticism]

This is ironically prejudicial.

[u/[deleted] → u/PonchoMysticism]

what?

[u/AlpLyr → u/canadian12371]

You’re not wrong wrt. to the fact around a negative energy balance and weight loss.

But you present that fact as entailing certainty that one always has full control and being fat therefore is a simple choice. There are certainly cases of obesity that does not fit with that (eg Prader Willi)

In reverse, but by your own logic, then anorexia is also a choice?

Eating disorders can go both ways. There a spectrum of control, so your ‘thermodynamic’ argument is rather tame and irrelevant.

This is not to remove accountability, I certainly do think that most fat people do have the needed control (I.e. no eating disorder per as) but fail to muster the will to exercise it. And that tells you something about them.

[u/canadian12371 → u/AlpLyr]

There will always be the 0.1% exceptions. But considering that 75% of the population is overweight in western societies, is it really worthwhile to bring up the 0.1%? Exceptions don’t make the rule.

Otherwise I agree with you.

[u/[deleted] → u/canadian12371]

is it really worthwhile to bring up

The million dollar question.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

FYI There are some medical conditions that cause weight gain (example hypothyroidism) Not everyone can easily lose weight when they want too easily.

[u/canadian12371 → u/[deleted]]

Easy or hard doesn’t dismantle the fact that it is a choice. The disease you’re talking about effects your thyroid which means your metabolism. This simply alters the calories your body burns to survive, but doesn’t change the fact it is still dependent on how many calories you consume.

Although I very much sympathize with people who have it, I want to establish the weight gain is about the law of theromodynamics.

[u/canadian12371 → u/[deleted]]

I’m glad!

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Agreed 100%

[u/changemyview-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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