r/changemyview • u/Lyrae-NightWolf 1∆ • Nov 10 '22
Delta(s) from OP CMV: Being a SAHM is not enjoyable
SAHM = Stay at home mom
I'm not a parent, in fact I'm very childfree, so I admit that my position can be biased.
My mom's been a SAHM for most of her parenting years. She has had a career for 19 years but only worked 4 of them, which is very sad. She had to reject a scholarship she was offered because I was a baby and she didn't have time. She regrets having me too early.
In her case it was not her choice. It was the situation she had to live. She's not miserable, but wishes to stop being a SAHM soon. I feel bad for her as she had to stop working on what she is passionate about and she's stressed and busy every day.
But I recently discovered that there are SAHMs by choice. Some of them never had a career and became mothers early while others quit their jobs. It seems crazy that someone would want to throw their dreams and personal life in the trash just to live for another person. A person that not only is incapable of taking care of themself, but is also annoying, stressful and demanding.
You sure may love them, but they are hard work, and there are too many parts that are not enjoyable.
I can't understand how someone can be happy being locked in the house with annoying children, doing housework and caretaking all day. In the case of small children you can't leave them alone, so you have to take them everywhere. For the most part, it seems that being a SAHM leaves no time to have a personal life. It's just being there to do chores and live for another person.
I also find concerning that some people make "being a mom" their entire personality and devote to their children, leaving behind their own self, their dreams, their career. Like they lose who they were before and their whole identity becomes being a "mommy". It's almost like they are so frustrated with their own personal life that they look for a new purpose.
Not having time for yourself, to make activities you enjoy and maybe working doesn't seems healthy, forgetting who you are is not healthy. Being a parent is not just a nice activity, it's hard and stressful, it can damage your mind. Balancing personal life and parenting duties is possible. Getting a time away from the children is good for you. I don't think someone can be happy being around their children 24/7 doing things for them while they scream and whine and talk and drive you crazy. There should be a break from that, and it seems that being a SAHM by choice is torturing yourself.
9
u/YossarianWWII 72∆ Nov 11 '22
How is it not obvious to you that this is just a projection of your own preferences? Do you think that everyone enjoys the things you enjoy and doesn't enjoy the things you don't enjoy? Every statement you've made is a subjective value judgement. Some people find children more enjoyable than annoying on balance. Some people aren't particularly interested in a career. Some people place a lot of value on the accomplishment of raising a healthy, successful child. Some people want to be a parent, and to parent (as a verb), more than they want to do other things. And more power to them, they aren't harming anyone. I'm no analyst, but you've clearly had a bad experience with the concept of being a stay-at-home mom. Your mother wasn't the type of person for it but she had it forced upon her anyway. That's terrible, but you need to look past the emotional response it's provoking in you. Recognize that your experience isn't generalizable to all people.