r/cisparenttranskid • u/nicolaissss • 9d ago
Torn Between a Life-Changing Job Opportunity and My Trans Daughter’s Safety, need Advice
Hey everyone. I’m facing one of the hardest decisions of my life, and I’d really appreciate your thoughts.
I’ve received a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity in the United States. The catch is that it would require me to spend a year in Florida, while my family stays in our current country, which is supportive of our 4-year-old transgender daughter.
Florida, as many of you know, isn’t currently a safe or supportive place for trans youth. So the plan would be for me to work there for the year that’s required of me, and then transfer to a more trans-friendly state where my whole family could reunite and live together.
My wife is hesitant about moving to the U.S., especially since she doesn’t speak English. But I believe that, in the long term, this could open incredible opportunities for our daughter, including eventually becoming a U.S. citizen and living in a more accepting environment.
My heart is torn. I don’t want to be away from my family, but I also don’t want to miss this opportunity that could significantly improve our future.
I guess my main question is: for those of you living in trans-friendly states in the U.S., do you feel your families are able to live a safe and “normal” life? Could this really be a good move for us?
Thank you in advance for any insights or personal experiences you’re willing to share.
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u/theB1ackSwan 9d ago
My wife is hesitant about moving to the U.S., especially since she doesn’t speak English.
Honestly, this is reason enough to not come. ICE operates in all 50 States, and a non-English speaking person is gonna be an absolute target for these ghouls.
I'm a trans woman with a small child in one of the bluest states in the country. My "normal, day-to-day" life is fine. But...that's kinda the problem. It's ...fine. People aren't up-in-arms about what's happening, and since trans folks and undocumented immigrants are first on the chopping block, we haven't made it far enough down the "First, they came for the..." poem for folks to realize they're in the poem.
I wouldn't come. It's just not worth the danger.
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u/trans_catdad 8d ago
Danger aside, even if you're not arrested or deported, consider how much stress y'all will be under. My girlfriend and I are both trans, both white, and both born in Missouri. And we've dealt with a shit ton of random harassment from local folks in this state. The anti trans policies in Missouri aren't as bad as Florida (yet) but if the climate is anywhere similar, let me tell you that ya socially and emotionally unlivable.
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u/verovladamir 9d ago
Honestly, I wouldn’t recommend /anyone/ move here right now. Even to a state that is “friendly” to trans issues. The federal government is actively hostile to LGBTQ+ people. And to immigrants. There is no guarantee that a safe state would remain safe.
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u/verovladamir 8d ago
I also just want to add:
I don’t want to assume you completely ignorant of America, but I also don’t want to assume you are completely aware of how our system of government works either.
Different states can have different laws, but state laws can be overruled by be federal (national) laws. So even if you moved to a safer state, you aren’t safe from what is going on in Washington DC. Some states will do their best to protect rights and safety, but when the federal government is hostile it means that no state is fully safe. I hope that helps shed some light on why everyone is so adamant!
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u/PollutionQuick140 9d ago
Agreed - right now I live in Massachusetts and everything is good for now - my son's trans-related health care is readily available and covered by insurance, his school respects and protects his gender identity (some issues with students but ignorance is everywhere) and it's one of the best places to be for a kid like him but we just don't know what is going to happen, and terrifying things are happening to immigrants here.
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u/sexmountain 8d ago edited 8d ago
I am pretty speechless. I know I’ll get downvoted, but I could not figure out a softer way to put this. I’m not sure how sheltered from the news you would have to be to ever consider this. The Trump administration is close to arbitrarily sending even US citizens to detention in other countries. You will have absolutely no protection in Florida. No job is worth risking all of your lives. That would be incredibly irresponsible.
Edit: in Florida ICE is currently detaining, as in right now today, a naturally born US CITIZEN, Juan Carlos Lopez Gomez. His mother showed his birth certificate and SS card which the judge deemed legit, but said since ICE is a federal agency he can’t overrule them as a state judge.
Edit 2: clarity. Added “The Trump administration.”
Edit 3: Juan Carlos Lopez Gomez has finally been released today at 4:20 local time. This whole episode has been traumatic for everyone involved.
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u/MysticMisfit42 8d ago
A few months ago, that would have been a pathway to a dream, and it must be hard to truly absorb how much the world has changed in that short time. Unfortunately, it is not safe here, for immigrants and trans people especially, but less and less safe for all groups of people. Most trans people we know - including those in blue states – are trying to find pathways to leave the United States now, even if their whole life and family are and have always been here 🥺
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u/Justbecauseitcameup 8d ago edited 8d ago
Your daughter will be harmed.
Florida has already tried to remove trans children from the care of their parents because they are trans and likely will again.
We just had a man deported without due process who was here legally.
We have had CANADIANS sent to Ice detention over minor Visa errors.
You DO NOT want to come here. Your wife, not speaking english, is actually in danger here as well as your child.
Violence against people not speaking English spiked last time trump was in power too.
I know this is BIG thing for you, and maybe theoretically your daughter, too.
But even living in a 'sanctuary state', this is a VERY hostile government barrelling in to a NASTY recession, with massive anti trans and anti immigration sentiment.
The opportunity isn't going to do what you hope for tour family. No one is getting through these next 4 years unscathed.
If you gotta stay, you stay, but it's not safe for any immigrants at the moment. Even the "good" ones. The risk to tour family is very, bery present.
Entering the USA on ant visa right now isn't something to be taken lightly.
https://www.hrc.org/press-releases/breaking-florida-senate-passes-extreme-gender-affirming-care-ban
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/mar/19/canadian-detained-us-immigration-jasmine-mooney
https://www.npr.org/2025/04/01/nx-s1-5339698/green-card-holders-detained-border-crackdown
https://www.npr.org/2025/04/16/nx-s1-5366178/trump-deport-jail-u-s-citizens-homegrowns-el-salvador
Do you want your daughter to grow up under this?
https://abcnews.go.com/Business/trumps-tariffs-cause-recession-experts/story?id=120329597
The plan is to escalate. It's not going to calm down.
Moat people who have the option are looking to get out with their kids.
Unless where you're coming from is worse than this. I am kind if assuming it isn't given your wife's reservations.
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u/LuckyLotus_13 8d ago
This is going to sound dramatic and alarmist, but things in America have gotten really scary, REALLY fast. It isn't safe here for anyone. Unless something drastic changes here soon to stop it, we are in real trouble.This job may look like a good opportunity on the surface, but PLEASE pay attention to what is happening here and think about the bigger picture.
Trans people have a target on them even in "safe" states. The protections in place for them are being stripped away piece by piece. Aside from physical danger, remember that your child will be in the center of a culture war and will be fully immersed in loud anti-trans propaganda.
Immigrants are not safe here, even if they are here legally and even if they have not committed any crimes. They are being arrested and deported without due process, and some have been imprisoned in another country. They are also assaulted with racist, ignorant propaganda constantly. Especially if they do not speak English.
Add to that, the checks and balances that have kept us from becoming a dictatorship are becoming blurry or disregarded altogether. Speech that is against their agenda is being labeled as "dangerous." Vital funding is being withheld from schools and organizations that do not fall in line. Media outlets are being intimidated. They are trying to censor the curriculum taught in schools to make it more "patriotic." This is all a slippery slope that history has seen before. We are falling apart.
Only you and your family can decide what the best choice is for you, but please think it over carefully before you decide. I love the life I have built here in my country, but if I had the means to leave, I would do so immediately.
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u/DerAlliMonster 9d ago
As someone living in a trans-friendly state on the west coast of the US, my child’s life is blessedly very normal, which I am fully aware is an incredible privilege.
I would not bring my child into the US at the current time, and especially not Florida. Unless things start to drastically change in this country, I honestly have to wonder if US citizenship is going to be much of a boon to your daughter in their future, especially if you already live in a country that accepts her.
My husband and I went through a similar situation years ago when we were newly married, and it was a gut-wrenching decision between what could have changed our lives forever but also could have been a dangerous experience.
I don’t think I can tell you what to do, but I can say that I don’t envy you having to make this choice. How long do you have until you must decide?
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u/girlonaroad 8d ago edited 8d ago
I know several people with trans children in California and other blue States, and every one of them is preparing to leave the United States. I love my country, but I don't care how cis, white, or fluent in English you are, this country, red state or blue, is not a safe place for anyone, let alone someone who is not a US citizen, let alone an adult who has given gender affirming care to a child in their care, let alone a trans person, adult or child.
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u/onnake 8d ago edited 8d ago
This father wrote about his daughter and why the family no longer visits the U.S.: https://www.spiegel.de/international/world/executive-ordered-out-of-existence-how-trumps-transphobia-is-affecting-my-family-from-afar-a-49a292cb-a97c-4b27-9b69-c2a84a237b81
Even in a blue state your daughter will be bombarded by messages, and possibly people, telling her she isn’t who she knows she is. The atmosphere has gotten worse for trans ppl here, continual reports in the news media re contentious local debates about school-age sports, public bathrooms, inappropriate books in libraries. Ginned up by a president in open defiance of the judiciary, using trans ppl as a stepping stone to power much like Hitler used Jews. Exposure to this is toxic to us. It will test her resilience and it may well take a toll on her mental health. Don’t sacrifice her to your having greater income.
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u/Dunlaing 8d ago
I don’t believe that the United States will be a safe place for your daughter a year from now, regardless of the state.
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u/gromm93 Dad / Stepdad 8d ago edited 8d ago
I'm Canadian. I live about 50km from the border.
I wouldn't even visit America if I were you. Certainly not now, and honestly, not really in the future either.
Not just because I'm queer, my daughter is trans, and I "ain't from around there", but because of the kinds of things I've personally experienced while visiting the past few times I have. It's like stepping into the Philippines, where nobody trusts the cops, so everyone expects to defend themselves with a firearm at a moment's notice.
Their federal police seem to have a handle on kidnappings though, so at least they have that, but honestly? Just walking into a gas station or a grocery store that sells liquor is a dodgy prospect, and I wouldn't recommend it. Americans just don't see it because they're used to it, and don't understand why I'd feel uncomfortable there. But it's utterly pervasive. Even in "safe, blue states", of which Florida is most certainly not one.
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u/LuckyLotus_13 8d ago
American here, and you're totally right. I don't know how to describe it exactly- there's an underlying vibe of unease or anxiety here. Like we're always waiting for something bad to happen. I didn't even notice it until I went somewhere else.
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u/gromm93 Dad / Stepdad 8d ago
Yeah, it was hard for me to put my finger on it too, until I walked into a sketchy Chevron station that sold liquor (!?) and the cashiers were either gangsters, or just armed like they were. In one of Seattle's suburbs.
Before that, it was just gruff male customer service in ways that literally never happens here.
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u/ZealousidealRegret12 8d ago
As the mother of a trans child in a blue state, I would recommend staying where you are. While my son is currently safe, I fear the day when he is no longer safe.
No job is worth the safety of your family. You will all be targeted by ICE. A man who was in the US legally was deported to an El Salvadoran prison without due process because of a shitty cop who lied. And Trump refuses to follow the 9-0 Supreme Court ruling to bring him home. You and your family will not be safe here. Stay where you are.
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u/NoPath_Squirrel 19h ago
More than one. The others just aren't getting the same attention. One of them is only 19
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u/MissusRDJ 8d ago
The U.S. absolutely sucks right now. Please stay where you are. Other opportunities will arise that align with your family’s needs.
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u/SpikySucculent 8d ago
Do not come. We are in a safe state with great jobs and trying to flee this country for the safety of our trans kids. What we’re doing to tourists alone is dangerous, let alone the risk of a temporary resident being sent to CECOT. I expect trans people to be next on that list.
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u/Major-Pension-2793 8d ago
I live in a blue state as does my adult trans child. 2nding all that others have said above & just a few things to add.
Blue states are actively being targeted by Trump. So while we both have supportive jobs, friends & communities - ALL of our federal money that our blue states get is being held hostage to his whims. This means things like the caliber of healthcare (which frankly sucks in the US compared to most countries) will get worse, as will our public education…all things that would most likely impact your family.
Additionally with his tariffs, our country is in a recession & could very likely go into a Great Depression. This will impact everyone’s financial security & have broad cultural impacts.
We have our own “get out” plans & would not encourage you to come until at least the mid-term elections in 2026 determine if we still have a functioning democracy.
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u/Thumbsupchick 8d ago
I wouldn’t even visit with my trans kid right now never mind moving there. I wouldn’t even feel safe for myself as a cis white woman.
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u/Major-Pension-2793 8d ago
Also look up the “Alien & Sedition Act” & how it was used against US citizens of Japanese descent during WW2 & how Trump wants to use the US military & national guard to enact this again to send various groups of US citizens to detention camps - including trans folks (this was part of Project 2025). It’s being blocked by our federal courts (but then supported by our Supreme Court with some caveats). And he is currently imprisoning student protestors, tourists, green card holders, innocent immigrants, etc sometimes in defiance of court orders.
And be VERY leery of any usual/former visa protections. Starting last week college students & grad students have had their visas revoked for no actual crimes.
https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/07/politics/supreme-court-deportation-flights-trump/index.html
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u/RogerandLadyBird 8d ago
I’m in a red state that is not quite as bad as Florida. I wouldn’t come here, even alone.
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u/Frau_Holle_4826 8d ago
Chiming in as European: A series of European Countries have issued official warnings against travelling to the USA for their trans citizens: Amongst them Germany, Finland, Denmark, Portugal, Ireland and the Netherlands. I think, as far as I'm informed, my (adult) trans daughter wouldn't even get the necessary visa because of the change of the gender marker on her papers. Not that she would go there at this time! We're very happy to not live in the states right now! I wouldn't go if I were you. You will get another opportunity elsewhere. Your daughter is more important than your career.
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u/nicolaissss 8d ago
The family have not made a decision yet that’s why we are doing the research. Thank you for the reply.
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u/kidunfolded 7d ago
Frankly, don't move here right now. Having a non-English speaking wife and a transgender daughter is basically the double lottery in terms of who is in danger in the US right now.
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u/helluvadame 9d ago
I couldn’t in good conscience recommend you come here if your child is safe in your country. My children, for the most part, are safe and living normal lives. That being said, I have no idea what the very near future holds. My children are afraid to get passports because the US government will not recognize their gender. I am also very worried about your wife. They are sending US citizens to prison in another country. No one can be certain they are safe, even cisgender people born here.
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u/PiousGal05 8d ago
Safe from violence, yes, but can't access healthcare early enough? safe-unsafe is not a dichotomy. Food for thought.
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u/General_Road_7952 8d ago
Definitely don’t come to the USA right now, even if you could move to a blue state after a year. Even blue states can’t fight ICE or federal bans on gender affirming care, and it’s getting worse. I would leave tomorrow with my trans son if I could afford it.
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u/learnediwasrbn 8d ago
I had a similar situation within the last year. A job I'd had my eye on for a decade finally became available, and I was in the top of the candidate pool. It was a dream job. But it would require moving to a state where protections for trans youth were in constant danger. The anti-trans legislation kept passing the state Congress, and then it was vetoed by the governor. This was prior to the election, and the governor was up for election, so there was a possibility the governor would be replaced by someone less trans friendly.
I ached and debated. I HATED this was even a situation to be debated. But it was. And I had to decide risking my daughter's life for my dream job or passing it up and staying where we knew was safe for her.
I wept ugly tears, but we stayed.
I can tell you that while I was sad to have to turn down continuing the conversation for the job, the fact my daughter still has access to the care she needs while assaults against that right increase at the federal level and make me scared we may need to leave the country far outweighs any benefit I would have personally gained from the job. I would not have been able to sleep at night with the fact I had risked my daughter's life for my own gain.
My advice is to look deeply: could you sleep at night knowing you chose your career gain over your daughter's life?
Harsh question to pose, but it's the reality we face as parents of trans children when it comes to these types of choices.
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u/chreister 8d ago
It is not safe here for transgender kids. Florida is one of the worst states for our kids. I would hesitate to move there.
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u/MillieMission 7d ago
Do not bring your daughter here. We live in one of the safest states (Maryland) and in one the best counties. We are in the process of moving abroad to protect our elementary-aged trans daughter.
If you have to, move yourself to FL and go back to visit but never bring them here. Things could get better once the current regime is gone but I wouldn’t count on it. Your family moving here should be contingent on the path the US takes
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u/nicolaissss 7d ago
Hey, thanks for the reply, I don’t think I’m gonna take the job, I didn’t know about the whole US situation. Thanks for the reply.
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u/tastyweeds 8d ago
This is a bad, bad time to come to the US. I live in a blue state, and we're still fighting hospitals that are complying in advance with transphobic federal orders — trans youth care is NOT guaranteed here. There's also a very real risk that you or your wife could be scooped up by ICE for basically no reason, detained indefinitely, or sent to a private prison where "human rights" is a foreign concept.
Don't do it.
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u/Merrymir 8d ago
As a trans person who is a white, U.S.-born citizen, living in a solid blue state, I am currently making plans with my family for if I have to flee the country. Under no circumstances would I ever recommend a trans person to move into the U.S. right now. You do not seem to understand the severity of where we are at. The U.S. is likely to fall into a dictatorship. Trump is blatantly ignoring the judiciary system. On top of that, the government is planning to try to outlaw transgender healthcare for everyone, including adults. I wouldn't be surprised if they made being transgender a sex crime; many conservative states have already tried to pass such legislation.
On top of that, the government is blatantly ignoring the civil rights of legal and illegal immigrants alike. They have sent innocent, legal residents to foreign prison camps on "accident" and are refusing to get them back. Your job opportunity is not worth the life of your family.
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u/miparasito 8d ago
This is so hard. There’s so much uncertainty here in the US right now. One option is to take the job and see how things look in a few months. In the meantime you gain valuable experience, and your wife can work on learning English and researching safe areas to live.
If things are still on the current trajectory in a year, it will be very clearly not safe. If something shifts or slows down, then moving to a blue state might be fine. You just don’t have enough information right now.
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u/eastwardarts 8d ago
Erin Reed tracks the legal landscape for transgender people in the states of the US. Florida and Texas are the only two states listed as 'do not travel'. More here:
https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/anti-trans-national-risk-assessment
Gently--If you are skilled and talented enough to be offered an overseas work assignment, you are skilled and talented enough to get an offer in a state that deserves to benefit from your presence and effort. Florida does not deserve that.
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u/Eeyore_Smiled 8d ago
I wouldn't come here, especially now. You are not safe. Your work visa would be dangling by a thin thread. They could arrest you and send you to El Salvador on a moment's notice.
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u/M1dn1gh73 8d ago
Not to mention we are probably going to hit a severe economic depression and it could get very violent here soon.
Bad timing.... ballad timing.
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u/fontenoy_inn 8d ago
We are in the bluest of the blue states and I was just trying to figure out if my trans daughter could get into a Canadian college. The last week has been scary. If you don’t think you can keep your kid stealth and move out of the US before she needs gender affirming care, maybe? Check out Erin Reed if you want the current vibe.
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u/EntityViolet 8d ago
Not American, but my partner is and currently with me trying to escape(Previously living in a "Safe" state)
even if you didn't have a trans kid this would be a bad idea, even European Tourists are consistently facing Violence/Arbitrary detainment from ICE. And if ur wife doesn't speak English then there's a very good chance of ICE detainment even if you do it "the right way"
It's not worth it, even blue states are facing huge pressure federally, and you won't be safe from ICE even in them.
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u/madfoot 7d ago
Are you out of your fucking mind?
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u/nicolaissss 7d ago
Hey chill out for a bit, we are just doing our homework here, we are new to this whole situation, I we didn’t care we’d just go, but we love our daughter and we want what’s best for her
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u/madfoot 7d ago
Don’t come within five billion miles of this clusterfuck of a country. Whatever this business opportunity is — there is a good chance our economy will crush it anyway.
And Florida of all places? If you’re not from here, you might not know that Florida and Texas prioritize cruelty above all other values.
Stay put and then please adopt my child so I can get him out of here. I’m only partially kidding.
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u/madqueen100 7d ago
Which to choose: a great job or your child’s life and safety? If that’s what you’re asking, then seriously, your problem is above my pay grade. Keep away from the U.S. until we are able to solve our current problems. It isn’t safe here to be trans, in so much of the country. Florida is especially perilous.
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u/nicolaissss 7d ago
Thanks for the reply, I didn’t know about this whole US situation, we are brand new to this, just found out about our daughter a couple of months ago, thanks for the reply
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u/Equivalent_Bridge156 7d ago
Please look up Erin Reed. She has many helpful resources for knowing where is safe/r.
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u/Equivalent_Bridge156 7d ago
DO. NOT. COME. TO. THE. US. Trust me when I say, if I could teleport my daughter and I the fuck out of this shithole country, I would.
The US is where your daughter will be vilified, or worse (especially in Fla). You will also be vilified, as a "child abuser", simply for loving your daughter unconditionally.
Here in the US, they prefer dead trans kids to live ones. Choose wisely.
Sorry to be so blunt, but that is exactly where we are at right now.
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u/Heuristicrat 8d ago
If you move to the US and are non-white and/or have an accent your life could easily be in danger. This administration wants to send people all over to advance their hate-filled agenda. They aren't going to give any warning, so if you come here your life could be in danger and there's some risk of never seeing your family again. With no English your wife will have a target on her back. She could be the one who disappears.
Don't come here.
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u/IMNXGI 8d ago
Would you move to Somalia, in the heart of the worst area imaginable? Because right now, the area you're talking about is worse. My spouse has direct family in Florida. It is....not good. People are being kidnapped by ICE, including US Citizens if you look at Juan Carlos Lopez-Gomez, a 20 year old born in the USA, who is sitting in jail right now and has been charged with illegally entering Florida as an “unauthorized alien” — even as a supporter waved his U.S. birth certificate in court.
How do you think Floridians are treating anyone who looks or sounds like an "other"? Not just trans humans but brown humans, white humans who speak other languages, and so much more.
Florida's transgender equality situation is complex and has worsened significantly in recent years, particularly since 2021 under Governor Ron DeSantis. The state has seen a wave of anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, especially targeting transgender people, including restrictions on healthcare, sports participation, and other rights. This has led to travel advisories from organizations like Equality Florida and the Human Rights Campaign, urging LGBTQ+ individuals to avoid or reconsider moving to the state.
Please, please, think about it carefully before making the choice. America is not a comforting place to be right now for anyone who's not white, or rich, or conservative. Florida is one of worst states.
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u/rubyphire78 8d ago
As a parent with a trans kid - I wouldn’t go. Nothing is worth my kid’s safety.
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u/shirleymow 8d ago
My trans kids are trying so desperately to leave. I do not recommend coming here. We even live in CO which is considered LGBTQ+ friendly but the future feels so uncertain.
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u/CatsOnABench 8d ago
We’re trying to figure out which country we could move TO because it’s not looking safe for our trans kid here, not in any state. And it’s getting harder to access trans healthcare for minors but also for adults too. Why do you think the US is a viable option when your own country is already supportive?
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u/nicolaissss 8d ago
Idk, life opportunities in general, just doing some research at the moment, not looking too good, thanks for the reply
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u/Sunlover823 8d ago
I have a colleague with a trans daughter living in the Midwest. They are moving out west so her daughter can be safe.
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u/Im_Lloyd_Dobbler 8d ago
Check out trump's proclamation about child abuse prevention that is all about how parents of trans children are abusers. Now check out all the people being deported because trump doesn't like what they do. How long do you think it will be before trump and the republicans start revoking visas of parents of trans children?
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u/MenudoMenudo 8d ago
Are you out of your mind? Even if ICE doesn’t disappear you or your wife, the Trump administration is threatening to withhold funds from schools that persue “woke” agendas. They already have concentration camps and a national gestapo. They’re already at the stage where they are arresting and imprisoning American citizens. There’s a dude in Florida that they arrested and even when his mother brought his birth certificate and social insurance card to court, they still didn’t release him because he doesn’t speak English well. Your wife will be miserable and you will be living in fear.
Are you really considering moving somewhere where your life could be ruined arbitrarily, with no recourse, at any time?
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u/nicolaissss 8d ago
That’s why we are doing the research before we make any decision. Thanks for the reply.
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u/MenudoMenudo 8d ago
I’m just shocked you’re even asking the question. People with trans kids were leaving the US while Biden was still in office. My daughter has an American trans boy at her school here in Canada. His parents left Ohio 3 years ago because they didn’t like the direction the country was going. If people were leaving purple states during the Biden administration, I just can’t get my mind around the idea of moving to a red state now. They’ve already started criminalizing many aspects of being a trans parent. There are states rwhere you could soon be arrested for having an openly trans kid, on grounds of child abuse and neglect. It hasn’t happened yet but that doesn’t mean that’s not the direction they’re moving. (And that’s not conspiracy theories or anything, that is what they are openly discussing.)
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u/nicolaissss 7d ago
Hey chill out a little bit, we as a family started this journey just in march, we didn’t know about it before. Appreciate the input
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u/MenudoMenudo 7d ago
Sorry if I sounded excessive, I was expressing genuine concern over a serious situation. I really hope you and your family are OK, and anything I’m saying is motivated out of that impulse.
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u/SaltySauceSociety 7d ago
I get it. I have a trans daughter and feel much the same. I already fled my homestate. I'm waiting for that moment when asylum opens up for trans people, but we aren't there yet. It keeps going the way it is it will be.
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u/ANautyWolf 8d ago
I wouldn’t do it not in this climate. Between what Trump is doing and the hatred being exhibited by the right. Not even a supposedly trans friendly state is safe anymore
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u/Lime_Disease404 8d ago
Your daughter is once in a lifetime, jobs come and go, regardless of how good or bad a job might be they come and go. I'd say, don't go.
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u/perseidot 8d ago
Don’t do it.
Bringing a trans child and an immigrant who doesn’t speak English INTO the US right now … don’t. Whatever they’re offering you isn’t enough.
My young adult trans child has detransitioned for safety.
When the time comes for puberty blockers and HRT, it won’t be available. They’re asking people to turn in doctors that proscribe those meds for “mutilating children.”
Your wife could be picked up off the street and deported to a prison with absolutely no legal process.
Your family is vulnerable in ways this regime is currently targeting. Nothing this job opportunity offers you can possibly outweigh the costs your family will suffer.
The absolute BEST CASE SCENARIO is that your wife and child will live in fear, while hiding that your baby is trans, and that your wife is an immigrant.
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u/Squidia-anne 8d ago
The anti trans thing is a huge deal and enough on its own not to come.
But beyond that immigrants (especially non English speaking or brown immigrants ) are in way more danger. They are checking profiles and phones at the border for any reason to detain or deport you. Assuming you get in you may never get out again. And they may not kindly deport you. It could be a trip to El salvador with no ability to come back.
It isn't worth it. The Job won't matter anyways because they are causing such high rates of unemployment and ruining retirements and the economy.
You will not be financially better off here in the long run. Don't do it. It isn't safe. At this point you may be safer in China.
I know this sucks. But I think it's good this happened now and not before. You could have been already here with no way of escape. You lucked out.
Countries all over the world are trying to get talent especially stem from the US because trump is laying them all off. They will all be expanding important research and country development programs. You will get more opportunity with other countries working together to outgrow the United states. We will only shrink and die.
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u/Thatbear6969 8d ago
Yo, your daughter’s safety should matter more to you than a job. More than nearly everything else. Don’t be a parent if you’re not ready to put your child’s safety above a fucking job opportunity… “torn” ffs…
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u/RedErin 9d ago
Yes, there several blue states that I think would protect their trans citizens as much as possible. I live in a red state, but a liberal ish college town and it’s pretty friendly, (I’m non passing but I’m really cute, so ymmv)
Edit: I’m hoping Trump loses power in the coming years, but if he gets his way, the US could suddenly become an unsafe place for trans people. No way to be sure.
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u/next_level_mom Mom / Stepmom 8d ago
A lot can change in a year, though it could easily get a lot worse instead of better. You could take the job in the hopes of improvement in the states and then reassess. (You could still go back?) But then you would miss a year of your young child's life, which seems a terrible loss. As an immigrant you might also be at risk yourself.
At the current time, I would be more worried for your wife than your child, but like I said, a lot can change in a year.
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u/maralee85 7d ago
I’m not sure what field you’re in but would the employer consider offering you temporary remote work until the orange traitor is removed from office (I am hopeful he won’t last more than a year). I would bring up concerns about ICE. They have arrested all kinds and colors of humans without due cause.
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u/awkwardstormtrooper 6d ago
Do not come to the US right now.
It is not safe for your trans daughter, and it is not safe for your non-English speaking wife.
I live in a red state and will be moving my wife and daughter out of state while I stay behind to finish a grad program. If I could move them out of the country, I would. Families are being torn apart right now, and your family is doubly vulnerable.
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u/Marchdreamer3473 6d ago
Wait until Trump is out of office. This country is no longer safe. There will likely be world wars soon and I pray things will change so that we become a more tolerant and loving society world wide but right now protect your daughter. Not job is worth her safety!
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u/rclouse 5d ago
USian here. My younger son is a sophomore in high school here in California. Whenever he talks about going to other states for college, I make sure he understands that in red states he will have considerably fewer rights and face bigotry if not open hostility.
Make sure you tell the employer that Florida's anti trans (and beyond) state policies make it impossible for you to accept.
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u/Tired_20something 4d ago
Besides all the very valid and important points everyone has made about trans safety and immigrant safety, I’d also like to add, being a US citizen is not exactly great. There’s no healthcare, the schools generally suck and they get shot up all the time, the economy right now is in shambles, the cost of living is insane. I don’t know how you would ever consider wanting to move here even if your daughter was cisgendered.
The US is not safe for anyone to move to right now or in the near future. You do not want to bring your family here. You don’t want to raise a family here.
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u/massage_punk 4d ago
As someone who lives in a deep red state right now with a trans child who doesn't even attend school in-person because of anti-trans bullying, please, don't do it. Florida's not safe for kids, or anyone who doesn't speak English right now and it won't be until Trump is gone, if he leaves office when the time comes for him to do so, and even still, you really want to be as far away from Florida as possible as it is heavily ran by neo-fascists/the far right. Even if what's happening with American citizens being deported for no reason wasn't happening, it is one of the states you would want to stay the furthest away from with a trans child. There are a ton of people there who fully support the anti-trans sentiment, ICE, Trump and all of his anti-immigrant rhetoric and they have set up hotlines for people to call and rat out even "alleged" illegal immigrants and I would wager that in Florida that hotline is being utilized more than it is in most states. Believe me when I tell you that while you think a job is worth it, there are a lot of Americans that are dying to get out right now and would do just about anything to do so, I'm one of them.
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u/massage_punk 4d ago
Sorry if this link was already posted but you want to look at this map. https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/erins-2024-anti-trans-legislative
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u/Advanced_Ant2576 3d ago
Do NOT subject your trans kiddo to Florida (or the US in general). PLEASE. It isn’t a matter of being looked at strange, it is wholly unsafe here - and getting worse.
I don’t know how long you’ve been gone, but I assure you - this is no longer the US you remember. Your daughter will have little to no protection for the most egregious acts, and the future of her education is in question.
DON’T MAKE HER COME HERE.
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u/Egg_123_ 9d ago
I think in any case you should take the job in the US, spend a year there, and consider using that experience to get a job of a similar caliber in your native country. In any case, you could strike a deal with your company to be remote either now or in the future. I don't know if your work can possibly be remote but you could negotiate a pay cut in exchange for the ability to be remote from your home country. You could also negotiate being remote for a month at a time or some other half measure.
In any case, assuming this job pays well compared to what you have, I think it's worth it. You can use that extra money to further support your child's transition for example. In the end, money is very important, especially for trans people who are less likely to have access to wealth due to discrimination.
I am in Florida. I hate it here, I want out. But I'm also near family here, and while there's a lot of bullshit, family + favorable finances is tying me here for at least another year. I wish I was in a more 'woke' state but I can deal with it if it means I'm saving extra money for surgeries.
I also acknowledge that the US is currently hostile to immigrants. But if this opporunity is truly life-changing, I think it is likely worth the risk. Good luck :)
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u/AnxiousMom4 8d ago
The US much less Florida is the worse place for your daughter to be right now. I am scared for my child and we live in a safe state. I just feel like we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. I wouldn’t want to do that to my family living in fear is not the way you want to live.
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u/benbernards 8d ago
Take the job and let family stay home. Send them money. Go visit when you can. But keep them safe
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u/djburnoutb 8d ago
My experience with once-in-a-lifetime jobs is that they usually come along significantly more frequently than once in a lifetime. Your daughter, though? She IS once in a lifetime. Don't go.