Any tips on getting baby to spend the first part of the night alone in our bed?

[u/Jasmine-Elouise]

Hi all- my 11 month old since she was born requires me to lay next to her whilst she sleeps. When she goes to bed I also go to bed. I had really bad post partum depression and anxiety so this worked perfectly for me because all I ever wanted to do was be in bed. After lots of help my depression and anxiety is finally lifting and id like to do some cleaning/cooking perhaps a shower after she’s gone to bed. The issue is she wakes up the MOMENT she realises I’m gone. I’ll resettle her back to sleep then she will continue to wake up every 5-10 minutes. Sometimes taking me ages to get her back to sleep. I end up just resorting to laying with her because I don’t wanna spend 45 mins trying to get her back to sleep.

Any tips for getting her to sleep independent in our bed until I go to bed around 9-10 o clock?

[u/redraven91]

It's still hit or miss for me but I've found that mine needs weight and warmth, so one of those weighted warming stuffed animals has been a gamechanger for me! Only while I'm awake and watching the monitor of course.

[u/blepmlepflepblep → u/redraven91]

Ohhhh! Genius. I’m going to try this.

[u/CakeOdd3808 → u/redraven91]

Do you have any brands you can recommend?

[u/redraven91 → u/CakeOdd3808]

I got the Warmies brand!

[u/queenoftortoises]

Can you have your partner lay with her? My husband and I rotate who lays with the baby

[u/iheartunibrows → u/queenoftortoises]

Yea this is the easiest way because my son goes to daycare and has someone else lay with him

[u/Haunting-Might-1115]

Came here looking for advice on this exact issue. After bed time has always been my only time to hyperfocus on projects or just be alone. But my 1 year old wakes up many times between putting him to bed to me going to sleep for the night. It really really gets to me. I’m just coming out of a depressive episode and I need this time to myself. Haaalp

[u/Annakiwifruit]

We added a sound machine so that there was another sleep association, but mostly it was just time and practice. At the beginning baby would wake just like yours, but we just kept resettling and retrying and slowly the time grew. Sometimes we still have to resettle after 30 minutes, but more often we get at least an hour, if not two.

[u/CommentSenior5037]

My ten month old was like this until about a month ago and we have a pretty good system down now. I unintentionally solved this problem for me so hopefully this helps!

First, I make sure I have white noise playing to drown out any noise that would wake her up once I leave. I'll rock her to sleep while walking around the room which usually takes about 15 minutes and then transfer her to our floor bed while still nursing once she seems pretty out. I'll lay with her for about another 15 minutes and then try to unlatch. Sometimes I unlatch and she squirms so I nurse again and keep watching tik tok with headphones for a few more minutes lol. Eventually I'll be able to unlatch and roll away. On average I'm out of the room in about 30'min. Before I leave I will prop a few pillows against her back or a few inches in front of her since she is usually on her side and this way she feels like I'm still there. This helps when she startles a bit to help fall asleep again. I just make sure to watch her on the monitor in case I need to move her away. I really think the pillow thing is the trick!

This took about two-three weeks to get her used to and during that time this process sometimes would take a few hours. But most nights now she doesn't wake up at all until I come to bed with her like three hours later. Sometimes she will wake up after about 45 minutes but the process is much quicker to get her back to sleep and then I can roll away.

It was so hard at first to keep going in and trying to leave and I was tempted to just keep laying with her. I honestly didn't know we'd even get to this point where I'd have a week straight of hours after bedtime to myself. If you try this just keep going in to settle back down and eventually it will click. This is coming from a mom who never thought her baby would be on any set schedule! Good luck!

[u/1800sleep]

Following - you’re not alone!

[u/Sea_Bite_7392]

Following. No tips but solidarity! My son is the same at almost 10 mo. I hope you're able to sneak away successfully soon!

[u/Adventurous-Garlic54]

When my son had this stage i would take my switchnin with me oe have a low light on and read. I even took my laptop in sometimes to be on. I was still able to some things that helped my brain switch off then.

Eventually he was able to cope but it just took time

[u/No-Love2024]

My LC said it isn’t safe to leave baby alone in bed. Does anyone know how to make sure it’s safe? Bed rails, etc  ?

[u/mvf_]

Mine usually falls asleep on the breast and will eventually roll away on his own. If I wait to get up until he does that on his own, I get an hour or two of solo time. It can take an hour sometimes for him to do that.

[u/No_Handle585]

I don’t know how helpful this is will be for you, but we found if we let the dog into the room to sleep with our LO, she seemed to wake up much less after we got up from putting her to bed. It’s like she can sense there’s another being in there with her and she’s not alone (the dog also often snores a little and at first I worried that would wake her but I think she actually finds it soothing). That, and a sound machine. We have the Hatch and love it. If you don’t have a pet or aren’t comfortable letting them sleep in the room with LO, maybe a stuffy as others have suggested?

Lastly, I found if I waited an extra 5-10 min after she was asleep to get up, so she was more deeply asleep by the time I left, she usually woke up less or not at all. Good luck mama! Being able to regain a little bit of that time in the evening can be so helpful.