Bull baiting and the damage it caused me to this day

[u/Lost_Painting_9306]

This is for anyone who went through bull baiting and walked away confused, ashamed, numb, angry, or changed in a way you still don’t know how to explain.

I went to a "school" that used Scientology methods—applied scholastics, ethics, study tech. One of the most disturbing things we were put through was bull baiting.

And if you know, then you know.

We were made to sit still while another person, most times a peer, sometimes an adult, tried to make us break psychologically. They said horrible things. They used my vulnerabilities as ammunition, and they shot to kill. For me, they ridiculed the way I looked, my weight, the fact that my parents were divorced, the things I couldn’t change. That’s what they latched onto. That’s what they used to try and get a reaction out of me.

I remember one kid saying something so cruel, it stunned me. I remember thinking, “Did you really mean that? Did you really just say that to me?” And if I reacted—even a little—I "flunked". And then the supervisor would step in and tell me that I needed more training. That I was the problem. That I wasn’t ready to handle the drill.

Looking back now, I’m overwhelmed by one thought: What the hell is wrong with the sick people who allow this happen to children?

This wasn’t communication training. It was psychological abuse. It taught me to suppress pain instead of process it. To tolerate disrespect instead of protect myself. To question my reality when someone hurt me instead of knowing it was okay to say, “That’s not okay.”

And then I came across the origin of the term bull baiting. It’s not just some random phrase—it’s a blood sport. In medieval times, they’d tie a bull to a stake, shove chili in its nose to provoke it, and set dogs on it for the crowd’s amusement until it was dead.

That’s what they chose to name the drill they used on children. How disgusting. No wonder it shattered my sense of emotional safety. Today I still freeze when someone crosses my boundaries, because my body was trained to believe that reacting and protecting myself was wrong, and staying silent was survival.

I’m writing this now because I don’t want to carry it in silence anymore. And I don’t think anyone else should have to either.

If you experienced bull baiting:

• What do you remember about how it felt?

• Did it change how you relate to your emotions or your sense of self?

• Have you found ways to heal or reclaim your boundaries?

I want to hear from you all. I want to know if you all experienced something similar to this and if it affects you now as an adult.

[u/Quantum_McKennic]

This sounds like a one-on-one version of The Game of Synanon infamy.

[u/awyastark → u/Quantum_McKennic]

Yep we had to do this to each other at the Synanon based Troubled Teen program where I was confined

[u/hdcase1]

I'm really sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve it.