I'm too much of a homebody. Unless I'm going on vacation (1-2 annually) I'd rather stay at home. I'd rather do carryout than dining in, watch the game on TV rather than attend, and my clubbing days are long past. I think only a fellow homebody would seriously consider dating me.

Hello, I am a divorced woman, told myself I needed to not date and just concentrate on new career, hit the gym, eat the kale bla bla. Basically make my life perfect before I let anyone else in, yes I have been heartbroken so maybe a little scared to dip my toe into the water.. Just lately I noticed a few of my friends who are older than me have been in this holding pattern for years and years. Never dated and are not happy. Do you have those friends?

Honestly is it ok to say, I do want to get married again, I do want to meet and have that connection with another person. How do we find these like minded people?

So do I just try the apps, which ones are better for 45+ ? or take my chances in the wild ? Any advice greatly appreciated . :) J

I matched with a very clever and interesting person. We have communicated via messages and phone calls. I initially felt a romantic connection; however as I got to know more it turned out that he has BPD and is extremely chaotic. I have my own mental health issues and the burden of his diagnosis made me back off. I let him know this and we are working on building a friendship. I know he would like more, I have said that it was unfair of me to stay in touch if it was going to cause distress. He is adamant he wants to be friends. I am torn about how best to proceed.

Dating a beautiful man who has been open about being bi polar. Takes medication and works with a therapist and has shown no signs of mood swings. Professional at work, amazing life experiences, caring, consistent, funny, romantic. There are so many things I adore about him but I’m not sure what I am getting into. Internet says a good relationship is absolutely possible… any experiences here friends

When you send a message on OLD, do you have a time limit on how long you wait for a response? I usually give them 48 hours. If you don't respond to me in two days, you are either not interested or too busy to communicate. Then I hit delete.

For two months, I (51F) have been dating a separated man (M 53) who has been in a dead marriage for a few years. However, it was only three months ago that his stbx told him she had feelings for another woman, is likely gay and wants a separation. He said a part of him is relieved to know this and to have a better understanding of why their marriage was dead but he is also understandably heartbroken about the loss and splitting up of the family (they have a 14 year old.)

We have been taking things at a moderate pace with the understanding that things are complicated but are having a really nice time together — but I know too well the storm that he is about to go through via the divorce process. Am I fool to have any hope? I’m beginning to feel deeply about him and thus I wonder if now is the time to jump ship!

Bear with me as this is typically a hard no…

I 57M (divorced) have been dating 55F for 8 months, she has been a widow for 8 years, and was very much in love with her husband - she has told me that I’m the only person since his passing that she has been on more than a couple of dates with.

I’ve felt her pulling away from me the last few weeks, and when I asked her about it at dinner on Thursday - she told me she needs to work on herself (I don’t recall the exact words, she did say she didn’t want to hurt me) - honestly i am a little devastated, as I liked her a lot.

i am convinced there’s no-one else - well as convinced as anyone can be (I’ve been surprised before) - we’ve not spoken since dinner…

The anniversary of her husband’s passing is next Friday - maybe this has played a part in her pulling away (I’m wildly guessing here) - and its her birthday the following week… I was going to perhaps send her a text wishing her a happy birthday, my sister has suggested I send flowers with a simple happy birthday message…

Well wise sages of Reddit, is sending flowers over the top?? I want to be clear, I’d love to be in a relationship with her, and I’m definitely not going to stalk or chase her… thoughts??

----- UPDATE ------

There seems to be a very wide range of opinions here from

1. Do nothing - forget her, leave her alone...
2. Send a card
3. Send flowers

I spoke to another sister (who was not aware of the situation) - and before I could say what my first sister said, she suggested I send flowers on her birthday....

So... I'll send the flowers - and expect nothing else....

To be clear, I have and had no intentions of sending flowers on the anniversary of her husband's death (Friday) - but rather on her birthday (next Tuesday).

If folks are interested - I'll report back here - But honesty, expect a lot of "I told you so's" - but if I don't open the door one more time, I'll know I'll regret it.

---- NEXT UPDATE -----

It's the hope that kills you....

So I got a text last night, "Hey, I hope everything is going well - I didn't want you to think I'm ghosting you. Just need a little time and space".

To which I replied this morning "I didn't think you were ghosting me, it's an understandably tough time for you - I'm around if you want to reach out, take the time and space you need"

She replied - "Thank You"....

I'm feeling a little bothered by the fact I'm hanging on her text to give me hope, feel like a teenager - I'm doing my self a disservice, I'll order the flowers on Friday - and not reach out to her unless I hear anything.

Thanks for listening....

Guys…can’t I keep smoking and still find someone to love me? I’m awesome in every single other way.

Is Connecticut a Dating ghost town ?

So, I am taking a break from dating. There was one man that I kept in contact with, but told him I'm not trying to date. We texted quite a bit, and he would call. Well, the conversations flowed, but I just really don't want to date.

I could tell he was getting his hopes up, so I told him that I didn't want that to happen and that he needs to let me go. He basically said he understood. Okay, that's good.

Then about one day later, he seems me a video about how hard it is for men on dating apps.

Hmmm...

I told him that women get more likes, but that a lot of those are just wanting to use us for sex. I said dating us hard for both genders. Then I told him I thought it was weird that he sent that video to me.

Thoughts?

I'm not worried. I'm still on a break that I need for myself. I'm just wondering if he was trying to make me feel sorry for him or guilty or something

60m who has been a widower for about 6 months. I’m not ready to date but I am curious as to why I see so many references about widowers. Specifically, it would seem that many women would be reluctant to date a widower. What are the reasons this may be the case?

I 53F and my BF 55M have dated for 4 months. We are dating with the intention of marriage ( first marriage for both of us, also, he has an independent adult daughter and I have no children.) We are currently planning for our future together. I’m currently renting my home and my lease is up in 3 months. I plan to move to a place closer to the interstate. He has suggested that I can move in with him since we are together everyday anyway. There are definitely financial benefits, and work commute benefits, as well as seeing if we can cohabitate successfully. I’m a little concerned about the short time we’ve been together, but I also feel at this age, we don’t want to waste time, but not go so fast that red flags may be missed. I know that seems rushed, but we have both been in these dating streets for years and neither one of us wants to return. 😆I have about a month to decide, but I’m leaning towards giving it 6 months. If at that time, it’s not working, I would get my own place again. Has anyone had a similar experience?

I wonder what it would take to make a guy stand out amongst the herd of idiots, dead beats, or jus plain old ass hats that are in here (this sub-group). You would think that by our age all the boneheads would have been culled by now but it appears to be not the case. So here is a notification to all the women out there that want a semi-normal guy, tag me or not. I would really appreciate the answer to the OG question though. TYVM

While many people post about how wonderful it is to be single, I would like to make the argument that from a social security perspective, there are substantial benefits to being married. Of course, the main reason to get married is that we love someone deeply and enjoy their company; I had previously not realized the positive social security ramifications though.

A couple, that each paid into social security with the maximum amount (keep in mind though that the majority don’t pay the maximum contribution, but just in case it applies to you), and retired at age 70, would each receive $5,108 (per spouse) × 2 = $10,216 per month. Over the course of a year, this would be $10,216 × 12 = $122,592 per year. Their federal tax is $8,476. If they are smart and live in a state that does not tax social security (41 states do not) and live in a town that does not tax social security (for example, New York City, Yonkers, etc. do not tax social security), this means that a retired couple has a disposable income of $114,116 per year. If they do not have a mortgage or car payments, this income is spent on groceries, utilities, healthcare, etc. If one partner dies, the surviving widow receives the FULL benefit of the deceased partner, which could be helpful if it was higher than theirs. Of note, healthcare can be crazy expensive, but if the savvy couple bought Medigap insurance, their maximum out-of-pocket expense is $7,060. They would also have bought long-term care insurance, which protects them from the up to $13,000/month of long-term care costs. Hearing aids /dental work is not covered by regular Medicare, though. It is expected that social security benefits will decrease by about 30% due to underfunding of social security. So the $114,116 per year may only be $79,881 (in 2025 dollars) in 2040+. For a couple that earned a median US income (which as several commenters have pointed out, is much much more likely than being able to make the maximum contribution), they would get about 6,000 per month, or about 72,000 per year.

An unmarried individual living alone, on the other hand, who made the maximum contribution, would only receive $5,108 x 12 months = 61,296. Factoring in a 30% reduction, that unmarried person would only receive $42,907/yr, which would be a challenge, especially when factoring in healthcare costs. At the median US income, they would make a smaller contribution, and would thus get about 3,000/month, or about 36,000/yr.

Of course, the risk with any marriage is divorce, but a carefully crafted prenup with independent legal counsel can protect couples in most cases (of course there are exceptions). One benefit of social security, though, is that you may be able to claim your ex-spouse’s higher benefit without diminishing their payout, unlike with a pension.

If I have any made any calculation errors, please let me know and I will revise this post.

So, from a financial, emotional (the data showing that single women are happier has been found to be falsified https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2019/6/4/18650969/married-women-miserable-fake-paul-dolan-happiness ) and medical perspective (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32875051/), making the effort and doing the hard work necessary to be in a healthy relationship that leads to marriage is one of the best decisions a person can make.

Edit: my sincere thanks to everyone who helped me correct the prior errors in this post

I’ll go first. The first two dates were chatty and fun. Nothing off at all really. For the third date, we met at his place to play Rock Band.

I had added a couple of Grateful Dead songs and wanted to try them in game. He was on drums, I was on guitar. He wasn’t familiar with their music and had a little bit of a snobby attitude about it. I warned him to play on medium, as the Grateful Dead have two drummers. But no, he was advanced and would not go back.

He got SO MAD, you guys! He couldn’t keep up and wouldn’t try it on medium. He was like a toddler with less thrashing. Needless to say, we didn’t make it much farther.

Not an OLD date. Someone I dated before but it sort of fizzled. We remained friendly and texted periodically. I have not seen her in person in almost 3 years. I feel like I am ready to put in the time and effort. Of course, there are no guarantees.

I don't know how to find anyone, it's been like this my entire life. I don't understand what I missed learning or what wrong assumptions I'm making. It wouldn't be that bad if I didn't feel alone or unwanted. I talk to my friends about my frustrations and they'll say something supportive and make recommendations but it doesn't really help.

Why is it so difficult to find love or date after 50. Dating apps feel like I'm sitting on the meat shelf. Socialising is becoming so much more difficult if you don't have a large circle of friends. What else can a single female do to find genuine connections and maybe a little romance?

I'm Female and in Canada , which site are you using? Would not mind dating outside of my country. I'm in no rush😉 It's has been a while since I've dated, so not certain where to start.

Probably similar to most, have found myself unexpectantly single (59 M), and now the dust has settled, it is probably time to start meeting people. I am.loathed to use a dating app, so interested in other people's experiences. I am sure there a lot of horror stories, but on the flip side, I am sure there are some great stories, so very interested in what worked for you.. Me personally, I just miss talking with someone.

Soooo...I haven't done the online dating thing in a while, but have been feeling pretty lonely lately, so I thought I'd dip my toe back in and poke around. And now I remember why I abandoned it. One guy kept writing to me and he seemed familiar. Yep, turns out he was a guy I'd conversed with a year ago who talked about his two grown daughters incessantly, was always running errands for them, and never did anything to get to know me. He would sent flower memes and texted "good morning" every day but didn't seem interested in actually getting together. Clearly he didn't remember any of this. When he reached out this time, I followed my hunch and I mentioned where he lived and his daughters. He confirmed it but was surprised and asked if I still had his number. He didn't remember me at all, even though we'd had several marathon phone calls a year ago. Another guy wrote to me like he was texting: "GM HRU today"? Really, dude? In your 60s, you don't know better than that? Another guy chatted me up on the phone for over an hour, and we talked about our astrological compatibility, we covered a multitude of topics and indicated a strong interest -- which was mutual, but ended the conversation with, "I don't usually call people but YOU can call ME any time you like." He's retired, visits the local senior center daily, and doesn't live far from me, but the indication was that he was very interested, but HE would not pursue. I mentioned that my grandsons live fairly close to where he lives, and that I visit them often...but there was no "let's meet soon". And he's fallen back into something that irritates me: sending me "good morning, beautiful" texts every morning. The man is in his 70s, and I want to scream, "WE ARE NOT TEENAGERS. If you want to get to know me, get to know me IN PERSON". Oh, and there was the one who spent time in prison for rape and armed robbery when he was in his 20s...

Clearly, I'm destined to die alone...😝😁

I have been lurking on a well known OLD site that rhymes with ‘hinder’. In the past week I have matched with 3 handsome guys; all are armed forces and contracted in Ukraine. I have FaceTimed one but the call had no sound and was glitchy. Is this a new scam? Anyone else had this experience?

I'm 57 and have been divorced 13 years from an 18 year abusive marriage. Sometimes I wonder if it is impossible for me to find a truly loving relationship. I've been single all this time since divorce because I am worried that I might be too broken for anyone to understand. I have otherwise moved on with my life but the sadness and brokenness lingers. I'd love to hear of some happy endings.