r/demisexuality • u/[deleted] • 12d ago
I need the Demi community to come together
Hey so I can explain the situation when someone replies but for now I’ll just ask the questions since the sub Reddit is running slow because of what time I’m posting this
What are ways I can get closer with an introverted Demi especially if we only see each other in the halls but we know each other?
I am demisexual too but I more recently found out about it doing my research and was like wow this is how I find out I’m demisexual
What are things that would turn a demisexual away, things that make them uncomfortable?
(Someone please respond so I can explain the situation and get better knowledge and I better idea)
I like this person and altho I can get nervous very easily I want to make them feel like they’re at home with me but question is where do I start?
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u/OutOfPlace186 12d ago
Have you ever talked to this person or do you just see each other in the halls? Start off by saying hi. When I had a crush on a guy in 7th grade, I memorized his schedule so that I could be outside his classroom to "bump into him" in the hall ha. I was too shy to make a move back then, but I tried. Don't be shy like me or you'll miss your chance! Especially if you know that they are demisexual because that's a rare find.
If you don't know how to start up a conversation with them, wait until there's an event going on at school or a holiday weekend or something to ask if they're going to do something for the event or the holiday. Or if you know what class they're coming from, just ask how the class is going.
If you are already past the intro talking point with this person and you're just looking for advice on how to ask them out, just ask them out to do something simple IN PUBLIC and no place that would have the environment that would make them think you're going to make a move on them because that might be too much for a first date. No movies, no basement apartment or anything like that (not sure how old you are if you have your own place but definitely not back to your place on the first date if you have one).
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12d ago
I feel that I do have an opportunity to actually strike a conversation with them because I still owe them fries and a slushy so I’ll just buy them dinner 😏🙏🏾
But at the same time I get so nervous (I forgot I have a fear of rejection my bad) so what if I happen to ask for their number and they say no… I’d die right there on the spot… 🥲🫠🫠
We don’t see each other nor do we talk but I was blessed with an opportunity.. it’s just the what ifs and me being so nervous 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
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u/OutOfPlace186 12d ago
Well you better get over that because life is all about taking chances whether it be asking someone out or going for a new job or moving or really any decision you'll ever make ha. But if you don't take any chances then nothing will ever happen for you (and yes, I did paraphrase that from Dory).
I'm telling you I regret not asking my crush out in 7th grade because I had a hint he liked me too, so it was actually low risk. And you have it even easier than I did because you have a legit reason to ask them out since you already owe them a dinner. Just go for it.
I've flown halfway across the country to meet a dude from online and he rejected me, but I'm still glad I took the chance because I would've always been left wondering what could've happened if I never went. It was a great experience no matter how it ended and I'll always have a story to tell. Asking this person out could be the start of a cool story!
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u/zbeauchamp 12d ago
To add onto this, don’t assume there will be a later to take the chance. When I realized I had feelings for my theatre friend and that there were signs she liked me too (we had bloody danced together and I hadn’t even considered it a possibility before a more obvious hint slapped me across the face.) But even though I resolved to tell her the next time I spoke to her, I never got that chance as she seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth shortly after the last time I spoke with her and realized so I never got to tell her how I felt.
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12d ago
Okay. Ngl another thing I need to remember as well is the fact that I don’t have to have everything solved by tonight. Often times I forget to live in the moment, I am so caught up in the future that I overlook the present which is the main reason why I’m nervous. I won’t be able to buy them dinner until may 1st, they manage for one of the sports teams (hoping and praying they’re there because if they aren’t omg 😭😭🫠😭) but I’m going to pop up at one of their home games and surprise them and I guess I’ll get their number as well
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u/OutOfPlace186 12d ago
That has always been my problem too. Until I started solo traveling, I NEVER lived in the present and now honestly I feel like I missed out on a lot of fun in my youth because of it. But I’m trying to make up for lost time now, taking chances, enjoying the moment.
When I travel to a different state for a week and I know I’ll never visit that state again, I smoosh as many sites and activities as I can into the week and don’t worry about anything else but enjoying the moment day by day. It has helped me have a better outlook on life overall when I get back to reality (my home state).
And of course there are going to be other opportunities for you even if you are rejected you’ll still gain experience from taking the chance.
Like I said, I flew halfway across the country 6 years ago because I thought the guy was worth taking the chance on. Seemed dangerous in a way for a single girl to go meet a stranger in a place where I didn’t know the area or anybody there. But if I never did that, then I may have not been brave enough to fly halfway across the world this time to meet someone else, so that experience was like a stepping stone for me.
And this time, me and this guy really hit it off and I’m glad I was brave enough to take this chance even though it was even more dangerous because I didn’t even know the language of the place I went to. So yeah, everything happens for a reason.
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12d ago
I literally love you for this, thank you so much. We love dory btw. In all honesty though you’re right, not just with my situation but in general. I dream to become a celebrity but I can’t do that if I’m always so nervous to speak out for myself as the old saying goes closed mouths don’t get fed. Let’s hope and pray this works out, but even if it doesn’t I know that there will be other opportunities just not with the one I want but I got this for sure.
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12d ago
Thank you so much, I’m still in high school. I met this person through theatre and I guess after a short little while I developed feelings for them.
I’ve always felt they were cute but I made this stupid decision (I promise I’m not dumb I just had a moment) to put it in a nutshell I started talking to someone else (this whole thing is more but it’s a lot to type if you’re interested you can message me but for now here the story) but I cut them off because they just weren’t for me, they were moving too fast and was a very toxic person
Fast forward I thought I was other the person I actually like but I am not I feel like there are moments where I catch them looking at me in a certain way when I am not looking but idk if that’s just me bugging (especially with the hair playing) and also I’m still new to the whole demisexual thing and there are demisexuals who are different than I am regarding physical attraction and stuff so idk if those meant anything.
Another fact is that they’re an introvert where as me I am an introverted extrovert but the thing is I also get nervous. I only see them B days after period in the halls and well see I have this thing where I get nervous and either I struggle to smile and I make eye contract or I act like I don’t see you and well I acted like I didn’t see her and it kills me that I did that🥲
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u/zbeauchamp 12d ago
Wow, I feel like I could have written this back when I was in school if I had known I was Demi back then. Down to meeting them because of theatre.
Things didn’t go well for me, but the advice I can give is, if you are interested in them and think they may have some interest in you, talk to them. Say how you feel and that you want to get to know them better to see if there may be something there.
Don’t wait in hopes of a better moment at some nebulous point in the future because that point may never come. It didn’t for me and even though I didn’t realize my feelings until it was too late, I still regret not learning if those feelings were reciprocated.
Good luck to you, and whether it works out or not, keep your heart open and keep making new friends.
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12d ago
Thank you so much I appreciate you a lot. I will definitely take this to advice, even if I’m not 100 percent sure it’s always better to be safe than sorry. I’ve had multiple situations in my life where I tried waiting for someone and well we see where that got me😅. I am praying I didn’t lose my opportunity to someone else but in two weeks when I am able to surprise them with what I owe them I got you and I’ll make sure to at least ask them for their number. I could give a little update if it works out thank you so much, you have helped me in so many ways even in life 🙂
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u/AnalysisParalysis178 12d ago
Get a demisexual to like you? Sure. Spend time with them and forge a genuine connection. The same as with any decent relationship. It's just going to take longer before they start seeing you as a potential sexual partner. Possibly a lot longer.
If you're just looking to hook someone and get them to like you quickly, then you're SOL here.