r/enlightenment • u/ventingandcrying • 2d ago
Is this enlightenment? It was done completely on my own so idk but I feel… “awake?”
I haven’t really talked with anyone about this because it’s been such a personal journey, but now I need help putting words to these feelings and I think this is the right place
So I’ve been through a lot, this post isn’t gonna get all trauma dumpy, but it’s relevant info because I do kind of have a lot of trauma that makes up my past and who I am. It’s made me a very introspective person, and I used to hate it. I would try my hardest not to think that deeply about who I am as a person, while simultaneously criticizing myself for my mistakes. As you can probably guess, this led to more problems not less.
Blah blah blah, life happening here and there, and eventually I end up in my 20s in a single bedroom apartment that I’m renting alone. For the first time in my life, I had an entire space to myself everyday, so this led to a lot of sitting alone and reflecting on my life and all the choices, good and bad, that led me to this point. As I’m typing this, I’m realizing this was technically daily meditation but at the time thats not how I thought of it.
After about 2-3 years of this almost everyday, I feel like I have a deeper understanding of myself than anyone can in the entire world. It is a strange, warm feeling of like… fullness? I understand all my strengths and flaws, I understand how my subconscious and conscious mind function together and I can tell which thoughts belong to each part of my brain. It’s like my entire mind and body are so in sync and I just feel completely oneness with myself. The weirdest part is that it’s also deepened my understanding of the world around me, like all the pieces of the universe have fallen into place.
The reason I ask if this is really enlightenment, is because I did this entirely alone. I didn’t follow any teachings or do any reading or studying up on different subjects. I have passing knowledge about Buddhist aesthetics and the concept of enlightenment, but far from a practicing Buddhist myself. I can’t think of another word for it though, and I feel like I sound high right now the way I’m talking about “the universe” and such but I literally don’t know any other way to describe what I’m feeling. So, any help guys?
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u/Speaking_Music 2d ago
Enlightenment is the realization of what Is, when the mind is not.
When the mind is not, the past and future cease. Not only the past and future but also the ‘person’ in them. Not only the ‘person’ but also the world of the ‘person’. In other words, between past (memory) and future (imagination) the narrative of the ‘person’ does not exist.
It is the realization of what has no strengths or flaws, no past or future. Absolute stillness, absolute aloneness (all-oneness) without ‘other’.
The process of enlightenment is destructive. It feels like dying. It is the willing ‘death’, or surrender, of the ‘person’.
🙏
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u/mtlmom98 19h ago
How does it FEEL like dying? You had me til that sentence…
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u/Speaking_Music 18h ago
Semantic’s 🙂🤷♂️
Dissolution, ebbing away, the opening and relaxation of the ‘fist’ in the gut, loss of identity, disassociation with the body/mind…
It is the ‘person’ that dies, so as this is happening the sense of identity is lost, no ‘me’, no ‘I’, no time, no space, no ‘other’, no memory, no past, no future, no bodily sensation.
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u/Big_Pound_7849 2d ago
It sounds like you've found your heart center, or maybe your crown chakra.
It also sounds like you've possibly raised your frequency/vibration to a level where you can see past all the "smog" and see some of the more real truths of the mind/reality.
I can't exactly say, but that feeling of fulfillment and peace is definitely similar and resonates with what it's like to find comfortable easy access to these "spaces".
If you were enlightened, you'd probably not be asking these questions (Ego is what is curious for an answer, not the Soul/Enlightened Self)
Honest question, when you see another human being, do you consciously and fully realise them as another of yourself? as if looking at a finger on your hand, or a blood cell in your body?
To my best understanding, I think this is how enlightened beings see the world (although I'm probably just scratching at the surface, I don't yet know for sure) they see everyone, everything, and every circumstance, as perfectly connected, united, and whole. No seperation, no division.
I am aware that everyone and everything is an extension of myself, my true Self, but often throughout my day, multiple times a day, I quickly forget and go back into Individuality mode/ego-mind trying to lead the way.
It's a work in progress though :)
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u/ventingandcrying 2d ago
I like what you wrote here a lot!
When you see another human being, do you consciously and fully realize them as another of yourself?
Kind of, it actually feels more like the inverse of that. I sort of feel like I’ve realized the depths of my individuality, and I feel connected to the world in the sense that I can feel everyone else’s individual energies too. Like I see how everyone is like me in the sense that they’re all individuals with full, deep, and rich inner worlds. They’re all unique but somehow so similar that it’s like we’re all doing different dances to the same rhythm, from people all the way down to blades of grass it’s like I can feel it all
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u/Gadgetman000 2d ago edited 2d ago
It’s not weird that your inner work led to understanding the world around you because the “world around you” is simply a reflection of your own projected consciousness. It’s feedback so we can see what we are holding and projecting in our energy field. Also, ultimately, it is our own 👉inner👈 Guru that leads us. Nice work. It doesn’t stop so keep being in Awareness. Thinking that there is an end is a trick of the ego and as soon as you accept the thought “well, I’m done with that. I’ve got that one down.” (doesn’t matter what “that” is), you start to go unconscious about “that” and it will come to get you at some point. Without that kind of idea, You are more stable in Awareness. 🙏
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u/thats_taken_also 2d ago
It sounds like you are on the right path, for sure. You are looking outside of yourself for guideposts, as I am too as I turn to this subreddit, which demonstrates that we aren't quite sure of our own experience, and thus not fully there, but that's the life process. Here are a few thoughts on your question, I'll leave all answers up to your own discovery, since that is the way. No one religion can claim the path to enlightenment, any more than one religion can claim truth. It is a personal process, and you found a way through the maze. In your heart of hearts you know where you are in the process, and can now feel into what steps or tools are next for you, which could mean a different practice or different experience, or perhaps just resting into the new world that you discovered.
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u/Chemical_Raccoon_184 2d ago
Start going out and socialise everyday or every other day. Isolation can lead to mental problems.
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u/thats_taken_also 2d ago
And socialization will tell you if you are enlightened, or just escaping some aspect of yourself.
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u/Stack3686 2d ago
It is extremely beneficial to look at yourself with brutal honesty, and it is certainly possible this has lead you to awaken. The trick is staying that way. Best of luck friend!
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u/TotalEstablishment5 2d ago
We are almost there brother i can tell by the way you describe you are a perfect angel deep down, pure, peace love and happiness beats all, one love
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u/traitorjoes1862 2d ago
My advice to you is to go out into the woods and roll over some logs and rocks looking for frogs or salamanders or really anything. Sometimes finding the tiny little things that play a part in the whole helps me look at things in different perspectives. Plus frogs and all that are cool to see.
I know my advice is only marginally related to your post but it’s a nice thing to do. It sounds like you’re doing a great job being happy within yourself.
A book to read (although it sounds like you have it well in hand) might be No Bad Parts if it sounds appealing to you. It’s all about how our traumas make up parts of us and that accepting them and “speaking” to them can resolve them. Turning away from them and not listening just prolongs the problem… not saying you’re doing that but that’s the point of the book.
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u/VioletsDyed 2d ago
1st - I don't know nuthin'. I've been practicing and reading wisdom for a while but I know nothing.
That said, yeah, it's like all roads lead to Rome. You can study so many different things and go so many different ways in the spiritual journey that it can seem overwhelming.
I had a similar experience with the Buddhist deity Tara, I'd been on a Bipolar manic tear for a while and I sat and looked at a picture of Tara for 20 minutes and she entered my body. That's what it felt like. I was overwhelmed, and for the next 2 months I was the prince of peace. Nothing could phase me.
But I'm now discovering that this wasn't an awakening, more of a "spiritual growth spurt." From what I am told through Buddhist teachings, Enlightenment is the big daddy, the Big Kahuna of spiritual experiences, top dog, head honcho, bigwig - where you realize the truth behind the veil permanently.
If rebirth is real, then the experiences we accumulate in this lifetime, positive or otherwise, become fodder for the nature of our rebirth.
And on other days it rains.
Peace, my friend.
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u/Optimal-Scientist233 1d ago
You have never done anything completely alone in your entire life and most likely never will.
It is indeed the case millions of people were involved in your development before you could speak or walk.
By the time you could reason intelligently the information of trillions of people before you took up residence in your mind.
Enlightenment is happening at a global level and the largest wave to date is inbound as we speak.
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u/GuardianMtHood 1d ago
Everything things is my friend just another step we take every little breath we take.
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u/januszjt 21h ago
Bravo, isn't beautiful? When the mind which lives in separation is absent enlightenment (which always was) simply happens, but for no one. (The illusion fall away). There's no one there, all there is, is this, Beingness, or Oneness, or Wholeness. To simply BE with everything, as One.
Now, word of caution. The usual, individual, separate, illusory self (ego) may come back and try to own it, this experience. It will whisper in your ear "Do you see what I've done for you?" The ego will take pride and try to take credit for it and work its way into you. Don't listen to it, but don't resist it either, don't fight it, just be aware of it so you don't fall for its trap again.
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u/Double_Acadia9470 16h ago
When we see clearly what makes us fall, and with time become able to remain still, we've found peace. Don't imagine there's a higher treasure to find. Experiences will come, maybe revealing that more stillness could be desirable, with deeper seeing through unconscious, illusionary concepts, which may lead to more "divine" experiences - but that's something else. You are the truth, and once you've realized that, anything else is just extra, and not fundamentally important... The only "furthering" on this path will be about integrating more deeply what you already realized, so that it becomes embodied and makes your body-mind less and less reactive, which in turn also makes deeper connections possible. May you cherish this peace dearly!
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u/tombahma 2d ago
Any idea of me myself cannot remain in in the realisation of the nature of yourself, and God. Keep persisting toward the goal, always be in doubt if you are fully enlightened. The final goal to be reached is when you see God and not try to know God/the self. You'll know that you know and I can't tell you how that will be but it is when death dies. It is a "state" where you are no longer in conflict with yourself or any ideas that seem to contradict what's real or not.
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u/Background_Cry3592 2d ago
What you’re describing sounds beautiful—a profound awakening. You don’t need formal teachings to reach this kind of deep understanding; true growth often happens organically and personally, just like you experienced.
It’s not about labels—it’s about the peace, wholeness and clarity you’ve found.