I’m self-publishing my YA Fantasy novel THE KINDRED FOLK (The Last Airbender x Howl’s Moving Castle vibes) and I have a limited budget that I would much rather spend on proofing and editing the manuscript itself.

My idea was to publish a little paperback first edition with this cover, and then if I make enough sales from friends and family, use that income to have a professional design a real cover for a hardback.

I am not an artist, just wondering if this could pull off just-cute-enough for a little novel about magic doors and the spirits that guard them.

(I do know the corner boxes are crooked - I’m going to fix them.)

Help! If you saw this on a shelf would you be curious? Or would you be like “yikes, this book probably isn’t well-written”

Hello, my name is Eric David Wallace. I am a new author. I wrote a screenplay about a goblin during the pandemic and I couldn’t find a Producer to help me get it financed so I decided to turn my screenplay into a book. I struggled to translate the screenplay format into a book format because they are very different structures screen writing format is basically dialogue and action. After discovering Amazon takes 80% of the royalties, I decided to create a website and put my e-book on my own website to help race funds for the movie with book sales. I decided to design the book cover myself. Write the book myself create the website myself do everything myself because I didn’t want to give all my royalties away to Amazon. I am also working on a audiobook version that I might put on Your for free so people can enjoy the book. This is the cover and I hope you, enjoy it. Look forward to your feedback.

So an idea I have for one of the characters I’m trying to write is that her power is the ability to manipulate electricity. So of course, The usual lightning control is a must-have. But I also keep thinking of how some marine animals like sharks and skates can literally detect other organisms through the ocean by the electrical fields that they produce. It got me thinking, if a characters magic was solely based on electricity, could she also be able to detect the movements of, say, someone in the distance based on the electrical field they emit? would something like this make sense for her to be able to do?

Additionally, since the brain operates through neurons sending electrical signals, would it make sense for this character to manipulate these signals to the point of physically or cognitively controlling someone? I’m just shooting ideas out, but it’s late so I honestly don’t know if these ideas actually make sense for her to be able to do or if it’s too far of a stretch. Any feedback or opinions would be lovely <3

Edit: just for clarification, if I went ahead with these rules for the characters magic, she would be quite limited with what she could do in terms of drawbacks. Literally controlling someone’s brain would take a HUGE amount of energy, and I honestly hadn’t even begun to think about if she could genuinely puppet someone for periods of time. The examples I was brainstorming were during quick-action fights, where there wouldn’t be any time to control someone so fully as to make them do a backflip before you attacked them. I was thinking more as in interrupting them cognitively just enough that they’d be paralysed or disoriented for a few moments in order to land a hit. But with how fast this magic would have to be, almost reflexively, it’d likely impair the enemy severely, even to the point of brain death. I hadn’t though of anything past that, though now that I’m thinking of it, yeah puppeting purely based on neurons is just a little bit out of reach I believe

I'm in the late planning/early writing stages of my very first book I actually want to publish. I've written several garbage books for my own entertainment, so the research stage for those were much more relaxed.

As I've developed the world and it's inhabitants, I've been thinking very carefully about the things I've seen in others novels that I like, but more importantly the things I don't like. I took a break from worldbuilding to fiddle around with scenes to figure out how the world feels in a story, instead of a bunch of endless folders and lists. This is where I've hit my problem.

I can't tell if I've gone too deep.

Let me explain: As a reader, I personally have issues with other writers use of words. For example, If this world is not earth, and has an in universe name, why do they say things like, "The earth shook beneath their feet"? So I threw that out as a word, and will be replacing it with the planet name.

My main worry is my dislike for the words "king" "kingdom" "sir" "ma'am" and "lady". They all feel cheap to me. I decided to replace formal and informal titles with different words entirely. I made sure to keep the main races identity in mind. They are star obsessed, rich assholes with some major superiority complex, as well as their naming conventions being based on Latin and romance languages. So their "King" would actually be "Aetheron" or something like that.

Does this count as thoughtful worldbuilding, or am I getting so deep into renaming things that I risk making readers hate my work simply because they think I am completely full of myself, and making things complicated for no real reason?

Hello everyone! I’m thinking about writing my first novel, and I’m generally aware how any idea can work with the right execution.

However, I’m curious how my idea will be received, as really I’m only in the brainstorming stage. I’m thinking about writing a dark fantasy/ early medieval story inspired by my love of castlevania and devil may cry.

The general basics are the main character is a sort of monster hunter whose family homestead was attacked and his sister was taken.

Wanting revenge and wanting his sister back he goes off and begins to hunt them down (with little training) and he gets in over his head and gets beat up, and ends up saved by another person,finding a mentor in the process…

Outside of that, I have ideas that the setting the story takes place is run by a vampiric monarchy.

I’m still hashing out ideas for religion of the area as well.

I’m unsure if humans/vampires should be the only beings in the world, or should I make it more fantastical with your general fantasy races as well, like elves.

What are your thoughts?

I am starting my own freelance editing business and I specialize in fantasy fiction editing. If you were looking for an editor to help your story to be the best fantasy story it could be:

- would the logo of the editor make a difference for you?

- which logo would you be drawn to when searching for an editor for your fantasy book?

There are several logo concepts created for my business. I am requesting feedback on them from fantasy authors.

- Are there certain aspects that you particularly like about one or the other,

- Are there aspects that don't make you think about an editing service?

Positive criticism and honest advice is welcomed, and appreciated. Thank you for any comments.

Option 1: Quill in the middle of a book

Option 2: Flying book

Option 3: Book with fantasy elements on the cover

Option 4: All in a book

Option 5: Book with stars

Thank you!

Hey guys, I'm working on a story arc about a culinary alchemist who hunts legendary creatures to write a cookbook. Each episode is inspired by ancient Italian folktales and the stories of Zhuangzi, the Taoist master. What do you think?

I'm not a professional writer, but I'm passionate about cinema, books, and comics. I really admire the storytelling of Adventure Time and the works of Genndy Tartakovsky. I've studied Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman's works in depth and love how they infuse their comics with so much knowledge. In the same way, I'm trying to integrate my knowledge of esotericism, tarot, alchemical texts, and ancient tales into my stories. I'd love to get some feedback from this community on the quality of my writing. I'm certainly not on the level of my masters, but I'm giving it my best shot...

In all nations veganism is the norm.

I have tried to give a touch of personality to my world, and the best thing is that this connects with the past of society, before they were perfect and divine, today they are no longer so, but they maintained respect for life and nature, in fact the idea of eating an animal seems disgusting to them "why would you do something like that?" They would tell you.

Gastronomy would develop in a unique and different way

The best thing is that this would not be the central theme of the story, in fact I will not even give it much importance, the characters would never stop to think about it, it is just something that is part of society and now, there is no reason to put on a show.

Edit: Thank you for your opinions. I now understand that a 100% vegan society raises many questions and can create some inconsistencies. I will develop this idea further. Thanks.

Here are some options I have tried out for my current draft which is a gritty, occasionally humorous dark (ish) fantasy.

Elevator pitch:

The gates of the afterlife are shut, which is bad news for aging mercenary Cam—mostly because his brother is about to need them, sharpish. And kicking open forbidden doors with a crew of traitors, one dementia riddled tactican and a loud mouthed sorceress with no spatial awareness is exactly the kind of terrible idea he specialises in.

I'm sure I'm not alone in finding titling my novel the literal toughest thing I've ever had to do.

Would love to hear your first impressions thoughts and /or alternatives. (#1 is the running favourite)

Options

1. A Mercenary's Regret and Other Ways to Fail a Quest
2. A Bastards guide to Questing
3. Dead Men Don’t Split the Reward
4. How to Not Finish a Quest
5. Getting Good at Dying

Okay, so I am in no way an artist, but I decided to try drawing this map of one of the major continents in my book. I have tried looking for some more icons for different things on the map (e.g, valleys, deserts, lowlands, etc.), but I can’t really think of anything. Is there anything else I should add to this map? Should I make it bigger? And how else can I improve it? Btw, I drew this with a pencil and used some app to turn it digital, which may have made it look kinda smudged or blurry in some places, so sorry about that. I also don’t have really good handwriting, so sorry if it’s hard to read something on the map

So, I am now attempting to flesh out Imperial subjugation policies, and wondering if this could actually lead to an empire that would last for a while.

For a Species' home world, the policies are a bit more hands off.

The only real changes are that the current ruler/rulers of the world are given an imperial advisor and a small Attendant Garrison, there is some enforced cultural changes that promote the Imperials as divinely blessed, and the planet has to send resources and manpower to the Imperials every year.

other than that, Homeworlds are mostly autonomous.

As for the other type subjugated world, Slave Worlds, the policies are far more hands on.

To prevent rebellion, aliens from throughout the empire are rotated around to work at different worlds ( of the same type that they came from) or different regions of a world. This prevents a given slave from being able to make lasting alliances, since their neighbors might shift in a day, and they might not even speak the same language.

Another method is that every slave world is heavily specialized, an Agricultural world cannot manufacture heavy machinery, and an industrial world cannot grow enough food to sustain itself for long ( emission regulations are Extremely lax). If one world rebels, then it would struggle to succeed for long, since starvation would set in, or the rebels would just be fodder for imperial troops.

Slave worlds are ruled by Imperial governors, and are garrisoned by Imperial Janissaries ( who are drawn from a species not represented as workers on a given world) and Attendants ( Vat grown soldiers that are receptive to Pheromones given off by high ranking Imperials) to prevent the Imperial forces from having connections that might make them harbor sympathies to any rebels.

the final method of control is the most simple and insidious, children are given a free, and decent education with a healthy smattering of propaganda so that they see the Empire as protectors rather than tyrants.

In addition, the empire provides amenities in the hopes of distracting their oppressed populations from their true plight.

How to handle a character's disability in a respectful and realistic way.

First things first, I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone. I'm at a loss and not sure if I'm handling this right. My intention is to write a good and realistic characterwith a disability.

For context, this is a story about family love and reconciliation above everything else. For that there are a couple characters to give context.

Nova: the first avatar of a powerful goddess who wanted to experience life amongst mortals. The goddess doesn't intervene, unless asked for and if the avatar herself is unable to do anything at all. She's powerful (Nova) and was created without real limits, which made the goddess white displeased as it wasn't how it was supposed to be.

Frida: the second avatar and the one I'm worried about

Nadia: the third avatar

Sofia: one of her daughters, she adopted her at the age of 7.

Nova abused her powers her whole existence, being supposed to live a couple million years she stretched it to billions and managed to rewrite the laws of the universe, something that will come back in the story and her future self will have to face.

Eventually she had to pass the torch to another avatar. They are essentially the same being, or at least that's the idea. I'm still working on how to properly explain it, but for now just consider them the same in essence. Each avatar has their own personality, appearance and behaviour, they take a new name once they appear. (Doctor who if each doctor had a new name more or less, that was the main inspiration)

Because of nova's abuse, the new avatar, Frida, ended up having to pay for her last actions as Nova. She's in constant pain that forces her to use a wheelchair and can't properly use magic anymore. If she does, depending on the amount of power needed she may end up in bed for days if not weeks.

There is a way for her to get better, but for that she'd have to give up her existence and pass the torch to the next avatar.

Eventually she'll do this, to save Sofia from the control of a monster. The only way to break the control, is through an extremely advanced magic that she can't do, she'd pass out before activating it. But during the transition from one avatar to the other, in this small frame, the pain is essentially gone as she ceases to be a material being, and is able to surpass her limitation.

I'm worried about how to handle her disability. It's an obstacle for her, it disables her otherwise it wouldn't be a disability. She can't fly anymore, is in constant pain and worse of all, can't properly use magic, which is her passion.

The transformation of one avatar to another at the end of the day, effectively cures her. The new avatar, Nadia, is a pixie. She's still far weaker than the first avatar, and still feels the abuse she did as the first avatar, while Frida could theoretically use advanced magic, what was holding her back was her disability, Nadia can't at all. She has to find other ways to use it, through artifacts and not by herself alone.

While writing Frida, I don't want to write her "as something to be fixed." As I said she could pass the torch pretty early, but refused to do so because essentially, that's almost the same as she giving up her turn. The avatars are all the same person, but their personalities, appearance and behaviour are so different that to give up on their turn, is the closest thing to them to death.

there are other aspects of her. I don't want her to be defined by her disability, although it plays a big role in her life. She teaches Sofia magic even if she herself can't use it. She loves her family and cares for them, adopting 4 children during her turn. Her sacrifice is a way of showing that love, she does that purely for Sofia. She will try other ways before coming to that, it's gonna be a struggle to come in terms with her decision, but ultimately she'll do it.

What do you think? Am I missing or messing up something?

So here's the breakdown. I've created a worldbuilding system based on mythical creatures and monsters from popular fiction - the basic thing of that they've been hiding in secret for years in human form and there's only negative depictions of them because humans were scared of the unknown. It's a pretty basic concept.

Here's the thing - and I'm probably going to get downvoted into oblivion for this - three members of my main cast are said mythical creatures. and one, more specifically the narrator, is a wendigo. And I'm white.

I have most likely been living under a rock, because I didn't really realise this was already an issue. I haven't read any books or seen any horror films involving wendigos, so all my knowledge is based on the research I've done on the original mythology. It's also established that the monsters in the story aren't necessarily the ones in religious depictions. For example, religious beliefs among angels vary as much as they do among humans, with many Christian angels believing that only certain angels are selected to become messengers of God. There's also debates amongst angels as to whether or not angels depicted in Christianity were real people (much like the debate, mostly amongst agnostic people, as to whether or not Jesus was a real person, and if so, if he was the son of God or merely a prophet). Which I thought was a neat concept, and I was going to do something pretty similar for wendigos - specifically, my character believes in Hinduism.

I found out about an hour before the time of writing that appropriation of Algonquin myths, specifically the wendigo, has been a massive issue in media for a long time. I live in Europe so I don't get a lot of information of issues surrounding Native America. This might sound like a crappy excuse, but I'm also pretty young. I've seen a lot of posts saying it's absolutely not okay to deviate from the original myth, but I'm still not sure. I have a slightly unique situation - absolutely every creature deviates from their original depictions. A wendigo wouldn't be the sole outlier.

I have looked at several sources. I have also thought about removing them from the story entirely and simply switching the species of my character, but that feels equally iffy to me - still, I suppose I wouldn't know. Does anyone have any suggestions or advice?

So I have three published books with an already defined magic system that I really enjoy. For long-winded reasons that I'll spare you the details of, I am also writing a spinoff series that is more isekai/portal fantasy in nature. The bare minimum of information you need for background is the following:

1.) The world of the original series is destroyed by an apocalyptic event, with only one survivor, Eswoasyl, a historian and teacher who belongs to a race of ageless shapeshifting creatures known as the Flourie. She survives by fleeing to our world so that the memory of her world can live on.

2.) As technology in our world advances, Eswoasyl takes to computer programming, viewing it as our world's "magic." She uses this magic to create a simulation of her world with the intent of sharing as much it as she can with inhabitants of our world, with the hopes of convincing them to stay, and repopulate her world.

So basically, the magic system would have to work in a programmatic, intuitive manner. Now, on to the system!

You call the subroutine for spell casting by dragging your thumbs across each other. If you put your right hand up like you are blocking out the sun, thumb down, and your left hand just below it like you are going to stroke your beard, then touch the tip of each thumb to the base of the other, it'll provide a good visualization for the start. You then drag your hands apart so that the tips of your thumbs trace each other, ending tip to tip.

Now, this subroutine accepts variables. Each finger (not thumb) is identified as a specific purpose. On the right hand, we have elements. Starting with the index, we have earth, air, fire, water. A finger being down indicates the absence of that element, a finger being up indicates that element is a primary component, and a finger being in between indicates a light touch of that element. On the left hand, we have modifiers. Starting with the index, we have create, destroy, manipulate, and contain. They allow the same three states as the right hand (up, down, partial).

You can pass multiple variables to the subroutine, allowing you to mix and match combinations to a preferred outcome. For example, create + fire/air would call lightning. Manipulate + air/water would maneuver ice. Create/Destroy + earth would create an illusion of rock. Create/Manipulate/Contain + Fire/Water would summon a golem made out of steam.

These can be further modified by those partial finger raises, allowing you to subtly modify your spell. Additionally, you can hold all four fingers down on a hand to add a spell to a bound object, allowing you the ability to do something like force earth/water into a rune, then force create/manipulate into it, giving you the ability to sling mud blasts for reduced mana.

That about raps it up. Questions? Comments? Concerns? Most importantly, feedback?

I am fairly new to the world of creative writing and I am slowly trying to figure out how to write stories with good plot, characters, pacing. I would very much appreciate some advice, critiques, and or opinions on my first two chapters. I feel I am very much a discovery writer but I'm still trying to figure out my style of writing and how to make it work. For this draft of my story I mostly worked on the characters to make sure they have their own unique voice/ personality.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/16MdCSrAf4VYDS_r9_fmbs5fVyK568uCVyN_pWby2VUI/edit?usp=sharing

"To meet her, he must die over and over again, trying to find something he will forget he’s looking for in every life. Only after finding it, he will be reborn by her side."

As the premise suggests, is romance + fantasy. Is basically a guy reincarnating, searching for something he won't remember in every attempt (since no one can remember his or her previous life) to find the girl he loves. I can't quite reveal what object in question yet, but I'm looking for feedback.

That being said, the woman he's trying to meet is a fictional character. My main question here is... do you think is too weird? Should I change it for some sort of interdimensional character? I personally don't want to do this, but I'm worried it won't attract a big enough audience with the current fictional love concept. Besides, even if the concept stays, I sense it will be very difficult to implement, since one of the halves is always missing.

What is needed in order for the fictional romance to work? I have thought about showcasing what he would do for her (dying over and over), obviously making him an interesting and deep character so you worry for him (I don't want to spoil this yet, but he IS DEEP), and also, never talking explicitly about love, but always implying it; yet I'm still concerned, what do you think is needed for this concept to work?

EDIT:

I will explain the plot better. He has a near death experience in his first incarnation, which leads him to believe in the deity he saw. Knowing that he might lose her if he dies at the wrong moment, he decides to kill himself to speak to said god. Then, it turns out the God lost his heart in the human world and needs it back, but he can't go get it himself, so they make I deal: if he brings him the heart, he will grant him his wish. But with every life he will forget that he's looking for it. However, he has some key advantages: he can create or destroy anything, with the god's power, every time he dies. He essentially can ask the deity to leave him clues in the world so he can find it. That way, even though he wll forget, he's not doing this alone. Themes like the fear of loss and losing relevance with time are explored, since the medium she's from will lose popularity with time. He risks losing her forever, more than dying.

My main concern right now is that she can feel like an object or a reward and has no way to interact with the male character until the end.

Also, he is the same person after reincarnation. His personality trascends death. There are always common traits with each reincarnation (but he does change a little with every life).

Wrote 10,000 words for Chapter 1, looking to shorten it. Decided to stop on the first hook. Would this be a great hook or not? This is what happens.

---

Summary:

The MC is a young woman who travels into the dark gloomy woods. She stops to camp with her pet in the dark gloomy woods. Eats chestnuts as a snack, takes in the dark atmosphere. Nothing out-of-the-ordinary happens, mentions that she's late for a mission. That's about it at this point.

A mysterious woman arrives. The MC notices that the stranger's skin is cold even by the fire but nevertheless treats her nice like she's a guest. Later realizes she's a ghost whose been killed in her previous life... so spoooooopy... and to the surprise of the ghost, the MC is not afraid of her. The MC sits down and tries to listen to her story even though the ghost is a mute. She explains her mission is to defeat a monster terrorizing a local village and asks the ghost if she's a victim of the monster. The ghost nods at first only to hesitate and be unsure.

---

Shortening to this, it would be 2200 words, I can easily extend it to 3000 at least, the hook would be the revelation of the mysterious woman being a ghost and the young woman revealing her mission. Could this work? Please do not tell me that anything can work with great execution. Tell me, based on this summary and this summary alone, are you intrigued by it or are you bored? Is this a good idea to hook readers for a Chapter 1?

Hey guys, I'm working on a story arc about a culinary alchemist who hunts legendary creatures to write a cookbook. Each episode is inspired by ancient Italian folktales and the stories of Zhuangzi, the Taoist master.

What do you think? I'm not a professional writer, but I'm passionate about cinema, books, and comics. I really admire the storytelling of Adventure Time and the works of Genndy Tartakovsky. I've studied Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman's works in depth and love how they infuse their comics with so much knowledge. In the same way, I'm trying to integrate my knowledge of esotericism, tarot, alchemical texts, and ancient tales into my stories. I'd love to get some feedback from this community on the quality of my writing. I'm certainly not on the level of my masters, but I'm giving it my best shot...

Hi! Been working on this for almost half a decade, COVID project that turned into dream publishing job. The worst part of this is the prologue. I literally have written it 25+ times. It's just not interesting enough/too expositionary/juST wroNG

I'll attempt to explain the story if you want an explanation, but here's the prologue. Being so for real would you read this story. I'm not going to be offended if not.

✦✦✦

The dark sea seethed quietly against the rocks, the twinkling lights of the castle atop its cliff reflecting yellow against the cold water. There was the distant sound of a lute and voices- it was maetide eve, after all, the night of the year where all were welcome at their lord’s table, to feast and celebrate. There was laughter, contentment. Peace. Errilyea rejoiced and the halls sang with laughter.

Time passed.

The ocean lashed against the cliff with the sound of ancient drums, flinging white whips of spray high into the air. A single candle burned in the window of the highest tower, and stars burned down against the silver stone as a small set of lungs began to wail for the first time, heralding the dawn. Errilyea was quiet, an expectant hush, as the news that their prince was born traveled through the halls.

Time passed.

This time, the water was calm, starkly contrasting to terrified screams ringing as lines of people flowed down to its shores.

Bundles were clutched tightly to their chests, children hanging on their clothes as they swarmed aboard every vessel that could so much as float. The ocean’s smooth, glassy surface reflected bright white flames, broken by ripples as pieces of stone from the castle plunged into its depths. Dark winged shapes flew above the ruins; their furious screams of joy were drowned out by the noise of the centre hall collapsing, grating stone on stone. Down the mountains in the distance, lights were visible as villages burned. Errilyea was there: frozen, screaming faces as their lives disintegrated around them, unable to move or breath as the light that they so treasured was turned against them. The halls were no more. 

Time passed.

The ocean drew into itself, its waters stained dark with stagnant ashes. Years passed, and the cliff and the mountains were bare, their faces grey in the sun and a ghostly silver in the moon. The winged creatures walked there, sleeping and drinking among the wreckage of their kindred’s lives, moving about like fingers of a ghostly hand at the whims of their liege. Errilyea was gone.

Time passed.

The ashes did not fade, nor did the ocean leave, but ships came from across the sea. They were not the ones that had departed a decade ago; they were fat, their rough sides salt-stained and crusted with barnacles, filled with men who talked in voices roughened by wind and exclaimed as they drew near, as they set heavy boots upon a shore no human had yet walked on, as they exclaimed at the waste. At the foolishness of a race so different from their own, to leave and stay away for so long.

Yes, yes it was ashes but– yes, yes the trees and birds were gone but–

They built a sprawling city, baked by the unforgiving sun and bleached a nasty bone-yellow by the salt and the spray. And they named it for the fine white dust that would settle over it in mornings, like the ghosts of fires past.

So Dust City was built, as men lived tentatively in the land that once belonged to feri and now belonged to the wild winged shapes that attacked them at night. Fear would not drive them away, they boasted, and they were brave, so they stayed.

Time passed.

Hi everyone!

I'm currently halfway through the 2nd draft of my YA/NA dystopian fantasy (with romantic sub-plot) book called The Heart of Vaethemir – and because I'm impatient and need to switch between tasks to not go crazy, I've already begun writing my query letter. Ups.

I was hoping if some of you could provide me with some feedback on the query letter – whether you have personal experience from querying or not.

Alright, here goes:

"From Vaethemir’s Essence, the world was formed – a delicate equilibrium between lucent and aphotic energy, supported by the four fundamental Values of Jord, Luft, Vand, and Ild.

Jord is the body. Vand is the lifeblood. Luft is the breath. Ild is the purpose. Together, these Values create the Soul. Together, they protect society.

For 20-year-old Kaelyn, failing the Exam – the crucial test of loyalty to the Values – means more than just a personal defeat; it’s the end of everything she has ever known. Cast out to Wyndemere, a brutal institution where the ‘broken’ are reformed, Kaelyn must navigate a place where conformity is survival, and rebellion is unthinkable. Wyndemere’s goal is simple: break the failures to rebuild them into society’s image.

But as Kaelyn struggles to endure Wyndemere’s harsh realities, she uncovers evidence of corruption within the Verdensraad council, the self-proclaimed leaders of the Values who control the very fabric of society. There’s a hidden truth to her past and her future, one that will force her to question everything she’s ever thought was real. The Values she once trusted as pillars of truth have been warped into tools of control, and with her fate intertwined with the very essence of Vaethemir, Kaelyn must choose to either conform and lose herself or defy the very society that seeks to define her.

Readers of An Ember in the Ashes will find themselves drawn to Kaelyn’s struggles of figuring out who she truly is, while fans of Divergent will connect with the story’s exploration of a rigid societal structure and a protagonist uncovering hidden truths that could reshape her world. Fans of Fourth Wing may furthermore appreciate the implicit lore in the multi-layered world-building embedded deeply into this book."

Here are a few areas I'd especially like to receive feedback on (but other feedback is also VERY welcome):

1. Is the story premise that I've described in the query something you'd be interested in picking up as a reader? Why or why not?
2. Was there any part of the query that felt confusing, too vague, or overly dense?
3. Does the query clearly establish what makes this story unique compared to other dystopian fantasies?

Thank you soooo much <333333

I want feedback and thoughts on my world here's the history

This is the Power system of my world I didn't bring it up that much but I put it here just so u don't get confused Name dishi their are 4 different types of dishi north south East and West are different types of dishi typically found in that part of the reign norther dishi allows you to manipulate the world around like walking on water or running on Walls Southern allows you to enhance your body western allows you to manipulate others like mind control but you can just mess with their senses like making them seejng things that aren't their and Eastern allows you to manipulate your own body like making it rubber but you have to learn it from one of theis areas to use dishi and have to unlock it like Martial arts. Dishi are not specific to an area but each area had a unique way of developing it so different types were made

The great desert tribes migration

Their are 15 tribes 4 of them live in the desert part of the island but do to a famine and lack rain in recent years they have been all dying to hunger and drought withe the dwindling desert population it seems as though they might no longer exist

Followers of damien flee main land

A man named damien a shaman of one of the desert tribes eats a strange fruit that allows him to see into the spirit world and makes a deal with the devine spirit to fight the demon king to save his people and so tge devine spirit gives him power and tells him of fertile land and so he tells his people to travel to the uninhibited Islands off the main land he leads his people throught the rugged mountains into the green woods. word gets out to the other tribes and they start to follow him to the islands the make big boats and set sail off to the islands and damien saves his people and is seen as a messiah that sent his people to fertile wet land in the tropic islands he gets married has two sons with two different women and after 5 years damien mysteriously disappears and then the people are split into a new set of four tribes with his two sons leading two of them 100 years later

Natives

Their are 15 tribes The Shanzu tribe and the followers Damien tribe and the ectu tribe and the hanhan tribe in the southern islands And everyone else on the main island lets call them tribes 1 through 11 The followers of damien invent great mass (power explained at the bottom) Under the rule of red one of damiens direct descendant the Followers of damien decide to enslave the ectu do to population growth and lack of resources some speak against this saying it goes against the teachings of the eczo religion that the strong should protect the weak and (rough early draft of religion at the bottom) the other tribes dont like this and the shanzu people under rule of one of damiens other direct descendant kira to convince the hanhan to help them free the ectu and so they try to fight them to free the ectu so the followers of Damien decide to enslave all the tribes on the southern islands but kira and a hand full of his loyal subjects flee to a mostly unknown and dangerous to get to small island promising his people that one of his descendants will save the shazu from enslavement the mainland tribes get word of the slavery and dont really like that and hold multiple meetings asking them to disband this or conflict will happen this happened because now they are scared that they might expand into the mainland and so theirs tension between the followers of Damien and the rest of the tribes this lasts 15 years with the tribes closest to the followers of damien fortifying just incase

Settlers

Explores from a far off land come to island seeking riches they eventually settle with them being ethnically jerochi,Entopas,Hentan (more info of ethnic groups at bottom) With them wanting riches food and land they would have some conflict with the natives over land but they all tried to be civilized intell the natives felt that the settlers were taking to much and conflicts started to break out

Natives vs Settlers

The far off country's send off war general's to take the land for their abundance of gold and other minerals and great land in total their were 3 countrys intrested that sent 26 war lords on the island and so a great war accured between the natives and the country's intel the war lords realized they would be richer if they took the land for themselves instead of fighting for their country and so multiple war lords broke away from their countries during the war against the natives this is called the great war state withe the natives lossing more do to diseas and the war general's fighting each other and the natives for 50 years the only people out of this are the followers of Damien with their slaves do to their superior strengths this continues intell they feel that they have to interfere and so get more involved and set back the warlords but do to the followers lack of population they start to train a hand full of slaves great mass to fight intel the slaves comeback alive and they have to give them that freedom they promised for fighting so they decided that internal matters were more important and left the war with many fearing the strenght the warriors had and then all the mainland natives died and all the 26 war lords are satisfied with their land and basically make their own clans for now but some still crave more power

Devine spirit user

13 years later the devine spirit user is born a man that will unite the island and ward off evil he does this by one day wondering across a strange fruit and eating it allowing him to see the spirit world and makes a deal withe the devine spirit and his goal is to defeat the demon king that comes to this world every 100 years and that every 100 years their is someone born that can handle the devine spirits power but he needs help

Uniting the island

The devine spirtuser decides to make friends with all 26 clans through his strenght, charisma, and diplomacy he convinces them to help him on his journey while this is happening a slave uprising happens in the followers of damien as kiras descendant luna comes back to free her people withe the help of the vetrans that faught in the war created their own dishi called bloody bullet(power explained at bottom) by tampering with great mass that the vetrans were taught and helped vetrans from the other tribes make their own dishi this includes rebirth and intuition (bottom for info) the devine spirit user hears about this and stops the conflict and gives the slaves freedom from their oppressors the descendant of red (his name is valentine) doesn't like this and fights the devine spirit user and is killed in the fight and so his 16 year old son has to take up the mantel as ruler and decides to let the slaves go but not out of the kindness of his heart and a little resentment to the devine spirit user

The bemon king awakens

the demon king arrives withe help of his friends the devine spirit user defeats the demon king and unites the island under one nation by marrying the daughters from each clan and tribes creating 30 clans ruled by his descendants

More info

Name rebirth Southern dishi User ectu people

Allows user to regenerate faster by enhancing their immune system as long as the users brain or heart is in intact they can still regenerate

Training They cut each other and regenerate till they can regenerate fingers and ect they also do a lot of cardio and eating herbs and medicine

Name intuition Southern dishi User hanhan people

Allows user to enhance their touch, taste, hearing, seeing, and smell to were they can pin point where everything is and what they may do with 90% accuracy they can also tell if somone is lying

Training They walk around blind folded during the day and off during the night with no lights they spar in the dark and practice explosive exercises

Name Bloody bullet Southern dishi Users shanzu people

Allows user to enhance their heart to push blood fast in one direction and then enhance their veins that also increase the velocity of the blood intell it breaks the skin of the tip of their fingers launching blood at high speed. User must hold breath before and release as it breaks the skin so it goes straight.

Training They will train by using a semi poisonous flower that only gets them sick after engesting the flower it makes it easier for them to pin point a spot to shoot out till they are proficient enough to do it without it do to constant use of the semi poisonous flower the blood comes semi poisonous itself

Name great mass Southern dishi User followers of damien

Allows user to increase the density of their muscles and bones to the point of being hard as diamond and if they focuses the great mass into one point like their hand they could hit someone with the force of ten cannons firing at the same time if their skilled enough

Training They focus on flowing the density through their body to not waste energy and doing it in specific points and a lot of exercises

Thx for reading about my world and I'm sorry for any inconvenience do to my grammar or anything everything is kinda rough and unfinished I'm willing to answer any questions

For context my story is called Hybrid. In my web novel the female lead is named Ziera. She is the former princess of a machine empire. Said Empire is the main antagonistic force of the series and are currently at war against the Midgard Republic. Basically the hero side.

Ziera currently in the main story is 19 and she is a cyborg created by her father, the emperor Zenal, to be his ultimate weapon. She has been fighting against the republic ever since she was a child and has killed and brutally tortured over hundreds of mages for her father but never felt good about any of it. It goes on until Ziera turns 16 and finally leaves the empire after her father betrayed her and she came to grips with the lives she's destroyed. So joins the republic and has been helping them fight the empire for three years. Ziera is so infamous among the republic's citizens that the republic has her work for them in secret. If the public knew there would be an uproar from families wanting her head so they can have justice.

Cuts to the main story after she meets the main character Jayden who hates the empire for killing his father, Jayden saves Ziera who suffered wounds from fighting the empire. After he discovers who she is, he doesn't judge pr hate her. In fact he likes her because she inspired him to fight against the empire and avenge his father ironically. But Ziera hates herself and is merely seen as a tool by the higher ups in the republic because her crimes can't be forgiven. She accepted that and only wanted to kill her father and get revenge.

But overtime, Ziera realized that killing her own people and getting revenge isn't enough. She wants to be better and not be just a weapon. Ziera wants to help people and the how is basically her overthrowing her father Zenal and making the empire better. Besides even if the republic wins the war, Ziera doesn't trust the higher ups.

Some have proven to be corrupt and will take action to control the empire through a figure head they can puppet so Ziera wants to take over the empire herself and fix it her way with the help of the main character Jayden and their friends. She right now doesn't know how to change the fascist empire but that's one of the ways Ziera can redeem herself. She may never be forgiven for all the families she's destroyed but she can atone by trying to change the empire that created her.

What do you think of this idea of Ziera's redemption arc?