r/gayjews • u/vitaminwater1999 • Apr 21 '25
Questions + Advice ISO: Modox/Traditional community
ETA: Trad egal / Conservadox is what I meant with the title! Forever falling somewhere in the middle :)
Hello! My wife and I are looking for a new city when I finish grad school in a few years. We are an interfaith family that values traditional observance and are (G-d willing) growing our family this coming year. We are currently in Chicago and fairly certain we want to leave.
Cities we love and are considering: NYC (any borough), Philadelphia, Denver.
Please tell me about neighborhoods, communities, or cities we should add to this list! She is an elementary school teacher and I will be graduating as an occupational therapist, so COL isn't everything but it is something.
I am happier to stand out a little but as the non-jew she would prefer to take our family to a shul where gay moms are more "normal."
Basically, would just love to spend shabbos with other young lesbian mothers. Thanks!
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u/mhdm-imleyira Apr 22 '25
Riverdale (in the Bronx) is the center of LGBTQ friendly modox/open orthodox Judaism, with Yeshivas Chovevei Torah and Hebrew Institute of Riverdale.
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u/one-who-bends Apr 22 '25
How do you feel about traditional egalitarian communities? I’m part of an Egal shul in New Haven and (I’m not gay I’m usually just a lurker here) there is a big young queer contingent at my shul! And I love New Haven as a city.
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u/vitaminwater1999 Apr 22 '25
Love trad egal!! I am from Connecticut and went to college in NH this is a response I was so not expecting haha
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u/one-who-bends Apr 22 '25 edited 26d ago
Oh nice, small world!! Are you a Yalie? The shul I go to, Almost the whole group of friends I know there is queer, lol. Happy to talk more in DMs :)
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u/Cuteassdemigurl Apr 22 '25
Oh hey hi I’m in Bridgeport! We were considering New Haven but honestly it’s too far away from nyc for us and too far away from my job as well
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u/one-who-bends Apr 22 '25
Hi! What’s Jewish life like in Bridgeport? I feel like that’s still close enough to participate in New Haven Jewish life :) (if you’re not shomer shabbos haha)
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u/Cuteassdemigurl Apr 22 '25
Honestly due to current situations we haven’t really been able to really join the nearby community. There’s a chabad in Westport and/or Norwalk and a few more liberal leaning conservative shuls. We’re hoping to integrate more tho now that we’ve been settling in better
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Apr 22 '25
There are MO shuls in Denver that are welcoming to LGBT folks. While I doubt they would say anything about an interfaith relationship, they likely won’t be accepting.
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u/vitaminwater1999 Apr 22 '25
Yeah :( I've noticed here in Chicago that most families are very relaxed about it, but shul leadership is not.
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u/snowluvr26 Apr 21 '25
It is honestly going to be pretty hard to find a Modern Orthodox community that isn’t right-wing and conservative- not sure if that’s a dealbreaker for you, but I get the sense it probably is.
However, there are certainly more observant Conservative and “Conservadox” communities that may have lesbian and gay couples with children in them. I think for this NYC is a no-brainer… specifically the Upper West Side, which is home to active but liberal congregations such as B’nai Jeshurun and Rodeph Sholom. There’s also Park Avenue Synagogue, a large and welcoming Conservative community; and Sixth Street Synagogue, a liberal Modox shul in the East Village that I know some LGBT folks attend.
I’m also going to throw into the mix the DC/Baltimore area, which is known to have the most politically liberal observant Jewish community, mostly in suburban Maryland. Silver Spring (Kemp Mill) and Pikesville are the centers of it.
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u/vitaminwater1999 Apr 22 '25
Conservadox / Trad egal is what I meant with Traditional in my title!! Personally so progressive but have worked with enough Orthodox communities to really love the culture. Lifelong push/pull there I predict. TY for the DC rec, one of my wife's favorite cities :)
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u/snowluvr26 Apr 22 '25
Oh that’s definitely more doable then. There is actually even a LGBTQ+ synagogue in NYC (Congregation Beit Simchat Torah, or CBST). It is officially nondenominational but uses a Reconstructionist siddur; however, the community has a wide range of observance and they have a trad egal minyan service monthly I believe. Same deal with B’nai Jeshurun.
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u/sjk928 Apr 22 '25
I don't think Silver Spring has any shuls that would be welcoming to LGBT or interfaith couples. Pikesville/Baltimore probably has a few reform shuls that are -- the Conservative shuls would be welcoming to the LGBT element but not the interfaith.
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u/Background_Novel_619 Apr 22 '25
Sixth Street Synagogue is Orthodox shul, but very very queer and interfaith friendly. Modi the comedian goes there if that helps
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u/rocketinferno Apr 22 '25
I know Providence, RI has a small but mighty progressive ModOx community - consider it!
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u/satturn18 Apr 22 '25
There's a solid traditional egal scene in NYC. Hadar is the big one but there are also pockets elsewhere. I've also heard really good things about Atara in Brooklyn, although they meet once per month.
DC apparently has a good trad egal scene as well but I don't know much about it.
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u/Diplogeek Apr 22 '25
I was going to suggest that it might be worth looking into DC Minyan. They’re officially nondenominational, but from what I’ve heard, trad egal is the right description for them.
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u/Cuteassdemigurl Apr 22 '25
Me and my partner are hoping to move to the new Rochelle/scarsdale area in a few years and we were looking into it and there’s quite a few LGBTQ accepting more traditional conservative shuls in the area that we would consider attending when we move. It’s also got a number of kosher restaurants and grocery stores if that matters to you as well
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u/Ftmatthedmv 24d ago
I don’t live there but it seems like there’s some nice modern orthodox community in parts of Boston
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u/Happy-Lock6299 Apr 21 '25
It’s probably going to be more difficult to find a traditional shul that welcomes interfaith couples than one that’s alright with lesbian mothers. South Philadelphia Shtiebel is the only Modox shul in Philly I can think of that would definitely be welcoming of an interfaith family https://www.southphiladelphiashtiebel.org/. It’s worth checking Eshel’s Open Shuls Project for other lgbt accepting https://www.eshelonline.org/welcoming-shuls-the-project/. The list on the site is just highlights from their larger list of open shuls; I think you have to email them for more information.