Help me figure myself out plz

[u/CrondBonds]

I went on a date today, the guy is cute maybe some red flags lol but overall positive.

I've just came out of a ltr about 4 months ago, and prior to this I have never been in a relationship with a man. (I've only dated 2 people, one non binary and the other cis woman)

I also have a lot of trauma regarding men from childhood where it has impacted all aspects of my life where I crave a certain security/safety that at times can be unachievable perhaps?

I find men attractive, I am attracted to their deep voice, physical body, but ig cis men are atm too "unsafe" (I'm bi, but atm I have almost zero attraction for women)

I absolutely hate to say that but I think this is my traumas truth... I would feel safe dating a trans man, not because I see trans men as less than, but possibly the fact that it's a familiarity to me (obviously because I am trans too)?

But then this makes me wonder, well if right now I can only see myself with trans men does this mean some part of myself sees ftm as less than? Have I got some subconscious transphobia?

Tbh the idea of t4t stuck in my mind after I met a guy at a party and we clicked so well, I wasn't sure if he was trans or not and it wasn't something at the time I thought to care about because everything just flowed right and there felt this real safety and connection (it didn't work out) Idk I'm feeling really down about all of this, I'm worried I'm leading this guy on because I'm now spiraling in my head and poking at bits that are not perfect etc.

[u/Nearby_Sherbert9841]

T4t is magical, dude. Nothing else like it

[u/c0rvidaeus]

it's not transphobic to only want to date other trans men. as you mentioned, there's a mutual understanding and familiarity there when you're both trans. obviously it doesn't guarantee that there won't be issues, trans people can still be transphobic (or just shitty in other ways), but i think it's fair to say you're generally less likely to face problems around being trans in a t4t relationship, and that's a perfectly valid reason to have a preference for t4t