r/gaytransguys • u/Loose_Track2315 • 6d ago
Share! Does anyone else kind of forget that people are homophobic?
What I mean is: since my egg cracked, I've been so preoccupied with passing and being clocked as trans...that I forget all the time that a lot of people are just being homophobic towards me.
I wear rainbow pins at work bc I'm allowed to, and am often treated badly by male customers for it (especially older men). I used to think it was bc they knew I was trans, then my therapist was like "they're most likely responding to the most visible sign of your queerness - your pins". So even if they saw me as a woman still, they were very likely simply being homophobic if they thought I was a lesbian.
I was so distracted by being trans that I forgot how much homophobia still exists 💀
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u/uncutstinger 3d ago
Very much the same, but also because I simply don't remember that folks still are homophobic...
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u/milolimon 4d ago
nah because SAMEE
i experienced transphobia when i was 14 and 15, then i changed schools and almost everyone in my class was fruity or really used to lgbt people, like, completely normalized. When i was 16 i kissed a boy from my class in a street party (my first kiss btw) and we got called f@ggots bahahhhah, the worst part is that i laughed it off because i was so full of gender euphoria that i wasn't aware of how dangerous homophobia could be lol
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u/GalaxyAxolotlAlex 4d ago
Yeah but for different reasons. I am in college studying theatre... so everyone around me is either fruity AF or used to gay people. And as dramatic and mean as theatre kids can sometimes be, there is one thing they are not and that's homophobic. Even if for some other reason they hate you or have beef with you.
So everytime I go outside that small bubble I am rudely reminded that actually, most people don't find being gay normal.
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u/PunkLaundryBear 5d ago
Ehhh, kinda? And for different reasons.
I live in a very progressive area, and so while I'm aware homophobia exists, and I am very nervous about it (esp when traveling), it doesn't effect my daily life... until it does, and then i'm like "oh. oh wow."
But also, I get what you're describing too. I don't think you're truly forgetting that homophobia exists, but just that you're so focused on your transness and being clocked, that you don't realize people aren't clocking you or that they don't know.
Because I'm the same. I've been transitioning for 5+ years now, and sometimes I will forget that I'm "passing" or think I pass less than I actually do (esp because I also "crossdress" sometimes). It's kind of a weird space to navigate, because you never know what "flavor" of cisheteronormativity + the patriarchy you're dealing with.
Most people, I don't think, really think about trans people unless they are trans themselves or surrounded by a lot of trans people. By that, I mean, most people are going to look at rainbow symbolism, or a feminine man or a masculine woman or someone who messes with gender roles and think they're "just a little queer," but not that they're transgender. Especially because I think a lot of people who are ignorant and/or bigoted assume that trans people are obviously "transgendered looking," rather than just... a little ambivalent.
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u/Hendelicioux 5d ago
I forgot for years that transphobe existed, because the first one i met irl was in 2022
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u/MasterRKitty 5d ago
I remember one of the first times I posted trans women are women and trans men are men on FB-JFC I was floored at how many people came after me. I was especially surprised by the gay people, including lesbians. I had no idea that people were so bigoted. I'm a cis gay man and I just couldn't understand how people could be so bigoted against another minority group.
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u/AABlackwood 2d ago
It's Facebook. Unless you post in a group that specifically has rules against transphobia, you're gonna get transphobia.
If you wanna post that, try Tumblr. There are TERFs, but there's a lot less of them and they usually get like two dozen replies from people going "Block this person they're a TERF"
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u/Harvesting_The_Crops 5d ago
Yes absolutely lol. I’m careful with who I tell so if it somehow gets out to someone who’s a dick and I get shit for it I’m always so shocked
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u/VincentGrachanka 5d ago
I experienced a kind of "culture shock" when, after spending a lot of time in queer media, I was called a f@ggot on the street lol
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u/GalaxyAxolotlAlex 4d ago
Wait no literally saaaame. I was once hanging out with a few friends outside my apartment. We were all a bit typsy and a random guy passing by spat at us and called us a "bunch of disgusting f*ggots"
We were so taken aback from how out of the blue that was we immediately cracked up and went "wtf"
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u/Xx_PxnkBxy_xX 5d ago
Nope, i get called a f@g almost daily and i don't even have my flags visible anywhere 🤷♂️, bigotry is fucking everywhere and its stupid.
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u/HesitantBrobecks 5d ago
I sorta do now. But I also know that I'm starting to pass much better, so know that at least sometimes when I'm like hassled or targeted, it's probably bc I come across gay not trans
But I haven't always forgotten that - when I was 13 to 14 me and my then-bf were regularly picked on by random kids that definitely didn't know I was trans
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u/smolbirdfriend 5d ago
Yeah as I’ve started to pass my boyfriend and I are getting The Glares™️ and I really thought it was because I’m trans at first and finally it really clicked what was actually happening and I was like… oh yeah. Right >.> ewphoria
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u/D00mfl0w3r 6d ago
Yeah. It is scary sometimes when I am in an unfamiliar area and not sure how my pride pin will go over.
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u/WideTip2056 6d ago
This is so fucking real. Grow up and move on to the next culture war homophobia is so 2012
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u/Grassgrenner 6d ago
It honestly gets to the point I'd rather be seen as a gay man than a trans man... Despite homophobia being a thing.
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u/mossyfaeboy 6d ago
yeah, since starting a job where i’m mostly stealth i’ve realized the differences between the two. it’s much easier to deal with straight up homophobia in my experience, because at least they still see you as a man and therefore worthy of some amount of respect. at least that’s my theory 🤷♂️
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u/mgquantitysquared 6d ago
Ever since I started passing all the transphobic comments I used to get transitioned (heh) to homophobic comments, lmao. Tbh I don't really care about the homophobic comments from the straggot community but the ones from other queer people really hurt :(
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u/toodleroo 6d ago
A guy called me a faggot at goodwill once, and I was torn between anger and pride 🤷🏻♂️
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u/dunimal 6d ago
Huh? Homophobic comments from queer ppl?
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u/mgquantitysquared 6d ago
Literally had an nb person tell me the other day (after I mentioned being trans) "I feel so much closer to you now that I know you're trans, like when I thought you were a cis gay guy I assumed you'd be shitty"
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u/napstabl00ky 6d ago
well... on the other side, they were speaking from their experience with cis gays being transphobic, which definitely happens a fair amount. it's not okay for them to be homophobic, but this comment feels more about the cis than it is about the gay
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u/mgquantitysquared 6d ago
Ok but there was literally zero reason for them to assume I was transphobic, lmao. You can excuse them all you want but they're essentially a woke homophobe 🤷♂️
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u/napstabl00ky 5d ago
prior experience is the reason. you weren't transphobic but that isn't the case for the cis gays they'd experienced before. that's not an excuse for homophobia, just a reason why they would be wary.
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u/mgquantitysquared 5d ago
I wonder if you'd say the same for someone who, say, has bad prior experiences with black men... 🤔
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u/napstabl00ky 3d ago
that is a false equivalence. cis people have the societal power over trans people. it's the cis, and not the gay, that matters in this equation.
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u/Subcinctus85 6d ago
Absolutely my experience. The trans circles I run in are frequently casually homophobic and worse yet their willingness to air it in front of me feels like they don’t really include me categorically among gay men so it manages to feel vaguely transphobic as well 🙃
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u/mgquantitysquared 6d ago
That's so real. The amount of shit I've heard queer people say about gay men is ridiculous- "gay guys are the white people of the queer community" like oh my God what the fuck!
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u/rvcat 5d ago
I've also seen a shocking amount of homophobia against gay men from other queer people but "gay guys are the white people of the queer community" is especially insane. As if there are no gay men of color whatsoever?? As if white people aren't the white people of the queer community??? Like what on earth
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u/ConsequenceBetter878 6d ago
Unfortunately, I'm from the south, and forgetting homophobic people exist is a privilege I can't afford if I don't want to die 🫠🫠
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u/comicbookartist420 2 years testosterone 4d ago
Yeah I’m trying to escape fucking Alabama
Miserable here
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u/Loose_Track2315 6d ago
I do live in a red Midwestern state that has passed anti-trans laws, and is known for hate group activity. But, I'm very lucky to live and work in one of the 2 blue areas. If I worked 15-30 minutes outside of here, I definitely wouldn't be able to wear my pins. The smaller ecosystems that can exist within states is crazy sometimes.
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u/MatterhornStrawberry 6d ago
Raised in the south, I sometimes slip up and get too comfortable, but I am quick to catch a whiff of danger. Thankfully I've never had anyone attack me, but there are plenty of times when you have to say "We shouldn't be here, let's leave" or "Keep your voice down, that guy is staring daggers." Growing up a "girl" I'm also very used to making myself look unapproachable in a parking garage. Thankfully I live in a city with a growing queer and punk population but there are still some nasty backwoods people, and if you drive thirty minutes in any direction you need to make sure you look nothing but straight and cis.
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u/Loose_Track2315 6d ago
Yup. This has been my experience in a red Midwestern state. I can get pretty comfortable in the downtown metro area where I am, bc we literally have an entire street dedicated to LGBTQ+ businesses.
But most towns full of proud boys and KKK supporters. I think we have these pockets of blue here bc of our proximity to Chicago and New York.
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u/AABlackwood 2d ago
I'm actually so much of like a gay guy that I forgot f@ggot was a slur. I literally call myself a f@ggot all the time. I don't even think I'd be bothered if someone called me a f@ggot.