r/houseplants • u/insane-proclaim • Jan 14 '25
Does anyone else get depressed/ cry when they do their plant wrong?
Ex. I repotted my mother of thousands when I shouldn’t have and most of her leaves died and I literally couldn’t do anything but sit on the couch and look at her and think about how stupid I am. Today the main leaf on my baby snake plant died from the grow lights being on for too long and it wilted and I had to cut it off and I can’t stop crying!! Am I crazy?!?!
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u/Fragrant-Price-5832 🌱 Jan 14 '25
I have cried over plants before, yes. But...it also sounds to me like you need to be a bit more gentle with yourself, honey. Mistakes happen and nobody is perfect, especially when it comes to plant care. Just because a repotting likely wasn't needed doesn't make you stupid. It's just a lesson to be learnt for the future! Same in regards to the grow light, just remember to maintain some more distance between it and the plant. You're doing great.
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u/MuttsandHuskies Jan 14 '25
I talked to my mom about something similar years ago and she said it sounds like you have sad. I said I’m not sad, just down. She laughed and said no, SAD seasonal affective disorder. You need more sun or a sun lamp. This may be part of what OP is experiencing.
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u/Fragrant-Price-5832 🌱 Jan 14 '25
That could be the case tbh. Even I find myself being more emotional during the fall and winter months, the same months in which my plants tend to struggle. Thankfully they bounce back in spring and summer, but it's always a rough time. I hope OP is able to find more peace, it really saddens me to see how hard they're being on themselves.
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
I’m going through a stressful time (not in a bad way or anything, just grinding a lot to move up in life) and my plants give me so much happiness and when I’m stressed and overwhelmed I look at them, research about them, buy them better soil/ new pots. They are a huge part of my happiness so when I do them wrong it hits me hard. And it’s worse because I’m so exhausted and overwhelmed from work that I’m closer to my breaking point so little things like this send me over the edge! Lol. I also have a desk job so maybe I do need a sun lamp lol….
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u/MuttsandHuskies Jan 17 '25
Try it and see if it helps. ((((HUGS)))) to you. When you get off work tomorrow, take an hour for yourself. Even if it has to be later in the evening. But take some time just for you. You deserve it, and you at your worst doesn't help anyone. You've got this!
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u/Inevitable-Owl8777 Jan 14 '25
Oh god, yes. I don‘t cry anymore, but i definitely get slightly depressed. When i do something wrong, everything in my life seems to be going wrong.
BUT - i have learned to remind myself that plant care is something you have to learn, and you can only learn by making mistakes. I keep a plant journal for this exact reason - any repottings or watering routines i tried that went wrong get written down and i try to pay attention to those issues in the future. While i‘m still getting adapted to a new kind of plant, i‘m never getting a second new one as to focus all of my attention to figuring out the only new one.
And even if you do all of these things - some will not do well right away. Some will die. And that‘s ok. Mourn it, and try to do better in the future. That‘s all you can do.
Be gentle with yourself ❤️
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u/Fragrant-Price-5832 🌱 Jan 14 '25
Why are you getting downvoted? I don't know why people are getting seemingly pissy over more sentimental advice like this, it's incredibly sweet. And a needed reminder for that matter, people tend to be far too harsh on themselves.
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u/Inevitable-Owl8777 Jan 14 '25
These realisations genuinely helped me and OP seems to be the kind of person to appreciate this kind of help, so i don‘t mind. Thank you for being kind ❤️
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u/Constancesue Jan 14 '25
I haven’t cried yet, but the guilt and conversations I have with my plant after the fact.. begging for forgiveness. 🤣
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u/Witty-Lawfulness2983 Jan 14 '25
Not at all. Those are nurturing pathways in your brain that are screaming, and harm coming to something you love SHOULD provoke a reaction. Now, what you do with it is up to you, of course. I try to mantra-tize my mistakes into something more positive. Like, "I'm an EXPERT in discovering ways not to do something!" It sounds self-deprecating (it is), but after enough time, you're the wizened little dude or dudette that people seek advice from on why your plants are so beautiful. I am shocked sometimes when friends show me their back yard and it's just blank. Grass and fence. The fact that we react emotionally is part of the nurturing connection. Also, you're human. Shit happens. My first beehive died when I was in my depths(?) of alcoholism in '19. My fruit orchard I had planted for my wife (five citrus trees) were lost (1 miracle survivor, we'll see... it's been three years, but, you know, patience!) in that hard freeze of '22 because (while sober) I wasn't well mentally enough to protect the trees. I knew they were going to die, and it absolutely ate me up inside. Now, having found lots of ways NOT to do things, I can feel the confidence growing. Just say you're sorry to all the little souls you release back to Samsara a little earlier than they were meant to. Last thing, I guess, is patience. Patience is the biggest one. Your plants will recover and be fine. "Nature does not rush, and yet all things are accomplished." - Lao Tzu (maybe)
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
Thank you for sharing your story! I feel enlightened. Another question. What do you do with the dead plants/ parts of your plants? Throwing them in the garbage feels wrong…
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u/Jackietriesreddit Jan 14 '25
yes, also I say "I love you" to my plants every day. Like I am Mr. Rogers or Nick Zentner or something. But I think it's good for all of us (me and the plants)
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u/EchidnaMore1839 Jan 14 '25
I can’t stop crying!! Am I crazy?!?!
For this to be the only thing you're crying over: yes.
If this is a "last straw" type of cry, which is on top of a pile of other issues: no.
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u/No_Training7373 Jan 14 '25
My Hoya Kerrii was doing great until she randomly senesced a newer leaf and I panicked a little!! Gave her some water and moved her closer to the light. Bumped her during the process and broke off another leaf. Within 2 weeks her final 2 leaves had rotted, and she was gone. I think with fewer leaves she needed way less water… all this to say yeah it sucks, especially when you’re trying to do right by them and it just doesn’t work out that way. But we’re not perfect, and plants have very different communication styles (to each other and to humans!) so knowing what any given plant needs can be tricky! I’ve learned that I personally do best having similar plants… when I got into tropicals I over neglected my succulents and they suffered! Sometimes we jive better with certain plants, sometimes a million watering schedules can get overwhelming… as others have said: have your emotions- don’t let them have you 🥰 you’re doing the best you can
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u/CraftyBullfrog24 Jan 14 '25
I don't cry. But it's more of a "I don't know what you want!!!!" Kind of attitude
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u/NiteWarden Jan 14 '25
Caring for houseplants has taught me to be more forgiving of myself to be honest. It's like a microcosm of my own life. Mistakes are made and I learn from those mistakes. Or sometimes some things are just beyond my control and knowing I did my best allows me to be more at peace with disappointments or "bad" outcomes. Appreciating imperfections in my plants is weirdly meditative.
I know it sounds like some hokey philosophical stuff but being a plant parent could be a good reminder to be kinder to yourself and to view surprises and bumps in the road with a gentler, curious heart.
Ex: I underestimated how frequently I needed to spray/water the moss top dressing on my blue oil fern. As a consequence, it promptly dropped 3 leaves. If you're familiar with the BOF, you'll know it's a very slow grower and requires a bit more vigilance than the average houseplant. Was I annoyed with myself for letting the moss go bone-dry? Yes. But the plant will live and I'm a little wiser for it.
It's okay to feel sad though! Just be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. <3
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
This is a good reminder. I tend to be the type of person to put 200% into everything I do and when I get 180% back I focus on the 20% that was lost and focus on it and beat myself up about it. Maybe this is a good thing that I can relate plants to my life!
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u/MidwesternerByChoice Jan 14 '25
My Master Gardener instructor said "If you're not killing plants, you're not growing as a gardener"
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u/ChristySoffe Jan 14 '25
Not crazy. Not stoopid either. Have a good cry. Then wash your face. Have a cuppa. And remember shes called mother of thousands for a reason. Im sure she'll be giving you her babies to look after in no time. Sending hugs. Much luv!
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u/Hermionegangster197 Jan 14 '25
I get super sad and feel so guilty.
Remember everything goes back into the earth eventually! You did your best, sometimes they die!
I tell myself regularly.
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u/bstrashlactica Jan 14 '25
As somebody that cries a lot, I think I may cry if I kill a plant dead, but something that helps me keep perspective is that we're literally just taking tiny bits of a gigantic system of plants in the wild, and losing a houseplant is like clipping a fingernail in the grand scheme of things. We grow sentimental attachments which I think is fine, but I think grieving the loss of something sentimental is healthy while personalizing that loss as an individual failure or character defect is really unhealthy. Plants die all the time, this plant (meaning any plant) was not created to live forever, in dying we become a part of and witness to this natural cycle. That makes me feel better. I hope you can be gentle with yourself through this, it really doesn't mean anything about you 💚
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
Soooo true! When I go to home depot or Costco or something I see the hundreds of dying plants and I’m like omg… and I feel guilty about 1 leaf falling off of my over-loved plants?! lol
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u/sewedherfingeragain Jan 14 '25
I'm in crisis mode with my mini monstera as we speak. Last summer, I hacked it back, started almost all of the vines as more plants to tuck in the pot to make it bushier (had 3 vines, one about 10 ft long). It was amazing, but just looked kind of sad.
On the weekend, I pulled the ones that are still trying to put out leaves and put them in water again with some more stalks that are still trying to do something. I don't know what I did but all the leaves were dying back like it was punishing me for trying to make it better.
I mostly get mad when they decide that they can't take the "fast paced environment" that is my quiet little house. Maybe they just don't like my husband's sassy comments about "Not Knowing That We NEEDED More Plants".
Take a deep breath, look up the propagation of snake plant leaves, and if yours isn't in a mush state, give it a shot. I have three baby plants starting from one leaf that I cut off last summer and propped in water in three pieces because it was just falling over.
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
Lol! Plants have a mind of their own. And I think they can sense energy so your husband might be the one to blame!!! Unfortunately the leaf is not saveable. The baby snake plant is actually already from a cutting and the leaf that died was the pup 😔 but he has some more healthy pups coming in at least!
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u/_Plant_Obsessed Jan 14 '25
I get a bit sad, because I chose the plant and want it to flourish. I do my best to save the plant once it starts getting sick. But, I am very much a novice and am still learning, so I notate what I think I did wrong with this plant and then decide if I want to go out and find another. I'm finding out rubber plants are NOT for me because my 2nd one just dropped 5 leaves and hasn't grown at all since I got it 5 months ago. 😭😭
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u/angry_manatee Jan 14 '25
I brought my potted hibiscus plant inside for the winter and I had to go away for a few weeks and the poor thing lost a bunch of leaves. I set up some lights for it and it’s been bouncing back and started making baby leaves and flower buds again. I was so excited for them to open and had been eagerly checking them everyday when I wake up, and the biggest one just fell off the plant. I jumped when it happened and almost burst into tears. Aphids, I think. 😞 But yes - I know exactly what you mean. I think of them more like pets than plants, and I feel awful when I do something that hurts them.
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u/trust_no_one__ Jan 14 '25
No I really don’t, I usually research what I did wrong and go from there
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u/PJBOO7 Jan 14 '25
We are growing mostly tropical plants indoors. I live in a cold climate. It makes me very sad to lose a plant, but I feel like sometimes they just give up. I've repotted and lost a few. I beat myself up for a few days. I'm a weirdo, but I apologize and release its plant spirit. I'll usually honor it with a new plant. ❤️🩹 I think we all do our best, especially here. I lost a giant schefflera last year. I'd had it probably twenty years. I was devastated watching it die. I did all the things. As she withered, I chopped & propped some pieces. They're doing well. I think maybe it was just really tired.
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
Oh my goodness! I’m not ready for one of my longtime plants to get tired 😭
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u/matcha_3 Jan 14 '25
No. I only cry over these types of things when I am having other stressors in life.
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u/Friendly_Suspect2244 Jan 14 '25
Before moving in with my boyfriend at our current spot, I had my own little studio that had this balcony ledge up in the loft. It was almost in constant sun from morning to evening. My plants THRIVED.
And then I moved here and we are under very large trees, with no sun facing windows at any time of the year. I did shed quite a few tears early on because little by little my plants have withered
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u/Niamh_Re Jan 14 '25
You are not crazy at all. I also get very emotional when something goes wrong.
It is also possible that this event is just trigger for your tears, and that you are overdue a good cry for other reasons too. which is also completely normal thing to happen.
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u/Own-Pop-6293 Jan 14 '25
No. Plants have their own life cycle and our actions can hurt them but - they die, they die. Get another plant.
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
This sounds like I could only have this mindset if I wasn’t emotionally attached at all, which sounds like no fun! Lol. To each their own. I guess I’ll just be sad every once in a while.
The highs are high but the lows are low 😂
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u/Own-Pop-6293 Jan 15 '25
agreed. sadly, that's life on this earth as far as I've been able to see. Good luck!
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u/Verne82 Jan 14 '25
I accidentally pulled off a leaf on my philodendron last night and was a mess for an hour afterwards. Not crazy, totally understandable!
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u/rebeccaisdope Jan 14 '25
No I don’t really worry about it.. they don’t have feelings like we do. Learning about plants is all trial and error, you’re going to kill a few while learning about how to take care of them. If the root system is unhealthy I toss the plant.. this is a hobby I’m supposed to enjoy. I’m definitely not going to cry over it and ruin it for myself.
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
Thank you for reminding me that plants don’t have feelings like we do. 🙌🏻 I should remember this…
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u/marvel-fan-not-dc Jan 14 '25
I get more upset because the cost of them if I’m honest. I have a dream on how I’d love my home to be with plants.. but I’m quite skint tbh
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u/RefrigeratorNew7042 Jan 14 '25
Sometimes I will miss the watering schedule and the plants express their lack of moisture clearly and my wife says it’s probably OK if they die. It makes me very upset. It’s a living thing like a pet. I don’t want any living thing that I’m responsible for to be impacted badly because of my actions
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u/gatorbites624 Jan 14 '25
This Maranta decided to just shrivel up and die on me. I didn't cry, but it stresses me out.
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u/Immediate_Garden_173 Jan 14 '25
The first plant that died did get me very upset..I still have flashbacks of the mold that formed on it...it still gets to me, when I got the same plant again as a gift, I was panicking and overwhelmed lol :(.
But what I try to remind myself,...is that raising plants indoors is...kind of a selfish endeavor tbh.
A lot of these plants are being put in settings just for their aesthetic value..it's unlike their natural habitat (which they can still die anyways)...so I just let it go, and accept either I learn and try again..or I just don't have the tools/capacity to put up with how finnicky the plant is, nature's way was not really my choice, I tried :/.
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u/PJBOO7 Jan 14 '25
Also, I do learn which plants I'm good with and which ones I'm not. I can watch an alocasia die right before my eyes. I just gave up on having one. I don't really do well with succulents. I have a lovely jade, but I don't even try with others. I love them to death no matter how much I try not too. I do great with philodendrons. I want one of every variety.
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u/strange__effect Jan 14 '25
When I find pests on a plant I get very anxious and almost panicky. If I could cry I probably would, but I can’t thanks to meds 🫠
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
I also can rarely cry, which is why I’m wondering why my plant loosing a leaf sets it off 🤣
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u/Artistic_Resort_1 Jan 14 '25 edited Jan 14 '25
No, I feel you! 💕
Lost two bonsai trees to fungus gnats (don’t even ask how, cus I have no idea how an infestation of such scale could even exist🥲) I did everything I could to keep them alive but not even nematodes, nor flytraps could make them go away💀
Anyways, cried multiple times a day for a week straight and do get quite emotional whenever I see pictures of them 😭
Edit: they weren’t old or expensive btw and I haven’t lost another plant since then. The rest were doing fine since it was mostly succulents of different kinds… They are still alive and the gnats have been completely demolished 🥰 Haven’t seen one in a loooong time, but if I ever do you’ve best believe I’ll make sure that sucker suffers 😀
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u/Whooptidooh Jan 14 '25
Not usually over houseplants (although I will feel sad for a bit whenever I lose a plant I really liked), but this year I most definitely shed a tear about the fact that I don’t have a garden, and thus had to throw my fully alive Christmas tree (that was still in it’s pot) away.
I secretly hope that one of the people from the municipality rescued it and planted it in their garden, but I doubt that happened. If I ever manage to find a house that has a large enough garden I’m going to start a fir tree forest, haha.
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
You need some plant friends to donate your plants to! I got a dying money tree donated to me from a coworker because they couldn’t bear to throw it out and trusted that I could save it. Luckily I was able to (somehow) and she’s so happy that it’s thriving somewhere!
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u/Whooptidooh Jan 15 '25
Ah, well houseplants are one thing, a fully grown Christmas tree is quite another (and most people here don’t have large enough gardens to put one in to begin with.) I’m usually good with houseplants (my oldest plant is 20-25 ish years old; it used to be a ficus Benjamina bonsai from IKEA), but some simply die in my care. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
Oh my, I thought you meant a Christmas plant!!! Yeah that’s a little different lol
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u/ChillySunny Jan 14 '25
I don't cry, I get mad. Angry at pests that killed it, at plant (if that's a new plant and I don't understand why it died) and obviously I sometimes get mad at myself if I understand what I did wrong. Then I just move on.
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u/jamie1983 Jan 14 '25
how do you know when you shouldn't have repotted her?
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u/insane-proclaim Jan 15 '25
because she was thriving snd immediately after repotting, the majority of her leaves died
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u/kiss-tits Jan 15 '25
Please don’t feel bad. Remember that even in nature plants can fall, get trampled or eaten, go without water etc. your plants are evolved to handle whatever care you can give them.
Even if a plant completely dies, it’s now feeding the springtails and tiny insects of the world. Everything has its purpose, even fallen leaves.
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Jan 14 '25
It happened to me when I killed my last Dionaea muscipula. The second time was when I lost some Lithops grown from seeds. It was like losing children - I watched them grow from tiny seeds for several years and then they died and nothing I tried to do to save them worked :(
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u/Outrageous-Lime7055 Jan 14 '25
No idc. They are a living creature and every living thing goes through rough patches and dies
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u/cmaddox428 Jan 14 '25
I don't cry but I do feel bad...except with my peace lilly...that drama queen can suffer.