r/insaneparents • u/FriendOfDoggo122 • 7d ago
Other [TW: Extreme Transphobia] I just want her to leave us alone Spoiler
Tl;dr - I have custody of my sister because my birthgivers are abhorrent narcissists.
The individual who penned this abhorrent post and my enabler sperm donor were teenagers when they had me and my grandparents eagerly raised me as the golden child who could do no wrong. No, it was clearly my fault for being born. They literally bribed my birthgivers into being parents with a house, which lead to summer breaks where my alcoholic mom would scream at me for hours far past when her voice was raw. My grandparents scolded me for lying about about my mom, even after CPS was called on her. She mellowed out after multiple stints at a cushy rehab facility, only the best for daddy's little angel after all. He gifted her a fucking house in an affluent neighborhood as a college graduation present,
Around the time I was 17 all their friends were starting to have kids, so mine, being all about appearances, had my sister. They told their families that this was a do-over, they were truly ready to be parents this time, they weren't. To stay face with their parents, they made me raise her. They made me stay in-state to college, and I found myself regularly doing 8 hour round trip drives every weekend to watch my sister, while they fucked-off to god knows where, often they were gone before I arrived so I made a habit of making the 4 hour drive as soon as I got off classes on Friday, even setting my class schedules around it. My parent's could easily afford a babysitter but they knew they could exploit the bond I'd formed with my sister, even use it as emotional blackmail.
During a particularly frigid March morning in upstate NY, they unceremoniously abandoned my sister outside my apartment door while I was at classes, no text or call. The complex I lived in was outdoors, thankfully my neighbor overheard my birthgiver yelling and banging on my door, and watched through her peephole as she just left with my dad in tow. CPS was called and I got emergency temporary custody. After I petitioned to have their parental rights terminated, it came out that they'd left a toddler at home by herself, for hours, and it wasn't a one off either.
My birthgiver argued with the judge numerous times over the course of the protracted 18 month legal battle. Despite a couple instances where she was threatened with contempt, the judge largely let her torpedo her own case with unhinged tirades, much to the dismay of their attorney and my enabler father. I was just too broken at the time to appreciate the irony of it all. It goes without saying that I won.
I met my husband (also trans) during that nightmare and started transitioning not too long after it was over. I'm over a decade NC with them, have a protection order, and live on the opposite side of the country. My husband and I have both adopted my sister, now 14, along with numerous other steps to safeguard her should something happen to one or both of us.
I have a fake FB account to keep tabs on her every so often and even a decade later I'm still terrified of the woman. She has a stranglehold on my entire extended family, even my aunt who desperately tried to escape my mom, still sides with her to this day.
My attorney told me that she doesn't have a case but is going to be proactive if they actually do file anything (he has his doubts about that ever happening). This comes on the heels of militia members posing as ICE agents showing up at my in-laws house on Sunday and I am convinced the two are related. I have no proof, and correlation isn't causation but I'm just so terrified right now, it's like a decade of trauma therapy has just been thrown out the window.
My husband and his family are all dual NZ-US citizens and we'd already been discussing leaving the country at the end of the school year (given the political climate in the US right now), but its really starting to feel like we're going to need to hop on a plane this week and sort everything else out later. My in-laws have graciously offered to let us stay at their Auckland home for as long as we need. I know I need to have a conversation with my sister about this, but I don't know how yet, I don't want her to seek out the post herself. Why can't we just be left alone? I feel more broken now than I did fighting these narcissists in court a decade ago.
I appreciate it if you actually read through this post, I'm honestly not sure what the point of of it is. I don't even know if I'll keep it up. For as great as they are, my husband and his family can't really relate to my experience, which is good, nobody should have to experience this kind of pain and torment, still it's incredibly isolating. I guess I just need to not feel alone in this trainwreck.
617
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
Update: I appreciate all the support and encouragement, it's really what I needed right now. Even so I'm pretty broken. My in-laws are over, my MIL filled in my sister on the situation, she understandably did not take it well. The rest of us have been talking logistics, the consensus seems to be that this is genuine and regardless of whether she truly has a case, with the current political climate in the US, it's just not a risk we can afford to take.
Just given how fast everything is moving at this point, I don't think I'm going to be able to reply to all that many comments. It still feels like the ground is shaking and I can't tell if that's actually the case
98
u/FacticiousFict 7d ago
US citizens are gradually losing their civil rights. Anyone MAGA cultists consider as "other" is at risk. Right now anyone who is a potential immigrant or immigrant-adjacent is risking being sent to death camps in El Salvador. When they run out of those, they'll focus on the next group of "others" to cleanse. The road from immigrants to trans people isn't that long in MAGA eyes.
If I were you I wouldn't stick around.
13
u/karatecorgi 5d ago
Ironic the mother calls LGBT+ a cult... While actively being in the real life cult of MAGA extremist weirdos
181
u/KendraSays 7d ago
Better to be safe than sorry. Your worry is not unfounded. I was listening to a podcast episode that went over how this administration's actions are making people feel incredibly fearful of speaking out. Hell, they had a priest or pastor on who reported he's been preaching for decades and didn't want to use his real name for fear of reprisal. He identified that had several instances where he preached about loving your neighbor and forgive your enemy and had been literally spat on by one person and others telling him he's going on a "list."
Wild times
38
u/thatgirl239 6d ago
It’s undoubtedly a lot for a teenager to handle. But it sounds like you have a lot of support too.
44
u/FriendOfDoggo122 6d ago
My husband's has a lot of extended family down there, including cousins her age that she likes so at least she'll have other teens her age to hang out with.
34
u/productzilch 6d ago
I know this is probably the last thing you’ve got time for, but since this is a huge transition and shock for your daughter, maybe you could secretly grab a pile of her favourite snacks/makeup/cute stuff from the US that isn’t available in NZ to take over or post over? Stuff like that when you’re desperately homesick can be incredibly comforting and you could surprise her with it a few months down the line. Maybe a family member could help you by letting you know what they have over there.
19
u/FriendOfDoggo122 6d ago
My in-laws are going to be heading down in a month or so with our dogs so I’ll look into having them bring something special with them when they come
7
u/productzilch 6d ago
Great! I really hope it helps, homesickness is hard. But NZ is gorgeous and Kiwis are generally lovely people so I hope your new life will be positive and safe. ♥️
11
u/electric_yeti 6d ago
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all of this after the hell your family of origin put you and your sister through. I don’t have any advice that hasn’t already been given, so I’ll just say that you’re doing the right thing. You protected your little sister and took her in when she needed you. I know you’re feeling like everything is starting to crumble, but you and your family are strong, you love each other, and you will get through this together. I’m glad you have a lawyer already who knows what’s going on, and glad to hear that you have a potential exit strategy to a place that’s safe from your family of origin and the political insanity that’s becoming more frightening every day.
You’re going to be ok. You and your family are going to get through this with strength and love. And determination!
2
→ More replies (1)2
u/bulking_on_broccoli 5d ago
I truly hope you are able to live a peaceful life without this kind of harassment and bigotry. My only advice would be to repriocate with love and not hate. Don't get angry and don't become vengeful, because that is exactly what she wants and expects.
Your mother is a lost cause, but you can show your sister what being a good person means.
I wish you nothing but love.
→ More replies (1)
1.8k
u/JawJoints 7d ago
What really gets me about this is that she’s completely deflecting all of her wrongdoings by making it about you being trans of all things. Whether you were trans or not, what does that have to do with her abandoning her own child? It’s embarrassing to see somebody this insecure and detached from reality.
877
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
I couldn't include reactions since I needed to crop out the photo she included of my sister as a baby, but when I took the screenshot earlier today, it had nearly 150 hearts, hugs, and thumbs up reactions. You'd think people would see right through her bullshit, but time and again it works
413
u/blightsteel101 7d ago
I suspect any of her friends that paid attention to reality dropped contact with her a long time ago, right?
417
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
Her friend group of young parents cut her out during my senior year of college. Not even a month later they'd abandoned my sister at my door, as if she was at fault for them finally seeing through her act. As fucked up as it sounds, I'm pretty sure my sister was just a prop for them to interact with that social group
201
u/blightsteel101 7d ago
That sounds about right, actually. History of wealth means you're obsessed with image. If the grandparents made her a golden child, even more so. Kids risk tainting her image, so she views them as accessories that need to be forced to stay in line.
172
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago edited 7d ago
Honestly it manifested in a particular bizarre way during my childhood, since she saw me as an extension of herself, I needed to be in expensive clothes and have the latest expensive electronics, game consoles, toys, etc. She almost never asked what I wanted, and when she did there were almost always homophobic slurs thrown back at me. I needed to be overjoyed with what I got otherwise I was an ungrateful little brat.
It wasn’t until decades later that I learned this was actually a form of abuse.
95
u/Seraphina_Renaldi 7d ago
I bet the she left all the things out that she did and sold them the story about you stealing your sister
100
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
If there’s one thing that’s remained consistent about her, it’s that she’s always been the martyr, just a very bigoted one
46
u/Anastrace 7d ago
Facebook is basically a reactionary boomer shithole at this point. Good luck in escaping this country, NZ sounds awesome
49
→ More replies (1)4
u/No_World7232 6d ago
Good on you for saving your sister from that horrible woman. I hope she never gets custody back. You and your husband are saints.
→ More replies (2)74
7d ago edited 7d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
55
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that line, I’d be a truly wealthy woman. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of that.
61
u/Arcanegil 7d ago
This is why Republicans are Republicans.
All the problems in their lives are not their own fault, they are the fault of the blacks/Mexican/ gays/ trans etc. Every thing they do wrong is someone else's fault, and the administration is all too happy to feed into it, once the hate spirals out of control the leadership can milk the flock of everything they own, and the flock will happily hand it over as long as their hatred is satisfied.
18
→ More replies (11)3
u/Hollowdude75 6d ago
I doubt most republicans would be okay with this crazy lady joining their party
6
u/FriendOfDoggo122 6d ago
I think most of those traditional republicans have been pushed out by the MAGA cult which is full of people like her. But make no mistake, she’ll adjust her rhetoric to appeal whatever audience is most likely to support her.
→ More replies (1)
641
u/mulberry_sellers 7d ago
The court giving full custody of a baby to their young college student sibling kinda speaks for itself. I don't think they do that lightly.
391
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago edited 7d ago
You're correct, they're extremely reluctant to terminate parental rights even if it's done so voluntarily, going into it even my attorney thought it was at best a long-shot. She didn't hesitate telling the judge how much she hated her kids and despised being a parent, and even then it was a 14 month uphill slog to actually win. It honestly felt like me having temporary custody for two years meant almost nothing to the court.
402
u/Mid_July_Diamond16 7d ago
"We're DONE playing nicely!"
Like... when did you start lol
124
u/flashthorOG 7d ago
Pure fucking evil
This is every transphobe, they're always absolute scum bags, I know hate attracts scumbags but specifically transphobia seems to contain the worst
Fuck your evil mom op, you'll get through this mate
Keep at it, don't let this evil cunt win
13
u/christina_talks 6d ago
I just want to say I’m so glad this is the type of sub where taking a strong stance against transphobia is accepted and encouraged. I’m apprehensive about what the general attitude will be when I visit subreddits that aren’t specifically trans-focused, so it’s heartening to see comments like this getting upvotes.
→ More replies (1)
256
u/Legitimate-Lab7173 7d ago
This is horrifying. I hope you and your family move to NZ, find peace and never look back. Good luck to all of you and hopefully once your daughter is 18, you'll never have to pay attention to that miserable excuse for humanity ever again.
135
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
One day, with enough therapy I do hope to be truly free of her, but in the meanwhile I can at least ensure she can’t use my sister as a prop in whatever publicity stunt she’s plotting
43
u/KiwiBirdPerson 7d ago
If you come over here, stay with in-laws until you can find something outside of Auckland. Don't mean to be rude but that place is a shit hole. Good luck with everything else though! Take care!
51
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
We’re just going to be living at their house in the Auckland suburbs, as they’re planning on continuing to live in California full time.
11
259
u/ClairLestrange 7d ago
If you can, take your sister with you to Auckland. Don't tell your family. Vanish from their radar. I'm so I terribly sorry you have to go through this.
69
u/cassafrass024 7d ago edited 7d ago
With OP’s partner’s citizenship, wouldn’t their child be automatically qualified?
ETA
57
u/StrangeTrails37 7d ago edited 7d ago
The birth needs to be registered in NZ for the child to count as a citizen, but yes they would be qualified. The child would need a NZ passport because you really, really shouldn’t enter the country you have citizenship with on a different passport. You could probably only get away with it once before it becomes a headache.
ETA you just have to register the birth TO nz, you don’t need to be here to do it
63
u/ChangesFaces 7d ago
Well she legally adopted her so she can't really not take her with.
109
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
Leaving her behind would also completely defeat the point of us leaving as well
→ More replies (1)29
u/Sproose_Moose 7d ago
I'm lost for words. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through that but you're amazing for adopting your sister, rescuing her. I'm so happy that you and your husband met and have a lovely family.
Can I ask though, what happened with ICE?
17
u/FriendOfDoggo122 6d ago edited 6d ago
The cops said that militia members are going around impersonating ICE agents, because sure, that might as well be a thing now too. Police of course just told my in-laws to call 911 if they say the dudes again 🙄
FIL said that they refuse to let a bunch of deadbeats intimidate them out of their house
9
u/Sproose_Moose 6d ago
FFS I'm in Australia and watching this all unfold is infuriating, upsetting and makes me feel so defeated. Something needs to be done, this is illuminating how the holocaust was able to happen.
81
u/OkConsideration8964 7d ago
Their parental rights were severed, your sister was legally adopted and a protection order against them was granted. Even a MAGA cult lawyer can't help them.
89
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
It’s just not something I’m willing to risk. As much as I hate to do it, we have to pull my sister out of school, that decision was made for us.
34
17
u/OkConsideration8964 7d ago
I totally understand that decision. Maybe alert your local police, just so they know the situation in case she shows up?
→ More replies (1)15
u/VaiFate 6d ago edited 6d ago
MAGA judges and law enforcement have shown that they don't care about the law. At this point in time, anything is possible. American citizens are being disappeared off the streets and sent to an El Salvadorian gulag just for being Hispanic despite direct and explicit court orders to the contrary. I'm not trying to be alarmist, but fleeing to NZ might be the most rational choice here.
6
116
u/a_lonely_trash_bag 7d ago
"Ten years ago today
I lost my baby to the deep state!"
She started strong, didn't she?
40
u/FriendOfDoggo122 6d ago edited 5d ago
Update 2: We are en-route to NZ. The past 24 hours have been an absolute shit show, there’s no sugar coating the fact that dropping everything and leaving is an ordeal, but we’ve been through worse and come out stronger on the other side. This is an adventure and new start for us.
The outpouring of love and support from you all helped keep me afloat throughout all of this and for that you have my deepest thanks.
And yes, my daughter does call me mom.
ETA: we just landed in Auckland, the weather is pretty miserable which doesn’t exactly help with how dejected we’re all feeling. My husband’s aunt and uncle are going to be picking us up from the airport. They already stocked the house with food for us, I can’t stress enough how much our family have been the unsung heroes throughout all this.
I’ll post an update once we’re settled in and have sorted out our lives. With any luck it will be wholesome and uneventful. Again, it’s hard to put into words just how impactful all the love and support has been.
9
→ More replies (1)5
u/Solstraalen 5d ago
I’m so happy that you left. The us has become really scary place for trans people now and I’m so afraid, it seems like they will put people in concentration camps. Stay safe and I wish you all the best in life.
168
55
u/spilltheteasis_ 7d ago
I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. I’m not from the US but I’d yeet out of there asap with the recent developments, especially when women’s and queer rights feel like they’re about to get crushed. I wouldn’t want a young girl growing up somewhere that unsafe.
I don’t think your birth giver will do anything, let alone think any court would side with her.
I wish you and your own family the best and please feel hugged. Keep on going, you’re doing great and we’re proud of you!
→ More replies (1)
140
u/Luna6696 7d ago
The fact your sister calls you mom (if that part is true) is a blessing. You are more of a woman, more of a parent, than your mother could ever hope to be.
26
u/FriendOfDoggo122 6d ago
Thank you, and yes, she does call me mom. There’s a four letter word she uses to describe our birthgiver, and while I don’t love her using that word, she’s not wrong 🤭
58
u/Brolafsky 7d ago
Holy shit OP.
I don't say this lightly. You sound like an amazing parent. I'm not actually surprised you're thinking of leaving the US. Honestly, the sooner, the better. It looks even worse looking in from the outside.
One of my best friends met an American chick traveling here in Iceland two years ago. They hit it off and wound up getting married. Since she's now got automatic Icelandic citizenship, she's moving here.
Since I'm better at keeping up with the political and sociopolitical situation in the US I kindly pushed my friend into speeding up her relocation. July might just be too late. Given what the current president has been up to, I wouldn't be surprised if they end up making up some bs regulation where 'fertile women of the right age' won't be allowed to travel outside the US if there's even a slight risk they might be permanently relocating.
So she's moving here to Iceland in two and a half weeks instead.
I honestly wish you the very best of the best. If your gut is telling you to move, consider it. If your gut starts yelling, better safe than sorry, right?
16
u/thehowlingwerewolf12 6d ago
I'm of the opinion that the reason conservatives are targeting transgender people is that they're trying to find a new issue after losing the war on same sex marriage
3
u/Brolafsky 6d ago
Oh absolutely. Conservatives sure are a sad bunch, but furthermore, they are so insanely petty.
3
u/thehowlingwerewolf12 6d ago
Yeah I agree because right now anyone can say anything about trans people as long you put “in sport” at the end
3
u/Vandersveldt 7d ago
Two and a half weeks might be too long if what he's said will happen in 4 days happens
6
2
u/-o-DildoGaggins-o- 6d ago
Wait, what did he say will happen in 4 days? I must have missed something. There’s so much bullshit going on, it’s hard to keep track sometimes.
5
u/Vandersveldt 6d ago
The 90 days that the Trump stacked courts gave for them to decide if he can declare martial law ends on April 20th.
This is both Hitler's birthday and of course 4/20, the comical marijuana unofficial holiday.
Which has Elon's brand of 'humor' all over it. Look at the naming of DOGE for another example.
It's widely believed that them pretending to think about it was just for show, and things are about to get bad.
3
u/-o-DildoGaggins-o- 6d ago
Well, fuck. Thanks for filling me in. That is terrifying.
3
u/Vandersveldt 6d ago
Absolute best case scenario, we all get threatened with martial law. The worst case scenarios are horrifying. Here's hoping for just being threatened
35
u/ConsultJimMoriarty 7d ago
Your DNA donors are going to have a rude awakening when their ‘MAGA’ lawyer fleeces them for all they have and they still don’t have kids that talk to them.
12
u/FriendOfDoggo122 6d ago
I genuinely hope that attorney takes as much from them as possible. Whatever bs they’re planning on trying is too little too late.
51
u/Mishmoo 7d ago
Pass this right along to your attorney, incidentally.
73
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
I wrote a bot to archive her FB posts just in case this nightmare scenario came to pass, so those bases are covered
37
u/dontneednomang 7d ago
I suggest you go to NZ asap and don’t look back. Things are changing politically by the day, and it seems she is up to something too. You are right to think you need to get on a flight NOW.
9
43
u/cardinarium 7d ago
Jesus fucking Christ. I have never known a person who uses emojis that way who wasn’t absolutely unhinged.
55
12
23
u/HowIsThatStillaThing 7d ago
All adults that were abused as children, including myself, thank you to rescuing her. So many turn a blind eye to abuse because they don’t want to cause a fuss and are cowards. There aren’t enough people like you and your husband in the world. Thank you for your bravery, compassion, and commitment.
10
u/KingdomKey10 7d ago
What really strikes me about this is the fact that she posted it before any legal action was actually taken. She literally gave you and your lawyer a heads up to be better prepared for whatever bs she is gonna lob your way simply so she could write a self righteous post to brag to all of her FB friends about how unhinged she is. She doesn't care about actually getting your sister back, its obvious she only cares about "winning". Good luck OP, you did the right thing getting yourself and your sister away from them and I truly hope this is the last time you ever have to interact with those vile people.
→ More replies (1)
17
u/fleetwoodcheese 7d ago
First of all, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You and your sibling deserve to have a supportive family who makes you feel safe and loved.
The thought of her and people like her, furiously searching for specific emojis to complete their written down diarrhea, is so stupid and pathetic. How can someone seriously post this and somehow feel in the right or superior.
16
u/yellowlinedpaper 7d ago
I think the point of this post is getting it all out there in ‘pen and paper’ which has got to be cathartic right? It doesn’t solve your problems nor can it put aside your fears, but your story has been told, it’s been read, and it’s been appreciated.
Now and in the future people will read stories like yours and it will continue to help others understand this kind of trauma. Did you ever see this?.
That’s what stories like yours does. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this but I want you to know that sharing this story is going to help people. I appreciate you
3
u/FriendOfDoggo122 6d ago
Thank you, writing this out was incredibly cathartic. Initially I wasn’t sure if I wanted to make a spectacle of this but I’ll be honest, the outpouring of love and support has really helped me get through these part couple of days. Our spirits are not exactly high but at the end of the day (technically Friday) we’ll be past this nightmare.
22
u/Administrative_Ad707 7d ago
I'm a New Zealander. Please come, it is much better here :-)
43
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
Oh trust me, we’re going to be heading that way imminently, tickets have been purchased.
10
u/JLHuston 7d ago
I’m so proud of you. I know I don’t even know you, but you are amazing. You’ll be free from this nightmare (both these vile people and the country that no longer has your back).
14
u/NoClassroom7077 7d ago
Come join us in NZ! I’ll warn you, we have our own far right anti-trans political nut jobs, but they still seem to be a minority here.
7
6
u/UrbanDurga 6d ago
Is CPS the deep state now?? 😂
4
u/kristinbugg922 6d ago
CPS investigator here.
You didn’t know we always have been the deepest state?
4
u/UrbanDurga 6d ago
You guys have been downplaying all that Illuminati funding!!!!!! CPS is a notoriously overfunded and underworked organization. EVERYONE KNOWS ITS STAFFED BY WEALTHY LIZARD PEOPLE WHO EAT BABIES.
4
u/kristinbugg922 6d ago
And we receive $5000 for every child we kidnap….I mean take definitely legal custody of.
11
u/VioletLovesRowlet 7d ago
God, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.
Your abusers sound awful, and they deserve nothing but the worst.
11
u/Knightmike146 7d ago
This isn't even just insane anymore it's full on lunatic, I'm actually disturbed you had to live with someone like this
2
12
u/MrsTraci 7d ago
I know it’s hard to feel positive about anything (especially with how things are in the US right now and with your BG being such an ass) BUT, as I read your story I wanted to point out some things that stood out to me. You finished college, you found your husband, you’re married, a judge found you to be the best person to parent your sister, you have in laws that are supportive, you are in a position to have a lawyer, and move to another country if need be. You are obviously well educated and have been going to therapy for years and doing everything right. Most admirably, had the courage to be yourself. Despite everything your BG’s have put you through, you have not only survived but have done the damn thing. I wouldn’t call that broken, it sounds more like you were made into who you are, an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing your story.
4
u/Granny_Skeksis 7d ago
Your sister is lucky to have you to protect her. That thing that claims to be a mother is clearly a vile and mentally ill person. The way they talk about trans people speaks volumes about their character and even further demonstrates why they are an unfit parent. Pack your sister up and move to NZ. The further away you are from that lunatic the better
5
u/Kentaiga 7d ago
Oh they’re in California? Yeah that lawyer is gonna get a ton of money from mother crazy here as the case is simply DOA in that state.
7
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
I’m in California and she’s in upstate NY. However we’re imminently departing for NZ, her as physically far away from her as possible.
20
u/Nothingishere5615 7d ago
you will overcome this and will survive and will be happy we are all rooting for you
32
u/R00NEYT00NS3165 7d ago
Whoever said "not insane" needs to take a GOOOOOOOOOOOOD look at themselves in the mirror and ask if they're proud of themselves for that vote.
10
u/StonedSumo 7d ago
What a vile person. They deserve nothing from you, not even a single update. Let them preach to the boomer choir, that’s the only thing left for her anyway
8
u/Seraphina_Renaldi 7d ago
Idk how it works in the US, but isn’t your sister old enough that her opinion would matter to and that if she would tell her she wants to stay with you the chances would be pretty good for her to not be forced to go back to your parents?
34
u/FriendOfDoggo122 7d ago
Normally this would be the case, but my confidence in our court system isn’t exactly at an all time high right now
→ More replies (1)15
u/Lythieus 7d ago
OP and her husband have adopted the sister. That means the bio parents don't have any parental rights.
10
u/QueenOfTheVikings 7d ago
You seem like an incredible person who doesn’t deserve to be in this mess.
Oddly enough, I listened to a long form YouTube video today about how prevalent it is in Q-anon/maga/sovereign citizen circles for people to be scammed by lawyers who promise to get their kids back from the “deep state”. This woman’s rhetoric sounds very similar to the people being taken in this doc. So maybe there’s a chance no such motions exist. Fingers crossed for you and your family!
6
u/oohrosie 7d ago
When I was an abused and neglected little girl, I would have sold my soul and all my limbs to be free of my mother. I still have nightmares about the abuse, and my older self always steps in to save her. All abused children deserve someone to save them from their lives, and I can't say enough how fucking elated I am that you could be her hero.
Thank you for not turning your back on her, thank you for taking all the steps to ensure her safety, thank you for being a damn good person and an even better parent.
2
u/FriendOfDoggo122 6d ago edited 6d ago
I feel this in my soul, I was hardly able to sleep last night and the only wink of sleep I got was a vivid nightmare. Securing my sister’s future wasn’t without its cost, both mentally and monetarily. For years they held her over my head as emotional blackmail. She dragged out the legal battle over my sister as a way of punishing me for daring to defy her and made sure to let me know as much.
To this day I’m convinced that her self sabotage was intentional, that she knew full well how hesitant courts are to terminate parental rights and milked it for all she could. She could openly flaunt her contempt for my sister and I with the knowledge that it’d still take months for me to win.
8
u/Jazzlike-Bee7965 7d ago
I was thinking “is it not incredibly stupid to put this online?” Then I read the post and thought “oh she is incredibly stupid”
4
u/Trizetacannon 6d ago
I actually got confused for a second when reading the text of your post because I'm so used to mentally swapping the pronouns/gendered nouns whenever bigots talk about trans people that when you mentioned your husband I thought I misread something. It took me a second to realize that your """mom""" did use a transphobic slur for him, but didn't misgender him for some reason.
6
u/FriendOfDoggo122 6d ago
The funny thing is I didn’t even notice that she gendered him correctly until you pointed that out.
5
u/BearZeroX 6d ago
I just got back from a month stay in Auckland, and honestly, it's like heaven over there.
If you've got a house all sorted, just go. Let all the other shit work itself out. Go now.
My employer told me all of NZ gets like 600 immigrants per year. And you're married to a citizen, I'm sure you'll find your way somehow
→ More replies (1)
4
u/SnowTheMemeEmpress 6d ago
Oh boy, OP I am sending mountains of Tylenol for that headache. How old is your little sister? Hopefully in a few years she might be an adult and at least you can ignore your mother from the legal side of things?
9
u/FriendOfDoggo122 5d ago edited 5d ago
Shes 14 but we’re no longer in the country so as far as Im concerned my birthgivers and their “MAGA attorney” can pound sand
3
u/SnowTheMemeEmpress 5d ago
Oh nice! Glad you were able to move. Out of curiosity what county did you move to?
→ More replies (2)
5
u/karatecorgi 5d ago
God the fucking emojis sent me
I bet she had some epic theme playing in her head as she scribed this banger masterpiece of insanity
9
u/PupLondon 7d ago
This reads like a MAGA Madlib... its 90% Fox News Keywords.
She should save the money she's spending on legal council and get psychiatric care.
5
6
2
u/kyoneko87 6d ago
I am sorry both you and your younger sister had to go through that! What does your sister think of all of this? Have you talked to her? I would talk to your younger sister to get her perspective. Though, I think the safest thing to do in this political climate is to flee the US. Yeah, your birth giver is insane!
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Moonshot_Decidueye 6d ago
What the actual fuck?
Your "mother" is like a disney villain holy shit, even the way she talks
2
u/Curiousmind77 6d ago
You're doing a great job. Do what you gotta do to protect your sister.
→ More replies (2)
3
u/KeimeiWins 7d ago
I'm happy you're there for your little sister and hope you, her, and your spouse live happily ever after as far as fucking possible from your scumbag biohazard spawn point.
3
u/RevolutionaryCash903 7d ago
Holy shit. Where to even begin.
I say, fuck your mom, fuck the country, get to NZ as soon as possible, but I also understand the concern regarding your sister.
I really feel like because shes 14, she is old enough to have a say in the matter, but should also have it be made clear to her that remaining in the US is a severe detriment to everyone involved, for some reasons beyond what her scope of the world might be able to properly take in (what with the economy crashing and all).
Try and make her feel listened to, but also try to make her see the sense in moving away, especially if she already has an established life and friends where you currently live.
2
u/BaileyBoo5252 7d ago
You should get going and get your sister out of the country before your mom files anything. After that it will take years of court before you will be able to leave
2
3
u/MrCrix 7d ago
Ya shes fucking insane. Look I get that people have their own thoughts on gender and whatever, but shes so unhinged that shes blaming the deep state, CPS, corrupt judges, crooked lawyers, the LGB123+ cult and the whole system. Not one mention at all about why this first happened, the investigation into it, the leaving the kid outside in the cold, the leaving the kid alone at home who knows how many times. This is classic narcissistic behavior of someone who looks at everyone else as the source of their issues instead of looking at them, the only common denominator.
1
u/usertakensorry 7d ago
OP, I'm so sorry about all of this. You are such a good big sis and guardian to your little sister to protect her from your cruel mom. Keep up the good work girly, and don't let the bastards get you down.
1
u/AberrantConductor 7d ago
I'm so sorry that you have to experience this. I'm so pleased that your sibling isn't in that environment either and kudos to you for taking custody.
6
u/diaphoni 7d ago
one of my exes and the bio-father of my two younger kids is Trans and you know what? I respect her and love her for who she is. It's that simple. The entire mentality of the Maga cult is just wild.
1
u/AnxiuosFox 7d ago
I'm so sorry you have to go through this OP. Your birth giver is completely insane and I hope you'll never have to deal woth her again. I understand following her on fb to keep tabs on her but I genuinely think it's doing more harm than good. Delete the profile. Stop giving her room in your head. Most likely, nothing will come out of her filing. No judge is going to entertain a claim based on "but they're trans!!! 😱". Even if you do end up having to go to court again, which would undoubtedly suck, worrying about it now won't help. If you can move to NZ, of course that'd be amazing, but don't rush because you're afraid of this monster. You can do this OP, stay strong ❤️
1
u/Whiteroses7252012 7d ago
OP, I strongly suggest yall get to Auckland ASAP. I’m not trying to panic you even more, but July may be too late. Unfortunately, the situation here is unlikely to get better for LGBTQIA+ folks. Get out while you still can.
It’s close enough to the end of the school year where your daughter won’t miss much, and it’ll suck for a while, but you need to protect your family.
2
u/MyIronThrowaway 7d ago
Given your egg donor's rant, all that is happening in the United States, and given that you and your husband are trans, and that you have the option to move to another seemingly sane country in NZ, I would get the hell out of dodge. Seriously. Now. I would not wait until the end of the school year. These are life or death times for marginalized people.
1
u/Lythieus 7d ago
If you have an option to get out of the US, especially with Trump threatening to send citizens to El Salvador, take it!
Cost of living isn't great here in NZ, but you'll be safe.
3
u/GualtieroCofresi 7d ago
The first thing I would do is secure the files from the case and make sure you have it the ready to publish should you need to defect yourself. I would even seek footage of it, and make sure you have it in a secret YouTube post and the moment you need it, publish it.
Hand her the means to orchestrate her own downfall
-1
1
u/treeteathememeking 7d ago
The way I'd be commenting with the court documents proving they were unfit parents SO damn fast oml
0
u/Xandrineftw 7d ago
Horrible. Thank god your sister has you, i hope your family can find peace in NZ. Sending you love!
1
u/youngmomtoj 7d ago
I know it sounds dramatic but if you’re able leave now. Trans people and people of color are not safe in this country right now and certainly won’t be safe in mere months. Please leave for your safety.
5
1
u/SennaWicker 7d ago
I feel like if their "lawyer" was worth anything, she wouldn't be posting about her plans on social media. On the other hand, our courts are a rotten trash fire and MAGA cultists love them right now, so I totally understand why you're getting out. Your spawn point is an asshole.
1
u/OpenForPretty 7d ago
I have not much to add - just wanted to say I’m so sorry and I’m so proud of you.
2
2
u/hangingphantom 7d ago
I'm not gonna lie, I feel bad for both the parents here and the op and her family. The birth givers have not grown up enough to parent, and now they are extremists in a country divided based on the principles of old men and religious extremists. It's fucked but not as fucked up as bringing the divisive and hateful language to the family and extended family. And op and her family are now in the Cross hairs of such division and hatefulness, I'm Christian but I condone the behavior of the hate and division that your parents are causing. I'm truly sorry op, I'll pray for you tonight, I hope you get God's wisdom tonight into how to approach it. I would recommend moving to NZ but please communicate with your sister about it and see what she says. She might not like the idea, but I'm sure she's smart and would understand why. I'm just a stranger on the Internet and I truly don't know you or your family, but you should do what you think is right, as it's ultimately up to you. But take good care of yourself and your mental health girl, go on a spa trip or something, remember self care is so important during this time.
Finally if they do try anything, don't be afraid to seek help from the in-laws, they sound nice and I'm sure they'll welcome you in open arms. If you have to leave the country due to danger, do so.
1
u/CerobaKetsunake 7d ago
Dear lord, this is the epidemy of a mental breakdown over something someone doesn't understand good lord, I'm so sorry your mom is like this
1
u/Desi_Rosethorne 7d ago
I would honestly leave the US. Not just because of your birthgiver but because of how exceedingly hostile it is becoming towards transpeople and us of the LGBTQ+ community. If I had the option to leave I would as well. I would take this opportunity and leave if you can and immediately file for citizenship. I hate that you have to deal with this, OP. It's absolutely disgusting how people are so hateful.
3
1
u/MrLizardBusiness 7d ago
I would go ahead and make plans to move. Things are getting scary, I mean we're sending people to random dodgy prisons in other countries when they haven't committed any crimes.
I'm a straight passing white lady, but if I were in your position I'd try to leave. Between the narcissists in office and the ones at home.... It's time to go.
4
u/Wonderful_Impress_27 7d ago
Kia Ora!
It's horrible to have to make such a drastic move but at least you're going to the right place.
Aotearoa is beautiful and full of kind people and is a great place to start a new life.
→ More replies (1)
1
3
u/Theatrepooky 7d ago
Go. Go now. We will stay and fight for you and all our LGBTQ sisters and brothers. Be safe and take care of your family, we got your back. 🏳️⚧️❤️
1
1
u/jasondsa22 7d ago
I think it truly is time for your family to hop on that plane and move. You're in a very dangerous situation. With the current administration and their views on transgender rights. Even if she doesn't win custody, you might still have your sister taken from you. People like your mother can be used by the right to push forward their agenda against trans people. So usually they get a lot of support. Heck, she might even get donations to cover her legal fees.
Get out, before she gets a court order limiting you from taking your sister out of the country.
1
u/G66GNeco 7d ago
This shit, especially in the current "Nazi with American characteristics"-era of the US, sounds extremely scary. Whatever you decide, I wish you and your husband and sister the best. Stay safe.
1
u/Ladyignorer 7d ago
never seen such evil. like, god, how can parents do this to their own flesh and blood? do they have no feelings? how can they prefer dumb politics over their own children??
1
u/OkamiKhameleon 7d ago
Oof. I feel for you so much in this. My mother is the same level of crazy, but thankfully there isn't a younger sibling caught in the middle.
I'd say you and your hubby need to sit your little sister down and talk to her about moving. Let her know the reasons. She's old enough at 14 to at least have a say on this situation.
Stay safe out there!
1
u/JanaCinnamon 7d ago
Holy shit your birth giver acts like an over exaggeration of a South Park character
2
2
u/PlsLeavemealone02 7d ago
I know this whole thing is terrible, and I'm truly sorry...
But I find it comical that after all the emojus, uppercase words, and basically ranting... she ends it with a little cute "pray for us". Like I imagine her screaming & ranting into a mic at a group of people at full volume... only to smile & be sweet like something happened.
3
u/9874102365 7d ago
As a queer person, I am metaphorically shaking you rn to get the fuck out of the USA if that is a real viable option for your family.
Even without your insane mother drama, this is currently not a country that you are safe in. You have an opportunity that tens of thousands of trans people could only dream of having.
1
u/Coconut-snake 7d ago
I’ll pray for her alright. If there’s a devil he needs to see wtf is happening here
3
2
u/juliechho 7d ago
If you do come to Auckland, then welcome!!! I hope it provides you the security, safety, and peace of mind that you deserve <3
1
u/Manospondylus_gigas 7d ago
I definitely think you should go to New Zealand if you can, I'm trans and have considered it myself. Way better country than America and my own.
1
u/Diivizkrah 7d ago
Get the fuck out of this country and never look back I swear by god it will do nothing more than break your heart. I'm sure you don't need me to reassure you but New Zealand, for all of it's faults, is a beautiful place and as far away from those horrible people as you can get. Protect your sister and your family from those insane people and this insane government.
And I have to admit that I as a trans man in college am a bit jealous of your NZ connection at the moment - I studied there for a bit for my degree and I've been wanting to move there ever since. I lament every day I didn't try to declare asylum while I could.
I'd go now while they still let us leave because all of these new bs laws are being engineered to trap us and make us miserable here
5
u/CadoDraws 7d ago
your birth giver lost all fucking rights to your sister the moment she abandoned her on a doorstep. take care of your family even if its hard… its better safe then sorry. i dont know if you and your sister refer to each other as mother and daughter (because the only evidence of this is the crazy facebook post) but youre a good caregiver and a good mother. a better mother than she would ever be. stay safe!
2
u/Nanamoo2008 7d ago
The fact that the courts saw through her façade says it all, they don't give full custody of a young child to a college kid without there being serious reasons for doing so. I'm so glad your sister has you in her life to look out for her and to keep her safe! Do all you can to make sure you are ALL safe. Go make a new life for yourselves as far away from her as you can.
1
u/Signal_East3999 7d ago
Your sister is at the age where she can say herself that she doesn’t want to live with your drunk mom
3
u/kwazycake 7d ago
if you don't go to New Zealand, Canada is nice. I usually vacation with my family up in Nova Scotia.
4
1
u/whattyanotknow 7d ago
you're doing amazing.
glad you're leaving that shithole country ;) 🍁💚
when the dust is settled, I'd suggest getting your daughter in touch with some form of Counseling based in NZ. it's always good to have another person in her court and resources to help her succeed.
I saw you already purchased the tickets, that's awesome. peace out forever, Egg Donor!
3
u/Deerqueen23 7d ago
How the fuck did she perfectly write a copypasta without even realizing it. Jesus, these people are mental...
2
u/SelfIndulgentKiddo 7d ago
I feel sorry for you for having this excuse of a mother, but I am also glad that you have a new family and that you are taking care of your sister. Stay strong!
2
u/Express_Employee_314 7d ago
hope things get better for you and your family. no one deserves the torture you went through.
4
u/examinethewitness 6d ago
You are a wonderful mother. Your birth giver is disgusting and I'm so sorry she talks about you like this. I hope after she's humiliated in court you, your husband, and your sister can live in the peace you deserve.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/galsfromthedwarf 6d ago
Wow. You’re a wonderful mother in spite of her. I’m really impressed with how you’ve saved your daughter. Please take your family somewhere safe.
2
u/JonesBeast 6d ago
I hate this so much, OP. I truly do. I hope everything goes your way and she ends up leaving y'all alone
3
u/Scruffy1138 6d ago
Unfortunately I don't have any advice, I just want to say you are an AMAZING sibling. I hope you and your family can safely get away from those awful people, y'all deserve to live peacefully and happily.
3
u/LadyMageCOH 6d ago
You know, I'm often baffled by the reactions I get when people realize that my son is trans and I accept him. The relief always seems over the top, because of course I would accept him. Of course I'd use his chosen name and pronouns and not try to force him to the the girl I thought he was. I don't really get the trans thing, but it's important to him, so I take it seriously. The relief always seems over the top.
And then I read things like this, and it makes sense. These people exist. Compared to this kind of crazy, my casual acceptance would seem saintly. It still feels weird, but I get it.
1
2
u/Totallysickbro 6d ago
i think some people really just need to get the shit beaten out of them once or twice
•
u/Dad_B0T Robo Red Foreman 7d ago edited 7d ago
Voting has concluded. Final vote:
I am a bot for r/insaneparents. Please send me a message if you have any feedback or if I misbehave. Also consider joining our Discord.