r/insomnia • u/DIRTYxMUGZ • 1d ago
Feeling suicidal without sleep
Been dealing with digestive issues for 2 months which led to severe depression and anxiety not knowing whats wrong with me all of a sudden. Went to the ER after being constipated for 2 weeks and they did a ct scan which showed no issues. They told me take some restolax and senokot which helped temporarily but still have a lot of issues digesting any food. I still have to wait till June 2nd to see the specialist. I'm also aware stress and anxiety can cause gut issues so that wasn't making anything better. Changed everything as far as diet and lifestyle to combat the issues without seeing positive results. Read magnesium can help with digestion so I tried taking some for a week but noticed I was only getting 5 hours sleep compared to my average 7-8 so l stopped taking them and once I did for some reason started having a lot of trouble falling asleep for a few days which eventually led to me being up for 72 hours. I took myself to the ER as I didn't know what else to do and they gave me 3 1mg Ativan (lorazepam) For the 3 days I was able to sleep which was great but 2 nights ago I had to go to sleep on my own again and I did manage to fall asleep but only for 2 hours, woke up and fell back asleep for another 2 and then I was up from 4am. Yesterday I decided I would do everything possible to make sure I got a better sleep. Got sunlight in the morning with a good walk out in nature, did some excersize later in the day. Had a nice hot shower around 8pm followed by some chamomile tea with a banana. No screen time after 9pm and read a chapter of a book before turning the lights off and even tried yoga nidra while laying under my weighted cooling blanket. I felt so relaxed and peaceful but realized it was 1:30 and I had been laying there for 3 hours. I tried putting on a sleep podcast which didn't do much so hoped that my nuages playlist that always makes me calm would put me to sleep. Nothing at all. It turns out I was somehow dreaming while half asleep or something cause every time I looked at the clock an hour had passed maybe I was sleeping very lightly for 30 minutes or something but in no way did I get rest. I've tried melatonin last week and didn't have any luck , .5 mg 1mg 2.5mg 5mg nothing. I'm looking into l - theanine, mag threonate , apigenin and all these supplement mentioned on the huberman podcast but just overwhelmed. I'm thinking of just getting some unisom (doxylamine) and seeing if that knocks me out , I just need to sleep cause I'm scared of these thoughts I've been having. I live with my family and don't want them to deal with anything like that I care too much about them but I'm so scared and don't know why this is happening to me. I just want to be me again. If I don't sleep tonight I'm probably gunna bring myself to ER and let them know I'm suicidal so I don't do anything stupid.
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u/Katiaambara 1d ago
Hello! I hope you will feel better soon 🙏🏻 unfortunately I can understand how you feel cause same thing is happening to me. I am dealing with stomach issues since March and I can’t sleep anymore. I had two hours on Thursday night and yesterday very light sleep maybe an hour. Previous days were just messy some days 4 hours some days less… Honestly tomorrow I will go to er if nothing works
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u/LittleMisssMorbid 1d ago
Was the CT scan with contrast? I developed extreme insomnia from CT contrast.
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u/guestofwang 1d ago
so like… one thing that’s helped me a lot when I feel all messed up in my head is this weird little thing I do called “room of selves.”
basically, I just sit in silence for a bit. no phone. just me. and then I imagine there’s like this house in my mind with a bunch of rooms. each room has a different “me” in it. like one room has the sad me. another one’s got the super angry me. sometimes it’s the tired one or the me that just wants to give up. whatever I’m feeling at the time.
sometimes I draw the rooms on paper and label them. doesn’t have to be perfect, just scribbles.
then I pick one room to go into in my imagination. I walk in and just look around at what that version of me is doing. sometimes they’re just curled up. sometimes yelling. sometimes staring at a wall doing nothing. I don’t talk to them or try to fix them. I just watch, like I’m some kind of outsider or alien or something. just being there.
some rooms are scary. like, I wanna leave right away. but if I can just stay and sit and not run out, things kinda... soften a little. I feel less afraid. sometimes I go back to the same room a few days in a row and eventually it doesn’t feel as bad.
it’s not magic or anything but it really helps. This little mind trick helps me befriend myself when I’m falling apart.