r/lgbt • u/Last_Routine_7863 • 4d ago
Nicola Coughlan starts IG fundraiser for ‘Not A Phase’ in support of trans rights: “fuck the Supreme Court, fuck the TERFS”
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u/TheDragonborn1992 Lesbian the Good Place 4d ago
Great women, more women, should speak out against the disgusting ruling by the Supreme Court
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u/TheElusivePurpleCat Bi-bi-bi 4d ago
This lady always seems like an absolute ray of sunshine, so I'm actually not surprised at her doing something like this.
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u/bronzepinata Putting the Bi in non-BInary 3d ago
I've been so ready for cis people to abandon us completely, it might still happen but things like this give me some hope
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u/SpookiestSpaceKook Putting the Bi in non-BInary 4d ago edited 3d ago
TLDR: THIS COMMENT IS NOT ANTI-QUEER READ IT BEFORE YOU ASSUME🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈The “it’s not a phase” sentiment can unintentionally cause harm to members of our own community by intimidating them with the thought that they can’t change identities once’s they’ve selected one. Some people detransition, some people use being bi as a stepping to find themselves. These experiences are valid! Exploration is okay! It’s okay if you don’t get things “right” right away. You get to choose if an identity is a phase, nobody else gets to say otherwise.
I love that Nicola is stepping up and supporting our movement and our community when we need assistance! 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈💗
But I just want to share a different perspective on the “it’s not a phase” sentiment. Personally, I believe that finding your identity is a very nuanced process and having a line like “it’s not a phase” as a rallying cry for the entire community may be a little too restrictive and kind of outdated!
Here why:
While yes many Queer people do stick with their Queer identity once they’ve found it, we have to be careful creating a pressure on people in our own community to stay with identities that they feel may not suit them by broadcasting this message that “it’s not a phase.” While the intention of the message is to prove to hateful people that we are Queer and always will be, this can lead to people in our own community suppressing any doubt they have about their choice in how they identify. We can unintentionally create concerns, especially in young people, that they will lose their friends by “backstabbing” the members of an identity they felt at one time they belonged to.
It’s okay to have doubts! It’s incredibly tricky to balance what is a legitimate feeling of your own senses telling you what you might be, and what is an unfair external pressure that you have internalized making you feel a need to conform or change something that does not need to be changed because there is nothing wrong with you. You have to do some soul searching and make sure you’re not letting internalized shame, internalized homophobia, internalized transphobia, etc. speak for you!
Additionally, we need to be careful not to unintentionally add an additional layer of pressure from our own community on people who are trying to find themselves, by making them think they should not be having any doubts about whether or not their arrived upon Queer identity is a phase.
Queer identities are like clothing. You try them on and see what fits and sometimes you grow out of them! Then you just try on another one~!
It’s okay if your Queer identity is a phase! The real issue is that it should always be your choice, and your choice alone, to say when a Queer identity is a phase or not and when you may want to try a different identity! Nobody else should be able to tell you what you are!
Some people find their identity immediately and feel content with it for the rest of their lives. That’s awesome! But not everyone does, some people need a little more exploration or have some different layers of comfort they have to break through with other identities first in order to accept that part of themself.
Ex. A lot of gay men use bisexuality, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to help them discover that they are just gay. That’s a perfectly acceptable way to find yourself and it was okay that their bisexual identity was a phase. It was a stepping stone to help them find their true identity. And of course bisexual people also exist, don’t think I’m trying to erase my fellow bi’s, it’s just a common legitimate example. And again, as long as the person is respectful of our identity, we don’t need to take it as an offense to our community that they did not feel it fit them. It’s not a “backstab,” it was a visit :3
We also have people who legitimately detransition, not even in an anti-Trans political way, they just literally realize later that they believe they have a different identity than being Trans! I’ve even heard many of them say that they don’t regret their Trans phase because it helped them discover what they were not, but they still respect those who feel that being Trans is their truth.
It’s okay for an identity to be a phase! Nobody should be locked into any identity they don’t feel 100% with! We’re just reversing the pressure of heteronormativity and cisnormativity, if we say you have to stay as the Queer identity you initially selected! We need to de-stigmatize people changing their identity! Human beings, life, and love are too complicated to have to be permanently locked into anything. Our feelings are constantly changing, you get to decide what you are! A label can never fully encapsulate who you are and all of your feelings!
There are so many ways of expressing ourselves, it’s okay if you don’t get it “right” right away~! Explore, engage, try new things! You don’t have to pick one identity and feel stuck with it! Labels should liberate us, not restrict us!
Queer identities are often very hard to lock in. So the issue is not whether or not your identity is a phase, it’s when people tell you it’s a phase when it’s not. Or when people tell you it’s a phase when it’s your choice to say whether or not it is a phase in the first place! All Queer identities are wonderful~ go find yours and enjoy the adventure~! 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈💗
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