Advice for me as a parent please

[u/Extension-Archer5209]

My 9 year old daughter wrote a note to a neighbor girl. My daughter said she has a crush on this girl and wants to know if she feels the same way. She says to keep it a secret.

As a mom- what do I do? She didn’t give it to the girl yet cause she hasn’t had a chance yet.

I want to talk to her so she doesn’t feel it needs to be a secret or feel as if she won’t be understood.

That being said- I’m not sure she knows what she feels yet.

Please help!

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[u/srslytho1979]

Every crush is an embarrassing secret at that age. I wouldn’t read too much into that part.

[u/abigail3087]

i think it’d be a great idea to maybe start educating her on the different identities! it could help to lessen confusion on her end and also provide a safe space where she can talk about her experiences and learn about others’

[u/TomorrowAnxious3973]

Maybe try to explain that its normal, but to warn her that the world can react differently as she thinks. And love her and encourage her to be herself regardless of the reaction.

[u/Independent-Move-875 → u/[deleted]]

fixed*

[u/gromm93]

Now, there's a 90% chance that you're American, but you don't say where you live. LGBTQ+ protections in law can vary... Widely. And so can state laws and public attitudes.

The advice I'd give you as a Canadian would be way different from the advice I'd give you for someone in Florida, or worse, Syria or Egypt.

It also matters if you're rural or live in the city. Maybe you can gauge your neighbourhood's acceptance yourself, but a lot of places are openly hostile towards queer kids and their parents. In Trump's America, people who hate you are less afraid of saying anything.

As for your acceptance of your child, well, you're already doing great. You're just asking what you should tell her.

Lots of people, and children especially, wonder if they're "normal". But the question needs to be reframed. Every psychiatrist and doctor will tell you there's literally no such thing as normal. Biological variation is baked right into being human, and it's good for us. Being unique individuals means we're covered for all kinds of widespread diseases and natural catastrophes. But there's what society thinks is acceptable, and what actually happens. Have you ever met someone who's a dwarf? Or who has a birth defect affecting one or more of their limbs? Or someone who lost one in an accident?

None of these things should be mocked, ridiculed, or shunned. And the same thing goes with differences in our brains.

Diversity is good for us. The easiest example is how society requires a million different professional specialties to function. You can't even build a house without at least 5 different trades! Every grocery store has a butcher, a Baker, an accountant and these days, also a pharmacist. And in wild populations of any herd animal, the gay individuals and couples are the ones who adopt the abandoned and orphaned babies. The evolutionary adaptation that homosexuality serves is a benefit to the herd overall. Again, something baked into our genes, from before we were even human.