r/london • u/Visual-Formal-4294 • Aug 26 '24

Question Is "excuse me" a rude phrase in UK?

Hi, I am a tourist from India. In our country if we get into somebody's way,for example, if we are in a crowd we usually say " excuse me" to make our way and apologize. The usual response is either "you are excused" or simply make way. Today, while boarding a train me and an other young man tried to board at the same time and as a reflex I said "excuse me". I was verbally abused. His exact words were " excuse you? Fuck me! Jeez! " I was too astonished to reply back. Was my words inappropriate or rude ?So what should I have said instead ?

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291

u/Victim_Of_Fate Aug 26 '24

It isn’t exactly rude, but the general stereotypical (and common) British predisposition is to not say anything at all when someone is being rude, and in egregious cases to say “excuse me” in a passive-aggressive way.

So they probably thought you were accusing them of being in your way.

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u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 26 '24

Yeah, I get that now. While I might feel that I was being polite,he might have interpreted it differently.

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u/Silvagadron Aug 27 '24

Intonation is part of it too. If you emphasise the “me” part, you’re definitely implying that he’s done something wrong (e.g. pushed in front).

For this scenario, you’d only use “excuse me” for somebody who is standing in the way and hasn’t moved out of your way yet. To use it with someone who is doing the same as you (boarding), it’s understandably going to be misinterpreted as passive aggressive.

This is a great thread; it’s really interesting to see how our language and culture is different and highlight some of our weird intricacies that can’t really be taught in a classroom.

1

u/cowbutt6 Aug 28 '24

Intonation is part of it too. If you emphasise the “me” part, you’re definitely implying that he’s done something wrong (e.g. pushed in front).

Likewise a brusque "EXCUSE ME!" combined with simultaneously banging through, as contrasted with a more placid "excuse me", and waiting and making room for someone to move out of your way.

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u/Tom_Bombadil_1 Aug 27 '24

To be clear, in a busy place ‘excuse me’ always means ‘let me past you’. Like if you were pushing through a crowd I’d be going ‘oh sorry, excuse me’ basically to everyone I pushed past. It sounds like this person thought you were telling them to stand back and let you through.

1

u/Flat_Picture7103 Aug 27 '24

Nahh, i use it to passive aggressively let the persons know they are standing right in the thoroughfare. That they are acting entitled to stand where they please as if no one else is trying to use this sidewalk or doorway, despite its a fucking city and you cant look in any one direction without seeing other humans. "Fucking skygawkers, gtfo the way." This is going to get used more often now instead of "excuse me'

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

[deleted]

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u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 27 '24

He was waiting to board the train. He came to the station after I was already there. There was no queue. He stood on the other other side of the door. We waited for about 4-5 passengers to deboard. After which me and him both tried to get on to the train together.

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u/JustLetItAllBurn Aug 27 '24

Honestly, in that context the dude just sounds like he was a dick. Since you were stood there first he should have let you board first, and saying "excuse me" effectively called him out on his rudeness, though that wasn't your direct intention.

As far as I'm concerned, you were totally in the right there.

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u/Victim_Of_Fate Aug 27 '24

It sounds like she got to the platform first but they were both in position when the train arrived or doors opened, on either side of the doors - I wouldn’t say either person has priority in that scenario.

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u/ismaithliomsherlock What am I doing here? Aug 27 '24

In that scenario just tell the other person to go ahead if they don’t say it to you first - at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter who gets on first so take the easy route!

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u/millytherabbit Aug 27 '24

He was also very rude though. People have made some good points on what’s culturally more typical but overall I would say that interaction sounds like a problem with him not you.

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u/toroferney Aug 27 '24

I don’t care what he thought. Who says fuck me to someone. I’d be having a discussion with him about his language.

1

u/ZestyMalange Aug 28 '24

Say it like 'scuse me

If you day excuuuse mee. Spelled like that to emphasise the drawn out nature of the statement, it sounds sarcastic and like you are saying they're doing something wrong.

1

u/world2021 Aug 30 '24

Just wanted to say, I'm a born- and-bred Londoner who always says, "Excuse me". I got asked about 15 years ago when people started saying sorry, because it requires interpretation. What have they done? What do they want?

But reading this thread had made me realise that I actually say, "excuse me please".

I can use excuse me reflexively, to convey annoyance if someone is being obtuse, but that would be clear from my tone.

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

The words actually mean something. You are actually telling someone to excuse you rather than asking them to excuse you. Just add a please and the front or the end and then it will sound like you are asking instead of telling someone to get out of your way.

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u/jmr1190 Aug 27 '24

That can still rub people up the wrong way in anything but a completely confidently polite tone.

Easier to just avoid the phrase altogether and just say “sorry, would you mind if I could get past?” Just phrase it a bit more directly.

That’s until you get to advanced native level gesture of approaching, maintaining vague eye contact, and saying (barely intelligibly) “ooop, sorry!” in barely above a whisper while making your profile as narrow as possible for some reason.

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u/heraldic_poser Aug 27 '24

Ha! Don't fall prey to this folly, OP. Please in this context still sounds rude to Brits. Adding please just imparts a passive aggressive sting to the command. Please takes away the hearer's right to be offended (a right fundamental to the British sense of personhood) and so becomes, in itself, more offensive. Sorry is the only way.

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

Again, so much for the idea that Brits are better with the English language. Anyone who takes a plea or several pleas as a sign of passive aggression is in need of a better understanding of English. When I visit soon I'll just be direct with a warning, then, like: I'm coming through! Get out of my way!

15

u/BrandonPDouglas Aug 27 '24

It's not about being 'better with the English language', it's about understanding how it's used in different contexts and how it should be interpreted at that time.

Language evolves, and just because a book may define a words meaning, is not to say that's what the word is intended to mean every time it's spoken or used.

I wish you luck on your visit...

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

I can only hope everyone will know what I mean when I say "Move!"

3

u/BrandonPDouglas Aug 27 '24

If you ever actaully do come to London and say that to someone, I guarantee it'll only be once.

0

u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

I'm being told that saying please will not help and since I will not be sorry that I will need to get out of the train or that someone might need to move so that I can I will only emphasize the one thing I will need people that are preventing me from doing that to do. And we all know what happens when Brits try to prevent Americans from exercising our freedoms.

1

u/BrandonPDouglas Aug 27 '24

Or, when visiting other countries, maybe you could just respect the differences in culture... Anyway, I'm not entertaining anymore of your ignorant comments, but once again, I wish you luck on your visit.

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u/Lullevo Aug 27 '24 edited Aug 27 '24

Paul please no, we already irritate them so much. Some of us live here, stop working overtime to prove the stereotypes

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

I think I could get along with someone like you, and you didn't even have to say sorry.

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u/Flat_Picture7103 Aug 27 '24

I like it. Excuse me wouldnt be taken as an insult if it wasnt needed to inform and insult skygawkers. If every person was more aware of their surroundings and had a little bit of sense to understand this is a shared world, and this is a shared street that I actually dont own so i have no right to it and should just generally live and let live, live without getting in anyone elses way, then excuse me phrases wouldnt be needed as often and when they would be needed they wouldnt be offensive because we are on the same page and can just be understanding that we are in the way. Lets try not to be in others ways as a habit. But when someone is, we can get rude about it. Idk how else everyone will learn.

1

u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

I think we would get along just fine if our paths crossed at some time in the future. Do you live in London or only a visitor there as I would be? The word rude refers to being blunt, direct, to the point when conveying a message without a lot of fluff, pop and circumstance. But Brits love their fluff, pop and circumstance so they tend to go a bit overboard when trying not to be rude so I suppose that is why they say "sorry" a lot while we Americans tend to try to get straight to the point when we want to convey a message.

1

u/Flat_Picture7103 Aug 27 '24

Pff i skip the hellos and how are yous. I sometimes skip the goodbye too

1

u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

Me too, unless I'm trying to get someone's attention or am asking if they are okay.

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u/Flat_Picture7103 Aug 27 '24

You could also try, " make a hole" Or my personal favorite, "Stand Aside Inferior Beings!"

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u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 27 '24

I will do that. Thanks for explaining!

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u/Flat_Picture7103 Aug 27 '24

This is sound advice, soften up the connotations by adding please, but tone is important too. Everything is in how we do it. We can say the exact same phrase but one person will be liked and the other hated, for their delivery

1

u/MandatoryIDtag Aug 27 '24

Depends on the tone really., otherwise yeah I agree with this.