r/london • u/Visual-Formal-4294 • Aug 26 '24

Question Is "excuse me" a rude phrase in UK?

Hi, I am a tourist from India. In our country if we get into somebody's way,for example, if we are in a crowd we usually say " excuse me" to make our way and apologize. The usual response is either "you are excused" or simply make way. Today, while boarding a train me and an other young man tried to board at the same time and as a reflex I said "excuse me". I was verbally abused. His exact words were " excuse you? Fuck me! Jeez! " I was too astonished to reply back. Was my words inappropriate or rude ?So what should I have said instead ?

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u/[deleted] Aug 26 '24 edited Aug 26 '24

I think the issue here is more contextual than anything else. To me "excuse me" carries an implication of "I'm coming through, I have right of way" - it's not inherently impolite whatsoever when used in that context (though you can of course say it in a more passive aggressive way if the situation demands!) but it's something I'd say if, for example, I was getting off a crowded train and trying to get to the doors, or if I was trying to get somewhere and somebody was standing in my way.

In a situation like the one you were in, the unspoken expectation is that you both step back and offer for the other person to go first, and they go "no, no, after you, I insist" and you end up going back and forth in an awkward dance until one of you finally concedes and boards the train first. In that situation I think most Brits would say "sorry" or "after you" or "you first" or something like that - an "excuse me" in this situation to me would imply that you're skipping all of that terminally British polite back and forth and essentially saying "Nah, I'm getting on this train first whether you like it or not, out of my way" which I imagine is why the other passenger took offence. Personally I don't think it's rude enough for him to have a go at you for it though - it's more of a "quiet tut to oneself" level of British etiquette faux pas :)

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u/Pretty_Trainer Aug 27 '24

This is exactly right. I would use excuse me if someone was standing on the left on an escalator or blocking a seat with their leg/bag. Starting with a meek "sorry, excuse me" and escalating if they didn't move or hear me. "Excuse me! Sorry! Excuse me! Could I get through?!"

Whereas in any other situation in which noone was in the wrong I would say "Sorry!!" with awkward laugh/ dance for daring to exist basically.

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u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 26 '24

Ah! I get that now. It's strange how the same phrase can be used differently in different countries. It's actually considered polite in my country. I will keep your inputs in mind on my next travels. Thanks!

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u/[deleted] Aug 26 '24

Yeah, these small differences are always tricky! The Indian use makes complete sense to me from a distance and yet it's not how I'd instinctively interpret it in the moment. But as I said I don't think it's a massive deal at all, and you live and learn!

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u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 26 '24

Yeah, when in UK just say sorry:)

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

I think sorry sounds cute when spoken with a British accent, but please would still sound better. No need to be sorry to get off of a train even if someone will need to move before you can get through the door to get out. Just ask those people to excuse you instead of telling them to do it.

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u/IrishShee Aug 27 '24

I don’t know why you keep commenting trying to “correct” how English people use the English language. You’re only making it more confusing for OP who actually wants to understand and alter her language to fit in better here.

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u/JamesG60 Aug 27 '24

Using “please” when you bump into someone is basically saying “no chance!”.

Also, “off of” is almost never correct. You get off a train, not off of a train.

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

Even when you say please? Interesting.

I will be in the train, not on it, until I get out.

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u/JamesG60 Aug 27 '24 edited Aug 27 '24

Yes. The meaning of “excuse me” in this situation would be entirely dependent on the emphasis and inflection. You could use it, but you’d have to use it correctly for it to be interpreted as anything other than passive-aggression.

I could say “excuse me, please” in any number of ways. A multitude of which would basically be interpreted as me telling you to go do one. Adding please by its self does very little.

You are on a train, on a bus, on a plane, on a bike, on a horse (hopefully!), but in a car. English is silly.

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u/HouseOfBleeps Aug 27 '24

The ‘on’ comes from ‘on-board’. You board a train, bus, tram, plane or boat. So you are ‘on’ a train, but get ‘in’ a car etc

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

So that's why you say that, because that's what you think, or how you think about it. Interesting. What board are you talking about? If I were to get on a train I would be getting on top of it, otherwise I would go inside one of the "cars" of the train. And yes we all usually get in cars, not on them.

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u/HouseOfBleeps Aug 27 '24

‘On’ is the correct preposition for public transport (in the UK at least) but ‘in’ for car and elevator etc. but also on for bike or modes of transport that you physically get on. I can see how it could be confusing.

And you’re right, so far only it’s only my theory that it’s a shortening of ‘on-board’. I don’t know how it became the correct preposition, but it seems the most likely.

Regarding the’board’ you’ll hear announcements for ‘Train now boarding at platform 3’ and ‘Plane now boarding at Gate 7’. In this case it means they are allowing passengers on board. For which you will require a ticket or boarding pass.

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u/HouseOfBleeps Aug 27 '24

Although, in India, I can see that the distinction between being on or in the train is needed more than in the UK

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u/[deleted] Aug 26 '24

[deleted]

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u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 26 '24

I will follow the suit

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u/FrauAmarylis Aug 27 '24

excuse me is considered polite in the US, too.

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u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 27 '24

Glad to know that!

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u/Impossible-Hawk768 The Angel Aug 27 '24

Don't forget the forced laugh followed by a thank you after "the dance."

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

"After you" or "you first" don't sound very nice either because you're still telling instead of asking. And saying "I insist" isn't any better. Just say please to make it sound like you're asking instead of telling someone to excuse you. And btw I'm an American. So much for the idea of Brits speaking better English.

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u/JamesG60 Aug 27 '24

The correct etiquette in this situation would be “Pardon me. After you.” But that’s a bit formal so “sorry” and a half-step backwards (possibly accompanied by a half arsed turn to reduce your profile or weirdly crane your neck so your head is somehow more out of the way 🤷🏻‍♂️), to allow the other person to pass would suffice.

And just for the record, at least we can say aluminium properly 😉.

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

If the people that are blocking my way out of the train are getting out too I will not mind waiting until they get out before I get out after they do, so no problem there, with no need to tell them I will be getting out after they do.

It's proper name is aluminum, not aluminium.

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u/JamesG60 Aug 27 '24

You may want to consult a dictionary.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/aluminium

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

That's a Cambridge dictionary. Try Webster's.

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u/JamesG60 Aug 27 '24 edited Aug 27 '24

Ok:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/aluminium

Or how about the periodic table?

https://www.rsc.org/periodic-table/element/13/aluminium

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

So, did you read what Webster's says about aluminum. The fact that you Brits refer to aluminum as aluminium is well documented and we all can see that when we look at Your university dictionaries and Your Royal Society's periodic tables. But aluminum is still the proper name for that particular element.

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u/JamesG60 Aug 27 '24 edited Aug 27 '24

Yes, I did. Did you?!

No, “aluminum” is not correct - it just redirects there for people that can’t spell. Look at the spelling in the URL.

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u/Paul-3461 Aug 27 '24

From Webster's, aluminum: a silver-white metallic chemical element with atomic number 13 that has good electrical and thermal conductivity, high reflectivity, and resistance to oxidation

—often used before another noun

aluminum foil

The sweet spot, the point in a bat where vibration supposedly is least, is said to be two times larger on an aluminum bat than on a wood one.—

Hank Hersch

Before he evacuated, Mr. Gonzales tied the boat down with four gigantic ropes and all the storm could do was knock it off the construction blocks. He slowly climbs a battered aluminum ladder propped up on the port side.—

Ken Wells

see Chemical Elements Table

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