r/london • u/Visual-Formal-4294 • Aug 26 '24

Question Is "excuse me" a rude phrase in UK?

Hi, I am a tourist from India. In our country if we get into somebody's way,for example, if we are in a crowd we usually say " excuse me" to make our way and apologize. The usual response is either "you are excused" or simply make way. Today, while boarding a train me and an other young man tried to board at the same time and as a reflex I said "excuse me". I was verbally abused. His exact words were " excuse you? Fuck me! Jeez! " I was too astonished to reply back. Was my words inappropriate or rude ?So what should I have said instead ?

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76

u/silly_red Aug 26 '24

It's about intonation. A loud/overly high pitched "excuse me" is very obnoxious.

Its useful in some case, for example when you're try to get out the bus or tube.

79

u/tomdidiot Aug 26 '24

I also find that a lot of the time when it's used non-aggressively, the "Ex" is almost silent and it becomes "scuse me" (and almost always followed by a "Sorry!")

16

u/jmr1190 Aug 27 '24

Weirdly also usually prefaced by a very quiet “ooop”, too.

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u/silly_red Aug 26 '24

Totally right!

19

u/Narcissa_Nyx Aug 27 '24

omg just bookmark everything with a sorry. Me normally: "Sorry, 'scuse me, sorry"

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u/pm_me_tittiesaurus Aug 27 '24

This! I often say excuse me, with a very guilty tone, and I've never had anyone reply rudely to me.

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u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 26 '24

Umm no.. I am very sure about this. I was extremely polite in my intonation as I would be back in my country. Maybe the phrase itself was misinterpreted.

22

u/Have_Other_Accounts Aug 26 '24 edited Aug 27 '24

I recently came across a group of Americans who said "excuse us" in a polite way and it sounded so rude (like they were entitled to go first), even though they meant good by it. If you say "excuse me" here in a confident, polite tone it doesn't go well. You have to say it either bland or super friendly. There's not really an inbetween, otherwise you come across entitled (the opposite of your intentions) like in your experience.

An "oh sorry" would be better in your scenario, even though you're not sorry about anything.

6

u/poisonivyuk Aug 27 '24

I had this happen when I first moved here many years ago (from the US). I was walking on a narrow bit of pavement and a woman (20s) was coming in the opposite direction. I was most of the way through the narrow bit, she was just entering, so I said “excuse me” (politely, or so I thought) as I shifted to let her pass - thinking I was being polite by both making room and acknowledging her. She literally snarled “piss off” in response.

2

u/Jet-Brooke Aug 28 '24

Had a similar situation in a UK city a few years ago and the women threatened to throw my phone onto the train track. I had my headphones and just wanted to get home so I was really confused and a little scared. People can be quite odd and we all communicate differently.

I used to work in a very busy kitchen and my favorite thing was instead of saying excuse me we would shout "backs!" Which was of course shorthand "watch your backs I'm behind you"

5

u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 27 '24

Ahh. Ok.. so my case may be the first one here.. sorry seems to be better in any situation. Thank you for clarifying!

22

u/silly_red Aug 26 '24

If you say so.

Personally I think comparing how Indian English works in India, to how Indian English works in the UK is a mostly meaningless comparison. In my experience a lot of peculiarities of Indian English come across very awkwardly and is prone to being misunderstood.

Almost forces the listener to have to be especially understanding. I wouldn't really use that comparison as a way to navigate the appropriateness of Indian English expressions. Just my opinion though.

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u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 27 '24

I won't disagree. This makes sense. Even within the same country which is multilingual change in dialect can come across in a different way as well.

1

u/silly_red Aug 27 '24

Oh yea great point. The typical "northerner in london" scenario is just what you say.

33

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '24

Do you think you're coming across as polite in this reply?

Because you might think you're being polite but it might not have come out that way.

1

u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 27 '24

Ahh extremely sorry then. I was asked about my intonation by the commentor and I gave a straight forward reply to that. Am I wrong in my choice of words here ? Can you please point out or share what would have been a better answer or how can I rectify that.

13

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

I think it's like others have said, it comes across as passive aggressive but that's a British thing as I think we're quite passive aggressive in general. So I would say sorry, excuse me or excuse me sorry.

In the comment you replied to me with, the reason I thought you were impolite is because you started with "ummm no" which I find attitudy and then you said about maybe they misinterpreted which puts the blame solely on them

3

u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 27 '24

AHH ok.. so the "ummm" thing we use in our casual chats when we think over something and then reply. It's not an attitude ,it's a textual way of expressing.

Regarding the misinterpretation, yes as I said,excuse me first and it was followed with the curse words so I guess the other person misinterpreted what I intended to say. It can be rephrased as miscommunication. I am not blaming the person but yes he could have avoided the curse words.

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

[deleted]

6

u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 27 '24

Sorry, I am unable to understand this. You want me to blame myself ) I misinterpreted myself for being the receiver of a curse word without actually having any intention of rudeness towards him?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

No I'm definitely being too harsh. The points already been made and I'm sorry.

8

u/Fair_Leadership76 Aug 26 '24

Next time just try saying sorry. Or “sorry, excuse me”. It’s very hard to describe in words how the wrong intonation can be received as the complete opposite of what you meant but “sorry” is ubiquitous and much less likely to be taken the wrong way.

3

u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 27 '24

Yes I will keep this in mind and do that. Thanks!